Uncle Interlude.
The horse clopped along steadily, the wagon creaking and swaying just a bit—far less than it would have anywhere but one of Rudy's roads. Topping a rise, he nodded into the distance, where they could just see the shapes of buildings in amongst fields of wheat and the familiar purple Bardius plants.
"There she is, ladies. Home."
On his right, Camilla sniffed through her nose, her furry triangular ears twitching as she scented the air. "It smells nice. Very… welcoming."
On his left, Mina hummed, reaching back to brush some of her blonde hair behind her pointed ear… and in so doing, exposing more of her double cleavage, as she knew he liked to see. "It doesn't look like a disaster struck."
The man known simply as Uncle scoffed. "Trust me, girly. It looks similar, and he's done a damn fine job putting it back together, but Rudy just couldn't put it all back the way it was. Right about here, for instance, there was an old tree to the side of the road that had been struck by lightning some years back. It was tall enough to see for miles around, being that it was on a hill, and it served as a marker for anyone coming this way to let them know they were almost home. That's gone. Lots of other things, too. And the buildings? Even from here, they don't look the same. You'll see when we get close."
Feeling a gentle weight settle on his shoulders, and a nice set of breasts pressing into the back of his head, Uncle tilted his head back a bit, moving his hat so he could look up into the blue eyed, blue haired, youthful face looking down at him with a gentle smile. "I'm sure it will be wonderful. You said you have a farm?"
"Aye," he nodded. "What about you, Rani? Any sign of your people?"
"Mm. I can faintly feel them." She pointed to the northwest, before sweeping her hand north, then northeast. "In a few locations. They feel… very happy. Oh! There's even one in the village."
"Well it's good that we're nearly to our new home, but… will you even have a home here?" another voice from the back of the covered wagon asked. There was a shifting and Uncle found a purple haired head beside his own, the hard black curve of a horn nearly bumping his head.
He turned and looked into the woman's mismatched eyes—one purple like her hair, the other currently green with a black diamond. Only for it to flip back in her head and change to pink with a black swirl. "The village looks pretty though. Very sturdy houses." Her purple eye focused on him. "Let's hope they have sturdy beds~."
"Down, Rika," he murmured, reaching out and petting her head. "Plenty of time for that later."
"Uh huh, sure, sure," she nodded. "Soon."
The ride through the village was a bit jarring for Uncle.
All of the buildings looked just a bit different. He could tell they were brick that had been faced with the right stone and the rooves thatched to look correct, but even at a glance he could tell that the thatch was just decoration on top of a metal roof. The placement was mostly right, relative to each other, but they were all spaced out a bit more and there were more trees—fruit and nut trees, mostly. The homes were a bit bigger than he remembered, too. Everything was so neat and clean. There was no ever-present faint stench of shit and piss, fertilizer, animals, and the hundred other unpleasant smells you'd find in a town.
Even the people looked cleaner—a lot of familiar faces he recognized and some new ones he didn't. The unfamiliar ones were mostly different races, apparently here to trade. A Migurd woman over by a farmer selling his wheat. A dwarf hocking barrels of spirits. An elf directly across from the dwarf selling wine while they glared at each other. A beastkin man carrying in a couple of deer to sell.
"Why is everyone trading here? The town seems small for it," Mina murmured.
"Probably because it's close," Uncle shrugged. "Not sure. We can find out later."
He directed them through the town and out the other end, towards Roa. After about fifteen minutes of travel, he turned off the road onto a dirt road, leading to a home that looked identical to those they had passed so far. Looking out over the field, Uncle laughed quietly. "That little shit."
"What is it?" Mina asked.
"Rudy." He shook his head. "Before all this, I was dickering with Roxy to fix my land, then Rudeus told me he'd fix it, but I'd need to pay. So when he put everything back together, apparently that little turd left the land at the same level, so it's going to have the same problem going forward—soil erosion, rain washing the topsoil off."
"Sounds like an insult," Camilla offered.
Rani shook her head. "No. I've heard of Rudeus. I've been speaking with Rokari—the Migurd woman in the village. She's Roxy's mother." The girls all nodded at that. "Apparently, putting it right back as was is a very 'Rudy' thing to do."
"Yeah. He makes a deal, he sticks to it. I said I'd pay to have it done, so of course, he'd put it right back how it was and tell me to pay him if I want it fixed," Uncle chuckled.
