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ARKs POV
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If I had the power to erase a single moment in time, it would be yesterday-:specifically, the part where I landed on Jade's chest and somehow shared my first kiss with him through a scarf I was too afraid to take off.
And the worst part?
It wasn't terrible.
It wasn't clumsy or gross or humiliating like I imagined my first kiss might be. It was intense. Charged. My heart still hadn't returned to normal since.
Which was exactly why I had to bury it, burn it, and pretend it never happened.
Because Jade didn't like girls like me.
He didn't like me- period.
And I knew it.
Still, knowing it didn't erase the memory of his hands on my waist or the way his eyes caught mine in that brief silence before everything shattered. It didn't dull the burn of humiliation in my chest.
So the only thing i'd do is try my best to avoid.
I will try to walk faster. Sit further. Look away quicker than he could look at me. If he came from the right, I will turn left. If he sat near me, I will stiffen and shrink, like a turtle hiding in its shell. It isn't graceful or dignified, but I dont care. I just wanted to go back to how things were before- when he didn't know I existed.
But he wasn't making it easy.
During class, he entered late, as usual, his hoodie half-zipped and hair slightly tousled like he'd run his fingers through it during his morning jog. I could feel his eyes move over the classroom like heat-seeking lasers- pausing when they landed on me.
I kept my head down and scribbled in my notebook. My heart was already racing, my palms slick.
He walked to our desk and sat down. I could feel him smirk-yes, feel it-;without even looking up.
"Hi," he murmured low enough for only me to hear.
I didn't respond.
I didn't have to. He unpacked his book slow and almost satisfied, like my silence amused him.
Like I was doing exactly what he wanted.
I knew why.
Boys like Jade only chased what ran.
I'd seen it before. Girls who played hard to get- who resisted his flirtation- were always the ones who ended up tangled in his sheets or crying in bathrooms after he ghosted them.
But I wasn't playing hard to get.
I was playing get away.
And somehow, that was making things worse.
Third period dragged by like someone had glued the minute hand to the clock. Jade sat lazily slouched in his chair, ankle propped on his knee. He kept glancing over at me when the teacher wasn't looking. I didn't meet his gaze- not even once.
But I could feel it.
Like static.
By the end of the period, my nerves were so fried. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to breathe. I was already halfway out the door when someone called my name.
"Hey."
That voice.
That damn voice.
I walked faster.
He laughed under his breath. "Why are you mad?"
Mad?
Right. He thinks am mad.
As if the kiss- the fall- the everything- was something he got to laugh off.
I didn't answer. I didn't slow down. I didn't let myself look back, even though I wanted to.
At lunch, I sat in the furthest corner of the quad again, beneath the same overgrown tree, scarf wrapped high, hood drawn low. My appetite had gone missing somewhere between anxiety and heartbreak. I wasn't hungry when at school.
Then I saw her.
Melissa.
She was headed in Jade's direction, weaving through tables like a predator with one target. Her walk was confident. Her outfit was tighter than usual. And her smile was that fake, sugary kind of sweet that made your stomach turn.
She reached his table and leaned forward just enough for her chest to press against the edge. I watched from a distance, chest tightening.
Jade looked up from his drink- and for a split second, I thought I saw annoyance flash across his face.
She said something. He didn't answer.
She leaned in closer.
He grabbed his backpack and stood.
Walked away.
Just like that.
She stood there, stunned, lips parted. Her friends tried to pretend they weren't watching, but they were. Everyone was.
So was I.
I should've felt relieved. But I didn't.
I felt… confused.
Because Melissa was beautiful and bold and confident and everything I wasn't. And he had walked away from her?
Why?
What was the game now?
I sat still for the rest of lunch, watching the trees, chewing my lip. Trying not to hope. Trying not to think.
_
After the final bell, i was already out of the classroom and standing in the parking lot waiting for my mom to pick me. Then I remembered that I forgot something. I waited for the hallways to clear up. I made my way to the English classroom. I had forgotten my annotated novel there during the first period and didn't want to show up to tomorrow's discussion without it.
The door creaked slightly as I pushed it open.
And there he was.
Jade.
Alone, seated in the back, flipping through a book like he owned the room.
My stomach dropped.
I almost turned around- but it was too late. He had already seen me.
He didn't say anything. Just raised one eyebrow like he'd been expecting me. Like I'd walked straight into something.
I lowered my gaze, heart pounding. Just get the book and go, I told myself.
I spotted it in his hands, he was going through it. He looked at me closely and put the book on top of the table. I moved toward him quickly and snapped it- and then the door opened behind me again.
I froze.
So did he.
"Jade?"
That voice.
Melissa.
I turned slowly, and my chest clenched.
She stepped inside like she belonged there, her eyes flicking to me for only a second-like I was an extra in a scene she had scripted for just the two of them.
I stepped back, spine stiff, clutching the book against my chest. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to run and draw attention, but I didn't want to stay either.
