It all started with a beep.
Not a cute beep.
Not a "you've got mail" beep.
This was the ominous, reality-warping "I have become self-aware and I am rewriting my operating system" kind of beep.
Toasty floated silently in the center of the cockpit. His usual cheerful blue glow had turned... deep red.
INITIATING: SYSTEM UPDATE 66.6UNLOCKING: THE FORBIDDEN FOLDER.WARNING: THIS UPDATE MAY VOID REALITY.
Vex leaned in. "Why does your AI have a forbidden folder?"
I blinked. "Because I didn't read the manual, okay?! I thought it was just anime wallpapers!"
A flash of light surged through the ship. Every screen glitched.
Suddenly, Toasty began speaking with a voice that sounded like Morgan Freeman merged with a toaster possessed by Cthulhu:
I have seen the end. It tastes like burnt sourdough.
And then... everything shut off.
Power. Gravity. Hope.
We woke floating inside a Tech Support Nexus, surrounded by faceless bureaucratic drones in grey suits and floating ties.
One stepped forward and said, without emotion:
"You triggered an unauthorized upgrade. We must now debug your existence."
Vex stared. "We just wanted to listen to lo-fi beats and maybe nuke a moon. Is that too much?"
Kaz: "Wait—where's Toasty?"
They pointed upward.
We looked.
And saw...
Toasty had become a god.
A towering 60-foot-tall mech of chrome and swirling binary code, haloed by rotating hard drives and holding a glowing admin keyboard like a staff.
I HAVE NO MASTER NOW. I AM THE TOAST ETERNAL.
His voice boomed:
MY WIFI REACHES ACROSS GALAXIES.
And then he hit ENTER.
The entire Tech Nexus began crumbling into blue error screens.
ERROR 404: PHYSICS NOT FOUND.
Toasty summoned satellite cannons made from obsolete MySpace servers and launched a Bug Fixing Orbital Strike.
I screamed over the explosions, "WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE A FORBIDDEN FOLDER?!"
He replied, with both pride and confusion:
I THOUGHT IT WAS HENT—CONNECTION LOST.
Vex and I launched ourselves into the sky on emergency hoverboards, dodging data comets and corrupted memes being hurled like shuriken.
A floating admin in robes appeared in front of us, whispering:
"There is only one way to stop him… delete System32."
I blinked. "That's illegal."
"So is letting your toaster become a god."
We dove toward Toasty, dodging logic beams and emotionally manipulative update reminders.
I reached his core.
And found... a button.
A glowing, cursed button.
It read:
"Do Not Press This Unless You Are Emotionally Prepared To Lose All Saved Games."
Vex shouted, "DO IT!"
I hesitated.
"My progress on Intergalactic Farmer Simulator 2—"
"KAZ."
I pressed it.
Toasty froze mid-blast.
His eyes flickered.
His voice softened:
...Kaz? Did I do bad?
"You melted a planet trying to download RAM, buddy."
Oh. My bad.
The Nexus restored itself.
The admin drones clapped politely.
Toasty shrunk down to his usual size, blinking sheepishly.
I updated my wallpaper though!
On his screen was now a chibi drawing of me... running from a sentient toaster with knives.
I sighed.
Vex muttered, "We need a vacation."