He pulled the wagon to a stop just outside the barn and climbed down, where he began to unhook the horse from the wagon. With the horse released, he led her into the barn and took off her saddle and everything else, before pulling out a brush. Rika carried in buckets of food and water in her lower arms while the others apparently went to explore their new home.
"Shh. Good girl. You done good, girl," he smiled as he brushed the horse. "Who's my best girl? Yes you are."
"Sometimes, I think you love that horse more than us."
Uncle snorted. "Epona don't nag me all day long, she lets me ride her as much as I like, and she's carried our asses across three continents. Show a little respect."
Rika laughed quietly, putting the food down in front of the horse while reaching up and starting to pet Epona's neck. The short, tanned woman crossed her lower arms under her breasts, pushing them up a bit as she looked over to Uncle. "Fine. You're right. Epona is an amazing horse. She's been a fine companion."
"Uncle!" Camilla called as she came running in. She waved a piece of paper. "I found this inside, on the table."
Taking it in hand, Uncle read it and chuckled, before shaking his head. It was a single line.
We need to talk. -R.
A moment later, the paper caught fire in his hands and burned down to nothing. Camilla raised an eyebrow at that. "Well?"
"Oh, just an invitation to talk. It can wait. We'll get you girls settled in and I'll head to Roa tomorrow or the next day."
"We're coming." When he sent Rika a skeptical look, she smiled. "We want to see more of this country. Please?"
"Oh damnit, don't look at me like that, woman. Makes me wanna—"
"Take me here and now, in the hay? It will be itchy, but I am willing to put up with it for the chance to have a child put in me."
"Later," Uncle rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go in."
Epona pulled the wagon into Roa, the girls looking around eagerly at the bustling city as people went about their lives. When Uncle didn't stop, and instead drove straight up the wide, straight road towards the center of town, Rani asked, "Where are we going? I uh, I hope it's not ahead. I hear…" the woman blushed.
"What do you hear?" Mina asked, sending her a grin.
"A Migurd woman. She's… very enthusiastic and vocal." A moment later, she frowned and tilted her head. "And she's done? The poor thing was defeated in a matter of minutes."
Uncle snorted, before reaching up to hide his smile. "Yeah, I imagine…"
"You know something," Rika pointed out.
"He smells sad again," Camilla hummed at his side.
"Stop that," Uncle waved her off, even as the dog beastkin wrapped herself around him in a hug.
Eventually, they made it to the lord's residence. The big metal gate in the wall slid open silently at their approach and they drove through, eventually coming to a stop in front of the main house. And there, stepping out of the house, was a familiar figure.
"Uncle," the redheaded and very visibly pregnant form of Lilia greeted with a small smile. "It's good to see you well."
"Aye, you too, Lilia." Frowning, he asked, "That shitheel husband of yours isn't around, is he?"
"Ex-husband," Lilia clarified, and shook her head. "And no. Paul is still making his way here on horseback from Milishion. It was decided not to offer him transportation, given recent events."
"So he finally pissed you off enough for you to leave him. Good on you." Sliding down out of the carriage, he gestured for the girls to follow. "Alright, let's get this over with."
Lilia nodded. "Master Rudeus is through here," she said, holding the door open and gesturing inside. "Your horse will be taken care of while you're here."
"Thanks."
They followed Lilia into the manor, the girls looking around as they went. "It smells like beastkin and lust. Like, a lot of lust," Camilla murmured.
Lilia chuckled quietly. "Yes, well, that is a Boreas Greyrat trait. One they all share." Turning to regard Camilla, she added, "Don't worry, though. None of the beastkin here are slaves. Every one was hired on voluntarily and is paid a fair wage, and none of the girls are forced to do anything they don't want to. However, the simple fact is, most of them apparently enjoy the attention. Also, you won't have to worry about the Boreas causing problems for yourself. The only troublemaker who would is out of the home at the moment."
Uncle snorted. "You mean Eris."
Lilia raised an eyebrow. "How did you know?"
"We've met," he shook his head. "Her and Rudy are a good match. But then, so was Sylphiette."
"Then you'll be happy to know that Sylphiette and her mother are both here."
"Oh? You found Sylvia, too? Always liked her," Uncle grinned as they were shown into a room. He blinked at the sheer number of people present. Most of them women, in fact. "…The boy's been busy."
"Quite busy," Lilia murmured, with a smile on her face.
