Grief is a corrosive that sticks to the bones; pain tempered by distance but never gone, not forever. Not so easily.
Naruto sleeps lighter, growing more concerned about Sasuke's reluctance to take another step beyond their confession with each day that passes. Naruto didn't think it was possible for Sasuke to become more withdrawn. Sasuke only leaves the apartment occasionally; to visit the orphanage, purchase groceries, and find new books — all with strange titles that Naruto doesn't understand Sasuke's interest in, and all of which Sasuke spends the rest of his day devouring.
Naruto could ask what's going through his head, what he thinks he may want next, but Naruto can't even answer those questions for himself. Sasuke is being strange, but he's always been strange — private, self-conscious, careful. Being granted the one thing you wanted more than anything but never thought you could have creates a strange void of uncertainty; Naruto can feel it too. Floating somewhere between what is there left to want and how do I keep this safe?
A week passes with relative ease.
Naruto is sure that he's never felt this happy before, even if it's confined to the apartment. Which provides all the more reason to fear the possibility that it could still be taken away. Sasuke is right to be unsure, Naruto understands that now. Figuring out how to be Sasuke's boyfriend has been difficult; wanting to be perfect makes it harder. More than that, Naruto wants to be someone that Sasuke can be proud of, someone who stands for something good instead of only talking about it. Naruto still isn't sure how.
Everything still feels so much larger than Naruto can comprehend.
Sasuke finds Naruto one evening on the kitchen floor, frozen to the cold hardwood mid-panic attack. He came home from a mission, one that Sasuke had vocally been against — as he always is, and Naruto couldn't find him in the apartment.
What if he left? What if he couldn't take it anymore? What if Naruto missed something, like he has so many times before? What if he realized that Naruto is a loser? Too stupid, too slow, too naive, too loud, too much. It could be gone before Naruto even realizes its beginning to fade. How could he ever forgive himself if he let Sasuke down again? He's letting him down every single day. Everyone waiting for the day he finally messes up and proves them all right.
Sasuke drops his groceries and crawls into Naruto's lap, clinging to him silently as Naruto cries into his chest. Naruto holds him so tightly that his ribs bruise.
No one else knows how often Naruto still slips; there's a presumption that it disappeared when Sasuke came home. It's hard to forget that many nights spent alone. Sasuke can see the weight more clearly now, the heaviness clinging to Naruto's body. People look to him but they don't see him, and he can't let them. They can never find out how much weight they're stacking on top of something so fragile. He's grown into a paragon of Konoha, but he still carries the lonely little boy they rejected inside him.
Naruto tells Sasuke that he needs him, over and over and over, and Sasuke knows it's true — no one else would fight for that little boy, no one else can even see him now.
Sasuke so often feels as if he's making up for the things he never did, wasn't there for, caused; the many times Naruto needed someone who loves him to just hold him to their chest and tell him he's safe, and no one came for him. Sasuke hopes he can become good enough, become the person Naruto thinks he is; someone who can protect Naruto from the world. There's nothing more beautiful than the way Naruto sees everything. He has to keep going.
Another week passes.
Day by day, it's the purging of untreated infection, spilling out unexpectedly.
Sasuke keeps crying. Strings tied across his rips that pull and break him, tied into knots that can't be undone no matter how many times Naruto kisses him and tells him not to worry. He can't allow himself to be too much to handle; there could always be a limit, a moment when Naruto will finally give up. Everyone has a limit. He wishes Naruto would reach his faster, push Sasuke away finally — the longer it takes, the more it will hurt.
Sasuke pushes himself regardless, driven by the faint warmth growing inside his chest that he wants to keep — the one that makes him believe there could be a way to hold onto this. He wants to find a way to feel worthy of the life he's been given, the unexpected softness.
The nights spent in quiet bliss with Naruto locked between his thighs feels like forgiveness; more like mercy than anything Sasuke has ever been given. His future now feels like a warm embrace in an endless nothing. He wants to be more than this, to be someone worthy of the love that's kept him here. It has to be for something, there has to be a reason why he lived when others died. A purpose. He has to find a way to earn this life before it's taken away.
Sasuke's reclusion comes to an end unceremoniously when he asks Naruto to set up a meeting with Sakura and Kakashi.
Naruto isn't entirely sure what to anticipate. Sasuke told Naruto what Iruka said about joining the community more, and then Sasuke proceeded to retreat away from the very thing without further elaboration. Nearly two weeks of isolation, even more so than before they started dating. Naruto can't figure him out still.
Sasuke says I'm trying and Naruto believes him. He can tell that it's true. This has been hard. Naruto would never want to question the way Sasuke feels he has to deal with such an unexpected rupture in everything he believed to be inevitable. He trusts him, whatever his process has to be; Naruto wants to support him.
This meeting could be a step forward for them, another sign of Sasuke's growing comfort as Naruto's boyfriend. Sakura and Kakashi are, for all intents and purposes, the only people that Sasuke didn't really mind sharing their relationship with to begin with — spending time around someone besides the kids at the orphanage, people who understand how significant it is that Naruto and Sasuke are together, would be good for Sasuke, Naruto thinks. And for himself.
On the brighter side, Sasuke's self-imposed exile has made damage control over their very secret relationship being exposed much simpler. Most of their class has been convinced or bribed into pretending not to know — the only people he didn't talk to being Ino and Sai. Sai, because he's liable to do something weird like paint a mural of Sasuke and Naruto kissing while claiming it's to somehow help them, which would inevitably lead to Sasuke setting half the village on fire when he tries to burn it. Naruto is never sure if Sai is actually trying to be nice or if he takes a sick pleasure in making Naruto squirm. It could be both.
Ino was not attempted because she would want to know why, want to become involved, and help them somehow. As much as Naruto appreciates her enthusiasm, he isn't sure that Sasuke would understand. Naruto did manage to convince Chouji to try and keep the peace, at the very least.
Regardless of the situation being more or less under control, Naruto was happy to set up their Team Seven meeting for somewhere away from town.
Sakura is already waiting at their old training grounds when the boys arrive — leaning back against a tree, long pink hair tied neatly in a braid that falls over her shoulder. Sakura no longer wears her headband on top of her head, but tied firmly around her bicep, though her jounin uniform is notably unaltered — at least, not to nearly the extent that Naruto has modified his own.
"Hey lovebirds," she smiles at them.
"Can you think of something cooler to call us?" Naruto asks, happy to once again be alone — alone with people he trusts. Walking through the street with Sasuke nearly glued to his side while refusing to hold Naruto's hand felt like torture.
"How about 'the beautiful young lovers'?" Sakura smirks, "I heard Guy call you two that the other day."
"Oh, sick…!" Naruto curls his lip, shaking his head.
"Kakashi's running late, I take it?" Sasuke changes the subject, cheeks already beginning to burn.
Sakura nods, sighing. "Yeah, but he promised to be here after his meeting, so he'll show up, he's at least that reliable. And it gives us a chance to catch up! How have things been going so far?"
Naruto glances at Sasuke first, not wanting to overstep — especially since he sees Sakura nearly every day. When Sasuke doesn't move, Naruto takes this as permission to openly gush: "Honestly, really good, I think! Right?" he smiles at Sasuke, "Still figuring some things out, but it's… sort of weird how we haven't had to adjust very much, with each other at least. It actually feels easier now… even the harder stuff."
"It's… new still," Sasuke agrees, "But yeah, good…" He smiles softly back at Naruto, surprising both Naruto and Sakura.
"Aww," Sakura places her hands on her cheeks, grinning at both of them, "You guys! You're so cute…!"
"Come on, don't say cute," Naruto blushes, trying to scowl at her in spite of his smile. It feels even harder to not reach for Sasuke's hand.
Sakura giggles, "Sorry, I'm not trying to tease. I've just… wanted to see the two of you happy again for so long, you've both earned something good…"
"Sakura…" Naruto's expression twists, tears sparkling at the edges of his eyes.
Sasuke glances away, wondering if his happiness is really so evident now, even with how uncertain he feels.
Happy may not be the right word, though he's certainly felt more happiness over the last few weeks than he has in a long time. Sometimes it ebbs away, he still feels cold so often, especially when Naruto isn't there. His sunlight disappears and he forgets again so quickly, it feels like waiting alone in the dark.
Even when Naruto is there, feeling happy, calm, safe — none of these feel natural, in particular feeling so loved. Sasuke still isn't sure how to fit it inside his chest, or how to express his own without more pouring out than he intended. So often an expression of love ends in tears, shaking, cold. He's trying so hard to get it right. Nothing feels right yet.
"Well, isn't this a nostalgic sight," Kakashi interrupts Naruto and Sakura's quiet gushing, appearing on top of the nearby boulder.