"Can we talk?" Melissa asked, walking toward him.
Jade didn't look thrilled. In fact, the crease in his brow deepened.
"You're following me now?" he muttered.
"I just want to talk."
Jade rolled his eyes and stood up. "You could've texted."
"You don't reply to my texts."
"Exactly."
The silence between them was thick and sharp.
"About last night" she said. Her voice had dropped to a softer tone- one that almost sounded real.
"I don't wanna talk about that, Melissa. What happened happened."
Her face stiffened. "Why are acting like that."
"Like what?"
"You're really acting cold like that now?"
Jade looked over her shoulder at me for the first time- and I panicked. I thought for sure she'd noticed, that she was about to turn and throw herself at me again. That she'd guessed what happened yesterday. That she'd seen.
But she didn't.
She didn't even look at me.
All her focus was on him.
She stepped closer.
Way too close.
And then- she tiptoed.
And kissed him.
Right on the lips.
My heart cracked.
He didn't stop her.
He didn't pull her in, either. He just stood there, still, expression unreadable.
When she finally pulled away, her hand on his chest, he let out a sigh.
"You still have my jacket," he said flatly.
Melissa blinked. "What?"
"That black one? The one you took from last night. I want it back."
She stepped back like he'd slapped her.
He didn't look at her again. He just grabbed his bag, brushed past her, and walked toward the door.
But I was still standing there.
And when his eyes met mine this time, there was nothing in them.
Not warmth.
Not regret.
Not even acknowledgment.
He brushed past me too.
Like I wasn't even real.
I stood frozen in the silence he left behind.
Jade and Melissa were gone. The door still hung slightly ajar, but the echo of that kiss seemed to stay in the room with me, louder than the actual sound had been.
I pressed the book tighter to my chest, my heart beating too hard for what had just been a silent exchange. My knees felt like they might give in.
He let her kiss him.
He didn't kiss her back- but he didn't stop her, either.
And that was enough.
Enough to make something inside me collapse.
It didn't matter that I'd told myself I didn't care. That he was dangerous. A flirt. Someone who'd never mean anything real. All that self-protection, all that logic- I'd built it like armor and watched it crumble the moment I saw their lips meet.
Why was I hurting this much?
I turned and stumbled out of the classroom, the halls nearly empty now, lockers humming faintly as the building settled. My scarf itched. My hands shook.
I wanted to cry- but I couldn't.
I was too scared.
Not just scared that Melissa might come for me.
But scared that she never needed to.
Scared because Jade- whatever he'd been doing, whatever that moment between us meant- might've just been one long joke to him.
Maybe this was all a game.
Maybe he was laughing with his friends right now about how easily I fell on top of him. How awkward I looked trying to get away. Maybe the kiss hadn't meant anything to him.
I didn't want to believe it.
But the way he looked at me before leaving that room- blank, detached, like I was air- it was different than anything I'd seen from him before.
It felt… final.
I didn't say a word on the ride home.
Mom was talking about something- work maybe, or the grocery store running out of something she needed-;but her voice felt far away, like I was listening through water.
I nodded when I had to.
Smiled when expected.
But inside I was unraveling.
The moment I got home, I ran to my room, ignoring dinner, ignoring everything.
I shut the door behind me, locked it, and peeled off my scarf. My face was flushed again- but not from heat. From shame. From fury. From that ache in my chest that wouldn't go away no matter how tightly I wrapped my arms around myself.
I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to slow my breathing.
It didn't work.
My thoughts spiraled faster, meaner. Maybe they saw the kiss. Maybe this is all a trap. Maybe he wanted me to fall. Maybe he planned it. Maybe Melissa saw. Maybe she didn't- but what if she does? What if they come for me tomorrow?
I covered my face with both hands.
Why had I even let myself feel something?
Why did I let my guard down- for him?
∆
I thought about skipping school the next day.
Just disappearing.
But then what? Let them win? Let Jade think he had that much power over me?
No.
I wouldn't give him that.
Even if I hated him.
Even if I hated myself for still feeling anything at all.
That night, I couldn't sleep.
I kept seeing it again and again.
Jade's face. Blank.
Melissa's lips. Smiling.
My reflection.
Crumbling.
I tossed and turned for hours, thoughts spiraling between rage and pain.
But sleep came eventually.
Badly.
And when I woke up, my eyes were swollen from crying, even though I didn't remember actually shedding any tears.
I pulled on my uniform slower than usual.
Wrapped the scarf tighter.
The next day at school, I barely made it through the first three periods. The tension in my chest never eased, and I couldn't stop watching the door every time it opened, half-expecting Melissa to storm in with a new grudge.
She never did.
But she was watching me.
At lunch, I caught her glancing at me across the yard, whispering something to Charlotte. Tasha looked over her shoulder too.
Their faces weren't angry.
They were amused.