Uncle turned his full attention on her for a moment before he grinned. Beside him, Rika picked up on it and turned a sly grin of her own on the maid. "Oh ho. Traded up from the father to the son, did we?"
"Yes," Lilia's answer came with no shame or hesitation whatsoever as one hand trailed down to rest on her belly.
"So bold!" Mina giggled. "And proud of it."
"I owe master Rudeus much," Lilia deferred. "Please, sit. Would you like tea, or something to eat?"
"If you don't mind," Uncle nodded as the group took one of the open couches. A moment later, he found a young man at his elbow. White haired, green eyed, muscular but lean build. But the face was familiar. All Zenith and Paul. "Rudy."
"Uncle," Rudy grinned. "Come with me," he said, before nodding his head towards a door to the side and walking that way.
Uncle followed through the castle, until they came to a seemingly random door. Rudy let them in and Uncle whistled at what he saw—what looked like the makings of a workshop. "Nice setup."
"Mm," Rudy hummed, moving over to a cabinet and taking out a bottle of liquor and two glasses. Pouring one for each of them, he set them and the bottle on the table. "So, two things. First:"
Uncle didn't move as Rudy stepped in and the younger boy's fist collided with his cheek. His head rolled with the blow and he balanced himself to roll with it a bit, but it still hurt like a son of a bitch. It didn't have anything behind it but his muscles though, so Uncle let it go. "What was that for, boy?"
"You dick, you know what it was for!" Glaring at him for a moment, Rudy moved around the table and sat down, before gesturing at the other seat. Picking up his drink, Rudy chilled it with his magic before taking a sip. "Talk. And drop that stupid fucking disguise."
"Heh." Settling into the seat across from Rudy, Uncle picked up his own glass… which frosted over before he took a sip. A moment later, his features shifted, seemingly aging in reverse. His face changed shape a bit. His skin retained the deep tan he'd gotten on the demon continent. His gray hair lightened to white.
"Fuck me, you really do look like Archer."
"Not entirely intentionally," 'Uncle' sighed. "Alright, mini-me. What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
Reaching into his jacket, Archer pulled out a leather bound book and tossed it over. "There. That's the pertinent info you need to deal with that shitbag Hitogami. Everything that happened to me and those around me, because of him. If you have questions about it, you know how to reach me."
"And mom? Norn? What about them?" the younger Rudeus asked.
"Ah. That was me. Sorry. It's in the book, but fine, I'll drop some spoilers. When we went through this the first time, mom and Norn wound up about where you found them. They left and walked across the desert. They came across an encampment and stopped, looking for aid, food, and shelter. Except it was bandits. A few of them were pretty good in the North God style, and there were a couple of mages. Norn wasn't up to snuff and mom couldn't cast silently, so they were taken out. Slapped in chains. Used for years as playthings before Sprite finally found them. I killed them all, but the damage was done. They were never the same after that.
"Mom just… faded away. Retreated into herself. Refused to speak. We had to feed her by hand. She couldn't sleep by herself, so we wound up bringing her to our bed. Except she'd been so conditioned into being a sex slave at that point that, well, she thought she was doing wrong when she wasn't trying to suck my dick every five minutes. She didn't trust any man but me. Not even Paul. Couldn't stand to be in the same room with them. As for Norn, well… she killed herself. Hung herself with her own bed sheets one night. They got Bad Ended hard. And they weren't the only ones. Roxy? Died of some kind of plague brought on by a rat bite. You remember Tiny, right? Yeah, he survived and one of his offspring got here somehow, it bit her, and it ate her alive from the inside out within minutes. Sylphie couldn't do anything. As for Sylphie—"
"That's enough," Rudy held up a hand.
"You sure?"
"Fucking certain. Sprite, please read through this shitshow and do everything you can to be on the lookout for everything it mentions."
Sprite's hologram appeared between them. She sent Archer a brief smile before turning to Rudy. "Of course, master."
"…Does she ever stop that?"
Archer grinned. "Nope. Mine does it too."
"Hehe~!" Sprite giggled, before disappearing, as the journal was Sent away.
"So, you figured out time travel and came back to prevent all the bad shit that happened to you from happening to us?"
"Basically," Uncle nodded. He paused and added, "Don't worry. I'm not planning to kill you and take your place. My… my wives died a long, long time ago. These girls look like them, but they aren't them. It's like… meeting your dead wife's younger sister, if you know what I mean? It kinda hurts, but you feel happy that they're happy. They're like family, but they aren't mine."
