When Lin Feng opened his eyes again, it was not the pearly gates he saw, nor a demonic pit of damnation. No, it was a pair of melons. Not the fruity kind, either.
"Holy… am I in heaven?" he whispered, eyes locked onto the soft, creamy mounds squished together by a dangerously low-cut robe.
"Pervert," said the woman attached to them, smacking him so hard his head bounced off the straw bed like a malnourished rubber ball.
Lin Feng blinked, dazed. "Still better than Excel sheets…"
"You're finally awake, trash," she snapped. Her voice had the elegance of a flute and the venom of a viper. "I dragged your unconscious body from the middle of the road after you got knocked out by a chicken."
"…A chicken?"
"A very angry chicken."
"…Was it at least a magical chicken?"
"No."
"…Damn."
Lin Feng sat up with a groan, holding his head. His robe had been changed—he now wore something loosely fit, like a budget cosplay of a martial arts drama extra. His chest was bare. His hair, somehow longer and silkier, draped down like he'd just walked off a shampoo commercial.
The woman stood, arms folded under her assets like she knew exactly how distracting they were. "You're in the Outer Sect of Cloudsky Sword Pavilion. And I, Wu Yueran, just saved your pitiful life."
He tried to bow. Instead, he pulled a muscle in his back and screamed like a dying goat.
"Right," he said, rolling back onto the mat. "So… outer sect, you say? What's that, like the slums of cultivation?"
Yueran sighed dramatically. "You really are clueless. You don't even know what sect you're in?"
He opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "Is it too late to go back to the chicken?"
---
Ten minutes, one verbal beatdown, and three accidental peeks at Wu Yueran's cleavage later, Lin Feng had a rough idea of his situation.
He had apparently been reincarnated into the body of a nobody named also Lin Feng—a poor, outer sect disciple with zero talent, zero friends, and possibly zero working brain cells.
Which meant: no wealth, no power, and worst of all… no women.
A nightmare, truly.
"Wait wait wait," he said, pointing at Yueran as realization dawned. "You… you're the classic tsundere-type senior sister!"
She blinked. "The what?"
"You saved me, call me trash, hit me a lot, and secretly care about me, don't you?"
"I will end you," she said, reaching for her sword.
"Yep, classic," he grinned. "So, where do I start cultivating? Is there like a training ground, or maybe a spiritual library, or—"
"Kitchen."
"…Kitchen?"
"You've been assigned to kitchen duty for three months."
Lin Feng's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?! I reincarnated into a mystical world of martial prowess and immortal beauty… to chop onions?!"
"Correction: peel potatoes," she said smugly. "You're the lowest-ranking outer disciple. Be grateful we don't make you clean the latrines with your tongue."
Lin Feng's soul screamed. The System inside his head, which had been ominously quiet, finally dinged like a toaster.
> [System Activated!] Welcome to the Ultimate Trash-to-Harem System!
Current Status: Outer Sect Garbage
Goal: Become Immortal Supreme God Emperor of All Realms
Side Quest: Lose Virginity Before Age 30
Reward: 10 Harem Points
"…You're kidding me."
> Main Quest: Seduce a Female Cultivator of Higher Rank
Reward: 50 Harem Points + Passive Skill: 'Heavenly Bed Techniques (Beginner)'
He blinked. "So my power system is literally based on seducing women?"
> Affirmative.
"…I take back everything bad I said about this world."
---
Lin Feng's first day of kitchen duty was humbling.
He peeled potatoes. He chopped radishes. He burned rice. He got slapped by the head cook—a bearded man named Granny Xue—for "boiling water with too much sexual tension."
And somehow, in the middle of all that, he managed to accidentally walk into the women's bathhouse.
Twice.
"Third time," Wu Yueran growled, water dripping from her bare shoulders as she towered over him. "And I'll cut something off."
"I swear it's the system!" he cried, shielding his eyes. "It keeps pulling me toward Harem Points!"
She raised her sword. "Want me to remove your 'Harem Points' with a slice?"
"Pass!"
---
By sunset, Lin Feng had collapsed on his straw mat, reeking of onions, sexual frustration, and existential despair. The system dinged again.
> Quest Complete: Survive Day One Without Dying
Reward: +1 Harem Point
New Skill Unlocked: "Pitiful Puppy Eyes (Lvl 1)"
Effect: +10% chance of not getting kicked in the balls when ogling cultivators.
"Useful," he muttered bitterly.
But he wasn't done yet.
Because when night fell, a shadow slipped into his tiny hut.
He sat up quickly. "Who's there?"
From the darkness, a figure stepped forward. A slim waist. Long legs. Glossy hair. A voice like honey and sin.
"Shhh," she whispered. "I heard you've been… misbehaving, little disciple."
Lin Feng blinked. "Is… is this a dream?"
She climbed onto his bed without a word.
