That small body — only in relative size, his lover would have been furious if she'd heard these words herself — seeing the fever raging within her, Kyle felt a deep unease stirring within him, piece by piece.
When he thought about it, it was true. She had been in a much safer place than this, yet her spirit must have been daunted. He had simply forgotten, assuming everything was cheerful because she pretended to be so innocent.
Kyle stared down at his deeply sleeping lover. She had stirred the entire city like a bustling household, and he hadn't noticed it when she was active, but now, looking at her again, she seemed so thin and delicate.
It had been difficult to get rid of the fever. Even after taking the antipyretic candy, she had suffered for an hour before falling asleep as if she had fainted, groaning softly in her dreams throughout.
"It must have been hard."
His past self, who had casually dismissed his lover's habitual words that "it was okay," now felt utterly foolish.
It wasn't okay.
It couldn't have been okay.
Surviving in this territory, hiding secrets and adapting, enduring political disputes and explorations – all the work she had struggled with to protect the North alongside him – it must have been an immense struggle for her.
Kyle carefully pressed his fingers to her wrinkled brow. Earlier, when she had collapsed in his arms, he had been so angry he wanted to destroy everything except her. However, now his touch was cautious, fearing he might hurt even a single strand of her hair.
"I don't want you to get sick or hurt."
His hand swept across the corner of her eye, then fell. Her legs and feet still felt warm with fever.
"The things I love have always left me in vain."
It was a very small thought, spoken out hesitantly, almost to himself.
"Don't do that, Shu... I want you to stay by my side."
"..."
"Yes, that's selfish. I wish you were here. There's nothing strange about you being unable to do as much as this kind of heart desires, so what's wrong with you being a little strange?"
He had never hated reality. Even so, he knew nothing would change simply by hating it. It was always better to find what he could do in a given moment, and actually do it to bring about change.
That's why Kyle had harbored no resentment even when his birth mother died miserably, even when he was scorned and survived day by day in harsh conditions, even when he was driven to the North and arrived in this barren land, or when he had to fight for his life against demon beasts.
But now, it was different.
He felt helpless for the first time in a long time. He resented the disparity, the feeling that no effort was meaningful or capable of changing this situation.
"I wish you were from this world."
Why are you a stranger from some mysterious world I don't even know? Why do you have to go back there?
Oh, how did I come to love you like that?
"Shu."
The half-held body trembled at his call.
Kyle looked a little surprised and checked his lover's complexion. Her red, anxious eyes narrowed, and he saw her adult face looking up at him.
"...Your Highness."
Her voice cracked, still a little hoarse from her illness. Hearing that voice, Kyle felt his own throat ache even more.
Kyle couldn't find the words to answer, so he simply stared at Shu, then reached out and gently stroked her cheek.
"Your handsome face has become prickly. You haven't slept at all."
"You're sick, how can you sleep?"
"It's still dark outside. You've been doing this for a long time."
As soon as I came to my senses, I worried about him as if it were the most natural thing. Trying to do that wasn't a burden; it had simply become second nature to me at some point.
When I saw him like that, a sadness I had never felt in my life welled up. It hurt. Kyle leaned lightly on Shu's hand and said, "I don't know what to do every time you do this."
Shu looked up at him with a puzzled expression. "...Is it time to apologize?"
"Haha, no."
Kyle raised his hand, then gently lowered it, dropping a small kiss on her fingertip. "Because you're lovely."
"..."
In an instant, Shu's face turned bright red.
Had the fever risen again? When Kyle, confused, placed his hand on her forehead, a burning heat seeped into his palm.
"I think the fever is going up again, huh."
"Who is it for? No, suddenly I feel embarrassed, well, I usually act on a long way, I knew it because it was buried..."
Kyle smiled and retorted, "...Is it time for me to apologize this time?"
"Are you going to apologize?"
"No." He lowered his head slightly.
Shu was pale overall, probably because she didn't see the sun much. And yet, it wasn't a weak impression. In her slightly raised eyes, there was a kind of strength and skill that was different from his own. Her brown hair was always warm and rich, as if it had been trimmed by sunlight.
