Esther's POV
Ever since Aholah's case became a public business, I have made it a thing to end all the girl-to-girl relationships that I was in but it wasn't easy. The minute I apologized to God, I met Christine or Pricilia or any of my girlfriends and all they wanted to do was touch me. However, Meeting Nurse Deborah at the school clinic was a game-changer for me. She seemed like someone I could confide in. I hear if we are struggling with an addiction and want to get out we would need an accountability partner. It two years now since I have been dating a girl and all it has done to my life is bury it in the sand of the crowd at Convent Faith University. I'm done with this kind of life. I must change. I will go back to Jesus. I will promise Him a changed Esther and he will accept me. Isn't that what she preached during devotion today? I must see her. I joined the clinic bus that morning and found her office in no time.
"Good morning Nurse Debby." I greeted her with a smile. She was already smiling at me so it'd have been disrespectful not to reciprocate that. There's something about this woman that just makes you love her without thinking about it.
"Esther, how are you doing today?"
"I'm fine ma."
"This one that you are here again hope no problem."
"No ma. I just..." I swallowed. "Wanted to see you..."
"Okay." She leaned in. "Have your seat."
" Ma I'm..." Not as easy as I thought. "I'm a lesbian and..."
I watched her face. She is just the normal Miss Debby leaning on her raised arm on the table. She didn't look as surprised as I had expected. "I want to change and it's hard."
She was quiet for a while and then she spoke. "I don't understand what you mean by lesbian."
"I sleep with girls. I date girls." She was quiet again.
"I wasn't always like this. I come from a Christian home. My parents love the Lord and I did too. I changed in the 200 level. I don't know how it happened but I am not addicted to something that God hates, how can I be free? It is hard to change. But I want to."
"So..." She relaxed in her chair. "Why are you telling me? What do you want me to do for you, Esther?"
"I need your help. I know you know Jesus. I don't want to end up like Aholah..."
"You mean Wura."
"Yes, her life is ruined. She has lost four years, lost her womb, and can barely live due to her blood issue. Please help me beg Jesus to forgive me." Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was speaking my mind. If anything goes wrong with me I'd die and go to hellfire. My parents are not as rich as Aholah's enough to take me abroad for any treatment. I'm done with living my life for the pleasure of being touched.
"Okay, ehm..." she shifted in her seat. " Let us pray..."
***
Aholah in China.
This blonde man stood over me while addressing my parents. I wished I could see him, how his gelled blonde hair falls over his face or maybe he's the old one who brushes them back or the long hair tied in a ponytail. I felt like I was in the middle of two worlds. Eyes shut and my body having a mind of its own, all I could do by myself was hear faintly what was going on around me.
"We need to run more tests. She tested negative again."
I heard my mum's loud sigh and my dad's familiar hissed. I've frustrated them too much i deserve to die and rot in hell but... I don't want to. Weeks in this state had brought me back to the reality of heaven and hell and with all I have done, it is perfect to conclude that I am the one on the list of the lake of fire offenders. I just wondered if God can still forgive. Sometimes I make up my mind to ask my mum whenever I wake up but I always forget. Besides, she's only concerned about whether I am feeling better or what they could do to make the whole healing process faster. But I know I'm not getting any better. I am depreciating, no doubt. And one day I'd die and meet the devil. Didn't the bible say he is the father of all liars, my father and he'll welcome me with his ugly teeth and fangs into his burning abode? Aargh!
My heart beat accelerated and the once calm room became chaos.
"She is having a heart attack. Doctor Lane, code red, IU113." I heard a nurse scream. Struggling once again for the freely given oxygen I wish I could start my life again without having to die.