Time passed.
Yue'er could walk and move around at last, but Zi Hua's relief was short-lived. Between tearful hugs and the gratifying feeling of a near-death separation, one inevitable truth loomed over them: her recovery signalled the start of her punishment.
Now, Yue'er stood at the doorstep of her new fate, carrying a small rucksack containing her short and frugal life. Zi Hua fussed and flitted around her, checking for items she might have forgotten if only so it gave her an excuse to stay longer. But they both knew time waited for no one.
They had run out of happy memories to recount yesterday, and repetitive blessings the day before. Still, there was one word neither had said yet.
"You know, mistress," Yue'er started, "that day I went to the imperial kitchens, I learnt something... Aside from being punished by Concubine Lin."
Painful images flashed through Zi Hua's mind. She couldn't understand Yue'er's willingness to recall that day. "You don't have to speak about it if you don't want to."
"But I need to," Yue'er insisted, clasping her hand tightly, as if letting go meant eternal separation. It probably did. "I learnt that you have to fight for what you want. Those rabbit cakes you love... it's not given out for free. I had to pay twelve silvers for it—provided no one else wanted it."
Yue'er's hands were as warm as usual. Yet, months in the imperial palace had replaced soft palms with a thin layer of callouses. Where she had been wallowing in misery about losing her family and freedom, Yue'er was working hard to ensure she lived in comfort and indulgence. And she'd been too blind to appreciate it.
Zi Hua lowered her head, loathing the fresh wave of self-blame that washed over. "I... I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"Don't blame yourself, miss," Yue'er said gently. "From the day you took me back to Yang Manor, I swore an oath to follow you for life. Everything I do is to make you happy... Even if I can only come up with insignificant ideas."
"Yue'er, none of it was insignificant."
Her eyes felt logged with emotions all of a sudden.
'No, don't cry, Hua. Don't make this sadder.'
"My point is, His Majesty the Emperor is like those rabbit cakes," Yue'er continued, blinking back matching tears. "Every woman in the rear palace wants him. Here, His Majesty isn't Sir Zhen anymore, and you aren't "Young Lady Yang" either. That means the other consorts have as much a right to be with him as you, and Concubine Lin's example is just the start. "
The start.
"Just" the start, and she had already nearly lost Yue'er.
Words eluded Zi Hua. In her heart, she knew how futile protesting was. Just like when Jiu'er had warned her about Tian's deception.
"Miss."
Yue'er smiled at her, then. It was a smile Zi Hua had never seen from her before, shedding the carefree innocence of youth and painted with the kind of understanding that came with a price. It encompassed the nostalgia for a future she would not be able to experience, nor reminisce with her friend when it became the past.
"The past twelve years at Yang Manor were the best years of my life. I know it's silly to wish we could've continued on like this forever, but even then, I made this wish on every birthday we celebrated," she admitted. "You'll be fine without me, right, miss? Because I know you're a brave and upright person, and you've never given up once you set your mind to something... You'll carve out a unique path even without me."
She started to walk away, and Zi Hua stumbled to hold onto her. "Yue'er!" she shouted.
She cried in the end. Surprisingly, Yue'er didn't.
She looked back, one last time. The day they met, Zi Hua had been the one to give her hope. This time, she comforted her with a grin as bright as the sun. "So, keep walking on a happy, flower path for the both of us, alright?"
So bright Zi Hua couldn't refuse her.
"I... I will—I promise!"
"Pinky swear! And promise to visit me often!"
In that moment, she felt so small, basking under Yue'er's optimism.
Twelve years ago, she befriended an orphan and made her family.
Three months ago, they moved into the rear palace.
A few weeks ago, Yue'er defied death.
It felt like a lifetime had passed, when in actuality, their lives had just begun.
"Then, I'll leave now, miss! Goodbye!"
Time truly waited for no one.
"Goodbye, Yue'er..."
She wished it made an exception all the same.
