Chapter Fifty-Two – [Memory, Senior Year, March] – You'll Never Be Alone
"Man, you're always up to the craziest things," Lyn scolded Brad, watching his friend pushing the swing to go higher.
This short break at Brad's home was supposed to be a welcome respite from all the studying the boys were putting in with finals and their graduation getting closer and closer. However, Lyn hadn't expected Brad's parents to be away from home, leaving 'the realm' all to themselves.
Only, instead of the rest and relaxation that had been promised, Brad had promptly changed all their plans to this: sneaking beers and getting on this dangerous swing, laughing madly.
"Come on, man, live a little," Brad shouted at him.
"You're drunk," Lyn said, but laughed, too, and began gaining speed. "What am I going to tell your parents when you fall on your head and I have to take you to the hospital?"
"Stop being so dark, Lynton," Brad made a poor imitation of Alexander's accent and laughed harder. "I might not be good at a lot of things, but I'm a champion when it comes to this." To prove his point, he struggled to stand with both feet on the swing, pushing it faster.
"You are great at many things," Lyn said. "You don't have to prove anything. And why are you imitating Alexander right now?"
Brad hiccupped and snickered, not necessarily in the right order. "Because you like him more than me."
"Where did you get that idea?" Lyn expressed his righteous indignation.
"You two," Brad said, leaning back dangerously and tipping his head back, "are always engaged in this never-ending battle. Seriously, if I didn't know you two are as straight as they come, I'd think you want to fuck."
Lyn sighed and shook his head. The evening breeze on his face felt good. "We're only fighting. You have one kinky imagination if you imagine Alexander and me going at it."
"Going at it," Brad snorted. "You talk like an old man."
"I like you better," Lyn said after a moment of hesitation.
"Really?" Brad leaned over, wrapping one arm around the chain on that side, making the swing tilt at an angle that broke its speed.
"Of course. You're better looking, too," Lyn said.
Brad burst into laughter. "No way. His Majesty is the best at everything. Even his cock is bigger."
"And how do you know that? Did he show it to you?" Lyn asked, only half-joking. Brad thought he and Alexander shared something he had no access to, but that wasn't the case. It looked to him like his friends were the ones keeping things from him.
"No," Brad slurred the word. "But I caught him jerking off."
"What?" If Brad were sober, Lyn would think his bestie was pulling his leg. "When did this happen? And how the hell did you catch Alexander doing anything, let alone masturbating? Was it freshman year? That's when you started telling me he has a monster dick."
"Back then, it was an educated guess. Because of his big crotch." Brad gestured at his own, making Lyn's eyes glide toward the point of interest. "I got the confirmation last year."
Lyn shook his head slowly. "I just can't imagine him doing that."
"Why?" Brad asked, leaning toward him again, making his swing jerk around haphazardly.
Lyn shrugged. "He doesn't have time for it, to begin with. Also, I dunno… he seems like the type who would have sex on a schedule. And with the girls swooning over him, definitely not by himself. Since so many brag to have bagged him and all."
Brad guffawed loudly again. "No, no, no, man. I'm telling you. It really happened. I really caught him," he added with unhidden satisfaction.
Lyn frowned a smidge as he struggled to picture the situation. No matter how hard he tried, he came up empty. Seriously, always in control Alexander getting caught doing something so intimate?
"You didn't catch him," he said with a scoff. "You walked in on him without knocking."
Brad snickered as if someone was tickling him. "Yeah. Basically that. He should learn to lock his door. Oh, damn, wait." He tried to put both hands on his head in a gesture of sudden realization and gave up at the last moment because he risked falling from the swing. "He must've left his door unlocked because he hoped someone would catch him."
"Walk in on him," Lyn corrected his friend.
"Yeah, whatever," Brad said quickly, bent on chasing his weird idea about Alexander's habits. "He must've told a chick to come over so he could show her his big schlong and have her fall at his feet or something."
Lyn hid his face in the crook of his elbow to keep from laughing out loud. "That's too damn wild, man. Alexander doesn't need to do anything like that. You know girls like him."
"Yeah, sure, but what if he's kinky? What if he's doing that at home with his maid or something?"
Lyn had to bite his bottom lip hard. "I really don't think that's the case."