Smiling.
I didn't understand why.
Until I overheard one of the guys in Jade's circle bragging behind the bleachers.
"Heard that she's throwing herself at Jade," he said, laughing under his breath.
My stomach twisted.
Who?
Me?
Who were they talking about?
Throwing myself?
I felt the blood rush to my ears.
But Jade was the one leaning close, touching me.
Is it that people saw us.
I couldn't breathe.
I pushed past the edge of the group and nearly tripped trying to get away. I didn't want to hear more. I didn't want to know more.
When I got home that night, I shut my door again and collapsed into bed fully clothed.
No scarf. No homework.
Just silence.
And tears I couldn't stop anymore.
I didn't know what tomorrow would bring.
But if what I overheard was right—
Then I wasn't just heartbroken.
I was being hunted.
I don't know how long I laid there.
The ceiling above me blurred into a canvas of everything I didn't want to feel- humiliation, fear, longing, shame. My scarf lay crumpled on the floor, useless now. No amount of cloth could protect me from this kind of exposure.
I kept replaying the kiss in my head like a scene I couldn't fast forward through. And not even the kiss itself- just the nothingness in Jade's eyes afterward. That hollow, bored look, like none of it mattered. Like I didn't matter.
And yet, despite all that- despite knowing I should feel disgusted, angry, done- the hurt still clung to me like a fever I couldn't shake.
I thought I could just avoid him. I thought if I stayed quiet, kept my head down, maybe this would pass. Maybe they'd move on. But overhearing that boy behind the bleachers? It didn't sound like they planned on moving on at all.
"She's throwing herself at Jade." he'd said.
And in that moment, something inside me had shifted. Fractured.
No- snapped.
I shouldn't let them destroy me, tell lies about me.
Not like this.
The next morning, I woke up cold. Not physically, but deep inside. Like something had frozen overnight and refused to thaw. I didn't touch my scarf at first. I just sat at the edge of the bed, staring down at my shoes.
This version of me wasn't going to fall for anyone's eyes.
Especially not his.
At school, Jade was leaning against the fence when I arrived, hair slicked back like he had a morning jog, does he. That's when I started to tremble. The confidence I had in the morning gone. A few girls giggled near him and that woke me up to be in reality. I walked straight past.
Didn't glance.
Didn't flinch.
Just kept moving.
I felt his gaze. Felt it burn into the back of my neck like a challenge.
But I didn't give it a response.
And that silence? That restraint?
That was mine.
_
The day dragged.
Melissa didn't speak to me.
Tasha and Charlotte watched from a distance, but there were no comments, no attacks, no warnings.
Just that unsettling quiet. The kind that comes right before the storm.
But this time, I told myself that I would watch them back.
And during lunch, when I saw Jade standing near the vending machines and Melissa trying once again to corner him- her voice low, her eyes glossy with desperation- i felt… something else.
Heart broken. Why was I feeling this way. Me and Jade were nothing. And since that day I saw Melissa kissing him, he doesn't lean close or whisper to my ears anymore.
After school, I stayed behind in the history room. My project wasn't due until next week, but I needed a place to breathe. To think. To steady myself before facing whatever the next day might bring.
I didn't expect the door to open.
But it did.
Jade walked in, shoulders loose like he owned the space. He didn't see me at first- I was in the corner, behind the half-wall where the sculpture stands.
Then Melissa entered behind him.
I froze.
Again.
Did they know I was in here. Or they don't.
I was shaking.
Melissa's voice was soft at first. "Jade, can we just talk?"
He sighed. Loudly. "About what, Melissa?"
She stepped closer. "I just… I thought maybe we could fix things."
"Fix what?" His tone was sharp now. "We were never broken."
"Jade—"
"Were we something before. Something I don't know about. Melissa come on. And please stop this your thing of kissing me infront of people like we are something. Okay"
A pause.
Then her voice cracked trembling. She was about to cry. "Jade. I-i thought..."
She breathe in and fixed herself. "Okay, then. I thought I could lit up your mood.
He didn't say anything.
Wait. Lit up his mood. What does that mean.
Melissa tiptoed toward him.
I saw it all.
The lean-in. The tilt of her head. Her lips meeting his.
And he didn't move. At first
But then he wrapped his hands around her waist
Just stood there like stone.
I couldn't breathe.
They hadn't even noticed me.
My chest felt like it was splitting open from the inside. I clutched tight into the books in my hand. Then a pen fall down.
You could swear my heart stopped beating at that moment. Then they separated.
"Is anyone there. Come out of you are a person," Melissa said.
I shouldn't come out. They will think am a creep or something or worse that I was stalking them. Or that am one obsessed bitch.
But staying there would make things worse.
I stood.
Walked quietly to the door.
And as I passed behind them, I saw Jades smirk. I said nothing.
Didn't even look back.
But I felt Jade's eyes on me.
Now they probably think am a creep.