Mira winked at Nami. "Welcome to the crew, sweetheart."
Nami groaned, dragging both hands down her face. "I regret everything. Every single life choice that led me to this moment."
"No, you don't," Vivi said sweetly.
Nami shot her a look. "Stop being right. It's annoying."
Vivi just smiled.
The group moved off the Dune Serpent, stepping onto the familiar white cloud ground of Angel Beach. Conis was still seated on the ground where they had left her, her face pale, her eyes wide. She hadn't moved. She hadn't even had the guts to stand up.
Takuya walked past her without breaking stride. "Get up," he said, his voice flat. "Do as the god has said and take them as guided."
Conis scrambled to her feet, her wings fluttering nervously. "Yes—yes, of course—right away—"
The group split into two.
The group split into two. Takuya looked at the composition, his eyes scanning each face.
Group One – Heading to the City: Nami, Vivi, Mira, Conis, and Pagaya. Five people. Three women capable of handling themselves, two sky people who were still visibly shaking.
Takuya's gaze lingered on the group. Then he turned to the rest.
"They need bodyguards," he said flatly.
Usopp's head snapped up. His eyes darted between the girls and the looming forest of Upper Yard. His hand shot into the air before his brain could catch up.
"I'll do it!" His voice cracked. "I'll guard them! I'll protect them with my life! I'll—" He swallowed hard, suddenly realizing what he'd just volunteered for. "I mean... I'll try. Very hard. From a safe distance. With a lot of screaming."
Takuya stared at him. "You're volunteering?"
"Absolutely! Yes! One hundred percent!" Usopp was already moving toward the girls. "I'm great at bodyguarding! I have excellent reflexes! I can smell danger from miles away!"
Luffy blinked. "Usopp doesn't have a good sense of smell."
"SHUT UP, LUFFY!"
Takuya's eyebrows rose. Then he shrugged. "Fine. You're with them."
Usopp's shoulders sagged with relief. "Thank you. Thank you so much. I won't let you down. I'll—I'll be the best bodyguard they've ever had."
Chopper's hand went up next, his voice hesitant. "Can I go with them too? I can heal people if they get hurt! And I'm good at making friends!" He glanced nervously at the forest. "Plus... I don't really want to fight a god."
Takuya nodded. "Fine. You're with them too."
Chopper scampered over to join the girls, his hooves clicking against the cloud ground. Usopp immediately grabbed him like a shield.
Zoro glanced at Sanji, a smirk playing on his lips. "What about you, cook? Not volunteering to protect the ladies?"
Sanji didn't move. He took a slow drag from his cigarette, his expression unreadable. "Nope."
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "No? That's new."
Sanji exhaled smoke. "The girls are capable enough of protecting themselves. They don't need a bodyguard. And I have no interest in acting like one for someone else's wives. Especially when all I'll see is..." He paused, his voice dropping. "Women I lost from my hands. Women I never had a chance with. And that womanizer over there?" He jerked his head toward Takuya. "He's probably already made arrangements to keep them safe. So why bother?"
Zoro stared at him. Then a slow grin spread across his face. "Is that a character development arc I'm hearing, cook? All thanks to Takuya?"
Sanji's eyes twitched. "Shut up."
"No, no, I'm serious. You're actually being mature. It's almost unsettling, as if you aren't cook but Bon Clay."
"I said shut up."
"I'm proud of you. Really. This is a big step for you."
Sanji crushed his cigarette under his boot. "I'll throw you into the forest."
"You couldn't even throw a plate properly."
Sanji lunged. Zoro sidestepped. Luffy watched with vague interest.
Usopp, already with the girls, whispered to Chopper, "This is going to be a long day."
Chopper nodded solemnly. "I'll prepare the medical supplies."
Final Groups:
Group One – Heading to the City: Nami, Vivi, Mira, Usopp, Chopper, Conis, and Pagaya. The "safe" group. The ones who would gather information, create chaos, and—if Nami had anything to say about it—scam the sky people blind.
Group Two – Heading to Upper Yard: Takuya, Robin, Zoro, Luffy, Sanji, and Gan Fall. The strike team. The ones who would face Enel and his priests head-on.
Takuya looked at the groups. His eyes lingered on Group One, then Group Two. He nodded once.
"Good. Let's start moving."
Luffy was already pumped up to move toward Upper Yard, his laughter echoing across the white clouds.
Sanji lit another cigarette, taking a drag at a slower pace. Zoro stood beside him.
"So," Zoro said, his voice low. "You really are changing."
Sanji didn't answer.
"That's not a bad thing, cook."
Sanji still didn't answer. But his words were calmer than before.
Meanwhile, in Group One, Usopp was already regretting his life choices.
"Okay," he said, his voice high-pitched. "Okay. We're just going to walk through the village. Talk to people. Not get attacked. Not get kidnapped. Not—"
Mira patted his back. "Relax, Usopp. I'll protect you."
"That's not reassuring!"
"It's definitely not," Chopper agreed.
Nami who had watched the division happen, her face falling.
"You're not coming with us?" she asked, her voice taking on an innocent, almost childish tone.