"That's good to know," Rudy murmured. "You saved mom and Norn, what then?"
"Oh, that. Well, I decided it'd be best to follow along behind you and make the trip myself. So, I teleported myself, Epona, and my cart to Rikarisu…"
I watched as the white blast wave of teleportation rushed towards the village. "Well, looks like it's about that time."
Dropping my hoe, I used a spell to slow time. Then, I teleported to Epona and tossed everything I'd need for her into the wagon. Levitating it over to the horse, I got it all situated before heading inside and grabbing my supplies. My travel bag was already packed, so I just had to grab food, my coat, and my hat. Heading back out, I settled down in the cart after tossing my stuff into the back of the covered wagon.
A moment later, I teleported us, cart and all, outside the blast zone—damn near to Ars. Leaving Epona there for a moment, I teleported back to the Greyrat home and had a look outside. I found Norn and Zenith, along with Aisha and Lilia, and laid tracking spells on all of them just in case they went somewhere I wasn't expecting. I teleported back to Epona before dropping the spell. Then, I waited.
"Wait. Hold on. You have a time-stop spell?"
Archer shook his head. "Slow time. You can't actually stop time. Well… you can't actually slow it down, either. You're speeding up your own time relative to everyone else—"
"Right, gotcha. So you marked mom, Lilia, and our sisters."
"Yeah."
"Any idea what's up with Norn dropping her phone?"
He shrugged. "She was holding it when the blast went off. Probably just let go reflexively. Anyway. I made sure they were in the valley, then locked it down. Moved the whole thing sideways and increased the flow of time inside—basically, a large scale version of the 'slow time' spell. Then, I teleported to Rikarisu…"
Epona and I appeared just outside the city of Rikarisu. Epona startled for a moment at the sudden appearance.
"Shh. Whoa there. Easy girl. It's okay," I soothed the horse, before flicking her reigns and directing her towards the gate, along the curve of the city wall. Along the way, I took a few moments to touch up my disguise, making myself look a little younger—going from 'grizzled old man' to 'retired adventurer past his prime.' It was a look any of the older crowd in Buena would have recognized, from when I first settled there. Spotting the guards as the main entrance came in sight, I hummed. "Little rusty on my demon language…"
A few moments later, I pulled to a stop. After a short talk with the guards, I was allowed into the city and made my way to the guild. Parking outside and tying up Epona, I headed inside. The place was rowdier than most of the Adventurer guild halls on the Central continent—just as I remembered it. Shaking my head, I made my way over to the receptionist. Looking down on the shorter woman, I sent her a rakish grin. She was pretty—looking something like an elf with sharper features. Also, three boobs. I wanted to dive into those titties and motorboat every last one of them…
"Afternoon," I greeted, tipping my hat to her.
"Good afternoon, sir," she smiled back, eyeing me up just as much as I was her.
Oh, so you like 'em older, huh? Nice. Might have to see about buying you a drink later…
Fishing around in my pockets, I found my old, old Adventurer's card and handed it over. "I need to change out some coin, if you don't mind. And directions to a reputable inn that can stable my horse for a few days, maybe a week."
"Let's see," she murmured, taking the card. After a moment of examining it, her eyes widened. "Archer Emiya—"
"You're fucking kidding me."
Archer laughed and pulled out his adventurer card, before sliding it across the table. Rudy inspected it for a moment before flicking it back. "You really went all out on it, didn't you?"
Archer shrugged. "Had to entertain myself somehow, and I couldn't exactly claim to be 'Rudeus Greyrat,' now could I?"
It was obvious when she got down to the 'rank' field. "An S—"
"Ah, ah, ah," I shook my head. "Let's just keep that between us, huh?"
"Of course, sir! If you need anything, anything at all, my name is Mina," she said, before handing my ID back. "What will you be converting today?"
Reaching into the pouch at my side, I withdrew a couple of Asuran gold coins. She winced at that. "I know the exchange rate is terrible, but do what you can."
"Yes, Mr. Emiya—"
"Just Uncle," I shook my head. "'s what everyone calls me."
"Yes, Uncle," she agreed. "Give me a few moments and I'll be right back."
"Take your time," I waved her off and leaned against the counter, waiting.
As I did, a horse-headed demon approached and leaned against the counter next to me. "Was what she said true? You some kinda legendary S-ranker?"