"Hey, Kakashi!" Naruto waves, grinning. "You're not as late as you usually are!"
"Guy's out of town on a mission, so I've been bored," Kakashi hops down, smiling. "Any particular reason for our meeting today or are we just catching up?"
"Wait, Kakashi, the meeting should still be happening," Sakura straightens, frowning. "Did you blow off the council again?"
"Yes," Kakashi nods.
"Don't just say yes!" Sakura tightens her fists, anticipating the headache she will now need to deal with later.
"Forget it for now," Naruto quickly moves to prevent Sakura from taking a swing. She never actually hits them these days — luckily, given that Naruto is sure he would disintegrate, but destroying their old training grounds is not why they came today. "It was actually Sasuke who wanted to meet with you guys, so just relax."
Sasuke nods, placing his hand on his hip, "Sorry for the short notice. I sometimes forget that it's essentially the two of you running Konoha now."
"It basically runs itself," Kakashi shrugs.
"No, it does not…!" Sakura growls. Naruto puts his arm across her chest, preventing her from moving forward.
"I wanted to meet because I want to ask you both…" Sasuke glances between them, "What exactly is the future you're planning for Konoha?" His eyes are cold, demanding; Naruto tenses as he recognizes the expression. Sasuke has decided something, and their answer will determine what he does next — Naruto isn't sure what that could be. Should he have asked? Naruto sees his hand is trembling at his hip. Naruto's chest tightens. Did he miss something again?
"Wow, straight to business, huh?" Kakashi tucks his hands into his pockets, not particularly fazed by Sasuke's serious tone.
Sakura calms, expression shifting from anger to a professional demeanour. "The answer is probably more complicated than you'd like," she moves closer to Kakashi, arms folding across her chest. "We're still working a lot of things out, and Kakashi has been helping me with moving certain parts into place. We've recently been figuring out how to finish purging the current council… which is why you should have gone to that meeting," Sakura shoots Kakashi a quick glare. "That aside, I've been working on fostering new relationships with the other villages, especially ones that historically have been damaged by Konoha's actions. It's one of the reasons we've been spread so thin the last while…"
Kakashi nods. "Our goal has remained the same, however. We want to find a way towards a more lasting peace in the shinobi world. The complications arise in our recovery: obviously, Konoha has to rebuild some of its lost power, but every piece we gain is trust that we may lose with the larger world. Most of the other villages don't trust us — we've either been at odds with them for generations or in some cases, such as the Akatsuki leaders, they resent us for using their village as a battlefield. This has become especially true with the three of you being here, it's difficult for us to foster trust when people are scared."
"What? Scared of us?" Naruto blinks.
"He's right," Sasuke nods. "I told you before, I learned this while I was travelling. The other villages fear Konoha regaining more power; they fear you, Naruto."
Naruto scowls, "What am I supposed to do about that? Show them my lame mission record of B-ranks?"
"That's part of what we've been working on," Sakura's brow tightens, "In order to build trust, to re-frame Konoha as a place that values life — to restore the values our village was founded on, in other words, we've developed a three-prong approach."
"Prong?" Naruto narrows his eyes.
"Stop interrupting," Kakashi scolds. "Yes, three. Our first step, which is proving the most difficult, is that for this to work long-term, we need to adjust the way our shinobi academy works again. In the wake of the war, as I was saying, the impulse is to try to get back to our previous strength, but to do that, the academy would need to pump out a lot of young genin, who would have those among them fast-tracked through the system to replace our fallen. This is precisely what we don't want to happen."
Sakura nods, "Exactly. We want to do the opposite and raise the required age of graduation to the genin rank to at least fourteen, and in turn that would raise the chunin age requirement to sixteen, jounin to eighteen, and ANBU to twenty-one. Each of these graduations must become more rigorous, as well, and they will be following a different set of principles that place the priority on teamwork and empathy, on preserving life. Obviously, easier said than done. Changing rules is one thing, but convincing people to adjust their moral centers to value life instead of power and one's unquestioned loyalty to Konoha… it isn't easy. Which is where I was hoping our class could start coming in. Shino has already started working on a new curriculum with help from Iruka, Anko, and Kurenai. We've also been working with the kids at the orphanage, trying to ensure they aren't left behind. The children are our top priority right now, they're our future; the worthiness of a society is determined by the way it treats and raises its children, after all."
"Well-said," Kakashi agrees, beaming. "She sounds so impressive, doesn't she?"
"Hey, though, not to be a killjoy," Naruto raises his hand to speak, not waiting for them to call on him. "I get what you're saying, but if we have to reduce our power so villages will stop being scared… if they're scared of us, won't they see a power reduction as a chance to attack us? We've already been fending off attacks left and right from those freaks with the blankbands."
"Naruto's right," Sasuke nods. "It will take a lot more than diplomatic visits and school reform to convince anyone that Konoha isn't rotten to its core."
"Which is why it has been so difficult to impose any kind of change," Kakashi explains. "It's an impasse. We can't make any changes while other villages distrust and fear Konoha, but things will remain like this until we can start making changes."
"Which is the second part," Sakura smiles, "If we can't change the constants, we identify and change the variables instead."
"Oh God, is this math?" Naruto scowls.
Sakura ignores him. "People are scared of the three of us all living here; they're worried about what could happen if Konoha weaponized us, you two in particular. The world sees us as something much larger than we really are, so I've been thinking, we should use that to our advantage instead. Subvert their expectations. They're scared of Naruto showing up and punching a hole in their village in the name of Konoha, right? So instead, we send Naruto to those villages as… a representative, of sorts, standing for everyone's interests. You can keep them safe, protect them and the things they care about. It's a big job, but I think you could do it, Naruto. Everyone respects you, even the people who are scared; if they knew you, they'd know that you only want to protect everyone. You've always been good at that kind of thing, standing up for people who need it the most."
"A representative…?" Naruto blinks. "I didn't even know that was a thing."
"Well, it's not," Kakashi says, "Not yet, anyway. We're still working out the details. Essentially, you'd be a diplomat, someone people can rely on to walk between villages."
Sakura nods, "Exactly!"
"Right, yeah! I could do that. I'll do anything. I've wanted to help for so long, to really bring peace. I just need to know what to do." Naruto grins, nodding excitedly.
Sasuke clears his throat, "Then, where exactly do you figure me in your plan?"
"I wanted to ask what you want, first," Sakura's voice is gentle.
"We want to offer you an eventual restoration of your shinobi status," Kakashi adds. "It likely can't happen while I'm the Hokage, I've been trying to keep things stable and fully exonerating you would definitely count as rocking the boat."
Sasuke shakes his head, "No. I won't work for Konoha."
"That's not what we're offering," Sakura clarifies. "You wouldn't work for Konoha, or be obligated by the current regulations. We want to offer you free status as a shinobi, so you won't be considered a rogue. You wouldn't answer to anyone, but you'd be expected to help. Kind of like Naruto, as well; you'd be free to travel and to work for the best interests of everyone. Not for Konoha or for whoever happens to be Hokage."
"Speaking of whoever the Hokage is," Kakashi chimes in again, "Can you two please convince her that she would be a great Hokage? She keeps brushing it off every time someone brings it up."
"Kakashi…" Sakura scowls, cheeks turning pink. "It could look like a coup. I'm already close to you, and if we try to move Naruto and Sasuke so high up in the world — I mean, they're already like two big scary dogs I'm always with. It would just reinforce the whole power thing, don't you think?"
"Are the people in this scenario aware that you're terrifying on your own? Have they seen that insane axe?" Naruto asks.
"I actually have a new one now!" Sakura brightens, "Tenten found a way to increase the density while keeping the balance; even I had a hard time lifting it completely at first. It's so cool. But that's not the point. It doesn't matter what I'm capable of alone, it's my proximity to you two that would make it look strange. No one would believe I'd earned it; they'd see me as a puppet."
"Aren't you the one who said that you want to use what people think of us to our advantage?" Sasuke asks, thinking carefully. "As you said, people often underestimate you because of your proximity to Naruto and I. But on your own, you're a healer who surpassed even Lady Tsunade's abilities, also meaning that you've trained under two Hokages' now. People see you as a non-threat because you've never caused harm, not because you aren't strong."
Naruto nods, "That's right! No one else in the village could convince everyone to change, but they'd listen to you. They always do. You're strong, y'know, but instead of being known for that, you're known for caring about everyone's life and protecting them when it counted; everyone, not just Konoha. They'd believe you when you say it."
"You guys…" Sakura smiles, brows knitting. "You'd all really support me?"
The three men nod, affirming without hesitation.
Sakura sighs, closing her eyes for a moment. "I'll think about it, okay?" Her gaze returns to Sasuke, "What about you, though? The way people think of you is still… uncertain. But that also means there would be no one more qualified to protect everyone."