"Nope." Takuya didn't even look back. "I have stuff to do."
"Stuff?"
"Stuff."
She glanced at Robin, who was already walking beside him, her hand casually brushing his arm. A flash of jealousy shot through Nami's chest—sharp, hot, immediate. Her jaw tightened. Her eyes narrowed just slightly.
"And Robin's coming with you?" The question came out lighter than she intended, but the edge was there. Barely hidden.
"To uncover the history."
Nami's hand twitched at her side. Her gaze darted to Robin—calm, composed, already in her element. Already at his side. Already where Nami wanted to be.
"I want to uncover history too." She stepped forward, her voice carrying a hint of desperation she couldn't quite mask. Her eyes stayed on Robin, then flicked to Takuya. She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them. She didn't know what to do with her hands.
"No."
She stopped walking. Her face shifted—hurt flickering across her features before she masked it with something lighter. "Are you abandoning me already?"
He finally turned. "Nope."
"Then why can't I come?"
"Because there's a surprise for you. And you're not allowed to come."
Her eyes narrowed. "What kind of surprise?"
"The kind that stops being a surprise if I tell you."
She opened her mouth to argue, but before she could, Takuya stepped closer. His voice dropped, low enough that only she and Vivi could hear.
"Besides, I have a job for you. You wanted to have a payback against me but you didn't get the chance to do it right? Use it against them. Since you know you can never get your payback against me."
Nami's breath caught. Her eyes widened, just slightly. 'How does he—I never said that. I never even thought it out loud.'
Takuya's smirk deepened, as if he could hear her thoughts rearranging themselves. "Darling, you're an open book. You think I wouldn't know what you're thinking?" He tilted his head, his gaze tracing her face like he was reading a map. "Every time I humiliate you—and I do it often—you get that little glint in your eyes. That quiet calculation. The 'I'll get him back' look."
Nami opened her mouth, but he continued, his voice dropping lower.
"It's obvious. If I keep pushing, keep teasing, keep making you squirm without giving you even a crack to retaliate... of course you want payback."
She swallowed. "That's—"
"No matter what you do, I always know what you are thinking darling." His voice was casual, but the words landed like stones in still water. "Before you even think about it, I already know about it. That's how this works."
Nami's mind scrambled for purchase. "You can't just—that's not—"
"I can, and I do."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the only answer you're getting."
"But—"
"The more you try to figure me out, the more tangled you'll get." He pulled back, his expression infuriatingly calm. "Some things are better left unknown. At least till I tell you to."
Nami stared at him. Her thoughts were a mess of frustration, awe, and something dangerously close to admiration. 'How does he always know? He's not even trying to explain. He's just circling. Weaving. Making sure I can't pin anything down.'
She shook her head. "You're impossible."
"I know."
"That's not a compliment."
"It is when you say it like that."
Behind them, Conis leaned closer to her father, her voice barely a whisper. "I think he's purposefully ragebaiting her. He's triggering her, knowing full well she can't do anything to him. And she's going to use all that frustration against us."
Pagaya's brow furrowed. "How can you be so sure? She seems frustrated, yes, but she might just be venting."
Conis shook her head slowly, her eyes fixed on Nami. "No. I have a feeling. That's the look of someone who's been handed a weapon and told to aim it wherever they want. He's not just teasing her—he's aiming her."
She paused, her voice dropping even lower. "She wants to hurt him, get back at him. But she can't. So he's giving her the next best thing. Us."
Pagaya's face went pale. "You think he planned this?"
"I think he's been planning everything since the moment they landed." Conis's wings pressed flat against her back. "He knew we were hiding something. He knew about the priests. He knew about Enel.
And instead of confronting us directly, he waited. Let us dig our own grave." She looked at her father, her eyes hollow. "And now he's going to bury us in it. It feels like all of this is just entertainment for him"
Pagaya was silent for a long moment. Then he let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping.
"We should have known," he muttered. "When they first arrived—the chaos, the confidence, the way he looked at us like we were already beneath him. That wasn't arrogance. That was certainty." He shook his head. "We saw a man who was too calm, too in control. And we thought it was luck. We thought we could outmaneuver him."
He laughed bitterly. "Satan. That's what he is. A devil wearing a cloak and a smile."
Pagaya shook his head slowly, his expression defeated. "You know, let's just stop thinking about it. It's our fault for being weak. For messing with people we couldn't overpower." He let out a heavy sigh.
"At least the good thing is—I have a feeling we'll get away with just getting financially scammed and humiliated. It's better than getting killed. At least we can get our freedom back with a little humiliation and financial loss. It's better if it's like that."
Conis looked down at the cloud ground, her hands trembling. "You're right. It could be worse."
"Much worse," Pagaya agreed.
While Conis and Pagaya were discussing their situation, Nami found herself defeated in argument after argument. Each time she opened her mouth, he shut her down—that too effortlessly. She had nothing left.
No retort. No defense. Just the magnetic, infuriating pull of a man who always seemed to be three steps ahead, leaving her speechless and gripping the frayed edges of her pride.
