I woke up with my body heavier than the world.
Every muscle screamed—not from physical pain, I was already used to that—but from something deeper.
That dull, creeping pain, like something had hollowed me out and made its nest inside, sucking out whatever strength I had left.
I dragged myself off the cot.
I didn't change my sweat-soaked shirt from the night before. Didn't care about the smell.
I just went.
Walked in a straight line to the mess hall, like a corpse with a mission.
The smell of the food—if you could even call it food—turned my stomach.
The thick, grayish soup tasted like nothing.
The bread was like stone.
But I ate anyway. Swallowed by instinct, not hunger.
Ciny was beside me. I knew.
She was always there.
She said something, in that tone between tiredness and forced affection.
But I didn't listen.
I couldn't.
Just another day.
Another fight.
Another so-called victory that didn't feel like one at all.
And it went on like that...
One, two, three, four... five days.
Until the sixth.
On the sixth day, the emptiness won.
I woke up unable to breathe.
Literally.
My chest was locked, like a rope was tying my heart and lungs together.
I tried to pull mana… but nothing came. No spark. No warmth.
Nothing.
It was like screaming into a well and hearing your own echo mock you.
"This is it… it's over."
"Finished."
I reached for the doorknob. I was going to leave. To chase the dust. The relief.
Even if it was the last thing I did.
But before I could open the door, I heard that voice.
— Stud... if you walk out that door, don't count on me anymore.
I froze.
Her words cut deeper than any blade.
I spun around.
— You don't understand, Ciny! — My voice burst out before I could control it. — I HAVE NO MANA WITHOUT THAT DUST! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE HERE?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KILL THE SEVEN BROTHERS?! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE... ANYONE?!
She stood still. Her gaze was firm. Sad… but steady.
— Did you need the dust to give me this arm?
I looked at her mechanical arm.
I went quiet.
Shame burned inside me.
— Partly... yes.
She sighed.
— Your character hasn't changed, John. With or without power. With or without mana. The only difference is that now we have to work harder.
— WORK HARDER?! — I shouted. — EVEN WITH MANA IT WAS HELL! WITHOUT IT, I HAVE NO CHANCE!
Ciny took two steps toward me, furious.
— THEN WE'LL FIND A WAY! — she yelled, eyes full of rage and… was that fear? — BUT CAN YOU, FOR ONCE, JUST TRUST ME?!
— I don't know if I can... — my voice cracked. — I can't take it anymore, Ciny. It hurts so much. Every day it feels like a knife twisting in my chest...
She took a deep breath and lowered her voice.
— Just a few more days, John... the worse it gets, the closer you are to the end. The withdrawal will pass. After that... we'll figure out how to get your mana back. But if you walk out that door now... you're not coming back.
We stood in silence for a few moments.
Then she murmured:
— I may have done a lot of bad things, John. Killed too many people... but I never went down that path. I never needed a drug to feel like I was someone.
That hit me hard.
— You should know what it's like! — I shot back, hurt. — You have that curse... needing to kill someone just to stay in control. It's not that different.
Ciny froze.
Her eyes glinted for a second. It wasn't mana. It was anger. Pain.
— Yeah, I know what it's like. — she said, voice tight. — And that's exactly why I don't want you to become ME. And... did you really have to use my curse against me?
Silence.
— I never used any drug, John. — she whispered. — I didn't go down that road. Not because it was easy... but because I didn't want to sink any further. And you... you're right on the edge. And I'm here... just trying to pull you back.
I lowered my eyes.
I crossed a line.
— I'm sorry. I… shouldn't have said that. It was cowardly.
She nodded.
— Good. Now, you'd better go lie down.
I went to bed like a prisoner.
Laid down and closed my eyes, trying not to think.
Then I felt it. Something pulling me.
— What…?
I looked down at my arms. Mana chains, anchored into the mattress. Crude sealing patterns. I was... restrained?
— CINY?!
— There. Now you're not going anywhere. — she said, settling into the armchair nearby with an exaggerated sigh. — If you used all this energy in bed with me, I wouldn't complain.
— ... Might be the lack of dust, but I can't even feel embarrassed anymore.
— See? Progress already.
I smiled. A real smile. Small. Painful. But mine.
— You're right... Let's just calm down a bit.
She simply nodded.
The night fell, heavy. Sleep didn't come.
But for the first time
I wasn't alone.