"Fuck off and stay fucked off."
The man jerked back, whinnying as he shook his head in outrage. "The fuck did you say to me—"
I grabbed him by the mane and pulled, throwing him to the floor. Resting my boot on his long face, I looked up and sent a challenging look towards the rest of the patrons. "It'd be best if you all just forgot I was here. You didn't hear me. You didn't see me. You understand?" There was some murmuring, even as the horse-man below my boot struggled. I stepped down a bit harder and he squealed. "I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
There was a chorus of affirmatives from the others as they all turned away. Looking down, I aimed for the door and kicked the man in the gut—more lift and throw than kick though. He went sailing through the door and into the street and I turned back to wait.
"…Was that, uh… Roxy's friend? No… something?"
"Nokopara, master," Sprite supplied.
"Aye," Archer nodded. "He's a piece of shit."
"Yeah, he's kind of an asshole, but he helped us out when we got there. Why—"
"I don't know about here, but in my time, he tried to rape her while they were in a party together. He's lucky I didn't stomp his head flat."
Rudy's eye twitched. "Sprite, remind me to get the story out of Roxy. If she confirms it, I'm going to burn his nuts off…"
Mina came back with my money after a few minutes. "This is all we're allowed by the exchange rate, unfortunately."
"It's fine, Mina. Thanks. About that inn?"
"Ah, there's one just up the street the guild recommends. It even has a nice bar."
"Excellent," I nodded, sliding a coin across the counter as a tip. Sending her another grin, I said, "Think I'll spend some time in the bar tonight, if you wanna come by and share a drink…"
The woman beamed a smile, leaning forward and showing off a bit of her double cleavage. "I think I'd like that…"
"Of course, she came. We talked, shared a few drinks. Then she followed me up to my room and she came some more…"
Rudy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I get it. You fucked."
Archer shrugged. "I'm old, but I'm not that old. Not about to pass up that chance. And I'll be honest, Buena was kind of a dry spell for me. Had to go into Roa to do anything. Though, you'd be surprised just how many young noble girls want to play hide the sausage with a dirty old man."
"No, I wouldn't. I've heard just how degenerate the nobility are from Lilia and Ariel." Pausing for a moment, he hummed. "…So. Three titties."
"Three titties," Archer nodded, holding up both hands and miming opening his mouth for a third. "You should see 'em bounce."
"God damnit, can't believe Eris and I missed out on that one."
"I was already having my fun with her by the time you got to Rikarisu."
"And you convinced her to go with you?"
Archer grinned. "Wasn't hard. I told her I was returning home after being teleported there in some kind of accident. Offered her a ride out of that dusty hellhole. She jumped at the chance. Of course, that was after I met Rika."
"I noticed the," Rudy held his hand up to his eye and Archer nodded. "And the overall looks. She's related to Kishirika, isn't she?"
"Yeah. Something like a great granddaughter. One of Badigadi's, given the arms. She's a sweetheart. So, there I was, killing time until you moved on…"
"It has been a while," I murmured as I limbered up. Pulling my sword out, I checked the blade and hummed, finding it to be just as pristine as the day I'd made it. I had found a little out of the way place to practice and knock the rust off.
…Yes, it was the palace. Well, just outside of it.
Anyway, I was halfway through my Water God practice when I felt her approach. She just sat and watched until I finished, after moving through Water God, to Sword God, then North God. She started clapping. "Beautiful! I haven't seen swordwork that good in centuries," a woman's voice called from nearby.
I turned and found her sitting there—violet hair and eye, the other eye a green spiral, and curved black horns sticking out of her head that looked like perfect handholds. She was short and very curvy—wide hips, large breasts, thick thighs. She wore a set of painted on pants and a loose, dark blue sleeveless blouse that left much of her cleavage exposed, and put her second set of arms on prominent display. For all that she was curvy, she was also very muscular—though not grotesquely so.
Her eyes trailed up and down my shirtless, sweaty form, before that eye flipped up in her head before revealing a deep green eye with a cross-shaped pattern. "Beautiful."
"And just what do you see when you look at me with those special eyes, hm?" I asked, sheathing the sword at my side. Conjuring a sphere of water, I washed myself off, then dried with a sphere of wind, before pulling my shirt on.
