Serine
Five weeks later
A few balls and parties have been held to commemorate the soon-to-be birth of Roilisk's first child. A few times, here and there, I would spot Jamsen and Brilliona running in the halls, and a few times in the garden. My heart breaks, knowing that Jamsen might have to forget about Brilliona in the future, as he will need to succeed to the throne in the end. I watch as Brilliona chases Jamsen in the rose maze. "Ruana, please focus," Mr. Brufurd pleaded with me, "The queen will not be happy if you don't study." "Mr. Brufurd. I am 24 years old, I am too old for these lessons," I retort. "But still, Your Highness. You have to learn these dates, cities, Countries, languages, ye, I know! I already am fluent in Zarinyk, Eradis, Aslavin, and Vopak, and even the old tongue, Radin. I know these dates, and countries, every city, big or small. What else do I need to learn? I'm already learning poisons and killing methods from my brothers, I know dances and arts, songs and books. What in the actual fuck more do I have to learn?!" I yell at him. "Your Highness! You cannot yell at others like that! And such profanity should land you a punishment!" "As if I don't get punished enough…" I spit back. "Such a foul, indecent girl you are, aren't you? You are dismissed. Expect a summons from the Queen later this evening. I believe you know what your punishment will be." Brufurd leaves, and I start panicking. Shit, shit, shit. What did I just do? Oh, my gods. I can't keep going through these punishments. Why do I keep screwing my life up?!
Later that evening, as I lounge in my chaise, a young servant girl knocks thrice on my door. "Your Highness, the Queen is asking for you." I abruptly get up and stagger towards the door, creaking it open slightly to get a view of the solemn-looking girl."Uhm… please let the queen know that I am on my way," I whispered. The girl nods, quickly scurrying away from my wing to let my mother know that she can expect me to be with her soon. I knock on the door a few times before my mother opens it. "Profanities and indecency? Really," She asks, "I thought I raised a princess of Azmith, not a mere peasant." "No wonder you and Dad are so different. He cares for his people." My mother smacks me, "Don't you ever condescend to me, you wretch." "Fuck you…" I say under my breath," She grabs me from my ear and pulls me towards the desk. She pushes the sleeve up from my left arm. The scars of my past punishments are still there. My mother pulls out her favorite knife from the shelf on the desk. She presses the blade near the crook of my elbow, close to my pulse point, but not near enough, so she doesn't kill me. She presses harder and slices. I bite down hard on my tongue, holding every cry and scream, and holding back the tears that threaten to fall with every cut. I have learned that it will only make it worse. She then pours a tonic on it, making it burn further as she cuts me in different areas of my arm. "Next time it will be on your back." She gets the nurse to wrap my arm up. "The cuts are shallow, so they should heal in a few days," the nurse whispers. I nod my head, "Thank you," and walk out of the office. I bump into a servant on the way out. "Sorry, sir…" "It's fine, your highness. Is the queen here?" "Yes, sir, she's in there." The man nods and walks into the office. I quickly walk away before I hear my mother running out of her office, my father following her. I follow them. I look out the window for a second and see Jen and Derin with the fellow guards walking towards the castle. My eyes widen, and I quickly run after my parents to greet my brothers.
"JEN! DERIN!" I yell. "Hey, Ruana!" They greet simultaneously. I hug them both, but their facial expressions are not content. "What's wrong?" "King Dominick and Queen Eliza. I am so sorry." I hear a strong Bromithelian accent as a man speaks. I look around and I find the owner of the voice. "I am Lieutenant Andreaz. Your daughter, Princess Eraila, has been kidnapped, and we believe her to be dead. I sincerely apologize." "W-what…" I stutter. "It's true, Ruana," Jen confirms. I am left in shock, but it's nothing compared to how rageful the queen is and my father's expressionless face. "King Simon has asked me to come here to ask for forgiveness. And to ask your daughter, Princess Ruana Marfil Phathalo, to step in place of her sister. He also threatened that he would not complete his part of the agreement if your second daughter didn't oblige." What the actual fuck now? I have to marry a bastard just so my country can be protected? "Why me? We gave him our crops and my sister. It is not our fault that she is gone now. It seems to me that you should've had more security in place," I spat at him. My mother looks at me, her rage apparent on her face. I immediately shut my mouth. "I will be in my room…" Jen and Derin follow me back, Frenki joins us on the stairs. "Don't tell us, she cut you again?"
"Yep"
"Why?" Frenki asked.
"Because I yelled at Mr.Brufurd."
"That asshole deserved it, didn't he?" Jen looks at me with a knowing face.