"Are you suggesting I embrace being a guard dog?" Sasuke scowls.
"No, not at all," Sakura shakes her head, "I just know that we can't do this without you; there's a role for you in all of this. I've always needed both of you, like you've always needed me. I'll always do whatever I can to protect both of you, and I know you'd do the same. I just don't want to ask you to do something that you don't want, Sasuke…"
Sasuke is quiet for a moment, glancing back towards Konoha. "I'm not convinced that any of this is possible…"
"The only thing that would be worse than our plan not working would be if we didn't try to do anything at all," Kakashi folds his arms across his chest, pleased that he can still impart wisdom even after all this time.
"Hey, are you really okay with all of this as the current Hokage?" Naruto asks. "I mean, what we're talking about is borderline treason. Replacing the council, replacing you, elevating Sasuke and I out of Konoha… we could all end up as rogues."
"Well, I was your teacher first. But as the current Hokage, there's no one else in the village that I would trust more to do what's right for everyone in Konoha. Besides, I want things to change as much as you do. I've lost enough of my family, I won't lose you kids."
Sakura and Naruto smile brightly at him, feeling emboldened by his confidence in them. Sasuke shifts, his arm bumping into Naruto's as he gravitates more towards him. Naruto glances at Sasuke, recognizing that he's still nervous — in spite of the reservations he's sure Sasuke would have, he puts his arm around Sasuke's back as subtly as he can. Sasuke doesn't pull away.
"If I get to have a say in what I do next…" Sasuke begins, "I would still… I'd like to have the chance to balance things still, to continue to atone for all my sins. I've been thinking that I could… that I want to shift my focus to healing…" Sasuke feels his ears burning, finding that he's unable to check everyone's reactions. His hand shakes, waiting for someone to laugh. No one does. "I would defend you, all of you… I don't want to hurt anyone again. I can't take another life. That's… the other reason why I asked you to meet with me… I don't know what the rules are for someone like myself, but… Sakura, would you be willing to train me?" Sasuke bows his head towards her, knowing that Naruto can feel him trembling even as he presses himself a little tighter against Naruto's side.
Sakura smiles warmly, "You know, I'd been wondering ever since Naruto told me that you helped him with his arm. The technique you used is pretty advanced, and Naruto said you did it better than me."
"He's biased," Sasuke says quickly, blushing as he glances at Naruto. "I've studied on my own for a while now. I really… would like the chance to help people… if I can't prevent it from happening, I want to make things right…"
"I can work with that," Sakura grins. "Sounds like you could be a bit of a prodigy anyway, so you'll be a great student. I'd be happy to train you. Hinata can help, too, since she mostly runs the hospital now. Is that okay?"
Sasuke nods, bowing again to her. "Thank you."
Naruto squeezes around Sasuke's waist, grinning.
"Does this mean you've managed to keep your sword clean, then?" Kakashi asks him.
Sasuke nods, "Not entirely, but… I haven't taken another life, and I've harmed as few as possible. Hopefully I'll never have to…"
"Good to hear," Kakashi smiles, "I think you'll be an excellent healer."
"Yeah, he will!" Naruto exclaims, unable to contain himself any longer. He hugs Sasuke around the shoulders, shaking him slightly. Sasuke smiles a little as Naruto rocks him back and forth. "But hey, can I ask — in this representative guy role, does that mean I'd be travelling a lot?"
"Don't worry," Sakura smirks, "I know you two are attached at the hip. We can figure something out."
Both blush, though neither moves to let go.
***
The sun hangs low in the sky as Naruto and Sasuke walk home, Naruto now keeping his hands in his pockets to remind himself not to reach for Sasuke's hand as they walk. "I'm really proud of you, by the way," Naruto beams. "I didn't even realize all those boring books were about medicine and stuff, or that you were so serious about it."
"I've been thinking about it for a while," Sasuke explains, walking so closely to Naruto that they may as well have their arms linked. "It didn't seem realistic… but I thought it could be a good way to make amends, to protect people… keep myself from hurting them, be useful…"
Naruto can't stop smiling. "You'll be amazing! Sakura and Hinata are both crazy good at healing so they'll be good teachers. And Kakashi even said that they can make you into like a cool wandering shinobi or something! Wouldn't that be so awesome? I mean, even if you decide not to, it's great that you get to choose."
"I think you're more excited about it than I am…" Sasuke smiles a little.
"Of course I am," Naruto grins. "A few weeks ago, I never would have thought any of this could happen and now it's… I mean, I'm so happy. I haven't felt this excited about the future in… I don't know, maybe my entire life. I can't stop thinking about all the time I'll have with you now."
Sasuke nods, heart beating rapidly in his chest. Is this what he was meant for? Why he was spared? It's hard to feel excited about the future, not knowing how much time they actually have; knowing how easily and quickly things can be taken away. Sasuke looks at Naruto, warmth filling his chest. It still scares him to love someone this much, to want something so deeply. Its beginning to feel more solid, something he can count on; never being alone again.
"Hey Naruto! Sasuke!" A loud voice interrupts the moment. They both startle, stepping apart as Ino rushes over to them.
Naruto's blood suddenly runs cold, realizing that everything in his life could blow up in the next few moments.
"I'm so glad I ran into you both, it's been ages! I'm so happy for you! For real this time, right?" She grins at Sasuke.
Naruto tries to gesture to Ino to shut up, to not say it.
Ino scowls at him, scrutinizing his curt gesturing. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you already did something to make Sasuke dump you."
Sasuke looks at Naruto, eyebrow raised. Naruto pales. "I'm sorry…" he whispers.
"Huh? Was it supposed to be a secret or something?" Ino asks, seeming genuinely shocked by this idea. "But like, you guys realize you're walking around glued to each other, right?"
"Ino…!" Naruto hisses, heart pounding.
"Man, don't be so weird about it! Even elderly couples are less obvious than you two." Ino scowls at Naruto. "Besides, cat's totally out of the bag. Even Konohamaru came by earlier and wanted me to tell you congrats if I saw you. And you know what else? He said Sasuke's really cool and he's surprised you actually managed to get him to date you. And I defended you, Naruto! I said you guys are cute together!"
"What!?" Naruto frowns. "Why does everyone think that!? He kissed me! I'm the one who agreed! Same league!" Naruto gestures between himself and Sasuke, then remembers what is actually happening at this moment. He bows to Sasuke, as deeply as he can. "I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm so incredibly sorry, please forgive me…" Sakura said to apologize a lot. Naruto is not above begging.
Sasuke stares down at him, cheeks red but expression otherwise neutral.
Ino sighs. "I can't believe you're on thin ice already. Well, good luck. I'm rooting for you guys, okay? Come by the shop again, okay Sasuke? Not you, Naruto. Not if you're gonna be this weird about it." She turns on her heel and leaves them.
Naruto falls to one knee, clutching Sasuke's cloak. "I'm so sorry…"
"Did you tell people?" Sasuke asks.
"No!" Naruto pulls himself up again. "No, I didn't, I swear. I tried so hard, but I ran into Kiba and he smelled you on me and Sai just has like this weird gay sex radar in his brain and Shino's bugs were freaking out about me having sex or something and they wouldn't listen to me and then I ran into even more people and they already knew somehow and I tried, I told them all not to be weird and stuff and they promised to ignore it and like, let us be normal and figure it out, but I didn't tell Ino because she doesn't listen to me anyway and I… I'm so sorry…"
Sasuke sighs, smiling softly. "It's fine."
"What? Really? You're not mad at me?" Naruto blinks, smile slowly spreading as he realizes Sasuke doesn't look upset.
Sasuke nods. "No, I appreciate that you tried. It's my fault."
"How is it your fault? For trusting me?" Naruto's face instantly falls.
"No. I told Ino."
"You told Ino!?" Naruto yells, not meaning to.
Sasuke blushes, glancing around. Naruto quickly reigns himself in, still incredulous. Sasuke sighs again, "I went in to get you the flowers, and she asked me who the lucky girl was… and I said it's Naruto. A few people overheard, I think…"
Naruto tries not to laugh, failing. "I've been so scared you'd dump me…!"
"Sai probably would have told everyone by the next day anyway, so you did still mess up. I just… also did." Sasuke clarifies, feeling himself get warmer.
"Okay, yeah. That's definitely true," Naruto nods.
Sasuke's hand shakes as he takes Naruto's in his, tugging him along to continue walking.
Naruto positions his hand and quickly catches up. "Wait, are you sure?"
"Everyone knows anyway, apparently…" Sasuke replies, trying to will the red to leave his face by taking even, slow breaths — this proves difficult when Naruto's fingers lace with his.