"Come on," Brad moaned, "he's way too perfect, right? He needs a dark secret."
"He doesn't need a dark secret," Lyn countered. "And fantasizing about getting caught while masturbating is far from being a dark secret."
"It could be," Brad retorted. "If it's him. Or you."
"Hey," Lyn protested, "what's that supposed to mean?"
Brad leaned over again. Lyn could smell beer on his breath, but he didn't mind it. He was so close, so familiar with Brad that such things, despite encroaching on his much-valued personal space, never bothered him.
"Do you touch yourself, Lynton?" Brad asked, giggling like crazy.
"Not right now. But my hand does feel a little twitchy. I might smack you upside the head, you ass. And weren't we talking about Alexander, anyway?"
"Yeah, that's right." Brad struggled to an upright position, but he was wobbling. Lyn watched him. From the day they met in the hallway until now, he was still the most beautiful guy he'd ever seen in his life.
Then there was Alexander, tall, dark, and brooding. Lyn liked him, too, but not better than Brad. And he only liked Alexander as a friend. Their familiarity had never reached the same level he shared with Brad, and it was different.
Lyn wouldn't want to live in a world without either of them, no matter what. Ah, damn alcohol. It made him sentimental.
"Anyway," Brad started abruptly after a short pause, "there I was, facing the monster."
"Are we still talking about Alexander's dick?" Lyn asked, feigning disbelief. He was curious, though. It was funny, really, because he wasn't interested in the topic but, for Brad's sake, he was willing to make a concession.
Oh, right, he was lying to himself. It was only normal curiosity; as a gay guy, what other guys' junk looked like was on his list of priorities. Especially if they were close friends. No, that was wrong.
Brad interrupted his train of thought by diving into his story. "As I was saying, I'm walking into his room. And he's on his phone, looking hard at something, hand on his dick."
"So, he was watching porn?"
Brad shrugged. "I have no idea. I mean, there was no sound. Maybe he likes looking at pictures of 2D anime waifus. I have no idea."
"Are you sure you didn't imagine he was holding his dick?" Lyn continued.
"How could I? That monstrous thing was right there." Brad gestured wildly, as if doing that helped Lyn imagine the scene better. "Huge crown and everything. And I think the bastard was edging because he was barely holding it."
Lyn shook his head. The picture of Alexander's long tapered fingers touching his cock, right under the crown—
No, he had no business going there. What the hell was Brad thinking, telling him about that? Alexander must have been mortified.
"What did he do? You must've surprised him."
"Yeah, but he was completely shameless," Brad declared. "I mean, he obviously didn't give a damn. He only stared at me and said 'Did you want something, Bradley?' I swear, he was so suave it was like he wasn't touching himself while another dude was standing right there."
"Well, that sounds just like Alexander," Lyn agreed. "He wouldn't be fazed easily by anyone."
"Hey, I'm not anyone," came the natural protest.
An idea struck him, and he blurted it out before he could think better. "What if he wanted you to touch him?" he provoked his friend.
"What?! Me, touch that monster thing? No way." Brad somehow found another beer can and began slurping loudly.
Lyn stopped, unsure of how to continue. He shouldn't have said that. Any of it.
"I don't wanna develop like an infuriating complex," Brad added, unaware of Lyn's inner struggles.
"Infuriating?" Lyn blinked, trying to get back on track with the conversation.
"You know," Brad said, showing frustration. "Infori—no, infuri—no--"
"Inferiority complex? Gosh, you're wasted." Lyn got down from the swing and came to stand in front of Brad's.
He helped his friend down and welcomed Brad's full weight in his arms.
"I wouldn't develop one of those if I touched yours, Lyn, right?"
Lyn staggered. "Brad, you're heavy, man. Yeah, I don't think you'd feel threatened by the size of my dick in any way, shape or form."
"Wow." Brad straightened himself up. "Do you have that kind of complex, then?"
Lyn rolled his eyes. "You're really something. It's directly proportional to height," he explained. "It's not out of the ordinary for taller people to have larger sexual organs. Like foot size, right?"
"Hmm, okay," Brad admitted. "How many dicks have you seen in your life, Lyn?"
"Plenty," Lyn replied. "Porn is full of them. It's inevitable."