"Yes. He was making me go over everything I already knew. I told him what more I needed to learn. He then got mad at my colorful language."
"Bullshit! Mother allows us to be profane. Why not you?" Derinn wonders.
"Do you think I know Derin? I will see you guys later."
…
After a few days of mourning for Eraila, I am called to my father's office. I knock on the door. "Father…It's me…You called?" The door opens and I see the regretful look in his eyes as if he is already regretting. "Ruana, we have to talk. I understand. You don't want to go through an arranged marriage, but…" My father starts."We need this, Ruana. Azmith needs to have this partnership with Bromithel. It is our only hope right now for protection. To make sure you are safe. I know. I know that your sister's disappearance or death or whatever it is will stain that trust we had built with them… but we need to protect this country." I look at my father. The desperation in his eyes was clear. "I understand, Father, I will do it. It's what Eraila would've wanted. She loved her country before everything else, and I should too. I will be in my room packing. When do I leave?" My father lets out a sigh of relief, "You leave in a week." "Fine." I walk out without another word, heading to my room. I might as well sell my soul to the devil. Ugh. Why did I agree? I start packing a few things, like long-sleeved dresses to cover the scars on my arms and back. I pack a few books, and when I reach for one of my favorite books, I stop packing and read. I might as well take my mind off this hell-bent agreement.
…
A knock comes on the doo,r and in comes Frenki. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asks. "Nothin', just… thinking." "Tell me." He pushes. I roll my eyes and look at him. "I'm going to Bromithel." "YOU ARE DOING WHAT?! Is Dad forcing you? Or Mom?" "About that. No. I chose to go." Frenki, as shocked as ever, starts questioning me. "Why?!" "Yeah… Well, I thought, it would be what Elaina wanted. I mean she's gone now, right?" My eyes water, but I shake the tears off. Frenki walks to the bed and sits next to me. "Don't talk like that. I know that in your heart, you know she is still alive." I chuckle, whipping my tears away, "Yeah, yeah, I know. She would probably still be alive. But being kidnapped. We don't even know where she is right now." More tears came down my face. My brother wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace, rubbing his hands up and down my back as I cry. "Look. I know it's hard. She was…is my sister. I love her too. I will always love each one of you guys. And you being the youngest… I am so sorry I was not there to help with our mother. I know she marked you again."
"Wait, what? How did you find out, Frenki?" I wipe away at my tears, but my eyesight is still quite blurry as I look up at him.
"Well, your sleeve is somewhat more… swollen. My first thought was infection, but then I remembered what happened last time. Did she mark your back, Ruana?" He places his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. I look away and laugh. "She threatened that next time it would happen. Like hell, she would."
Frenki squints his eyes, giving me a stern look before getting up and walking towards the door. "Just make sure you are safe. I won't be here to say bye on Friday." "Why not?" I get up and walk after him before he walks away. "Mother and Father are sending me away to Malvrin so I can learn other things like magician mechanics, and not only agriculture," he chuckles as he walks out the door, "Well, goodbye, Ru." "You really won't stop calling, that will you, well, goodbye, Fre. I hope to see you again. Take care. Send letters." I close my door after my brothers wave goodbye.
I slump to the floor and cover my face with my hands. I groan. I'm exhausted, and another one of my siblings will be leaving, and I don't know if he will be safe or not. I don't want to lose another loved one if the person who killed Eraila is after us all, which is the worst-case scenario. I get up, walk to my wardrobe, and open the drawers where my nightwear lies. I don't know or care for the time. I just know I'm tired and need rest. I strip off my dress and heels, tossing them into the chute that goes down to the cleaning room. I slip into my nightgown, and I slide beneath the soft, cool sheets of my bed.
As I lay there, fast asleep, I can't help but twist and turn, plagued by the dream that holds me in a tight grasp. My nightmares worsen. All I can see is my younger self, huddled in the corner, people screaming for help in the background. All I hear is the cries of others, calling out for help. People are trying to grab me by the legs, trying to pull me into the same endless despair. I am grabbed by the hand of another person. The old friend I can't quite remember. I am pulled out of the grasp of the others. But then the hand holding mine is gone. I am back in another hall. It is darker, but once I hear the shrill cry of an unknown being, I try to run the opposite way. I stumble, but the place I'm running towards seems out of reach. The hall seems to never end. I feel hands pulling me back from my feet, making me trip. Don't leave us! Save us! Princess, save us! Save us! Our chosen one! "Let me go!" I mouth the words, but they never come out. I try again. "Let me go! I don't know you!" I continue to be pulled by these hands without owners. I crawl back and away from its grasp, and then the dream ends.
