Zarenna.
I knew Zarenna was my name the moment Abby had said it. Her last act was to find my name and I would carry it with me always; more precious than any gift. Fury over her death and my own still burned within me, but it remained tenuously under my control, at least for now. Whatever happened next, I'd tackle head on and figure out later. Maybe not exactly head-on, but that last bit of advice brought a smile back to my newly whole face.
The place above my sternum glowed green and the wisps of mist that had been floating apart drew toward me. In the distance, behind me, I sensed and then turned to see a roiling mass of mist. I knew I had been inside that maelstrom moments ago. Even now, the mist was settling down. Wisps closer to the mass were drawn into the roiling, densifying cluster.
Other memories, fragmented and terribly distorted, flew through my mind. People I knew in passing, people I didn't. Perspectives I couldn't figure out. Then, a clearer memory.
I finally did it: I asked him out. He was shocked, but he accepted. Any girl who was brave enough to ask a guy out was one he shouldn't pass up a chance with, he'd said. Cheeky! We'd known each other for years; I was just glad he fancied me the same way.
I almost didn't recognize the boy at first. Slowly, I realized he was my father. He and mom always talked about how they were each other's first love. A pang of sadness lanced through me. I knew I'd never see them again. I already knew that, but now I was more than certain.
My mom had asked my dad out against social convention. Maybe they'd have been okay with me? No, they absolutely would've been. Maybe it would have been difficult, but I shouldn't have doubted my parents.
The memory faded and I felt more at ease. A last wisp, further than the others, made it to me.
One last memory.
I had old hands. These hands had just finished writing. I let the ink dry, put away the pen and closed the book. The front read "Beginner's Guide to Magic". I set the book in a small wooden chest with some of my old foci and tools and latched it shut.
As the memory ended, I realized the "me" in the memory was Abby's nan. And this memory was from her last night alive.
The last night alive for all of us here.
But now, in this void, I could feel and think. I felt like me, like Zarenna. Was I alive? And wait, Bourick mentioned Abby's nan when we were running to the fire. If only I could remember what he said. Did it even matter now?
Behind me, the roiling mist coalesced into a dense ball. I drifted further and further from it. I didn't know what the ball of mist was, but I knew it was the cause of my pain and those twisted thoughts. Even now, I could feel wrath within me, but it was controlled.
The ball of dark mist, at the edge of my perception, seemed to bend out of reality. Around it, the void warped and twisted until something snapped. It hurt to look at and I looked away. When I turned back, the void was empty and still again.
I continued to drift.
I thought about myself and Abby. And I thought about Tania. I hoped she was alive, but I'd never know if I stayed drifting in the void. I'd never make use of Abby's gift or get to know and love my new name.
Zarenna. The name was unusual, that was for sure, but so was its donor. It was a perfect fit.
This time I caught my thoughts as they wandered. I needed to get out of this place. The mist ball left somehow, so I could too. Turning and tilting, I realized I couldn't do anything to move. I still couldn't even truly see my own body; I just knew that I had one. My limbs felt distinctly like they existed, but that was it.
I tried to think about leaving. Eventually, I grew frustrated, and then angry. I felt my core heat up, but strangely it didn't burn me; it just grew hotter and hotter.
Suddenly, I felt myself being flung through the void. Around me, the nothingness grew redder and redder and hotter and hotter to match my own internal fire. I tried to focus my anger as it grew out of control, but it threatened to overwhelm me.
Just as I reached my limit, I felt the void around me bend and twist. I pushed up against the strange surface, then seemed to pass through a membrane of some sort. I didn't feel the void snap back. I didn't feel the void at all anymore. All I felt was a cloying heat and an immense pressure.
I was being dragged upward. My everything felt numb. I knew I still had a body, but I couldn't figure out how to do anything with it. I was pushed up and up, then to one side. I felt a floating, rising sensation like a cork in water. The heat was still intense, but the pressure started to ease. I tried to open my eyes, but first I had to remember how. When I did, all I could see around me was a dull red mass.
Then I felt a limb, a leg probably, break through the cloying heat into much cooler air. I moved and twisted, unsure of what I was doing, but in my mind, I was trying to right myself. I don't think I succeeded. But whatever I was stuck in was dense and I floated up on my own. Limbs in a tangle, I reached and pushed and pulled in any direction I could think of. I grabbed onto and kicked solid pieces that crumbled away, but eventually I grabbed something solid and held on. I righted my body as best I could and felt my head breach the surface into cooler air.