That should get him off the hook.
"What about real life?"
"Why would I see dicks in real life?" Lyn asked rhetorically. "You and Alexander both swung your dicks in my face a few times, but that's about it."
"Ah, so which of us is bigger?"
"Seriously, man? You just admitted to Alexander having a huge dick. Don't ask me."
Brad pulled away and grimaced. "You should've looked, Lyn. How can you be so damn unreliable when it comes to dicks?"
He wrapped one hand around Lyn's neck, squeezed for a moment and then letting go. Chuckling to himself, he began walking toward the house. Then, he stopped and turned around, swinging his entire body in Lyn's direction.
"We should jerk off together sometime. Yeah, then I'll know."
Lyn opened his mouth to say something, then decided against it. Brad was drunk; of course, he'd say the craziest things.
***
"Can I tell you something?"
Lyn had expected Brad to be asleep by now, seeing how much beer his friend had managed to pour inside his stomach. But it looked like Brad had infinite energy, when Lyn could barely keep his eyes open.
"Go ahead," he said, feigning exasperation but secretly enjoying this time alone with Brad.
Although they had separate rooms, Brad had insisted on pulling a cot into Lyn's. The presumable reason was that he didn't want to let Lyn sleep alone.
"I lied."
"About what?" Lyn pushed himself up on an elbow and looked down at Brad who was lying on his back, his hands linked together over his stomach. It was a full moon tonight, so the bedroom they shared was brighter than on other nights.
"I'm the one who hates sleeping alone," Brad confessed.
Lyn snickered, but when no laughter followed from his friend, he leaned over the edge of the bed. "For real?"
"Yeah. Don't laugh," Brad scolded him.
"Okay, I won't. I'm sorry. I just thought you were joking."
Brad remained silent for a few moments. Then, he started again. "I can't ever stand still. I need to be around people," he blurted out. "If I'm alone for too long, I get antsy, you know?"
"I didn't, but now I know. Have you always been—I mean, it must've been hard growing up without siblings."
Lyn didn't know why, but he felt his chest squeezing tight.
"It wasn't that bad before," Brad said. "But as I, I don't know, mature and stuff, it's getting harder, not easier."
"Have you talked to anybody about it?" Lyn asked, focusing on concealing his own worry so he could be a good friend.
"I'm talking to you right now."
"I mean, a professional."
Brad pushed himself to a sitting position. He rested his forearms on his bent knees and looked down. "No one can help," he said quietly.
Lyn knew his stunned silence wouldn't help anyone. "This bed is large enough. Come here, let's sleep together," he said.
Brad turned his head in his direction. "Are you sure? I snore."
"And I sleep like a log. I don't see how that would bother me."
Brad guffawed like a school kid. "You're so lying right now. You're like that pea princess. Delicate and stuff."
"Oh, come on," Lyn protested. "Get in here. I'll hold you." There was at least that he could do.
"What? Do you expect me to play little spoon?" Brad expressed his fake outrage.
"There's no one else here. I promise not to tell anyone."
"Not even Alexander?" Brad asked, sounding so hopeful that it did strange things to Lyn's heart.
"Why would I tell him about it? Your perfect macho personality is safe with me. Get in bed right now."
Brad didn't wait to be told twice. He giggled as he snuck in and accepted Lyn's offer to cover him with the blanket they would share. Even more, he turned his back so Lyn could embrace him from behind.
"It does feel good to be little spoon," he said, giggling again.
"See?" Lyn laughed, too, although his chest felt heavy. Brad's parents loved their son. Were they aware of his anxiety? Lyn couldn't picture them being dismissive about their child or ignoring any of his needs, regardless of their nature.
Brad quieted down. "Thanks, Lyn," he whispered.
There wasn't much to be thankful for, Lyn thought. They were still too young, he realized. How could they face the world when they were hardly equipped for it? They still needed others.
And that might never change. The thought scared him. He needed to be self-sufficient; no, he needed to be more, to become someone his friends could truly depend on the same way he depended on them.
He caressed Brad's hair slowly, enjoying the sound of his soft snoring. It looked like he was out like a light.
"You'll never be alone," he promised, even if Brad could no longer hear him.
TBC