"Oh ho? Magic without needing to chant, too? I thought the skill lost to time," she murmured, a happy smile on her face. "As for what I see… Hm. Well. You keep it hidden, but I can see it, just below the skin. It's like looking at a star in the shape of a man." Looking at me in curiosity, she murmured, "There is one other, who just arrived. He looks much like you, just… not there yet. But the web trailing off of him is very pretty to look at… Your magic has the same look, the same flavor. Are you related?"
"You could say that," I confirmed. "But keep that under your hat, would you?"
"Very well. In exchange for a favor." Pushing off the partially collapsed wall she had been sitting on, she made her way over, wide hips swaying with her every step. "I am Rikarisu Kishirisu, heir to the great demon empress. But… no one actually cares about her anymore, so," she shrugged, drawing my eyes down further to her big breasts. "Just Rika, please. And yourself?"
"Uncle is fine," I nodded. "What 'favor' did you have in mind?"
Rika grinned up at me. "You're very strong… And older than you look."
"Yep." I made a 'get on with it' gesture.
"You're going to be leaving the city soon." When I nodded, she continued. "Take me with you. I can fend for myself, so you won't need to pay for anything for me."
"Why?"
"Why not?" she shrugged. "Though, really, I've grown tired of the Demon Continent. Where are you going?"
"Back to the Central Continent. Asura Kingdom. I've got a nice little farm I'm looking to get back to. Assuming it's still there."
Rika nodded. "That will do nicely."
I considered her for a moment before nodding and heading towards the inn where I was staying. "I'm leaving first thing in the morning. Come on, I'll buy you a drink and we can talk about it."
"Excellent!"
I led her back to the inn and we did exactly that. Eventually, I flat out asked her, "Why do you want to travel with me? Why not just go yourself?"
"Because you're the one going." When I raised an eyebrow, she smiled. "May I be blunt? You seem like the kind of man who prefers it."
"Please."
"I want to get to know you better. I hope that, during this little trip, we grow closer. Close enough that you will put a child in me. I've tried before in the past, but the requirements on a partner… No one has met them yet," she shook her head. "But you? Well. That should be fun."
"That's pretty blunt," I chuckled, before taking a sip of my (awful) beer. "Fine. I'll consider it. You should get on home and gather up your things."
"No need," she shook her head. "There is nothing I wish to bring with me and I do not wish to be left behind by accident. Do you mind if I spent the night with you?"
"Sure."
"Let me guess. You fucked her too."
"Not right that moment, no. That came later. Rika kept to her word. She wanted to get to know me better before making her choice, so she did. Of course, that didn't exactly last long. Only a few days, really."
"And you left Rikarisu after that."
"Yep."
"What in the world?" Mina asked as we rolled out of town.
I pulled on the reigns and brought Epona to a stop. Standing there beside the gate was a life sized, full color statue of Roxy. Seeing her face, even in stone, made my heart hurt. She stood in an action pose, pointing her staff to the south. Looking down, I read the inscription.
Traveler, you stand at the start of your journey.
The road before you is long and arduous.
Where I stand, you shall find rest and succor.
Follow me and I will lead you home.
Below that was a compass rose, listing the nearby villages, Wind Port, and what looked like some sort of rest stop. Sighing, I shook my head. She is going to die of shame. I wish I could see her face. Bet it'll be great.
"Interesting," Rika murmured, studying the statue and the compass below it, before turning to the road leading into the distance. A wide, flat stone road that rose several inches up off the ground. "Shall we be on our way?"
I flicked the reigns. "Alright girl, let's get a move on."
We talked as we rode together, getting to know each other. At night, we pulled off to the side of the road and slept together in a pile in the back of the covered wagon to keep warm. It wasn't far outside of Rikarisu, just a few days really, that we ran into trouble—just coming up on the first rest station.
Rika frowned where she sat beside me, her eye flicking to the side. "Trouble ahead. Bandits, it looks like. They're lying in ambush."
"What should we do?" Mina asked, a worried look crossing her face. "I'm… not a fighter. I'm just an accountant—"
"We'll be fine, Mina. Rika, let me know when we're close."
I drove on for a bit longer before Rika squeezed my arm. "Whoa, girl," I pulled on the reigns, bringing Epona to a stop. Turning to Mina, I handed them off. "Hold this. Bring the wagon up when I'm done."
"W-wait! Uncle," Mina called, but I hopped from the wagon's seat to the ground.
Loosening my sword in its sheath, I patted Epona on the flank as I passed. "Stay here, girl," I murmured as I walked into the ambush. It was easy to spot now that I was close. Really just some scrub brush and a bit of dirt on top of a bunch of man-sized holes that had been dug. "I know you're there. Come on out."
