"Come with me." She said—tonight, Nephis will tell him. No, confess. She'll confess her plans for the Dark City, for the Forgotten Shore, for her dreams.
He looked at her for a moment, confused, but… she didn't falter. She couldn't. Gesturing for him to follow, she led him deep, deep into the slums, far away from prying eyes, ears, or anything else.
It was a moment reserved for them. No one could interfere.
She had decided to do this, after all. And even if anything, everything happens… Nephis will stick to her will, stick to the fate she had chosen.
Above them, the sun flared. Its lights were pure, untainted—like her, before all of this happened.
No.
Changing Star can never doubt, Changing Star can never falter, Changing Star can never stop running forward. This was the burden she has taken, the burden she'll bear—alone.
Nephis stopped. She spoke.
"I've seen you practicing with a sword today,"—There's no going back now—"Your moves were weak and aimless, as if you've lost all clarity."
She reminded herself to breathe.
"What were you thinking about?"
Sunny exhaled, his onyx eyes seemingly deeper, darker. Like an omen of what was to come.
"Murder." He said, "I was thinking about murder."
…Something wasn't right. She knew it, knew him.
Everything he said held truth, so… murder, it must be the essence of combat, right…?
Nephis nodded—she didn't know how else to respond—and waited.
He lifted his head, bathing in the silence of the moment.
Before he finally spoke.
"Well, how come do you know so much about murder, Neph? Huh? I wanted to ask you that since the day you cut off Andel's head without so much batting an eye. You are out there preaching about how we are all fellow humans, not some beasts. Was Andel not human?"
She scowled, outwardly at least.
Deep down, somewhere that no one will ever be able to reach, Nephis regretted, doubted.
"Is this what it's all about?"
This was the right choice. It was the best one.
Sunny gritted his teeth, "It's a part of it."
Her heart skipped a beat. What? Why? How? Wasn't that all…? She… She had done everything she could, everything to appease him. He was useful after all! Or was he?
"It's not that I have murdered a lot of people. It's that a lot of people had tried to murder me."
She'll tell him.
He blinked, "Why would anyone want to kill you?"
Sunny, don't you know? For all sorts of reasons! Trivial ones, ones that do not matter, all because her father and mother were powerful, and she was the only blood that was left, and, and, and—
Tons of reasons that he would never understand, but perhaps, but perhaps he would accept it, and nothing would have happened. Everything would still be the same, just like the days they spent surviving that damned ocean.
But reality was different, lies were more reliable than the truth. And certainly she can say one to him and he'll understand, he'll stay by her side, and—
He would find out instantly. Sunless was the master of lies—her teacher.
So instead, she told a twisted truth about her life, told him about the assassins that would haunt her in her childhood. Hoping that he would believe it. That he wouldn't ask what her real goal was. Hope that he won't be disgusted by the real Changing Star, the one who… who would do anything for herself.
She smiled.
"So then, what did you want to know? Huh, Sunny? What is this all about?"—the truth, it was the truth—"Do you think I haven't noticed the way you were staring at me ever since we fought the Spire Messenger? Come clean with it. You owe me at least this much."
Her heart stung as she spoke, never had the truth been as painful as this.
He glared at her. His face a reflection of the storm, the turmoil burning inside of him, of the countless questions he was ready to spit, countless accusations that he could have thrown at her, and she would have to choice but to defend with—
"I want to know what your real goal is. I want to know if it's all worth it."
Nephis froze, her thoughts stopping. Yes, she had certainly known that it would come to this something, the day she'll have to tell him, she knew. But why? Why wasn't her mouth opening? Why didn't she want to tell him?
She was right. This was the best choice! For her, for him, for the cohort, for the Dark City…
It was a necessary choice.
Or was it?
Outwardly, she frowned.
"My…goal? Isn't it obvious?" Yes. Lie. Changing Star shall tell a false truth. Pray. Hope. Wish. "I'm trying to help these people. What else?"
A lie was a gift sweeter than the truth.
Sunny sighed. "Hey, have I ever told you about my sister?"
She blinked. Now what? Wasn't he supposed to call her out for her lie, and demand an answer? Wasn't he supposed to do all that?
Nephis wanted to laugh—that's right, when had she gotten so arrogant to know every single one of his thoughts? The man who locked himself so deep that they didn't know anything about him, even if he laid it all out and presented it atop a silver platter?
Sunny continued with his story. It was a story about an orphan who dreamed of finding his sister, to save her — only to realize that she was living, laughing, happily and… he left her.
"I did the only selfless thing that I have ever done. I turned around and went away. Do you know why?"
Something crept up her spine—a strange sense of foreboding.
She shook her head.
Sunny grinned, and instantly, instantly she knew what this was all about. His onyx eyes had shown her all she needed to know.
"Because even a cretin like me was able to realize that the person he wanted to save didn't need his saving. So please tell me, Neph, why is it that you, with all your intelligence and clarity, can't seem to do the same?
She panicked.
"Are you implying that I lied about my intention to help these people?"—In his eyes, she might have. But struggling for a small glimmer of hope was better than sitting in the darkness, waiting for death—"If so, you are wrong."
Yes. Nephis, Changing Star, won't doubt. This was the best choice, the right one.
He glared.
"…Fuck you, Neph."
What…? Why? Didn't he understand?!
She blinked.
"What?"
