"So?"
"What ?"
Currently I am in the car with my brother James. Since he came to pick me up from my tutoring centre he has been stealing glances at me in a very obvious way.I know what he wants to talk about, but I honestly am not in the mood for it, Our mother will also definitely be at my throat asking me how I am, how I feel and all those unnecessary I care about you cause you are family questions.
"Ahem..so, how are you feeling?..will you be okay .?" James asks once again. I see he won't give up. He isn't the type to anyway.
"I am fine" I lie.
"I am only asking because I heard that it isn't easy for new actors to get out of character . Some actors even stay and keep the character with them until they find new projects. I did a bit of a research, it is kind of important that I do it since you are part of this cruel industry and all.I just hope you don't struggle to let go,"he says
" I won't.." I lie again.
I knew it since two days ago that today would be the last day that I get to shoot as Eian's lover . for the past two days, I tried to look at him to properly look at his features so I don't confuse him with Eden. Eden is a character that he played along side me, he was my lover. I loved Eden..no..Zack loved Eden...And now Zack and Eden went back to their world and are continuing to live in their happily ever after while I am left here with the feelings of a man I didn't know until a year back.
How do I get rid of them?.
"Your co actor probably is already wrapped around his secret girlfriend anyway..as old as he is, I am sure he has someone to get him through this..with your damn ass temper, only poor milo willl be by your side." James says dissolving me from my little mind bubble.
" I said I am fine!..who gives a fuck about an old guy they only saw or met on a made up world of people who don't even exist in this one. I am okay James. Now cut it.!" I hiss back.
"Geez , okay...I won't meddle again. if it gets hard just tell me and I will share with you what I read about how to get over past character emotions. Yes there is something like that in the internet google has all the answers I'm just letting you know to call me if anything. " He says as he continues to drive and throws a slight side smile my way before focusing on the road again.
" When will my car be done ?" I ask him changing the topic.
"It will be done tomorrow, I will drop you off in the morning if you wake up early and you can drive yourself back..why..you tired of my Angelica already?" he asks jokingly.
"Yes, your car is small and suffocating. I love big cars-."
"And old men!.." James adds and breaks into a hysterical giggle.
" I am not the one who fucked his homeroom teacher." I retort sharply. Immediately James brakes the car, causing the tires to skid on the road. He pulls over to the side and faces me ..
"We are to never mention that incident again! I was drunk ..kind of ..and I was already in university..she was just a voluntary teacher !" he responds in a low whisper yell as if he was afraid someone would hear us.
"Eh..whatever, Potato Tomato..same same." I reply cooly.
" I will not mention that Eden guy .."
"Eian"
"Yes him! and you won't mention this ever again, anywhere. People might think she is the reason I passed my report!. " He says before starting the car and joining the oncoming traffic once again.
"If you keep your word I'll keep mine"
"You know I always do"
Once we are on the road I don't taunt him any further, I know it is a situation he is embarrassed about and thus he definitely won't bother to ask about Eian again.Our drive home after is silent , I take out my headphones and play the last song that Eian and I sang together as part of our work project.
Scent of You .
Once we get home, I don't mingle around the living room but immediately run to my place of solace, my bedroom. I want to be left alone.After shutting my door and carefully locking it, I can't help but fall to the ground with my back against the door. My heart feels heavy.Is this what a break up feels like.Who am I leaving..my old character Zack, his lover Eden or my Co star Eian?.
This is going to be hard.
I finally find the strength to lift myself off the floor. I take off my clothes throw them in the laundry hamper and jump into the shower. The hot water slowly washes away the many powders that were used to cover my tattoo. The foundations and covers that made me a perfect Zack. Now my skin lies bare, naked, this is me. I wonder if Eian knows that I have tattoos..would he freak out if he found out I do? I always met him wearing long sleeved round neck shirts I had to keep a somewhat close resemblance to my character during this time and tattoos are apparently a big No in their world..Eian would always come late from his other work so he never saw them. What if he hates tattoos?!?. Wait why am I thinking about him?
It keeps getting harder..
I quickly get off the shower and towel dry myself before putting on a new set of clothes. I jump into my bed and I think of picking my phone and scrolling through the internet but I go against the idea as I don't want to find myself crying with the people who wish to see us continue our projects. I don't want to see the sweet edit or any videos of Eian and I together that our fans made. I have to cancel him and everything that happened over the past year . I wish him and I were like other couples who had a small age gap or were at least socially logical.
I know no one will like us together, even the ones who loved Zack and Eden will turn against us if they find out Jackson and Eian are actually a thing in reality. Infront of a camera we could be anything, behind it unfortunately we are all human, just humans who rely on social relationships in order to survive. I cannot ruin his life, I noticed he doesn't want to ruin my image either. He always tries his best to keep his hands to himself in social gatherings and will only touch me if requested or if it is part of a play.I understand, he stands to loose more than I will and because he is older, society will rush to protect me. Against him.But even though I deny it..I did grow a bit attached to him, and so tonight before I sleep, I only hope for one thing.
I hope the deities above may return my heart back, I don't think I can bare another day of thinking I love him although I know it's not me who has such deep feelings for him but the heart of a man who is now no longer in this world with us.
Why didn't he take his emotions with him?
I wish their world closing would have cut all bonds tied to this world but unfortunately life isn't that easy. Tomorrow I can only hope that somehow
I find a new life away from his life .