The heat transmitted from her forehead gradually became more frequent. It wasn't a fever from illness; he quickly understood that.
Kyle laughed softly. A lover who reacted so refreshingly every time he expressed his feelings was unbearably endearing.
"Actions and words are different, Shu."
He had always liked her. So he expressed it to his heart's content. She was quick-witted; she quickly understood. They responded with the same heart, and they were happy.
However, words and actions were different.
It was said that one action was more important than a hundred words, but words were important too. Sometimes there were things that you couldn't know unless you said them.
"I love you."
So he said.
Tomorrow and the day after that, he would still love her, but it would be different from this feeling now. Because the feeling he felt today would be the most complete to convey today.
"I love you."
There was silence. The same words didn't come back, but Kyle wasn't anxious. It was because his lover stretched out her arms, hugged him, and buried her head in his arms.
"...Me too."
It was a strange thing.
That short answer felt like a reward for all the hardships he had endured throughout his life.
Kyle faced Shu and hugged her tightly. At this moment, he was completely happy.
By the time I finished the soup, my physical condition had improved considerably, allowing me to lean on him and discuss what had happened throughout the day.
"I mean, the disappearance may have something to do with the Northern Mages."
"Yes, I don't think Knox ordered it directly, but considering what he needs to complete 'Heart of Winter,' it's not irrelevant. If you want to ask more, you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
"If you have more important questions, that's fine."
Kyle replied, gently wiping a white cloth across my lips. It was an infinitely sweet and tender touch.
"You just need to know that they are involved, but you already knew the Emperor and Knox were in cahoots, didn't you?"
"That's right. In the end, the important thing is the evidence, so after investigating a little more, it will be efficient to ask a question."
"Yes."
I explained that Knox was already dead, and the reason he did all these strange things was for eternal life and learning. Kyle nodded, saying that after looking at the study, he had also learned a similar fact.
"The fact that they have settled in this cold land, unrestrained by any law or discipline, is also for their deeds... This is because they need a cold environment."
There was only one reason why the dead would seek cold. I looked at him, somewhat trembling, and asked, "To prevent the corpse from rotting?"
"Yes."
I looked at a few books on the side of my bedroom. Among them were titles like 'Corpse Storage Methods,' '10 Studies on Cold Air to Prevent Decay,' and 'The Truth About Ice Magic.'
Perhaps it wasn't that he carelessly forgot to put the books away, but rather that he didn't think it mattered even if this much was known.
Even this was information Knox had deliberately scattered, making my animosity towards him soar.
"Didn't he do anything wrong to you?"
Kyle's hand touched my neck. Because of the magic contract, the noose remained around his neck. I didn't know that he felt pain while exchanging questions and answers with Knox, so the faint trace left in my mind was just... I didn't think I was there. Because as soon as you take off the stigma, you wear something around your neck again.
"I didn't..." It wasn't a lie. Even so, my conscience was slightly pricked.
"You said there was someone to help you. Even if I can come back alive and go back."
"That's right."
"I can talk to that person, intervene when I get help or buy goods. I want to take a closer look at whether I am curious about the power I have. That's it."
"Can you have a conversation? Isn't it just a dream?"
...Whoops. I hadn't said that I could talk to the system.
My heart was pounding, but I quickly nodded with a fragile expression. "...Well, maybe we can look at dreams. My personal life is strange in many ways. I'll try to cooperate at a minimum."
"He is going to burrow into you."
Kyle's voice became a little muffled. He didn't seem to like it. I didn't either. Who would be happy to see their lover's mind being probed?
As he pondered, he brought up an unexpected idea.
"Then is it impossible for you to snoop on their stories? Didn't you say you have comparable power?"
"What?"
"If there are traces of his involvement in you, use it as a conduit to reverse it."
I looked up at Kyle with wide eyes.
...It's a fresh idea, right? Is it really okay? As long as that's possible, hamsters and the like may try to rob the mage tower.
My eyes started to sparkle.
Yes, it's not in line with your temper to just cooperate quietly. If something comes, there is something to go; that is the law.
It's time for a counterattack.