"I'm still sorry… even if you blew it, it was kind of your's to blow… I did really try, it was all over my face, I guess. And my smell? I don't even know how that works…" Naruto sighs, heart thumping as he squeezes Sasuke's hand in his. Out in public for the first time. Naruto looks between people as they pass, making sure that no one makes Sasuke feel uncomfortable.
Sasuke looks at Naruto, smiling again. "I'm not mad. I know you suck at lying, it's one of my favourite things about you."
"Oh yeah?" Naruto grins. "What are your other favourites?"
"You're not getting a list." Sasuke scoffs.
"Come on, one more thing," Naruto nudges his shoulder a little.
Sasuke takes a moment to slowly inhale, calming himself. If he focuses entirely on Naruto's hand, it's easier not to notice anyone else around. It's only them. Naruto is the only thing that matters. "You're always warm," he decides.
"So you think I'm hot?" Naruto smirks.
"Like a portable heater. Don't put words in my mouth." Sasuke shoots him a small scowl.
"That's definitely not what I want to put in your mouth right now."
Any headway Sasuke had made on calming himself down, returning his face to a normal colour, is instantly destroyed as his face burns hotter than before. "I'm never telling you any of them now, perv."
"What?! No! I need praise, please, I'll die… I need to know…" Naruto whines, laughing a little.
Sasuke rolls his eyes, "Idiot… maybe if you can behave. Which I somehow doubt."
"Best behaviour starting now." Naruto smiles, then thinks better of this. He quickly leans and kisses Sasuke's cheek, rubbing his thumb across the back of Sasuke's hand. "Okay, starting now."
"Loser," Sasuke smiles.
***
"Happy birthday!" A chorus of voices ring together as the lights come on.
Naruto blinks for a moment, completely caught off guard as he stands by the entrance to the bar with Sasuke's hand still tightly held in his own. A smile spreads across his face as he recognizes the faces beaming at him as his friends. "You guys…! Really!?" He turns to Sasuke, "Did you know?"
"Sakura warned me," Sasuke nods, "I just needed to get you here, she and Hinata planned it." He loosens his grip on Naruto's hand so that he can go greet his guests. Naruto kisses Sasuke's cheek before he moves forward, quickly getting piled on by some of the guys in the room. Kiba manages to get Naruto in a headlock so the 'birthday beating' can proceed. Sasuke rolls his eyes and moves to the side.
Naruto is quickly swallowed by the growing crowd, getting hugged and knocked from all sides as everyone wishes him a happy birthday. He searches through the crowd frequently to locate Sasuke, who stands stoically in a quiet spot along the wall. A party like this is surely not somewhere Sasuke would go voluntarily, but Naruto can see his soft smile from across the room; every time Naruto glances to make sure Sasuke is alright, he acknowledges Naruto with the same smile, unmoving and clearly keeping an eye on him.
Naruto wishes he could drag Sasuke though the party. No one here realizes how fun he is, especially if you get a drink or two into him. He's so cute when he's tipsy.
The wall is the safest place; Sasuke keeps his back pressed against it, watching his boyfriend move seamlessly through the sea of people — everyone wanting to celebrate him. It always surprises Sasuke how popular Naruto has become; not that he shouldn't be, but how easily it comes to him. There are many faces here that Sasuke doesn't recognize, all clamoring to see Naruto and wish him well. Mostly girls, to Sasuke's irritation, handing over gifts and fawning over him.
Only Sakura approaches Sasuke, offering him a drink and asking if he's alright. Sasuke takes the drink, he'll be fine.
Seeing everyone so happy to see Naruto, he wonders a little what that might feel like — he wouldn't like the attention, but to be so beloved? Sasuke nurses his drink, not wanting to get overly irritated with how many times Naruto has already spoken to a girl and pointed over to Sasuke. I have a boyfriend. Sasuke knows this exchange well, they always look disappointed when they spot him. They all want to be with the hero of Konoha.
More people seem to be constantly arriving; friends of friends of friends, people who heard that the village hero's birthday is today. Sasuke did actually plan to have a quiet date with Naruto, but this is more what he'd like, as Sakura pointed out; Sasuke's never actually been to any of these parties before.
It'll only be a few more hours.
Sasuke sighs, keeping an eye on Naruto as the minutes pass by slowly. There's far too many people here. Sasuke's concern continues rising as more people arrive. He considers moving to Naruto's side, he would be easier to keep tabs on if he was close by but the idea of being in the crowd, people touching him by accident — he can't stand the thought. Naruto doesn't really need him anyway, not like this… Sasuke is the one who would need him. Needs him.
As Sasuke scans the crowd, his eyes connect with someone he does know, who he realizes has been watching him for a while now. Now staring at each other, Sai begins to make his way through the crowd towards Sasuke.
Sasuke scowls, folding his arms across his chest. What could he possibly want?
"Naruto!" Lee claps Naruto roughly on the back, grinning.
"Lee!" Naruto returns the gesture in kind, "Gaara, too! You guys came all the way from Suna?"
"We were visiting Temari, actually, but the timing worked out!" Lee explains. "How have things been going with you and Sasuke? It's been a few months now, right?"
"Well, it's great to see you guys!" Naruto taps Gaara lightly on the shoulder in greeting as well. "Things have been great, actually! Like, really, really, really good. It feels like things are finally working out for us."
"That's great to hear!" Lee beams.
"What about you two?"
"We're fantastic," Lee answers, Gaara nods in agreement as he sticks fairly close to Lee. "I'm surprised he isn't with you, or hasn't set the bar on fire maybe; the girls here have been all over you, I could barely make it to you."
"He's right there," Naruto laughs, pointing across the room to where Sasuke is still observing. "He knows they don't have a chance with me anyway. And parties really aren't his thing. I'm surprised you aren't hiding out with him, Gaara."
"Earplugs," Gaara gestures to his ears.
"Oh, I should get him some! He's much happier being ignored at this kind of thing, though," Naruto grins.
"Isn't that Sai talking to him?" Lee asks.
"Huh?" Naruto turns again to get a better look, just as someone grabs his arm from behind, hauling him in another direction. He finds himself tightly held at the bar by Chouji's arm across his shoulders, Ino and Temari both grinning at him. Shikamaru less, but he's definitely a co-conspirator here.
Naruto offers a weak smile, struggling to turn enough to see Sasuke again. "Uh, hey guys, I just-"
"Naruto!" Ino interrupts him, "Thank you for retrieving him, honey. You are so hard to pin down, ya know?" Ino giggles. "Come on, have a birthday drink with us."
"Yeah, sure, but I need to-" Naruto tries to shift back again as Chouji releases him.
Temari grabs his sleeve, "No, come on! We've been waiting for you to finally get over here. Everyone's been hogging you."
"I will, I just-"
"It'll be faster to just do it," Shikamaru says, tapping the bar to attract the bartender's attention again.
Naruto glances over his shoulder, vaguely managing to spot Sasuke through the crowd. "Okay, fine, pour 'em," he joins them by the bar. Ino and Temari cheer. Naruto laughs, "I thought you guys said you waited."
"Not to start drinking, to have a birthday drink," Ino explains.
Naruto glances at Shikamaru, who nods knowingly — they're already pretty tipsy. Shikamaru less so. Everyone takes their glass — shochu for everyone except Shikamaru, who prefers whisky. Naruto dutifully raises his alongside them. "Wishing for another good year!" Ino grins.
"Cheers," Shikamaru adds, tilting his glass towards Naruto.
"Happy birthday!" Chouji grins, hitting Naruto's shoulder — careful not to spill his drink.
"Woo!" Is all Temari is inclined to add before they gesture and take a respective sip.
Naruto smiles at them. "Thank you, guys, I really appreciate it. I have to go check on Sas-"
"Naruto, hey!" Someone hugs Naruto tightly from behind, pulling him away again. He tries to glance over the crowd as he moves. Sasuke isn't by the wall anymore. He feels his heart drop, scanning the wall for somewhere he could have relocated to. Nothing.
It's difficult to pull himself away, apologizing as he carefully makes his way through the crowd, glancing around for any sign of Sasuke. Did he leave? Naruto's heart begins to pound. He should have kept a better eye on him, or done what Lee and Gaara are doing. He'll have to ask Lee for tips some time — how to care for your anti-social and traumatized boyfriend. Naruto shifts his attention to try and locate Sakura instead; her pink hair is usually easy to pick out no matter the crowd. No sign of her either.
Naruto feels his chest get tighter, now simply pushing people aside as he tries to find someone who may know where someone useful is. Hinata might know. Naruto turns again to try and spot her, though notably harder given her stature. Instead, he spots a different dark-haired ex — Sai.
Naruto quickly closes the gap, fists tightening. "Hey! Sai!"
"Naruto, happy birthday," Sai smiles at him. "Sorry I was late."
"What did you say to Sasuke?" Naruto scowls at him.