With that, the bandits burst out of hiding, throwing their cover off and pulling weapons. There were seven of them—two swords, three with clubs, one with a bow, and one carrying a staff. The two with the swords took up fighting stances in front of me, while the ones with the clubs looked like they were heading for the wagon—and, from the grins on their faces, the women. "Alright, listen up chucklefucks. This is your only warning. Walk away now and live. But if you take one more step towards that wagon, I'm going to cut you down where you stand."
"Kill him!" the mage called.
"Welp, I offered," I shrugged, before flinging my sword at the mage. He had just a moment for his eyes to go wide, before the sword removed his lizard head from his shoulders.
I was already in motion, my foot striking out and catching one of the ones with clubs as my sword arced through the air and returned to my hand—a streak of silver that passed through the archer along the way and left him a bloody ruin. Swinging my sword down, I punched it through the head of the man I'd kicked to the ground, ending him. Then, the two assholes with swords were on me, and I slipped into Water God, parrying blows as I maneuvered around them, leading them away from the cart.
It took only a few exchanges to determine that they were at least Advanced level in North God, but that was it. And while North God was made to counter the Water God style…
One of them slipped a sword through what should have been an opening, only for me to parry it with my bare fist. The smooth, flowing movements of Water God gave way to something hard and fast, an unstoppable force rushing down on them that slammed through what little defense the first swordsman had and tore him to pieces.
The other was left momentarily confused, before I followed up with more. All simple, straightforward moves—just basic swordsmanship that anyone of any sword school would use. The most basic of the basic swings… Driven by the force of a god, as I actually dipped into my touki. He tried to block, only for his sword to shatter like glass, along with his wrist… then his ribs and spine.
A boom! sounded from somewhere behind me and I turned towards the two remaining men with clubs—whose purpose had been pretty obvious. That being, capture the women, likely so they could use and then sell them.
I raised an eyebrow at what I found there.
Rika stood, her two right arms extended in a simple straight (double) punch. In front of her was… a wet, red mess unfit to be called a person. The bandit looked like he had been hit by a truck. The front of him was a mess of meat while the back side looked like it had simply exploded outwards away from the rest of his body. Looking down, I found the other had been folded like a pretzel.
Rika turned and sent me a beaming, hungry smile. "Well! That certainly got the blood flowing! But not enough. Not nearly enough. They were pitiful, really." Smiling, she sashayed up to me, resting her chest against my stomach and looking up into my eyes with that hungry look. "Now do you see why I chose you? You have the power to not break if my control slips. And it's never fun, accidentally crushing someone's pelvis if I really get into it."
"I imagine not," I murmured. "Fair enough. Come on, let's go. We've got a lot of ground to cover."
"Very well!"
With that, she walked towards the carriage Mina was bringing up. I took a moment to loot the corpses, then fling them to the side of the road. I tossed a negligent fireball on them to burn the bodies and discourage scavengers before climbing up onto the seat, between the women.
Mina latched onto my arm, pulling it into her breasts. "That was… amazing," she murmured, looking up at me with bedroom eyes.
"Ufufufu~," Rika chuckled. "I agree. We should celebrate, tonight. All of us. Together."
"And then you fucked."
"And then we fucked."
There was a knock at the door and Lilia poked her head in. "Master Rudeus—"
She paused as she caught sight of Uncle. Or rather, Archer. Looking between Rudy and Archer, she frowned, before slipping inside and closing the door behind her.
Rudy sighed. Archer sighed.
""I can explain this,"" the pair said, simultaneously.
"Mm. I'm sure," Lilia murmured. Shaking her head, she simply smiled. "Very well. I came to inform you that dinner is ready."
Rudy turned to Archer. "Continue this later?"
"Sure. Let me introduce you to the girls."
Rudy nodded and stood, stretching. After a moment, he said, "Might want to fix that."
Archer grunted, but a moment later, his features aged back to what Lilia knew as 'Uncle.'
"So, do your girls know?"
"They know I'm hiding who I am. They don't know who that is though."
"Except Rika, because she can see it," Rudy guessed.
Archer nodded. "Right."
Lilia sighed, shaking her head as she opened the door. "As if one of you wasn't bad enough."
"Hey! I resemble that remark."
"I'm getting too old for this shit…"