He smiled, and oh, it was like their roles had reversed—Nephis always had the final say, the one who made decisions, but now? It was like… like he held her life in his hands. Like losing him would be the worst decision she would ever make.
But why?
Nephis didn't need anyone. All those years of survival had told her that.
What was he doing?
She couldn't hear his words.
The only thing on her mind was the thud of her own heart. Of the blood rushing to her ears.
"…I know you better than anyone else. So I don't buy your whole savior act even for a second," He gestured towards the surrounding hovels, eyes wide with fury. She didn't know this Sunny. "Help these people? Please! What are you going to to help them with? Turn them into corpses? You and I already both know how this ends. Cassie already told us. Fire and rivers of blood, right? Is that what you're planning?"
No. It wasn't. It was for the future. For everyone.
Those sacrifices would be used to build a stronger, better world. She would honor their choice.
A dark expression clawed its way onto her face, and her eyes burned with an emotion that wasn't clear to her. But if there's one thing she was sure of, is that she had most likely blown away the one remaining connection that had value.
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again.
She would admit it.
"...Fine, you got me."
Nothing had ever hurt her more than that look on his face, the way it contorted in pain, betrayal, but also acceptance.
Her heart ached.
Why did she say those words?
"What? Was I supposed to deny it? Why should I?"—Yes, she should have denied it—"You are the one who is obsessed with lies, Sunny, not me."
Her face twitched, and she said something she didn't expect she would say. How could she mock him like that?
The smile that hung across her face felt heavy, heavy beyond imagination, heavier than the weight of all those lives that had sworn themselves to her.
But she can't stop now!
"How fortunate it was to meet you, of all people, on this forsaken shore. Lucky me. Right?" Truth spilled from her lips. Cruel ones. Just like his. "So where do you get the audacity to blame me for doing the same thing you do to everyone you meet?"
He trembled, yet his eyes were unwavering.
"That's not the same…"
But it was the truth. Yes, there will be fire and rivers of blood, it was her plan. Changing Star shall be the last one standing, the one who shall carve a road of bones for the lucky few to reach the gateway. She'll give them salvation, why wouldn't he understand?
It was the only way back, the only way forward. Why stop? Why be satisfied? Why wait for an unjustified death?
"I thought that you, of all people, would agree with me."
He stared at her. And… was that disbelief?
"Is it so terrible to live here?" He whispered, silently.
Yes it is. Gunlang has done many despicable things, but he committed a crime she would never forgive—giving up.
Didn't he know? That some… they don't even have a choice. That death was almost guaranteed for them, and… and… he could have just tried! It was so simple! Death was a better choice than not doing anything at all, death was better than suffering in this place, unsure of when the sky would fall, when their death would came.
False hope was better than an eternal despair.
After a long, long silence. Sunny opened his mouth, and spoke.
"Don't you think that, maybe, he just wasn't willing to see hundreds of people die? How many of them are you ready to sacrifice for your goal?"
Huh? Wasn't that clear already?
"All of them. Of course." She would carve a road of blood. For her— No, for them.
The moment she said that, she knew—she had sealed her fate. But hadn't she already made that decision a long, long time ago? This was nothing. This was everything.
"What can be so important?" He asked her, his eyes shining desperately under the light of the sun, "What is so valuable that you are ready to condemn everyone here to death!?"
"Are you going to save the damn world?"
She'll tell him. It was the least he deserved. Even if her heart was screaming for her to back off, to laugh and say that it was all a joke. Even if her mind was in a mess, the indifferent demeanour she wore was another mask.
She didn't want him to know.
"Save the world? No, I'm not going to save the world, Sunny,"
This was it.
"I'm going to destroy it."
Yes, she'll destroy that damned Spell that robbed everyone of choice, that forced them into the Nightmare Spell, that got them complacent, satisfied in this broken world.
Only… only when everything was fixed, everything was back to the start… will she rest. Will she put down her sword.
She barely heard his next plea.
"Why? Why do you want to destroy the Spell so much?"
Because I can.
"Because I hate it."
He closed his eyes, whispered, like he couldn't believe the ambition she held deep within. But hadn't she displayed it every second she breathed? That her goal was somewhere far, far away, something so absurd that no one could comprehend?
"You are actually insane."
No she wasn't.
"What does it mean to be insane in a world that has gone mad?" She sighed, "So, are we done here?"
You'll understand, right?
He gave her a tired smile, "…Yeah. Yeah, Neph." He said, yet he was already moving, heading towards the exit, leaving her alone, "I'm done here."
What? Why! He should have said that everything is alright and he'll stand by her side.
Like always.
It was the best one! It was the right one!
"Where are you going?" Nephis shouted, "Come back here!"
Yet his back was the only thing she could see.
"Sorry, I have an errand to run, we'll talk later, some other time." It was the truth, but it tasted like a lie.
Her heart screamed. Her head regretted. Her arm felt numb.
This was all a joke right?
"I said come back Sunny! This conversation isn't over! Come back here right now!"
But he was already gone—disappearing into the shadows, leaving her… alone.
Just what had gone wrong? She had called him there… to make him understand, do they could be comrades and survive together, till the bitter end.
She trusted him, or did she?
Did Sunny just abandon her?
What did she do wrong?
Her choice was the best one in this situation!
Nephis found herself doubting — if the best choice was the right one. If she was trampling on the choice she so preached. If for the first time in her life—she was wrong.
Come back. Lost From Light.