"To Sasuke? Nothing," he replies, smile unmoving.
"No, you were talking to him, and now he's gone. Where did he go? What did you say?"
"Sorry, when I said nothing, what I really meant was none of your business," Sai explains. "And I don't know, I didn't know he'd left. I assumed you hung him up on the wall like a coat."
Naruto groans, "You're always so difficult! Don't make me hit you at my party, just tell me."
"No, I don't think I will," Sai shakes his head. "Ask him yourself."
"Where is he?" Naruto tries to ask calmly, jaw clenched.
"Hm, he could be halfway to the border by now, I think? He's pretty fast." Sai shrugs.
"Sai!" Naruto begins to wind back, "I swear to God, if you don't-"
"Naruto!" Sakura barks, grabbing Naruto by the fist to twist his arm up behind his back. "If I lose another safety deposit on a bar because of you, I am never throwing you another party."
Naruto gasps at the sudden pain, whining, "Sakura! No, it's his fault! He said something to Sasuke!"
"I wasn't hitting on him, if that's what you're worried about." Sai says.
"No, you said something that made him leave! I don't know where he went. Have you seen him?" Naruto glances around again, not catching sight of Sasuke in the bar.
Sakura releases Naruto's arm, now glaring at Sai. "What? What did you say to him?"
"None of your business either, nosy," Sai replies.
"Nosy!?" Sakura takes a step forward, baring her teeth at him.
"Hit him!" Naruto decides to egg Sakura on.
Sakura cracks her knuckles before winding herself up, "With pleasure."
"Sakura, wait!" Hinata suddenly appears, grabbing Sakura's forearm; she stands between Sai and the two tipsiest members of Team Seven. "It's okay, everything is fine. Naruto, Sasuke is outside."
Naruto sighs, relieved. "Thanks, Hinata." He quickly makes his way to the exit.
Sakura still glares at Sai, lowering her fist. "You better not have said something mean to Sasuke. I mean, really, just because he's dating Naruto now? You guys were never even serious."
"I'm not sure why people keep assuming I have any ill will towards Sasuke, especially because of Naruto." Sai shrugs. "Teasing Naruto is fun, but I don't believe I've ever done anything to Sasuke since he's come back. I teased him once but it didn't go over very well. Besides, Naruto is my friend. I truly hope it works out."
Sakura relaxes, still scrutinizing Sai. Hinata sighs and rubs Sakura's arm. "I just talked to Sasuke, he's okay," Hinata assures her.
"Fine… but I really wish you wouldn't tease Naruto like that, he gets so freaked out. Especially about Sasuke. You should know that."
"He's kind of adorable when he gets freaked out, don't you think?" Sai smiles again.
"No," Sakura scowls.
***
Sasuke sits on the stairs just outside the bar, staring down into a puddle on the road; the air still smells like autumn rain — decay and dirt. It's been raining on and off all day. It would have been a nice night to stay in. Sasuke glances down at the roll of paper clutched in his hand. He feels so out of place, and its his own fault. His impermanence is heavier tonight, standing along the wall as everyone loved Naruto so openly.
"Sasuke! There you are," Naruto bursts out of the bar, quickly spotting Sasuke on the stairs. "I got so worried when I couldn't find you." He steps down, sitting next to Sasuke with a relieved smile.
"Sorry… did you think I left?" Sasuke asks, shifting a little to look at Naruto.
"What? No, not really," Naruto nudges his shoulder with his own. "If you did, I was worried you were upset or something. Party isn't really your scene, and I saw Sai talking to you… he didn't say anything stupid, did he?"
Sasuke shakes his head. "No, nothing stupid…"
"What did he say?" Naruto asks.
Sasuke sighs, feeling his ears warm as he remembers the details. "He… he's glad I'm staying, because everyone misses me when I'm not here… they all talk about me when I'm gone… and he was wondering if I had noticed the way everyone was checking on me during the party. I hadn't noticed anyone looking, except you." Sasuke stares at the puddle in the road — the neon and warm yellow lights reflecting off the surface are soft and pretty.
Naruto blinks. "He really said that?"
Sasuke nods, "Yeah… he wanted me to know that he used to be the same, and he's learned that people show they care about you in ways you might not expect, or notice… so he hopes things work out this time…"
"Man… I almost hit him…" Naruto sighs, relaxing again. "I totally thought he was going to say some weird perv shit to you."
Sasuke glances at Naruto, "He only does that to you. I still don't like him."
"I don't know if I do either sometimes, but he's not a bad guy usually." Naruto puts his arm around Sasuke, shifting a bit closer. "He's right, for once, too. They do care about you, our friends I mean. Not as much as I do, but they do. They don't know you like I do, either, though. I mean, for one thing, they don't know how cute you get when you're tipsy." Naruto grins, clearly the tipsy one.
Sasuke smiles, "He also said he drew this for you, by the way, but wanted me to give it to you. I'm not sure what it'll be…"
"Oh God," Naruto stares at the scroll in Sasuke's hand with horror, reeling from the possibilities. Sasuke braces for something potentially crass, though that would be a little strange after being mostly kind to Sasuke. Naruto takes the bottom of the scroll to help Sasuke pull it open.
A charcoal sketch, specifically of Sasuke from the waist up, but not quite Sasuke either. Naruto's Sasuke is written at the bottom. Naruto furrows his brow before softening, "Oh…"
"Is that supposed to be me?" Sasuke looks at it, eyes narrowing.
The eyes are large, sparkling, with noticeably long lashes; incredibly delicate features — feminine, the hair is choppy, and Sasuke has a soft smile on his face. His outfit is also much more revealing than Sasuke recalls it ever being.
Naruto laughs. "I think… he drew it based on how I talked about you?"
"I look like a shoujo heroine to you?" Sasuke makes a face.
"Nah, I just talk a lot about how pretty your eyes are, I think." Naruto grins.
"Then… you talked about me a lot?" Sasuke blushes. "With Sai?"
"Not a lot…" Naruto sighs. "But back when we were hooking up, he realized at some point that I was thinking about you and he asked if it was because you two look alike and I said… that I didn't think you did at all, because you're prettier than him, soft eyes and a different smile…"
Sasuke stares at Naruto, heart pounding. "Really…?"
Naruto nods, "Weird, I know. I'm sorry. I probably talked about you a lot when I got drunk, too… which would explain the body he gave you…"
Sasuke smiles, "No, it's okay… it's… hard to believe that you liked me, even back then."
Naruto nuzzles Sasuke's cheek, resting his head on Sasuke's shoulder. "I've liked you, loved you, for a long time… it really feels like we wasted so much time holding back everything we wanted to say, even though we'd always say don't hold back before we fought, y'know… I never want to hold back with you again, especially not like this."
Sasuke leans his head against Naruto's, carefully rolling the drawing back up again. It hurts his heart a little to look at, to see himself the way Naruto kind of sees him. Sasuke knows he's still holding back, there are still things he has trouble saying, being. Even now it presses up against his chest, threatening to spill over into some ugly flood of emotions. He knows he has to remain more in control than other people; with Uchiha, it can never be certain what could pour out.
"You can go back inside if you want, you don't need to stay out here with me. I just needed some air." Sasuke tries to turn to look at Naruto again, in spite of his cheek pressing into Sasuke's shoulder. He feels so warm against Sasuke's side.
"Nah, it's okay, they won't miss me," Naruto smiles, taking the scroll from Sasuke so he can hold his hand. "And I like being alone with you more anyway."
Sasuke smiles, heart thumping. "Do you want your birthday gift now, then…?"
"I was kind of hoping I'd get it tonight in bed," Naruto shifts so he can kiss Sasuke's cheek, grinning at him.
Sasuke predictably scowls and blushes, "Don't be a pervert."
Naruto giggles, "Okay, okay. Yes, I would love to get my gift."
Sasuke shifts so that he can look at Naruto more clearly, still holding his hand. Sasuke has to take a deep breath to calm his heart a little, looking down at the stairs as he composes himself. He can allow this much to spill, he's been practicing: "So… a while ago, you wanted to know my favourite things about you… right?" he can't look at Naruto while he says this, he realizes; all he did was give Naruto a better view of him blushing.
