Li Wei woke to the sound of someone weeping outside his door.
He considered ignoring it. Three days ago, he would have. Back when the only people who sought him out were kitchen staff demanding he scrub the burnt rice from their cauldrons. But now, as the newly minted "Venerable Li," hiding under his blankets wasn't an option.
The moment he opened the door, a young disciple collapsed at his feet. The boy couldn't have been older than fourteen, his robes torn, his face streaked with dirt and tears.
"V-Venerable One," the disciple choked out between sobs. "P-please... help my sister."
Li Wei's stomach twisted. This was exactly the kind of situation he'd spent his entire janitorial career avoiding.
The System, ever unhelpful, chose that moment to chime in.
**New Quest: Rescue the Damsel**
**Reward: 1 Free "Near-Death Experience" Coupon**
**Failure: Eternal Guilt + Probable Death by Angry Mob**
He should have shut the door.
---
The disciple's name was Xiao Heng, youngest son of a minor merchant family from a nearby village. His sister, Xiao Ling, had been taken by the Black Viper Bandits during their latest raid.
"They said... they said they'd return her if the Verdant Sword Sect paid a ransom," Xiao Heng explained as they hurried down the mountain path. "But when Elder Zhu refused, they..."
Li Wei didn't need him to finish. The way the boy's hands shook told him everything.
The System helpfully provided a dossier on the Black Vipers:
**Black Viper Bandits**
**Notable Traits:**
- Fond of skinning people alive
- Reputation for eating prisoners when bored
- Leader possesses early Foundation Establishment cultivation
Li Wei nearly tripped over his own feet. Foundation Establishment? He couldn't even spell "cultivation" without the System's help!
"Why come to me?" he hissed at Xiao Heng. "The sect has real cultivators!"
The boy looked up at him with stars in his eyes. "Because you're the only one who stands up for the weak."
Li Wei wanted to scream.
---
The bandit camp stank of roasted meat and unwashed bodies. From their hiding spot in the trees, Li Wei counted at least thirty armed men lounging around a central bonfire. On a raised platform, a woman in tattered robes knelt before a hulking brute with a scar running from forehead to chin—undoubtedly the leader.
Xiao Ling was prettier than Li Wei expected, which made the situation approximately three times worse. Bandits had predictable tastes.
**Current Survival Odds: 12%**
**Suggested Strategy: Set something on fire and run**
Li Wei was seriously considering it when fate intervened in the form of a drunk bandit stumbling too close to their hiding spot.
The man fumbled with his trousers, preparing to relieve himself on their bush. Xiao Heng made a small, terrified noise.
The bandit froze. "Who's there?"
Li Wei reacted without thinking. He grabbed a rock and threw it into the trees opposite them.
As the bandit turned toward the sound, Li Wei lunged. His years of hauling water buckets and scrubbing floors had given him one advantage—strong arms. He clamped a hand over the man's mouth and dragged him into the brush.
What followed was the quietest, most panicked wrestling match in history. The bandit thrashed, elbows flying. Li Wei took a knee to the gut that nearly made him vomit.
**Improvised Technique Created: "Silent Tussle Style"**
**Effect: +5% chance of not dying immediately**
When the bandit finally went limp, Li Wei nearly wept with relief. Then he saw the growing wet spot on the man's pants and reconsidered his life choices.
Xiao Heng stared at the unconscious bandit with something approaching awe. "Venerable One... your stealth techniques..."
Li Wei didn't have the heart to tell him it was mostly luck.
---
Disguising themselves in stolen bandit garb was the easy part. Walking into the camp without getting recognized was harder.
Every step felt like walking on knives. Li Wei kept waiting for someone to point and shout "imposter!" But the bandits were too drunk or too stupid to notice.
They found Xiao Ling tied to a post near the leader's tent. Her face was bruised, but her eyes burned with defiance.
"New recruits?" she sneered as they approached. "Come to gawk before your boss has his fun?"
Xiao Heng nearly gave them away by crying out. Li Wei clapped a hand over the boy's mouth just in time.
"Quiet," he hissed. "We're here to—"
"WEI LIANG!"
The bellow shook the camp. The bandit leader stood from his throne of stolen goods, his beady eyes scanning the crowd.
"Where's that lazy bastard? I told him to fetch more wine!"
Li Wei's blood turned to ice. The unconscious bandit at their feet—presumably Wei Liang—wasn't going to fetch anything anytime soon.
A meaty hand clapped Li Wei's shoulder. "You! New face! Go wake that drunkard up!"
The bandit reeked of sweat and alcohol. His grip could probably crush rocks. Li Wei's mouth went dry.
**Critical Situation**
**Option 1: Fight (Survival Odds: 3%)**
**Option 2: Bluff (Success Rate: 20%)**
**Option 3: Vomit on his shoes (Effectiveness: Unknown)**
Li Wei straightened up and affected the most arrogant tone he could muster. "I don't fetch wine. I'm the new entertainment."
The bandit blinked. "Eh?"
Without giving himself time to reconsider, Li Wei strode toward the center of camp. Every eye followed him. His heart threatened to punch through his ribs.
"Your boss wants a show?" He kicked over a barrel of wine. "I'll give him one."
Then he pulled out the only weapon he'd brought from the sect—a single, ordinary kitchen match.
The bandits roared with laughter.
Right up until Li Wei struck the match and dropped it into the spilled alcohol.
---
Chaos erupted.
The fire spread faster than Li Wei anticipated, thanks to years of built-up grease and filth. Bandits screamed, running in every direction. Some tried to put out the flames. Others simply looted what they could and fled.
In the confusion, Li Wei cut Xiao Ling's bonds. "Run!"
They nearly made it.
A meaty hand grabbed Li Wei's collar and yanked him backward. The bandit leader's scarred face twisted with rage. "You!"
Li Wei had one last card to play.
"You should have paid attention," he gasped. "I told you—I'm the entertainment."
Then he kneed the man between the legs with all his strength.
Even Foundation Establishment cultivators weren't immune to that.
---
The walk back to the sect took twice as long. Xiao Ling leaned on her brother, her steps slow but steady. Every so often, she'd glance at Li Wei with an unreadable expression.
"You're not what I expected," she said finally.
Li Wei braced for the inevitable accusation—that he was a fraud, that his "techniques" were just luck and desperation.
Xiao Ling smiled. "You're better."
The words hit him harder than any bandit's punch.
**Quest Complete: "Rescue the Damsel"**
**Reward Claimed: Eternal Suspicion from Black Viper Bandits**
As the sect gates came into view, Li Wei realized something terrifying—he'd just become exactly what everyone believed him to be.
A hero.
And heroes had expectations.
---
That night, as Li Wei lay in bed replaying every near-death moment, a soft knock came at his door.
Xiao Ling entered without waiting for permission. She carried a tray of food—simple fare, but more than he'd ever received as a janitor.
"I brought dinner," she said. Then, with a smirk, "And bandage supplies. In case your 'profound cultivation techniques' left any bruises."
Li Wei opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.
"I know what you are," she said softly.
His blood ran cold.
Xiao Ling leaned closer, her breath warm against his ear. "You're the only person in this entire sect who actually helps people."
Then she was gone, leaving behind the food and a confused, flustered Li Wei.
The System's notification blinked in the darkness:
**Warning: Host's "Legendary Status" has increased to 67%**
**Estimated time until next crisis: 12 hours**
Li Wei groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.
Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.
Or maybe it was just the bandit leader swearing vengeance.
At this point, Li Wei couldn't tell the difference.
**--- CHAPTER END ---**