It was a bright, screaming morning when Lin Yue was forcibly yeeted from bed by a flying wardrobe.
Not metaphorically. An actual, levitating lacquered armoire, enchanted and angry, hovered over her mattress like a judgmental aunt.
"UP!" it barked in ancient Mandarin. "Today is the Royal Trial of Virtue, Elegance, and Presentation!"
Lin Yue rubbed her eyes. "I don't recall signing up for a cursed fashion show."
"Participation is mandatory. Or execution."
"Well damn. Guess I'll wear lipstick."
---
Meanwhile, Su Ya sipped morning dew from a lotus leaf, somehow already styled to ethereal perfection. Lin Yue stumbled in wearing socks on her hands and what could only be described as battle lingerie meets curtain couture.
Su Ya blinked. "That's a choice."
Lin Yue looked down. "The wardrobe dressed me. Against my will. It fondled me."
Yun walked by, followed by a line of goblin tailors. "Don't worry. That means it respects you."
"I'd rather be disrespected fully clothed."
Prince Li Xian arrived next, flanked by his advisors. His gaze met Lin Yue's, and for a brief moment, there was a spark. Then his eyes slowly trailed down her outfit.
He blinked. "You… look very... brave."
She gave a low bow. "Bravery is my brand."
---
The Royal Trial of Elegance was held in the Garden of Judging Eyes, where nobles and ghosts sipped tea while silently assassinating each other's self-esteem.
Each participant had to present three outfits: Formal, Battle-Chic, and Scandalously Magical.
Lin Yue's first look was "Dynasty Diva with Fire Hazard": a brocade dress with a built-in flame charm that almost set a monk's beard ablaze.
She smiled through the smoke. "Subtle, no?"
The monk screamed.
Her second outfit—"Apocalypse Couture"—included shoulder pads made of shattered dream crystals and a veil of spider silk.
A judge whispered, "Is that emotionally symbolic?"
She nodded. "It's my dating history."
Her final outfit? A sheer chaos-threaded robe that flickered between realities.
"Does it come with insurance?" a duchess asked.
"No," Lin Yue replied. "Just drama."
She twirled. A stormcloud formed. Someone's wig flew off.
Lin Yue barely had time to peel herself out of the last outfit when disaster struck—literally. A rogue gust of enchanted wind whipped through the dressing tent, sending mannequins flying and knocking over her final presentation gown.
It landed in mud.
"Did someone enchant the weather?" Lin Yue hissed.
Yun emerged from a pile of feathers. "I saw Lady Bi Lian whispering to a wind sprite. That backstabbing orchid of doom!"
"She wants to win."
"She wants to humiliate you."
"I'm flattered."
Lin Yue had ten minutes and zero dry fabric.
Then Su Ya appeared, holding a box. "Use this."
Inside: a silk corset rumored to be sewn with enchanted moonlight and fox-whispers.
"But it moans," Su Ya warned.
Lin Yue blinked. "Moans?"
"Loudly. With pleasure."
"Why does this exist?"
"Don't ask."
Lin Yue wore it anyway.
As she walked the runway, every step triggered a sensual "Mmmm~ oh my~ yes~."
The audience turned crimson.
The judge fainted.
Lin Yue kept walking, chin high.
When she reached the end, she twirled dramatically, the corset releasing one last breathy sigh.
Silence. Then applause.
Su Ya whispered, "You're either about to be crowned or exorcised."
---
After the trial, the palace hosted a banquet for the contestants. Wine flowed like gossip. Lady Bi Lian approached with a smile sharp enough to slice tofu.
"Well, well, Lin Yue," she purred. "Who knew moaning garments were in fashion this year?"
"They are when you can pull them off," Lin Yue replied sweetly. "You wouldn't understand."
Li Xian, standing nearby, almost choked on his wine.
Bi Lian's smile tightened. "Enjoy your moment. You won't survive the next trial."
"What's that one called? 'Public Humiliation by Sentient Fabric'?"
"No. It's the Royal Tournament of Talent."
Lin Yue blinked. "What talent?"
Bi Lian smirked. "Exactly."
---
That night, Lin Yue sat in the garden with Li Xian.
He looked at her, admiration glinting through amusement. "You're something else."
She shrugged. "I'm a glitch in the fantasy matrix."
He reached over, brushing mud off her cheek. "And somehow, you make it work."
"Careful," she warned. "Compliment me again and I'll fall for you."
He leaned in. "Fall already."
She did.
Not metaphorically. Literally. Off the bench. Into a bush.
From inside the leaves, she groaned, "At least I landed on something soft."
A squirrel bit her toe.
Lin Yue stood backstage at the Royal Tournament of Talent, feeling like a goose about to perform Shakespeare. Around her, competitors juggled flaming swords, summoned musical spirits, or whispered ancient poetry to enchanted flutes.
She had no plan. None.
"Do you have any actual talents?" Su Ya asked.
"I once made instant noodles with a hair straightener."
"Not helpful."
Yun bounced in, holding a scroll labeled "Absolutely Forbidden Karaoke Ritual."
"I found this in the Library of Banned Regrets!"
"Oh gods no."
"Oh gods YES."
The scroll vibrated.
"I feel like singing," Yun said dreamily. "But the last time this was used, seven provinces danced themselves to death."
Lin Yue took it. "Perfect. Let's cause a minor apocalypse."
---
On stage, Prince Li Xian performed an ancient sword dance that made three duchesses swoon and a ghost cry.
Lady Bi Lian painted a phoenix with enchanted ink that came to life and slapped her enemies.
Lin Yue? She stepped onto the stage in casual robes, holding a microphone carved from moonstone and regret.
"I call this piece: 'Let It Flow (In Ancient Tongue Remix)'."
Music exploded.
Fog machines roared.
The beat dropped like a royal scandal.
And Lin Yue sang.
It was absurd. Hilarious. Irresistible.
Elders clutched their pearls. Demons got up to dance. A baby goat crowd-surfed.
The magical lyrics warped reality—tea became wine, robes disco-glittered, and the moon itself blushed.
Lady Bi Lian screamed, "MAKE IT STOP!"
The judges... stood.
Applauded.
Declared her the winner.
"Best accidental talent show performance in history," one mumbled, tears in their eyes.
Yun leaned over. "That scroll is now banned again."
Su Ya smiled. "You're a disaster. But you're our disaster."
Prince Li Xian handed her a rose carved from frozen starlight.
"Next week," he said softly, "is the Trial of Seduction."
Lin Yue coughed. "Oh?"
He winked. "I volunteer as your partner."
Yun screamed. Su Ya blushed. A random bird passed out.
Lin Yue grinned. "Then I better start stretching."