It won't be much, just the core stuff I can remember, it's not my specialty. But I still want my name on the research paper, you hear me woman?"
"Yes!" The flustered healer replied automatically. "Yes, of course, I-I'll have some better stationery brought down?"
"Down? Are we underground? This hospital doesn't – what am I saying, of course it does, I assume for…" Hanzo paused. "I'm in a holding cell right now, aren't I? Figures, it's always the victim that gets shafted around here.
"
Watching the random civilian furiously stabbing his invaluable knowledge into the poor healer's notepad, Hatake Kakashi didn't know if he should commend or strangle the man.
In the end, he couldn't do either. The Hokage said so.
Because the man wasn't a ninja. Apparently.
It said everything that needed to be said when Kakashi couldn't decide if that made him glad or perversely angry at not being allowed to discipline him.
Then, finally, Masanari finished jotting down whatever he was jotting down – the man's shorthand was just as annoyingly sharp and precise as the rest of him – and it looked like this whole situation was finally over.
"Mister Hanzo," the Third said apropos of nothing. "I want you to know that I'm taking your case very seriously.
"
"Okay. "
"I will personally ensure all threads are pulled, there seem to be very high profile interests involved with your situation, unfortunately. "
"That's very nice and sinister of you to say. "
"As such, I'm assigning you live-in security while investigations proceed. Kakashi here will be living with you for the duration.
"
… Wait what?
No. Kakashi couldn't have heard – surely it was a jest at Masanari's expen-
I have a different mission for you.
… The Third Hokage was not the God of Shinobi, he was a demon.
Going by the look on Masanari's face, his civilian partner in suffering felt the exact same way. "Lord Third, do you know the concept of lèse-majesté?"
"Not in whatever language that was, no. "
"Je suis un saint, vous êtes un troll, I'm going to throw Naruto at Cyclops over there every chance I get just because, how about that, did any of that make sense to you?"
"… Only the tone. "
"Good, because I want it to be a complete surprise when I say this. " So declared, the man handed the pad and pen back to the healer, ignored her fretting about how he shouldn't be straining himself, hauled himself to sit on the side of the bed, and then, using all the force in his feeble arms to hold himself upright, Masanari Hanzo spoke down to Sarutobi Hiruzen and told the man, completely seriously:
"This is why Naruto likes me more than you. "
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