"So let me get this straight," Lyra said as we ducked behind a stack of screaming scrolls in the demon logistics annex. "You want me to help you... file?"
"Not just file," I said. "Manage. Redirect. Confuse. Sabotage the entire system."
"By doing paperwork," she deadpanned.
I peeked out over the scroll pile. A demon clerk stomped past holding a cage full of writhing maps. None of them noticed us. This was working. Somehow.
"I didn't choose this," I hissed. "But they promoted me after I hit the wrong lever and rerouted their meat shipments. I'm officially a mid-level logistics officer. I have a desk. A desk, Lyra."
Silas leaned against a soul register, spinning a claw-shaped pen between his fingers. "I'm in."
"Really?"
He winked. "I've always wanted to weaponize paperwork."
Velis adjusted her makeshift badge—stitched out of imp sashes and sarcasm. "With the hive overpopulated, overtasked, and under-organized, we can do more damage from this cubicle than on the battlefield."
I turned to Iria.
She gave a slow, solemn nod.
"A general commands troops. But a clerk moves the map."
"…I love you all," I whispered.
Within an hour, I'd successfully assigned all five of us titles:
* Kaname Hitoshi – "Coordinator of Spine Logistics & Nutrient Routing"
(I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded spine-related.)
* Velis – "Arcane Runes Compliance & Overflow Review"
(She now had the power to reject any magical requisition by writing "INVALID SIGIL FLOW" in glowing ink.)
* Lyra – "Miasma Health & Sanitation Supervisor"
(She threatened to shut down entire corridors for "unsanctioned biological leakage." It worked.)
* Silas – "Field Assets Redistribution & Retrieval"
(He stole demon supplies and then claimed they were "re-allocated by special order.")
* Iria – "Security Oversight for Ritual Integrity"
(She inspected all binding circles. With her sword.)
---
Every time a demon questioned us, we'd flash our badges, use vague phrases, or speak in overlapping jargon until they backed off.
We overruled two summoning requests, redirected a battalion of hounds to a nonexistent front, and Velis sent a siege engine to a swamp because she claimed the "mana flow demanded a cleansing cycle."
We were unstoppable.
Mostly.
Around midday, a bell rang through the annex. A swarm of clerks emerged from the wall vents.
I was dragged—politely but firmly—into a glowing red chamber marked "Internal Expansion & Sustenance Budgetary Planning Subdivision."
I sat at the end of a jagged bone table surrounded by demons in blood-slick robes. One had a mouth on its forehead. Another had three heads arguing with each other.
The chair groaned beneath me.
"Coordinator Vermilion," someone growled. "You submitted form 9-K: Aggressive Reallocation Protocol this morning."
"Yes," I said, voice cracking. "Definitely."
"You delayed expansion to the sixth hive sector."
"That area was showing signs of... overgrowth," I said quickly. "Fungal instability. Could trigger anti-flesh resonance."
Everyone nodded slowly.
Someone muttered, "Smart."
Another scribbled it down.
"We approve your delay."
A slime demon leaned forward. "And what of the purification ward activation in the central shaft?"
"That was... proactive miasma prevention," I said. "Per sanitation review."
Lyra—who'd snuck in behind me in full demon apron and gloves—held up a scroll. "Page seven."
They all nodded again.
Someone actually clapped.
By the end of the day, we had:
* Shut down three invasion routes.
* Delayed shipment of blood crystals.
* Issued 87 fake requisitions.
* Installed a "mandatory sneeze protocol" in the glyph etching chamber.
Velis claimed that if they tried to fix it, the hive would internally fold due to "semantic enchantment inversion."
I didn't know what that meant.
It sounded devastating.
But nothing ever works forever.
Late that evening, as we were fake-filing corruption reports in an empty corridor, a shadow loomed behind us.
A tall demon stepped forward—armored, red-eyed, scarred from jaw to tailbone. Not a clerk.
He stared at us in silence for a moment.
Then spoke.
"You are not from here."
Silas reached for a dagger.
Lyra drew a charm.
Velis began charging a spell.
The demon raised a hand.
"I am not here to report you," he said. "I am here because I want out."
We all stared.
"What?" I asked.
The demon leaned closer.
"There are... others. Who know this system is rotting. I will speak to you. Later."
Then he turned and vanished into the shadows.
We sat in stunned silence.
"Did... did we just get recruited by a demon defector?" I asked.
Velis: "Possibly."
Silas: "I like him."
Lyra: "I don't trust him."
Iria: "We will test his conviction in battle."
"…We are so in over our heads."
And then someone across the hall yelled about a lost shipment of hellfruit, and all five of us ran in opposite directions.
Like professionals.
---