***
The next day, Phoenix Palace.
"As July approaches, so does the annual summer retreat," Empress Zhao announced. "For the new sisters' information, every year, an exclusive amount of imperial consorts are chosen to accompany His Majesty on a one to three-month stay at Summer Palace to escape the sweltering capital city. It is both an honour to be chosen, and a pleasure."
All imperial consorts, regardless of seniority, perked up at the news. However, Empress Zhao was mainly focused on one person: Noble Beauty Yang.
After Concubine Lin's stunt, she kept recalling the emperor's attitude toward Noble Beauty Yang, mentally searching for clues of other instances of special treatment. In the end, she'd put her name on the list to kill this uncertainty once and for all.
But astonishingly, the emperor removed Yang Zi Hua.
'Why?'
Thinking back, the only time he met Noble Beauty Yang recently was the night after her lady-in-waiting's incident. The visit should've been recorded by the Imperial Affairs Bureau, but Noble Beauty Yang was sick and unable to serve the emperor. After that, he'd stormed out in the middle of the night.
He wasn't a man driven by temper, least of all one caused by unsatisfied lust.
'What happened between them that night?' Empress Zhao wondered. 'What did they talk about?'
She had a feeling the answer would be the key to understanding their relationship.
Oh, right—better not keep the others waiting any longer. Their collective anticipation was burning a hole through her.
"This year, the ones selected are as follows: Noble Consort Meng, Virtuous Consort Liu, Consort Chen, Noble Concubine Gong, Concubine Lin, Noble Lady Bai, Noble Lady Meng, Noble Lady Qiu, Noble Beauty Luo, Lady Beauty Xie, and Lady Beauty Jiang. That is all," Empress Zhao revealed. "If anybody on the list is not present, may a kind-hearted sister fill her in later."
"Time flies... This time last year, I was admiring the flowering magnolia trees in my residence at the Summer Palace. A pity the lovely view will have no one to appreciate it this year," Noble Lady Wang said sourly.
She was the only Noble Lady absent on the list, so naturally there were a lot of... feelings. However, not everybody shared the same sentiment.
"Worry not, Noble Lady Wang, I'm sure one if the new sisters will appreciate the scenery of Magnolia Residence in your stead," Concubine Lin quipped.
Noble Lady Wang's expression twisted, but when her gaze landed on the other woman's ever-growing stomach, it was replaced by one of aloof magnanimity. "Hmph. I doubt the view will last long anyway."
'Strange,' Zi Hua noted. But she couldn't dwell on Noble Lady Wang's abrupt contradiction, as the mass's attention had shifted to the last name announced.
"Isn't Lady Beauty Jiang the newly promoted Lady Talent Jiang?" Noble Lady Meng asked.
Unlike her older sister, she didn't have the privilege to skip morning assembly, and she had been awaiting a topic she could discuss without offending anyone ranked higher than her. This made Lady Talent Jiang the perfect pastime, even if Meng Fan still believed what's-her-name was beneath her attention.
"I heard she caught His Majesty's eye dancing in the imperial gardens," Noble Lady Qiu said. "Consort Xu, your palace is nearby, so you must've been the first to notice."
Consort Xu rolled her eyes in pure annoyance. "I have much better things to do than pay attention to every performer in the imperial gardens, thank you."
A few of the junior consorts who had copied Lady Talent Jiang's attention-seeking act turned green at being compared to lowly performers.
Suddenly, Noble Lady Bai cued someone who had remained on the outskirts ever since her return to morning assembly.
"Hmm? Sister Yang isn't on the list? His Majesty favoured you most amongst us new consorts..."
Zi Hua stiffened.
She hadn't gotten over the revelation herself. Did Tian not want her to go? Was he still mad at her? This was an important event, wasn't it? Had her impulse ruined things between them that night...?
But nobody here cared about her inner turmoil, nor did they anticipate her reply, as they had much more to say.
"How astute of you, Noble Lady Bai!"