I sit up, my chest heaving. My hands are shaking as I reach out to turn the lights on. I flicked my hands up, and the lights all fluttered on. I look outside. It's still dark. Shit, what time is it? I look around and find the dial near my bed. I tap it once, and the time is shown. It's 3 AM. I'd better go back to sleep. But Worry gnaws at me as I bury myself into the sheets. Will I truly be safe at Bromithel? Will Frenki be alright at Malvrin? I pull the covers over my head as I try to go back to sleep. I flick my hand down, turning the lights off. I hum the lover's waltz until sleep takes over. My nightmare won't come back, but I know this won't be the last time it happens.
I woke up the next morning to banging. I hop off my bed and walk to the door. "Who is it?" I called out. "Aunt Ruana! Hurry up!" It's Jamsen. Why is he banging on the door? "What's wrong?" He looks frantic and worried. He motions for me to follow. I grab a cloak and throw it on. I follow him to Hartlyn and Roilisk's room. Harley is groaning in pain. She's in labor, I quickly think. "You should've called the midwife, James!" He looks at me with worry, "She's not here. The baby is coming in prematurely." "Damnit!" Roilisk comes in with a few towels, a blanket, and a bucket of water. "I'm not doing it, no, hell no,"
"Please, Ruana, you're the only one right now that can help," Roilisk pleads. "Shit… ok, ok, I'll do it," I reluctantly agreed, "Shit… but you need to calm down Roi. Everything will most likely be alright." He nods and takes a few deep breaths. I walk next to Hartlyn's side of the bed. I try to comfort her, but I can see the distress and pain in her eyes. Her breathing is labored, her breath coming in as short gasps. "Shit… the baby is coming… now… ok…" I move toward the end of the bed, positioning myself to help pull out the baby. "Roi, get me some scissors!" He quickly runs away as I turn my head toward Hartlyn, "You're doing great, just keep taking deep breaths." Through my head, I think, 'I've never delivered a baby before, I've only read it in books.' But deep down, I know that everyone else who can help better is too far away. I keep a straight face, trying to hide my self-doubt. Roilisk rushed into the room as slowly a head and a body were pushed out. I yank the scissors out of Roilisk's hands and quickly cut the umbilical cord in two. I anxiously cleaned the baby with a wet towel that I dipped into the bucket filled with water, wrapped her in the blanket, and quickly handed her to Hartlyn as we all waited in anticipation. We waited two seconds until we heard wailing and small tears that came from the newborn.
Now, Hartlyn is cradling the baby girl in her arms, and Roilisk is pacing back and forth. "Calm down, she's fine now…" I reassure him. Roilisk tries to calm his breathing as he looks at Hartlyn and their new child. "So what will you name her?" Roilisk and Hartlyn look at me. She then answers, "Jorelie… seems like a good girl name." Roilisk nods, still looking a little stressed. I chuckle at him, "You don't look so good, Roilisk." "Shut up…" He finally calms down and manages to sit next to Hartlyn on the bed. She lays her head on his shoulder as they admire Jorelie. I walk out and take Jamsen with me, giving them some space. "Sorry for yelling at you." I apologize. "It's fine, I just couldn't think of who else to call, and mum and dad are not available, so is Brilliona, I-'' I interject, "Where are the king and queen?"
Jamsen looks at me and shrugs. Crap, Crap, Crap. I walk to the library and knock on my father's office door. It opens after a bit. "Ruana, what is it?" I rolled my eyes at him, "Did no one let you know that Hartlyn was giving birth today? At all?" "EXCUSE ME!?" My dad got up and rushed to the couple's room. I chuckle, my father couldn't hear the cry of his son's wife giving birth.
I follow him back into Roilisk's room. The winding hallways make it take longer than usual to move around. I lean against the door frame. I watch as the king talks to my brother. He paces back and forth. When my mother arrived, it seemed like a little girl was given a puppy. My mother walks to Hartlyn and starts pampering the baby girl with kisses. This woman… I turn and walk back to my room. It's funny how her attitude changes when she sees me and when she sees her other children. I plop down onto my bed and look up at the ceiling. To help give birth is tiring, but I am glad I got to help.
I get back up and slip on a dress. My lady-in-waiting comes in to do my hair and makeup. I try my best not to fall asleep at the meeting of all the Lords and Barons. Boring… blah, blah, blah. Jen snickers at Dearin as they whisper to each other. I wonder what's funny. Father clears his throat, and I snap out of my haze. My brothers sit back up and stare at the table. The Lord of Daznerek has a face of annoyance and then looks at me with a sneer. Pompous old man. I keep a straight face and just stare at the emissary who is talking, my brothers follow suit, and are quiet for a while.