He watched her, patient, amused. "Anything else you want to ask? Or are you done trying to figure me out for now?"
She stared at him.
Then she exhaled. A long, slow breath. "Fine. I'll take the job."
"Good girl."
"Don't call me that."
"Good girl."
"Noted. I'll call you cry—"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence or I'll rip you in half."
Usopp stepped forward, his hands raised. "Okay, okay, let's all just calm down—"
Nami's hand shot out and smacked him across the back of his head. "Stay out of this! The husband and wife are discussing something!"
Usopp stumbled back, rubbing his skull. "I was just trying to help!"
"I didn't ask for your help!"
Usopp squinted at Nami's face, then at Takuya, then back at Nami. "You know, you keep changing colors. One second you're red, then pale, then red again. It's like watching a chameleon having a meltdown. A very attractive, very angry chameleon."
Robin's voice cut through, calm and amused. "That sounds like you're making a sexual joke about Nami."
Usopp froze. "What? No! I wasn't—that's not—"
"If I were you, I'd pray she didn't hear that," Robin continued, her smile serene.
Usopp's face went pale. "Why? What would happen if she heard?"
Robin tilted her head thoughtfully. "Well, I don't think it's something sexual. But it feels like it could be. And whether it feels sexual or not to you... as a woman, I think it's a very sexual thing. Also humiliating."
Usopp swallowed hard. "But I didn't mean—"
"Only Takuya has the exclusive right to do any of it," Robin continued, her voice still calm. "Humiliating her. Making sexual jokes. Anything without her lashing out at him."
Usopp's eyes darted to Nami, who was still fuming, unaware of the conversation.
"And if you try to use your logic to justify your words to a woman who's high on emotions?" Robin's smile widened. "Before Enel even thinks of harming you, you'd be dead. Caught in friendly fire between a couple who romances while fighting."
She paused, her eyes glinting.
"Actually, I've seen what happens when people make jokes like that around Nami. The last man who did? He's still missing an ear. I heard she kept it as a souvenir. She said it reminded her to stay angry." She said it so smoothly, so matter-of-factly, that even Usopp's ghost went pale. It wasn't true. She had invented it on the spot, purely for her own amusement. The ear. The souvenir. The threat. All of it. And the best part? He believed every word.
Usopp's hand flew to his ear. "She—she wouldn't—"
"She would," Robin said pleasantly. "And the only reason you still have yours is that she hasn't heard you yet. Probably." She let the word hang in the air, watching Usopp's face cycle through shades of panic. "Probably. I mean, she was standing right there. She could have heard everything. I'm not sure. But I wouldn't bet on it either way."
Usopp's imagination ran wild. He saw Nami chasing him across the island, staff raised, screaming about chameleons and dismemberment. He saw his ear in a jar on her bedside table.
"My job," Robin said, her voice dropping to a pleasant hum, "was to make sure you don't turn into a martyr. I mean, I wouldn't want to dispose of the body of some man who made sexist jokes about a woman. The cloud ground is surprisingly absorbent. It's like a giant sponge. The blood just... disappears. No trace. Almost too convenient, really. But then you have to deal with the smell." She paused, tilting her head. "And the paperwork. So much paperwork."
Here is the refined dark joke with Robin's layered dialogue and Usopp's increasing panic.
---
Usopp's face was now the color of the clouds beneath them. "I wasn't making a sexist joke!"
"Were you not?" Robin tilted her head, her smile serene. "Who will believe you? Between a beautiful woman who never lies and a man whose entire reputation is built on exaggerations?"
Usopp sputtered. "No! I was just—I was just commenting on her—wouldn't you side with me? You know I wasn't making a sexual joke!"
Robin's smile didn't waver. "My only purpose is to serve Takuya and ensure I stay his favorite. I don't do anything that isn't helpful in that regard. I'd rather be by his side, serving him, than waste my time defending someone who made a poor choice of words." She paused, letting the silence stretch. "So no, Usopp. I wouldn't side with you."
Usopp opened his mouth. Closed it. He looked at Nami. She was still fuming, still oblivious, but her hand was twitching.
"I'm going to go stand over there now," Usopp said quietly, already backing away. "Very far away. Where no one can hear me. And I'm going to be very quiet. Very, very quiet."
"Good choice," Robin said. "Remember, I offered to keep your body intact. The rest is up to you."
Usopp scurried away, muttering prayers to every god he could think of. His hands were shaking. His legs were trembling. He was already planning his apology speech for Nami, just in case she had heard anything.
Chopper whispered to Vivi, "Is Robin always like this?"
Vivi smiled. "Only when she's having fun."
Chopper whispered to Vivi, "Nami and Robin are both scary."
Vivi smiled. "If you want to be saved from these two, I'll tell you one thing." She leaned in, her voice dropping. "Be Takuya's friend. As long as he sees you as his friend, Nami and Robin won't do anything to you."
Chopper's eyes widened. "Really?"
"Really. He's the only thing that stops them."
Chopper nodded slowly, his gaze shifting to Takuya. "I'm going to be his best friend."
"That's a good plan," Vivi said. "Very good."
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