Sasuke sighs inwardly. "Well… I… I like that you're protective, especially of me for some reason and you're one of… I mean, the only person who makes me feel safe because I know you really… that you do protect me. You always have. Only you. And I like that you're always kind, and thoughtful, and gentle. You're also much more forward about things than I am, even if it's embarrassing. I already told you that you're warm, and I really meant it. I always feel a bit cold, so every time you're close to me… it's really nice. But you are also… hot. Irritatingly handsome… your cheek marks are really cute. And… I like that you're somehow a bit soft, even with how much you train — because you never watch what you're eating, but I… I like it a lot. And I like… the way you feel… you're the only person who I actually want to touch me. Which is also why it's funny that you get so jealous when girls come up to me…
"You make me laugh, which isn't something anyone else can do, so I guess I like that you're a dork. I like how sincerely you don't care about being cool or maintaining a reputation… you're always you. You always have been. Every morning, I still can't believe I… that I have the Naruto Uzumaki on top of me… you're the best person I know, and I love everything… even the annoying things you do, even when you give me a headache. You're my favourite…"
Naruto feels a lump in his throat, difficult to swallow past. He wipes at his eyes with his sleeve, refusing to let go of Sasuke's hand. "Sasuke… you're… you're my favourite, too! I mean, I feel exactly the same way! I really can't believe I get to wake up with the Sasuke Uchiha, y'know, the guy known for being so handsome and cool, and I also get to see you be all soft and cute…? It's the best thing ever," Naruto grins. "Can I tell you all my favourite things, too? That's only like two of them."
Sasuke is burning. Getting through his list was difficult; it's so hard to say things like that still. The things he swallowed so deeply before, the things he couldn't even let himself think too much about. Naruto says them so easily.
"You already told me. I know." Sasuke replies. "You like that I'm kind, protective, forgiving with everyone but myself, cool, I think too much, and you think I have pretty eyes…"
"That's a pretty good list," Naruto laughs a bit.
"That's what you told me I'm like a long time ago. I've been trying to be more like that. Pretending to be those things…" Sasuke glances at Naruto, still unable to hold his gaze.
"Those are just things you already are, though," Naruto insists.
"No, I've had to work hard… I'm still not… I'm still angry, cold… hateful… I can't let go of anything. I'm broody and dark… dramatic…" Sasuke sighs, hanging his head a little. It could be the alcohol talking; he always tries not to drink too much — which means it often goes straight to his head when he does, though. More is spilling out than he intends, making his face burn. Stop talking.
"That can all be true at the same time, dummy," Naruto smiles softly. "Besides, I also like those things about you. Most of that… it just means that you care a lot. The brooding and cold stuff is really sexy, I'm definitely into it. There's nothing wrong with being dark either, I think it lets you see the light better. Even the smallest bit of light, you can see it in people, even better than I can now, I think. I've told you before that you don't need to change for me or for anyone — even though you have changed, I don't know if you've noticed. But everything you are now or becoming, all that stuff makes up who you are and I think you're beautiful. Like a shoujo heroine."
Sasuke laughs in spite of himself, knowing how entirely red his face has become. "How do you just… say things like that? It took me weeks…"
"Y'know, I never really think much before I talk. Could be that's good sometimes. It just comes right from the heart that way, right?" Naruto nudges Sasuke a little, still smiling.
"It gets you in trouble more often," Sasuke looks up now, somehow taken aback by how pretty Naruto looks in the dim light. His blue eyes reflecting the same neon and warm yellows. Is it the alcohol? "Naruto, I… you're so important to me…"
Naruto's smile softens. "I love you, too…"
Naruto shifts closer, gently kissing Sasuke. Sasuke leans into him, letting go of his hand in favour of touching Naruto's shoulder. Sasuke's tongue grazes against Naruto's, playing back and forth until Naruto bites Sasuke's lips, grinning as he moves to Sasuke's neck. He always does. Sasuke spares a quick glance at the bar entrance, tilting his head to give Naruto better access. Naruto's teeth drag along the vulnerable skin, sinking in softly when Naruto pauses to kiss a spot he knows is sensitive.
"Naruto…" Sasuke sighs. "You need to stop biting me so much. Not all of us heal by the next day."
"There's a favourite thing you missed," Naruto grins, teeth against Sasuke's skin. "I love how easily you mark up, it's so hot…"
"Moron…" Sasuke makes no move to push Naruto away, even as his teeth continue to graze across Sasuke's neck. Sasuke bites his own lip for a moment, already feeling worked up. Naruto can get to him so quickly.
The sky begins to open up again, raindrops splashing against Sasuke's quickly warming skin. He pulls back from Naruto, "Do you want to go back to the party? Or, did you want to… get home…?"
"Home, so badly," Naruto replies, yanking Sasuke closer again.
Sasuke resists, pushing Naruto away as he stands. "Come on, then." Naruto gets to his feet, grinning when Sasuke pulls him in close again. He blinks and they're in Naruto's bedroom.
Naruto grabs Sasuke at the waist, making sure he stays steady — sometimes the expenditure is a lot for him, more so now with how much chakra he's using daily for training. Hands already on Sasuke's waist, Naruto takes the opportunity to lift Sasuke up and spin him around. Sasuke gasps, "Hey!" as soon as his feet leave the ground, before Naruto slams into the bed with him.
Sasuke scowls at Naruto, in spite of how infectious Naruto's giggling is. Naruto repositions himself over Sasuke, grinning down at him.
"I know we haven't sparred in a while, but you know that I can pick you up with my one hand and throw you through the wall, right?"
"I do know that," Naruto straddles Sasuke's waist, "It's really sexy."
"You're such a loser," Sasuke grabs the front of Naruto's t-shirt, pulling him down into another kiss before he says anything else embarrassing.
Naruto quickly gets to work unbuttoning Sasuke's shirt, moaning loudly against Sasuke's lips — mostly to annoy Sasuke and further confirm his accusation that Naruto is a loser, which succeeds in making Sasuke smile into the kiss. One of Naruto's favourite feelings. Sasuke helps shrug his shirt off, quickly removing Naruto's as well before Naruto kisses him with bruising force again.
Months of this and Naruto still can't quite believe its real, having Sasuke under him every single night. Sasuke is right, it is unbelievable. The Sasuke Uchiha in his bed, kissing him, wanting him, loving him.
Naruto runs his hands along Sasuke's sides, over his taut stomach and sharp hips. Sasuke adjusts, lifting his hips as he wraps his legs around Naruto's waist, dragging him in closer. Sasuke's tongue glides against Naruto's, fingers gripping the hair near the nape of his neck.
Naruto can't stop smiling. "You're the best present ever," he whispers.
Sasuke nips at his lower lip. "You drank too much," he replies drily, moving his attention to Naruto's neck. Naruto sighs happily as Sasuke kisses down past his Adam's apple, following his collarbone slowly.
"You are my present though, aren't you?" Naruto grins.
Sasuke pauses, shifting himself back up in order to look at Naruto. He blushes. "I guess… I didn't know what to get for you… just the list, and…" he looks away, "We can do anything you want tonight…"
"Anything, huh?" Naruto smirks.
Sasuke doesn't like that look, he scowls as his face gets hotter. "One time offer, don't make me regret it. No outfits."
"Aw, man. You'll put those cat ears back on for me someday," Naruto laughs.
"You're delusional," Sasuke tries not to smile. He loves Naruto's cute giggle so much.
Naruto hums and makes a show of thinking about it, glancing Sasuke over slowly. He runs his hand down Sasuke's chest, admiring how pretty he is — even his chest gets pink when he's embarrassed. "Anything I want…" Naruto muses, attention drifting down his stomach. "Hmm… what I want… is… to make you feel good."
"What?" Sasuke's brow furrows for a moment, thinking he misheard him. He expected a few weird requests, definitely not something that he already gets to do almost every night. "It's your birthday, and I said anything…"
"Yeah, and that's what I want," Naruto smiles, lightly running his fingers down Sasuke's side. "I want to hear you moan for me, I want you to just let me make you feel good." Naruto's eyes dart back to Sasuke's face to gauge his reaction.
Sasuke is bright red, frowning at little at Naruto — he couldn't be cuter, the face he's making reinforces Naruto's decision as being very correct.
Naruto bites his lip, knowing that Sasuke is moments from caving; Sasuke likes to pretend to be annoyed more than he's ever really annoyed. It's easier than saying he likes things — like attention and blowjobs and when Naruto babies him a tiny bit.
Sasuke sighs, eyes softening, "Are you… sure? That's really what you want?"
Naruto nods. "It's my favourite."
"I thought you were going to ask for some weird clone shit or something stupid…" Sasuke laughs a little, rubbing at his very warm cheek for a moment as he tries to calm himself.
Naruto grins back, "Sounds like you were having some perv thoughts, huh?"
"Shut the hell up," Sasuke's voice is soft, holding back a laugh.
"Y'know, I have thought of the clone thing before, but… it would make me too jealous."
Sasuke can't hold back his laugh, covering his mouth before he gets out of hand. "Of yourself?" he manages to ask, still giggling. He can't look at him. Ridiculous.
Naruto grins. "Yeah, I would always be thinking man, I wanna be doing that, or like, which one of us made him make that noise… I'd hate it."