Jen speaks up when the general of the army says something about collisions at our border. "Are we the only ones the Zarinoans are going after?" General Roxn nods and continues, "So far, we might be the only ones for a while, after what happened with Bromithel." "Wait, what-" Jen interrupts me, "But what about the Malvronians? They are much weaker than us! They are the poorest of all the four countries." General Roxn replies, his eyes lidded with annoyance, "We suspect that they comply with the Zarinoans, that is why your father sent Frank over to Malvrin. So that not only could he spy on them, but he could also find a way into how they use magic to work their machines. And if they use it the same way we do to grow the crops…" "Wait, what is going on?" I ask. I'm confused and concerned. I understand why my brother had to leave, I'm not confused about that. I'm wondering why the Cabinoes would ally themselves with the Zarinoans, after what happened ages ago! Not only did the Zarnoans kill the second son of the Malvronians, but they also killed the Crown Prince's first child! "Why would Malvrin ever ally with Zarinoe?!"
"Power, greed, money, manpower… The list goes on, Your Highness." General Roxn turns to my dad and asks him for a private meeting. As if on cue, everyone gets up and starts to gather their papers and quills. I stand up, my chair scraping against the stone floor. I look up at my father. The look that he gave me brought me a pang of pain in my head. Memories that I can't quite place, just for a split second. I stand back up straight and plaster on a fake smile. I walk out of the meeting room, one of the guards following me back to my chambers.
I can hear the voices, the damn infernal voices… they repeat the same thing over and over again, Murderer. You should have died with the rest of us. I shake my head slightly, refocusing my thoughts. I'm ok. Everything is going to be okay. They are only the voices of the dead. They are only there to torment others who have not wronged them. The guard opens the door to my chambers and lets me in. I hear it shut behind me, and the soft click of the lock. The guards stand at the door. One inside and the other outside, both keeping watch. I ignore them as I head into the bathing chamber.
I slip into the tub and relax. I dip my head into the water, my whole body now enveloped in the bubbles, suds, and water. After a few seconds, I pull out and take a deep breath. I close my eyes for a minute. When I open them, a person appears before me, startling me.
Jen looms over me. "Hey. Get up." "Jen! I'm bathing!" "Mum needs you." He says curtly and then walks out. What the hell was that for? I get up from the tub and reach for the towel. I wrap it around my body and then dry my hair with another towel. My lady-in-waiting comes in and starts doing my hair and preparing my clothes to sleep and to see my mother. I slip on the dress, my maid sinching the back. I walk to my mother's office. "You needed me again?" I ask. My mother turns to look at me. She snaps the book she has in one hand shut. "Yes, I do. Sit." I reluctantly go to the nearest seat in front of her desk. She sits down in her chair and faces me. "I hear that you finally accepted the offer of Eraila's place." "Yes, mother. I did. It's what she would've wanted." I respond, "And I intend to help my country and fulfill my sister's wishes." I stand up, "Now if you do not need me any-"
The door of the office opens, and one of the knights comes in. "Princess Ruana, the Crown Prince needs you. He says it is urgent. Good evening, Your Majesty." I follow the knight to my brother's study. Andy is sitting at his desk, contemplating something. "What is it?" I ask, "Androis? What is wrong?" "Why did you agree, Ruana? Why did you agree with our father to go to Bromithel? After what happened. Eraila is gone because she was sent over there." He searches my eyes for the answer, not liking what he finds. "You think this would make her happy? Selling your happiness for the country like she did? Ruana. Listen to me. As much as she loved our country, she was never happy to stop loving the man she loved to go marry some far-away king just to make sure we were protected. Just to make sure we could have people backing us up later if we go to war. Ruana, Eraila would've wanted you to be happy. To find love. Our sister is dead-" I yell, "I know, alright! I know she's gone. I know she won't be coming back. But there is a slight chance she might. So do not say she's dead. And I know she won't be happy. She always wanted every one of us to be happy. I should've thought before saying yes, but I also wanted to get far from here. From mother."
Androis' expression changes from anger and utter disappointment to understanding. He nods and just stands up, "You can go, I wish you a fair trip." "Wait, I leave in a week. I don't know anything about what to expect when I officially get married to their king."
"You'll be fine, Ruana. Now leave. I have to get to something." I roll my eyes and walk out of his study. The sound of my heels clacking against the stone floor filled the extensive hallway. I might as well start packing.