His brain short-circuited. His pants became tenser than the plot of a 200-episode cultivation drama.
> WARNING: Quest Detected: 'Lose Virginity Before Age 30'
Progress: 87%
Please remain calm. Premature excitement will result in failure.
"Oh, shut up," he hissed at the System.
Lin Feng was sweating. Not the "training hard" sweat, but the "about to experience plot development in the form of naked thighs" sweat.
The mysterious woman leaned closer. Her robe slipped slightly, revealing a crescent moon tattoo between her collarbones. Her eyes glowed faintly in the dark—a mix of allure and murder.
"W-wait," Lin Feng stammered, his heroic instincts screaming, but his perverted instincts setting off fireworks.
"Are you here to... teach me cultivation?" he asked hopefully.
She smiled like a cat about to eat a hamster.
"Yes," she whispered into his ear. "Dual cultivation."
System:
> Emergency Quest Triggered: Engage in Dual Cultivation (Novice Tier)
Reward: +100 Harem Points
Bonus Reward: Passive Skill — 'Lightning Rod (Beginner)'
WARNING: Death from excessive Yin absorption is 87% likely.
"WAIT WHAT?!"
Too late.
She pressed her palm to his chest and began channeling Qi. A cool, tingling energy slipped into him, like minty breath on bare skin. But behind that sensation, he could feel it—her Yin Qi. Wild. Unstable. Horny.
"I'm going to die like a virgin battery," he whimpered.
And then the pain began.
Not the pleasant kind. Not even the S&M kind. This was the your-soul-is-being-steamed-in-a-sex-cauldron kind of pain.
"I'M TOO HANDSOME TO DIE!" he screamed, flailing like a noodle in boiling soup.
"Stop squirming," the woman snapped. "You're messing up the formation."
"You're messing up my insides!!"
The System blinked madly:
> Warning: Host at 3% HP
Host's dantian is unstable.
Internal meridians are flooding.
Genitals may explode.
"I DIDN'T EVEN USE THEM YET!"
With one last gasp, Lin Feng grabbed the woman's shoulders and activated everything he had—rage, desperation, and the accidental activation of the Pitiful Puppy Eyes (Lvl 1) skill.
It worked.
She blinked. Her grip faltered.
And in that moment, something inside Lin Feng exploded—not his junk, but his Qi Sea.
A blinding light burst from his chest, throwing the woman across the hut like a ragdoll in a hurricane.
Lin Feng collapsed, twitching, eyes rolling back.
And then…
> Congratulations!
Host has survived unauthorized Dual Cultivation!
Cultivation Base: Upgraded to Qi Gathering 2nd Layer
New Skill: Heavenly Yin Sponge (Passive) — Reduces damage from sex-based attacks.
You now smell slightly more attractive.
"…I leveled up from surviving sex," Lin Feng gasped. "This world is insane."
---
Morning came with the stench of burnt porridge and the ringing of a gong that sounded like someone smacking a goat with a pan.
Lin Feng limped into the kitchen like a man who had been hit by a carriage, mugged by a monk, and then used as a sponge.
Granny Xue took one look at him. "You look like you got dual cultivated by a succubus."
"I DID," he snapped. "Is this normal?!"
Granny Xue snorted. "Happens to every boy his first week. You'll get used to it."
"…I don't want to."
---
That afternoon, Lin Feng decided to train seriously.
Well, try to train seriously.
He went to the forest behind the outer sect and sat cross-legged beneath a tree. Birds chirped. A squirrel peed on his shoulder.
He tried to meditate.
"Focus… breathe… gather Qi…"
> New Quest: Achieve Enlightenment (Temporary)
Reward: Enlightenment
Penalty: None. Except looking like a fool if you fail.
He focused.
A minute passed.
Then five.
Then he got bored.
"Okay, screw enlightenment."
He opened his eyes to find a small, green goblin staring at him from three feet away, holding a club.
They blinked at each other.
"…Friend?" Lin Feng offered.
The goblin smacked him in the face.
---
Fifteen minutes later, Lin Feng stumbled back to the sect covered in mud, blood, and what he prayed wasn't goblin snot.
> Quest Complete: Survive Goblin Ambush
Reward: +10 XP
Loot: 1x Goblin Club (Splintered), 1x Goblin Toenail (Unwanted)
He dropped the toenail immediately.
Wu Yueran saw him limping up the path.
"What happened this time?" she asked, crossing her arms under her chest again in that dangerously distracting way.
Lin Feng saluted with a wobble. "I battled the vile forces of darkness in defense of the sect!"
"You mean you got your ass handed to you by a goblin?"
"…A very muscular goblin."
She facepalmed. "You're hopeless."
> New Side Quest: Impress Wu Yueran (2% Complete)
Reward: +1 Favor Point
Tip: Try not being garbage.
---
That night, Lin Feng sat on the roof of his hut, staring at the stars.