Sasuke's stomach begins to hurt as his giggle grows into a hysterical laugh, shifting to cling to Naruto's frame instead, "You're so… unbelievable… how can anyone be that jealous?" he barely manages to speak, attempting to bring himself back under control. He's always known Naruto to be jealous, but really?
"Oh, sorry, is that something you wanted for your birthday?" Naruto smirks, sitting back on Sasuke's waist a little more.
"No!" Sasuke immediately defends, sitting up on his elbow. "I can barely keep up with one of you, you giant pervert."
"I'm not the one who was thinking about a clone threesome," Naruto smirks, then gasps, "Or foursome? How many?"
"I wasn't!" Sasuke moves to sit up further to argue, only for Naruto to grab him by the waist and push him further up the bed into the pillows. Naruto looms over him for a moment, hand above Sasuke's head as he grips the headboard; Naruto smiles at him softly again. Sasuke sighs, trying to calm some of the warmth from his cheeks. He isn't even sure what part of this is embarrassing.
Naruto leans down, hovering close to Sasuke's face. "So, is it okay then? Will you let me make you feel good?" Naruto asks softly, bumping the tips of their noses again affectionately.
Sasuke nods, "Fine… happy birthday…" He stares up at Naruto, heart thumping.
Naruto returns to kissing Sasuke with newfound purpose, hands moving over Sasuke's chest and shoulders. Sasuke sighs, wrapping his arm around Naruto's shoulders to pull him in closer. Naruto begins kissing down to Sasuke's chest quickly, intent on reaching his cute pink nipples. Sasuke closes his eyes as Naruto slides down, trying to focus entirely on the way Naruto's lips feel against his skin.
Let me, he said. Sasuke runs his fingers through Naruto's hair while Naruto squeezes Sasuke's pec with one hand, tongue circling and teasing the tip of his other nipple. Sasuke arches himself into the touch, gasping; he feels Naruto's free hand moving across his stomach, fingers stroking his happy tail, pausing just above the waist of his pants.
Let him. Sasuke looks up at the ceiling, fingers tangling further in Naruto's hair as he begins kissing down Sasuke's stomach slowly.
It's still difficult to completely accept, to allow himself to just feel good. Naruto knows this, in spite of Sasuke's avoidance of the topic. Sasuke knows it's obvious. He worries that Naruto doesn't really want to focus on him, maybe he feels like he needs to in order to deal with Sasuke's intimacy issues. Sasuke takes a deep breath. Just let him.
The room is still, quiet except for the obscene sounds of Naruto kissing and licking his bare skin, and the rain outside softly hitting the windows. It feels like they're alone in the universe, stranded together; Sasuke wishes that they were sometimes. Naruto unbuttons Sasuke's pants, kissing each inch of exposed skin as he pulls them down, along with Sasuke's boxers. Sasuke closes his eyes again, grip tightening in Naruto's hair.
Naruto's nose brushes against Sasuke's shaft as he licks the base of his cock, moving lower still. Sasuke's legs shift quickly to make space, knees falling apart. Naruto's tongue rolls across Sasuke's balls as he takes one into his mouth, sucking gently. He looks up at Sasuke, watching his expression tense.
Naruto sucks a little harder, fingers trailing up Sasuke's inner thigh; he earns a soft gasp, Sasuke's lips remaining parted as his breathing grows unsteady. Naruto moves his attention to Sasuke's other ball, teasing the underside of Sasuke's dick with his thumb as he rapidly hardens. Sasuke's hand leaves his hair, moving quickly up to half cover his mouth. "Fuck…" Sasuke shudders, hips starting to twitch.
Naruto gently releases him, licking up to his base again. He kisses it softly a few times, making Sasuke's cock twitch. Sasuke bites back a moan, body rolling closer to Naruto. Naruto pauses, "Hey, don't hold back, remember? I wanna hear you." Naruto's voice is gruff; he loves watching Sasuke start to get so worked up — hearing the cute noises Sasuke makes is half the fun. He knows Sasuke loves the attention. Sasuke meets his eyes, moving his hand away from his mouth in compliance.
"Right…" Sasuke exhales, "I like when you do that…"
"This?" Naruto smirks as he softly licks the base again, dragging his tongue a little further up the underside. He knows.
Sasuke nods and swallows hard, anticipation making everything feel like so much more.
Naruto repeats the motion a few times, then follows the thick vein up the underside to the head of Sasuke's cock; right to the sensitive spot where the ridges meet. Naruto learned a few weeks ago from a book that this is the f-spot — super weird. He just likes the noise Sasuke makes when he licks up and down it with the tip of his tongue — something Sasuke repeatedly did to Naruto before it occurred to him that Sasuke was doing what he likes and Naruto committed to perfecting it. It took a few times to learn how hard to press or suck, how fast to move his tongue for him, but now it feels like cheating. Naruto rolls Sasuke's foreskin down, exposing the head completely before he begins.
Sasuke gasps as Naruto's tongue begins lavishing him again, feeling himself tense. "Naruto…" he finds Naruto's hair again, pushing his bangs back from his eyes. Naruto stares up at him, licking a little faster. "That's good… oh…" Sasuke whimpers, hips arching.
Naruto holds his cock steady at the base, going a bit faster again. He stares up at Sasuke, watching his jaw slack further, eyes fluttering back. Naruto knows he can make Sasuke cum very hard by continuing — as he's done before, but he has further plans for his boyfriend tonight. He kisses the spot a few times, then wraps his lips around the head, sliding the tip of his tongue along Sasuke's slit.
Sasuke's hips twitch, a soft whimper escaping. There's a small urge still to push him away, to feel incredibly embarrassed by the entire thing. Naruto is too good to him. Guilt wells in Sasuke's chest; he swallows it down. Let him.
Slowly, Naruto takes Sasuke further into his mouth; Sasuke moans, gripping Naruto's hair a little harder. Naruto can feel his own thighs starting to tremble. Sucking Sasuke's cock makes him so painfully hard so fast. Naruto takes Sasuke all the way into his throat, burying his nose in Sasuke's soft, dark hair.
Naruto moves his hands to Sasuke's hips, thumbs grazing back and forth across the peaks of his hips. Sasuke's hips arch eagerly, another whimper escaping. Naruto swallows around him, gently rocking himself back and forth, holding him steady. Sasuke's jaw drops a bit further, head tilting back.
Naruto's grip tightens on Sasuke's hips, encouraging him to let his hips rock into Naruto's mouth steadily. Sasuke takes the cue, eyes closing again as Naruto happily takes each thrust, swallowing and moaning on his shaft — the vibration from Naruto's throat makes Sasuke's toes curl.
"Naruto, that's so good… you're so good, please…" Sasuke pants, already feeling his orgasm start to coil in his stomach. Naruto's mouth is so warm. Sasuke can hardly look down without moaning again; too handsome, too adorable. Sasuke's thighs start to press into Naruto's head as Sasuke continues rolling his hips gently; Naruto grips them tightly, guiding him.
Naruto responds to Sasuke's compliment with a low hum, focusing completely on how desperate Sasuke is getting. His breathing is fast, making obscene little noises for Naruto. Naruto adores how quickly Sasuke falls to pieces; they've been together for months and Sasuke still gets so worked up so easily. Naruto has to focus, not wanting to choke as he drools over Sasuke's balls. He hates when he messes it up for him.
Naruto pulls back to catch his breath repeatedly, sucking Sasuke against his cheek as he pumps the rest of his length each time. He bobs his head quickly, watching Sasuke carefully. As soon as he can, he sinks himself lower again, moaning happily around Sasuke's cock. He loves the way Sasuke gasps and pulls his hair every single time.
"Close… I'm so close…" Sasuke whimpers, gripping Naruto's hair harder. Tears are starting to sting his eyes. He doesn't like how desperate he gets, how insane he begins to feel; as if he could die if Naruto stopped. It feels like he would. It's always a need with Sasuke; he needs this, needs Naruto. His mouth is so soft and hot; too perfect around his cock.
Naruto stays steady, trying not to rock himself against the bed in case it messes up his rhythm on Sasuke — who's own rhythm is getting a bit erratic, hips bucking. Naruto holds his hips harder, steadying him. Focus.
"Oh God, Naruto…!" Sasuke moans, feeling his body completely tense, and then it hits.
Sasuke's mind blanks as intense pleasure floods through his body. He remembers to breathe with a gasp, twisting his upper body to one side as he incidentally pulls Naruto's hair, wanting him closer; the moan that escapes his chest is much louder and needier than he would have liked. Naruto pulls back before he chokes, sucking Sasuke's cock as hard he can, drawing every last moment out.
Sasuke's breath has hardly begun to return to his lungs when Naruto softly slides his cock out of his mouth, only to start tonguing along the underside again as he cleans him up. Sasuke whimpers as his eyes cross for a moment, shuddering hard. Naruto smirks, continuing until Sasuke gently pushes on his forehead, whining at him to stop. Sasuke slowly relaxes back onto the bed, chest heaving as Naruto moves back up, eyes dark.
