"O-ow…" I winced, holding my side, panting. The whole thing. I was tired, extremely tired. Still sluggish…after having to beat over 70 guards.
Yes, it was more than 70.
More than 50 regarding my initial guest.
I saw Vaniti sitting atop a pile of corpses, as if it were an irrelevant piece of furniture. The smell of death only made my tail shiver and my spine tingle. Slowly, but surely…any pain I had was slowling being eased. And no, I wasn't using [Soulwarming]...it just has…something to do with my True Name.
Vaniti didn't break much of a sweat as I did, though. She looked calm, composed. She did most of the heavy lifting here, most of the hard-carrying, and that's one thing that even now I'm afraid to admit, but just in the certain circumstances.
I've been beat, physically abused, and also poisoned, which that had no effect but just make me feel sluggish. Vaniti's in peak condition, of course. It was only natural for her to take the charge.
"Sultan and the rest can't be that far, I sense them already. We might as well head there because who knows what they could be doing now?" I tell Vaniti, she stares back.
I walk ahead, out of the dining room that was entirely destroyed, no longer looking like one anyway. Littered with bodies of dead guards. The long table that was there was barely recognizable, you would probably have to cover the entire room to find the millions of pieces.
But as I continued to walk, I noticed one thing. Vaniti wasn't walking with me. She continued to sit on a pile of corpses, the sight of it not bothering her at all. I headed back…then figured what could've been the problem.
Which…yeah, I already assumed.
Let's not make this anymore awkward…but this isn't how I should treat her.
"Sorry," I begin.
"Thank you. It's…a long story of how I got into this in the first place…and—"
"I'm your Consort, aren't I?" She speaks, defining. However, unlike earlier times, it doesn't sound like something bordering on being cheery or reassuring.
She's reminding me.
"Ye-yeah, and I know, as a Sovereign, I shouldn't be leaving you in the dark—never again. I thought space between us…after the Dragon Carnival would let some things settle in. You became my Consort and I just…I just wanted you to realize that."
It came off horrid, anyway. Not what I wanted to say, but I had to make use of the best words available. I couldn't tell her the real reason of it, anyways.
She looks around, then back to me. "We can discuss this later."
"H-huh? Discuss this later?"
She gets off the pile of corpses and walks past me. "We need to chase after Chancellor Sultan, don't we? We have to hurry."
She walks after me, but I couldn't help but feel that Vaniti is trying to hide a certain emotion away from me. And I don't blame her. She probably feels hurt. She's supposed to stay by my side, and the best option I give her is space away.
I…I practically abandoned her. Am I any different from her Ranger Corps?
Fuck, am I supposed to be this dense on purpose or something? Do I not think?
"Vaniti!"
She hears me calling out, her ears twitch, and then she turns towards me, a neutral expression.
"I mean it. I'm…I'm sorry. I got myself into this mess, and probably worried you to hell. I didn't mean to abandon you. It's just…it's a lot to explain."
She stares, but it's not the blank stare she gives everyone else, however. It's like she wants to say more, and really does, but something's holding her back.
Her face softens from her neutral expression, more worried now. "One time is a mistake, twice, is not."
Is…is she referencing the Ascendant Quest?
It's only fair for her to do so. In both times I practically abandoned her and left her. The context for both is different, but yet again it was Vaniti who had to save the day. I wouldn't say she's getting tired of it—no.
She's getting tired of me.
"I know that…and I just…just couldn't help it. I didn't want to drag you into this mess, and…and…" I ran out of words to say. How could I tell her? How could I explain to her that I'm afraid of getting her hurt beyond measure?
She can bring up the quest as much as she wants to, but I will never forget the state that she was in. Never.
I…I don't want that to happen again, no matter how strong she may get and become.
"Don't worry, I've brought myself into this," She says, referring to my earlier statement. We are still a considerable length away from each other, but the silence between us just felt more imposing and deafening like it did last time.
"Because wherever the Dragon Sovereign of Calamity goes, his Consort follows. Even…even if he sabotages purposefully."
"Me…? Sabotage?"
She doesn't follow up on it, but more than likely, that's how she perceives it from her Spirit Eye. Sometimes, even I forget she can't read facial expressions. So…she wouldn't know.
Vaniti wouldn't know how shocked and disappointed I am in myself.
"It comes down to trust, Ryuuzen. Doesn't it? I need to know if you trust me." She steps forward, and I hesitated to even step back.
"You gave me the title of Consort, that's what you told me. That's the role you gave me,"
"For some reason…I sense that you become…scared, when I fulfill it."
Right on. Because, in reality Vaniti…I just…I can't get anyone hurt. If I do, I don't know if I can forgive myself if I do.
"I…I don't know Vaniti,I…I just don't want you to get hurt like you did last time. I figured if…if I kept you away, you would stop getting hurt for my cause."
Vaniti's brow furrows, "Is that not what a Consort is supposed to do? I'm entirely fine with it, Ryuuzen. Because deep down, I truly don't know if anyone else could do what I do."
"Yeah. That's the thing, Vaniti. I don't think I want anyone at all."
She takes a step back, and once again, my words just land like a mine. Way to fucking go genius.
"I…I didn't mean that," I backpedal immediately on my words. Looking away from her. Probably shame, fear, disappointment. All thrown into a blender and poured into my brain.
Her neutral expression breaks, her lips curl, in rejection. It's like she's on the verge of crying.
"I…I don't like seeing you being reduced to a mere Consort. You could be so much outside of it, you know?"
"Then what am I to you?"
My eyes widen, and I slowly make contact with Vaniti. She stares back, but her expression is lying. She's awaiting for an answer. She wants one.
What is she to me?
I gave her the title of Consort…but even I can't handle the sheer weight of it without thinking for once she would get hurt because of me. And if she does…what if she does something she can't come back from?
What if I ruined her life because she chose to follow me blindly?
But…she looks away.
"N-nevermind…don't answer that." She puts her hood back on, and turns. Shit, did I wait too late to answer?
"To me, Ryuuzen, it comes off as you still haven't believed in me. I haven't done enough yet to relish my role as your Consort…and I understand. All I do—really, is question if I'm enough,"
"But no more. Only in my actions will I prove it."
She walks ahead of me, and I could only stand there. Stunned.
What did I do?