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"Wait—did you say your name is Henry Brown?"
Lauren Bacall confirmed again, narrowing her eyes.
"Audrey's little assistant, that Henry Brown?"
"Yes, that's me," Henry admitted. Then, a bit uneasy, he asked, "Why? Is something wrong?"
"Audrey Hepburn's final recommendation… Love Across Alien Cultures—that Henry Brown?"
At first Henry was confused.
Then it hit him—oh, that book.
The one Audrey had taken his manuscript to publish.
The title was something the publishing house had chosen.
They had handled all the editing and production.
Henry had negotiated not to participate in promotion or book signings, so the royalties he received were modest.
He kept the copyright but ignored everything after.
Hearing someone suddenly mention the book startled even him.
He rubbed his neck awkwardly.
"I heard its sales weren't great. Didn't expect someone here to actually have read it."
Even Katharine Hepburn looked amazed.
"Henry, don't tell me you don't know that book is extremely popular within a certain niche."
Henry replied flatly:
"If you put it that way, doesn't that just mean it didn't sell well—only a small group liked it very much?
But of course, if you enjoy it, I'm honored.
"That book—at best I'm just the translator. The stories weren't mine.
If anyone deserves praise, it's the original authors.
Though most of them have been dead for a few hundred years."
"You child…"
Katharine rubbed her forehead.
"You always approach things from such odd angles, leaving everyone speechless. Do you find that amusing?"
"Honestly? It's very amusing," Henry smirked.
Katharine sighed.
"Such a troublesome temperament… Is it too late to fix it?
I would really like to meet the parents who raised a boy this maddening."
"If you saw the people who raised me, you'd think my becoming a decent person was a miracle sent by God."
He said it with a smile, but everyone present was elderly and worldly—
They all heard the bitterness behind the joke.
So, with tacit understanding, they changed the subject.
Lauren Bacall stepped in:
"Have you ever thought about screenwriting? Adapting one of the stories into a movie?
Some studios are very interested in the stories from your book.
You still own the adaptation rights, don't you?"
Henry paused only a moment before shaking his head firmly.
"Everyone knows how screenwriters are treated in Hollywood.
Directors change things as they please.
Actors change lines when they feel like it.
Producers have a hundred excuses to revise the script.
"And the stories aren't even mine originally.
If someone wants to adapt them, they should partner with people from the source culture.
I'd rather not take the blame for a disaster."
Lauren blinked.
"You don't think the studios could do a good job?"
Henry chuckled.
"Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra is the perfect example.
So many scenes stuffed with Egyptian 'elements'—yet most were wrongly used.
"Putting tomb-guardian statues inside a queen's bedroom?
In reality half the palace staff would've been executed for such an outrage.
"Of course, scholarly complaints were the least of that film's problems."
At the mention of that notorious Hollywood catastrophe, all the old-timers fell silent.
Lauren sighed.
"So it really would end up the same?"
Henry nodded seriously.
"It's practically inevitable.
Look at the book's sales—it's niche.
Adapting it means the budget must be strictly controlled to turn a profit.
"The cultural background is foreign, so proper costumes and sets require investment.
Too little investment, and it looks cheap—
both the source culture and American audiences will complain.
"But spend too much, and the box office becomes a suffocating pressure.
Cleopatra didn't fail solely because of Taylor.
She was just the easiest scapegoat.
"If I spearhead the adaptation,
even if it doesn't crash as spectacularly—
even if it merely loses money—
I'll be nailed to the Wall of Eternal Hollywood Shame."
He raised a finger.
"Best-case scenario?
Years after I die, people still remember the idiot who thought an 'authentic foreign cultural tale' could charm self-important American audiences."
"I'm not denying there are open-minded people…
but they're not the majority.
"And once the cost exceeds a certain threshold,
the only way to profit is to persuade conservative audiences to watch a film promoting foreign mythology.
"Just imagining it makes me despair."
Lauren exhaled, disappointed.
"I really thought it could've been a good project."
Henry put on his most innocent face.
"I wish it could be too.
But different cultures come with incompatibilities.
Without solving those, disaster is guaranteed.
"If some annoying person wanted the rights, I'd just take the check and remove my name entirely.
But since you asked, Miss Bacall, I have to explain honestly.
I'd rather not become the annoying person afterward."
Katharine chimed in:
"Child, next time tell me in advance.
I could've negotiated you a hefty adaptation fee—and you wouldn't be blamed for the failure at all.
Isn't that ideal?"
Lauren's earlier enthusiasm finally faded into regret.
"What a pity.
I was even imagining teaming up with Katharine to play Bai Suzhen and Xiaoqing."
For context:
Lauren Bacall, born 1924—seventy years old in 1994.
Katharine Hepburn, born 1907—eighty-seven years old.
These two wanted to play White Snake and Green Snake…
Well, by age alone—
An 87-year-old and a 70-year-old playing a thousand-year-old fox spirit and a five-hundred-year-old snake demon…
Actually, from one angle, they are appropriately ancient.
Henry had no idea where to begin roasting this.
Hollywood casts twenty-something actresses with faces full of collagen to play thousand-year-old vampire queens.
But for Eastern mythology?
They want to call in the Golden Age grand dames…
This is beyond a beauty filter—this is a frosted bathroom window.
Unless Xu Xian is blind.
Which would explain why, in the original tale, he begged the monk to take away the two demons…
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