"Good?" Naruto asks, gently pushing Sasuke's hair away from his warm face.
"You know the answer," Sasuke smiles softly, blinking away his tears. Naruto gently wipes his cheek, leaning down to press his forehead to Sasuke's.
"I like when you say it," Naruto replies.
Sasuke sighs, still feeling himself twitch all over. "It was good…" he acknowledges, "You're very good at sucking my cock."
"I take pride in that, y'know," Naruto grins, shifting a bit. "D'you mind if I rub against you? I'm so hard, I'm going insane."
"I do mind," Sasuke replies, placing his hand on Naruto's chest.
Naruto blinks, surprised.
Before he can respond, Sasuke shoves him off, climbing on top of him. "If you think I'm not gonna reciprocate on your birthday you're dumber than you look."
"You don't need to, I mean you just-"
Sasuke puts his hand over Naruto's mouth. He both hates and loves the way Naruto tends to baby him about certain things; he knows it's only because Naruto loves to take care of him, in his own way — and a little because Naruto still hates to feel like he's imposing on anyone, even on Sasuke. "I want you to finish in my mouth. So shut up."
Naruto nods, smiling when Sasuke moves his hand away.
Sasuke doesn't waste any time getting Naruto's boxers off; his pants discarded at some point during his own blowjob. Naruto lifts his hips to help, grinning as Sasuke begins kissing down his chest. Foreplay is hardly necessary as Naruto's dick strains for attention against his stomach. Sasuke drags his lips along his shaft as he moves into position, adjusting one of Naruto's thighs over his shoulder.
Sasuke can't do it quite the way Naruto can; his gag-reflex is still very much in tact. Naruto never seems to mind. Sasuke grips Naruto's cock at the base, licking and kissing the head a few times before tightly wrapping his lips around it to suck.
Naruto moans openly, watching Sasuke through half-lidded eyes.
Sasuke rubs his tongue hard against the head in between sucking, slowly taking him in as far as he can. Sasuke hollows his cheeks, pumping the rest of Naruto's shaft with an equally tight fist. Sasuke always blushes at the noises, the way he slurps around Naruto's cock, drooling down his shaft — he would try not to if Naruto didn't love it so much.
"Holy fuck…" Naruto whimpers, legs shuddering; Sasuke always makes his legs shake so much. "I'm so not gonna last… Sasuke… baby, please…" Naruto tenses, body beginning to twitch.
Sasuke flushes. Naruto calling him baby still makes him blush; he doesn't do it too often. He continues steadily, trying to go a little faster for Naruto. Sasuke can feel him shaking harder, gripping the bedsheets tightly. Sasuke has to close his eyes to focus. The way Naruto stares at him is distracting. A little harder for him, a little faster. Sasuke grinds his tongue against the head, swallowing his precum. Naruto's hips buck, held down enough only by Sasuke's stump pressed against his trembling thigh, keeping him in check.
"Just like that… fuck, don't stop… don't stop, I'm gonna…" Naruto trails off, eyes rolling as a shudder runs through his body. "Sasuke…!" Naruto's orgasm hits fast, hips jerking again as his back arches.
Naruto moans, low and growling as he presses his legs against Sasuke, squeezing tightly, holding him in place. Sasuke's tongue rolls across the head of his cock, teasing the slit as Naruto's dick twitches, another ribbon of cum hitting Sasuke's lips.
Naruto manages to look at Sasuke again as his cock gives a final twitch, his cum hitting Sasuke's waiting tongue as more sticks to his cheek and lips, dripping down his pretty features. Their eyes meet and Sasuke swallows, moving to clean up Naruto's cock with his tongue. Naruto's head drops back, moaning shakily as he tries to burn the image into his memory.
Sasuke smirks, finishing up before he wipes his face clean; he knows Naruto loves when he looks messy. Naruto is way easier than he thinks he is. Sasuke crawls back over Naruto, laying on top of his chest with a soft sigh. He kisses Naruto's jaw, letting him catch his breath. "You taste so good," Sasuke's voice is soft.
Naruto whimpers in reply, shuddering yet again under Sasuke.
Sasuke bites his lip, trying not to look overly smug. He knew that would drive Naruto crazy. Sasuke keeps softly kissing his jaw and chest, heaviness beginning to hit as Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke, holding him to his chest. Sasuke rests his head on Naruto, heart thumping loudly; it feels like their hearts are synched.
"This was the best birthday I've ever had…" Naruto says quietly, hands rubbing up and down Sasuke's muscular back.
"I've been to worse parties," Sasuke replies, smiling against Naruto's chest.
Naruto laughs, "You've gone to like, three parties."
"So your's was definitely top three."
Naruto squeezes Sasuke with a hug, still laughing. He calms enough to kiss the top of Sasuke's forehead, fingers pressing harder into Sasuke's skin. "You're such a jerk… I love you so much…"
Sasuke nuzzles his shoulder, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. It's still hard to believe. He trusts Naruto when he says that he loves him, he wants it to be true. The burden he puts on Naruto in loving Sasuke still weighs on him; Naruto keeps proving him wrong, every time. Sasuke sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. Is it too much to ask? He said to let him. To not hold back tonight. Maybe it's alright to ask.
"Naruto…?" Sasuke asks.
"Mhm?" Naruto hums, resuming rubbing Sasuke's back.
"Did you…" Sasuke second guesses himself, cheek pressing into Naruto's warm chest as he thinks for a moment. He has to trust him, he has to let him. "Did you mean what you said earlier? You don't mind the… ugly parts of me? You're allowed to, you know? You don't have to like those things."
Naruto barely moves, hands still travelling over Sasuke's back slowly. "I never thought they were ugly…" he replies.
Sasuke feels smaller in Naruto's arms suddenly, more fragile.
Naruto knows that Sasuke still has trouble believing him; it's too far for him to believe that someone who's seen him at his lowest point could think that he was beautiful, even when he felt like a monster. Naruto has felt the same way for most of his life. Only Sasuke has ever understood completely, always.
"Have you ever wished I was different?" Naruto asks, "Like maybe that I wasn't such a hothead sometimes? Or that I would be quieter, less impulsive, think things through? That I was smarter, that I could understand things faster? Or maybe just that I could control myself better, find a way to not let the monster out? That I wasn't a jinchuuriki?"
Sasuke doesn't move, letting Naruto's words sink in. "I haven't…"
"I have." Naruto says. "I do…"
Sasuke presses himself tighter against Naruto's chest, tears pricking his eyes.
"It took me a long time to not always hate those parts of myself," Naruto continues, "You're a big reason why, actually. No one else sees me how you do, and I like who I am more when I'm with you… I'm different with you… or, you let me be myself; it's like, when I'm with you… I don't have to be ashamed of those things… you like them, for some reason, and it makes me like them too. I like how I look through your eyes, y'know. And I… I want you to see yourself that way, too… because you're my favourite, too."
Sasuke hides his face against Naruto, feeling himself slip. Sasuke isn't sure if he can ever like those parts of himself, they're too dark, too ugly. The hatred still in his heart makes him feel sick; the anger, the guilt, the resentment, the hurt. There are so many ugly things about him, and they made him vulnerable, weak — he was made into this, used by others, with parts that already existed inside his heart. How can he let go of the past or forgive himself when all these parts, every piece of him, is built on top of something he wants to destroy?
It is built, though. Has been building; it never stopped. People aren't buildings; things can shift, even if they feel permanent. Sasuke can feel it inside his chest, everything slowly coming loose each time he lets Naruto love him, accepts the things he wants to trust; the next time he tries, it comes a little easier.
Sasuke closes his eyes, burying his face further against Naruto's neck.
It still scares him. He loves Naruto too much, more than he should; it's not something anyone can understand. An Uchiha is supposed to hold back, to be in control. He learned this from a young age, to always remain in control of his emotions and his heart or he could lose himself.
Sasuke feels anything but in control with Naruto. He's messy, broken, exhausted. Naruto can't see how much Sasuke is still holding back. There's too much love inside of him, it runs too deeply, aching inside his chest. Sasuke exhales shakily.
The only sounds Sasuke can hear now are Naruto's heartbeat, steady, contrasted against the rain now pounding against the windows as thunder rolls in the distance. They're safe here, in this moment. Sasuke doesn't need to hold everything in, not right now. He's allowed to cling, dig his nails into Naruto, fall apart for a moment and not lose himself.
Naruto kisses his forehead and holds him tightly.
Sasuke closes his eyes. It's still too hard. The future is too uncertain. He can feel himself fading in and out of existence, held down only by Naruto's embrace.