Seventeenth Birthday and Full Moon
POV - Kyas
I went to my closet to get dressed and headed for the door.
'Kyas...' Chaos caught me.
"Come on, Chaos, can't I skip it once?" I said out loud.
'No.' He said. Full stop.
"Uhhhh! Fine." I turned away from the door toward the bathroom, scratching my chest on the way.
I looked into the mirror at myself. At Mirror Me. Dr. Porter said it had to be while human, looking at my own face, my own self. I had some things to say to him. No, to ME. Goddess, why was it still so hard?
'Because you don't believe it yet.' Chaos responded.
I took a deep breath, leaned forward, and looked h-Me in the eye.
"I am a person." I began.
"I am real."
"I am somebody."
"I am worthy and whole."
"I am worthy of being loved."
"I deserve to be happy."
"I deserve to take up space."
"I deserve fulfilling relationships."
"I believe in myself. "
"I am enough."
There. I said them. Ten messages to myself. I smiled at mirror me. Well, he was happy.
I left my room and headed down to meet the pack. Happy Birthday came at me from everywhere, as they had all day through the pack links and Chaos.
We were all getting ready for the pack run, how cool is that to have one on our birthday?
A hand came down on my shoulder.
"Happy Birthady, Kyas." Papa said.
"Thanks, Papa." I said happily.
"Excited about the pack run?" He asked.
"You bet!" I responded.
He patted my back. "Good! We'll let you know how it goes."
Wait, what? "Huh?"
"You're not going." He said.
"Why?" I asked.
"You know why. I expect you to take your therapy just as seriously as I expect Elias to. You broke the rules. You had the pack link active during self reflection time." He said.
'You told!' I sent Chaos.
'Yep.' He said back.
'Traitor.' I accused.
'I love you too.' He replied.
"Papa... it's our birthday, though, can't we let it go this one time? Special occasion?" I tried.
Papa shrugged. "Should have thought about that Before breaking the rules then."
I felt a flash of temper. "You can't make me stay away from them. I'm seventeen now." I huffed.
Papa stepped toward me, and I stepped back out of habit. He wasn't giving off warning signs or anything, it's just instinct.
Papa nodded, kept coming, and lightly gripped my shoulders. " You're right. Seventeen. A man, all grown up. I COULD command you, let's not forget that, but it's important for grown men to make their own decisions. And accept the consequences for them. I can't make you follow the rules, Kyas, but I can make you wish you had. You're not going."
He patted one of my shoulders again and walked off. I considered mutiny… maybe if I stay way behind the pack…
Papa stopped. He turned to look at me. His expression said "really?" Chaos…
Alpha came back. "Kyas, STAY HOME." He commanded.
"Yes, Alpha." I responded. Shit.
I had to watch as the pack shifted, and left without me. I scratched my chest.
It wasn't fair. Except it was. Shut up, gamma.
Things have been getting better this past year. The council approved of the therapy for Elias and I, and exposure suggestions for both of us. They also said that since Elias is graduating high school this year, he'll be sent off to Alpha training in the fall. Like wolf shifter college for pack management. For me, I hated the isolation times. Self reflection sucks and I don't really make progress unless I'm actually in session with Dr. Porter.
Elias is doing much better with forced pack interactions. His bond colors have all come back from black. Ours isn't quite the same, it never went back to the blue we had, but it's a healthy blue-green. Possibly the patrols with Chaos and I have helped there too.
Papa has started spending time with both of us since our punishments finished, but he absolutely refuses to do anything with either of us one-on-one. It's together or not at all. I don't mind much though. I finally got to go night fishing with them. I didn't care for the fishing, but I loved the family time. Mama has been teaching us both to cook, something she's actually bonding with Elias over with his recent kitchen experience. I… don't really like it, bad memories, but I like spending time with her, and watching her with Elias, so I do it. Most of the time, they pretend I'm not there.
Presently, I sighed, and spent time with the pups in the glade until their mothers took them inside.
Then I wondered… I was outside, in the glade… so not restricted to the house. Just how far does "stay home" mean? Let's find out.
There were no consequences for the glade, but when I attempted to step into the treeline behind the glade, I got the beestings.
I headed toward one of the neighborhood paths. When I stepped on it, knifing sensations. Can I change it? I considered neighborhoods part of home. It didn't change, must be Alpha's limits. I scratched my chest.
Each time I disobeyed, the sensations got worse, and increased in intensity. Now I was worried. How much was testing these boundaries worth? I had never pushed it past this point.
I walked the general perimeter of the packhouse, and got no adverse effects, but as I approached the road to the school, the mild irritation on my chest intensified. I focused on my bonds.
One of them, had pierced my heart. All of my bonds connected to me. The core ones, Mama, Papa, Elias, Ethos, Chaos, they connected to me around my heart. Now this one went right through it, but it hadn't been there yesterday. It was a strong, magenta rose color. I followed it with my eyes, and it went through the trees here. The bond was familiar, but I couldn't place who it was right away. It felt familiar, but different. Intensely strong.
I attempted to follow it, but as soon as I stepped off the grass into the trees, I got shocked, like with a low grade taser. Not that I had ever been tased, but I saw them on TV. I instantly stepped back. Ow.
I tried again and it was like I had stepped in fire - burning started at my feet and rose quickly everywhere. I stepped back. It took quite a few minutes for this one to fade, and I leaned over, hands on my knees waiting.
Suddenly, the new bond… weakened momentarily, and it was like a sucker punch - worse than the burning I had just gone through. It came back strong, but then it happened again. Owwww. I went a step forward again, it felt like strong metal chains wrapped around my entire body and kept getting tighter and tighter until I stepped back. They didn't release right away, it was a slow, loosening of links. The final time I tried, it was pure torture. All of it, the beestings, the knives, the taser, the burning, and the chains, erupted all at once, but the bond through my heart eased.
I stepped back. The heart bond had returned to strong. Something was wrong. I checked all of the other bonds, but didn't see any that looked like this. The heart bond faltered again. I sat down in the grass. Something was very wrong.
I pushed Alpha.
'Alpha?' I asked.
'You're not supposed to be contacting me directly, Kyas, you know that, not on pack run night. Your rank isn't high enough.' Alpha Carma sent back.
'I know, but,... I need to check on something… there's a bond…' I sent.
'Nice try. I'll release the command when the pack run is over. Don't do this again.' He said firmly.
'Alpha, wai-' he dropped the link, and blocked me.
I got up from the grass and went around the packhouse, now anxious, waiting for them to come back.
The sucker punches kept happening with the heart bond. Each time, it came back, but soon, it started coming back slightly weaker, and the pain didn't fade completely. Chaos and I both started whining.
I wracked my brain as to who this bond could belong to. Who lived out that way. It should be easy, but it turned out that a lot of people did. But… I only knew of one that got hurt on a regular basis.
Ember.
I checked again, looking for the separate bond that was Ember. She should be near my heart, a close friend, but contact with her had only been through Chaos - I had never met her in person, because she never came to pack gatherings, and Chaos saw her every day for school, but her usual connection place wasn't there. It had moved. I traced the new heart bond. It did feel like her.
But… was that what this was? Was she being hurt? Why did her bond move?
I kept my eyes on the schoolhouse road. The whining continued, increasing with every falter of the heart bond.