"Hahaha, isn't it to be expected though? His Majesty is enamoured with Lady Beauty Jiang now."
"To be fair, Lady Beauty Jiang lives up to her title, unlike someone..."
"Looks like Noble Beauty Yang will be stuck with us at the palace this year."
"Don't be discouraged, Sister Yang. There's always next year!"
"Ahem!" Empress Zhao cleared her throat, reducing the clamour to respectful murmurs. "As Virtuous Consort Liu said, those who weren't selected must not be disheartened. You will still be able to keep the empress dowager company in the palace, and there's more chances to participate in the Summer Retreat in the years to come.
"Now, I believe that's all for today. You may start packing or going about your duties. Assembly dismissed."
***
Palace of Tranquillity, eastern chamber.
"Sister Yang isn't on the list? His Majesty favoured you most amongst us new consorts..."
"His Majesty is enamoured with Lady Beauty Jiang now."
"Lady Beauty Jiang lives up to her title, unlike someone..."
"Don't be discouraged, Sister Yang. There's always next year!"
Their mockery clung to Zi Hua like a second skin, even after she returned to her palace.
Why? Why was it bothering her now when she had already learnt to ignore unpleasant chatter?
'You know why.'
Because there was truth in their venom.
Because she wasn't as pretty as Jiang Ya'er, or the others. Not conventionally, anyway.
Because she was, indeed, losing favour—favour that she was starting to realise she had taken for granted, lost in the rose-tinted memories of a special bond forged in Xiping.
But she was beginning to understand "special" didn't last forever.
"His Majesty isn't Sir Zhen anymore."
Sir Zhen could be with her without worries, but His Majesty the Emperor could not. He could not help her in the rear palace... Or rather, he could not help her as she was.
Against the empress, a mere Noble Beauty was fish on a chopping block, let alone her attendant. And as the emperor, supporting the empress's decision was a given.
So, what could she do? How could she become someone who could defy the empress? Someone like Noble Consort Meng...
It was then that her brother's parting words rang in her mind:
"We'll always have your back, lil sis. Trust your instincts and follow your heart."
Her instincts...
Hah. Forget about her declining treatment by the rear palace servants; missing out on the summer retreat would only push her further into the corners of obscurity until she was forced to die hungry and alone in this small cage.
As for her heart? With each increasingly indignant beat, it screamed: Yang Zi Hua, why are you resigning yourself to this?!
Zi Hua stared out of the window, at the scene of a limited cloudy sky boxed in by scarlet bricks and jade green tiles. There were no clouds, no magpies, and nobody she could fully entrust her back to.
This was not the life she wanted...
But, it was a life she could change.
Suddenly, a seed of resolution grew within her, so visceral it seemed to make the sky brighter, the grass greener, the air a little less stifling.
It was time she stood on her own two feet.
Guarded her own back.
Shaped her own destiny.
"So, keep walking on a happy, flower path for the both of us, alright?"
She stood, turning away from the meaningless scenery resolutely.
"Alright, Yue'er," she whispered. "For both of us."
Let this promise be a goodbye to her past self—the Yang Zi Hua who was, in fact, a coward who would rather hole up in her shell than bravely pursue her heart's true desire.
From this day onwards, she would stop hiding—from conflict and from the truth.
If favour would improve her current situation and protect those she cared about, then she will fight.
If fighting would bring her to a greater height, one where she could stand beside him, equal and unwavering, she will fight.
She will fight, because neither the road to love nor survival was easy.
Yue'er, you said I should fight for the things I want, that he's not Sir Zhen anymore.
For once, you weren't being silly; I was the delusional one all along. Therefore—
I hope you will witness my rise.
I hope you will be proud of me.
So that one day, when you are by my side again, we can smile about our mistake-ridden youth.
You'll say you never regretted following me.
We'll joke about the past a bit.
And then I'll say:
"Look, Yue'er, I made it. We made it."