sounds of the racks caught me off guard as I turn my head to the closed ceiling.
It's never the same.
" You bring in chaos , miss k "
Chaos? Maybe that's all is ever needed .
My fingers brush against the notebook hanging down the desk as I glance at the struggling clock.
I let my head go low as I ignored the nth call of my best friend.
Cool your ass down shit face.
That's the only thing I wanna say to her.
My foot carry me around as I let my fingers trail the railing .
The cold touch of the wood awakes a small ignite .
The floor squeaks of the hidden hunger as I let my foot hang near the last stair.
"Promise me you wouldn't let yourself linger down here after midnight. Promise me you wouldn't "
With death goes down the promises .
I remember her dead cold eyes lying on the floor .
I remember her cold hands freeze to death .
Interesting isn't it ?
When you let someone die knowing you could've saved them?
I just wanted to give her peace.
That's what I keep assuring myself.
My foot touches the ground floor as I finally step in .
The cold rooms freeze to death as the silence hang in the air .
I walk around in the serene living room screaming things which only thumps me.
Fear .
It's born within.
Within us , with words , with beliefs .
The silent tapping of the window , shatters the sudden silence.
I tighten my coat around myself as I walk near the cellar .
The cold atic like in the movies.
It has always fascinated me .
She would've never let me in.
But now there's nothing that could stop to let me in.
My hands wrap around the knob as a silent whisper made me froze .
" The monsters are all within you"
My body forces me to stay still as I slowly turn my head around .
The dead eyes , the red blood spilling on the floor made my breathe hitch as my hands fist .
Her eyes .
She's trying to scream something.
She's walking fast towards me.
No .
No.
She couldn't be alive.
I've left her to die myself.
I let her pleasing go silent with my own eyes.
I didn't blink.
She can't come back.
The morning beep woke me apart as I sit up on bed .
The sweat wets my clothes as I wipe my face
This is for the nth time I got the same dream.
Lifting my phone up , I scroll through the Instagram .
Unbothered by the stories , damn the biggest lie i would've ever told myself.
The pictures , the stories envy a part of me.
A part i will never experience.
The yummiest food posts catch my eye , as simultaneously my stomach grumbles.
High time.
I rush out of bed to the kitchen as I pull out some batter from fridge and made dosa .
A typical indian breakfast.
Looking at myself after what feels like an hour .
I huff out a breathe at my messy hairstyle as I straighten the clothes
My glasses just reminds me of how much nerd I am basically
I pull out my phone eating my breakfast.
My phone buzzes
Mom.
Honestly the only string making me stick straight .
" Don't tell me you woke up late again honey " my mom announces as if she's right always , which she exactly is.
" As if the world would stop if I woke up late mom, nothing matters " i argue back.
" It's not good to starve in the mornings " my mom as always reminds me of the food .
I sigh not again.
"Okay I got rush now , remind sister how much of an ass she is and of course dad that I love him"
Her laughs fills my ears as I smile and hung up the phone .
Despite the desputes , the only thing I'm honestly thankful in life is my family .
Not everyone is lucky in this sector .
Which I am .
Not typically understanding but understanding.
Rushing on a city bus , on the damp roads ,
Reaching the dangerous place.
Hospital.
It runs only on two things .
Life or death
Rich or poor
Spilling facts now ain't i ?
The batting smiles of the receptionist to the young patient, the flirty surgeons ,
The silent nurse , the moody cleaners .
Oh.
Really a very good morning.
Rushing my ass to the cardiac op , I place my bag in the rack settling my white apron.
I'd lie if I say i love my job, I loathe it at times.
The old patients , the young accidents , the cruel deaths.
Which they do deserve at times .
But no you can't be a bitch saying you'd want to see someone die because they are bad of course.
As usual i started checking the cases .
My eyes scanned through the ECG report as I glance at the intertwined hands .
Oh to have someone who has the fear to loose you.
A feeling i don't think I'd ever experience .
They say love comes when you least expect it .
But does it ?
I walk past the icu as I glanced at the families,
Prayers echo silently in the hospital walls rather than in temples .
People beg for sparing lives.
Indeed loosing or having someone is really important.
My hands grip the ecg sheet as my ex comes into the view.
His hands intertwined with hers as she smiles over at him.
I don't like to call it jealousy .
But my heart aches saying what's once was mine , is now hers.
I'm happy for her.
She deserves him
That bastard.
I walk past him as I get into the cafeteria .
My thoughts linger sprint in my brain as my eyes cloud the vision.
" Monsters are all within you, one day it will eat you up, you're not the saint you pretend you are"
I gasp as someone's coffee slips on my shirt.
Thank god I just removed my apron for lunch.
My eyes gaze up to meet his as I glance at him.
Those brown eyes meet mine as i blink.
Those eyes narrating depths i shouldn't even be thinking about.
"I'm sorry"his soft lips spill out those magical words as i blink.
I drink in his aura.
Everyone has an aura.
The aura which typically consumes the other when one enters it.
He has that aura which would pull me into depths of hell.
The black shirt , tucked in gray pants .
The sunglasses hanging loose on his shirt .
The iphone lingering in his pocket.
The watch and the hand lingering in air.
"Breathe kaira" I tell to myself as I take him in.
His scent dominates the hospital fragrance as i straighten myself up.
It's okay " the words sutter from my mouth as i stare.
" Let me pay it up for you"
His voice echos in the chaos as I say
" No need , I can manage "
I walk to the nearby sink as I take water and wipe the spill.
My eyes meet his from the mirror as he stares .
The news pull us apart as I stare at the tv
" Seventh murder of the city , what cult is going on?"