He had nearly died—twice.
He had gained two levels in cultivation, a passive sex defense skill, and possibly PTSD from a goblin encounter.
And worst of all… he was still single.
> Reminder: Side Quest Active — Lose Virginity Before Age 30
Current Progress: 88%
Warning: Prolonged virginity may result in testicular Qi blockage.
He groaned. "System… are you sure I'm not in some kind of perverted gag manhwa?"
> Possibility: 89.3%
He flopped back on the roof.
But then… he grinned.
Sure, life sucked. But at least now, it sucked magically.
And with cultivation, a system, and the promise of a harem ahead… maybe, just maybe, Lin Feng would rise from outer sect trash to inner sect pimp.
As Lin Feng lay on the roof, the stars above twinkled mockingly—each one a shiny little middle finger from the heavens.
"Tomorrow," he whispered dramatically, "I begin my rise to power. Fame, fortune, heavenly waifus—Lin Feng shall claim it all!"
Then a tile broke under him and he crashed into his hut, face-first into his chamber pot.
> Damage Taken: 1 HP
Status: Humiliated. Smells Like Shame.
---
The next morning.
Lin Feng awoke to aggressive banging.
Not the good kind.
The angry-fist-on-door-while-you're-naked kind.
"Open up, you freeloader!" came Wu Yueran's voice. "You've been summoned to the Mission Hall!"
Lin Feng groaned, rolled out of bed, and immediately tripped on his goblin club.
He dressed in record time (which for him still involved putting his outer robe on backward) and rushed outside, only to find Wu Yueran tapping her foot like an angry wife. Which, honestly, only made her hotter.
"Why was I summoned?" he asked.
"You signed up for beginner missions, remember?"
"I did?"
She held up a scroll.
> Mission: Monster Elimination (Low Risk)
Objective: Slay 1x Horny Flame Rabbit
Reward: 2 Spirit Stones
Bonus: Rabbit Meat (Spicy)
"…'Horny' Flame Rabbit?" Lin Feng asked.
Wu Yueran looked annoyed. "It's a rabbit. That's on fire. And also... horny."
"Can it dual cultivate?"
"YES. It tried with a watermelon last week. Go kill it."
---
The forest.
Lin Feng stalked through the underbrush, gripping his club like a very confused caveman.
"Okay, okay," he muttered. "It's just a rabbit. A flaming, lustful rabbit. What's the worst that could happen?"
Cue the scream.
He turned to find a junior disciple sprinting past him, clothes half-burned, covered in bite marks and love scratches.
"RUN! IT'S IN HEAT AGAIN!"
Lin Feng gulped.
And then he saw it.
Bounding through the grass like a demonic Playboy mascot was the Horny Flame Rabbit—about the size of a dog, glowing red, leaving burn marks in the grass, and somehow winking seductively.
> New Opponent: Horny Flame Rabbit (Qi Gathering, Rank 1)
Weakness: Cold water, rejection, commitment.
It charged.
Lin Feng shrieked and turned to run—only for the rabbit to pounce, aiming directly for his crotch.
"NOOOO, NOT THERE!"
In a panic, he flung his goblin club.
It missed.
He flung a rock.
It bounced off the rabbit's butt.
Then, in a final act of desperation, he screamed, "I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP!"
The rabbit froze.
And burst into flames of despair.
> Critical Hit: Emotional Damage x10
Opponent Defeated!
Loot Acquired: 1x Flame Rabbit Core, 1x Charred Rabbit Leg, 1x Singed Rabbit Condom (Why…?)
"...I don't know whether to feel proud or violated."
> Mission Complete!
+2 Spirit Stones
+5 Confidence
+1 Trauma
---
Back at the sect, Lin Feng strutted into the Mission Hall like he owned the place. He slapped the rabbit core on the counter.
"Behold, I have slain the beast!"
The clerk, a bored-looking elder with nose hair longer than his beard, blinked. "You actually survived?"
"I did more than survive," Lin Feng said, puffing up. "I emotionally devastated it."
"…What?"
"Nothing."
Wu Yueran arrived just in time to see Lin Feng pose dramatically with the rabbit leg like it was a trophy.
"Why are you like this?" she asked.
"It's a gift," Lin Feng said. "Also possibly a curse."
> Side Quest Progress: Impress Wu Yueran (12%)
---
That night.
Lin Feng treated himself to dinner at the outer sect's third-rate noodle shack, "Spirit Ramen." It was run by a retired alchemist whose soup often had side effects like spontaneous erections or temporary invisibility.
He slurped his noodles happily until he noticed someone watching him.
Across the shack, seated under a flickering lantern, was a girl.
No, not just a girl—a goddess with legs that could make a monk renounce celibacy.
She had long black hair, violet eyes, and an aura that screamed inner sect royalty. Her robe was tighter than morally acceptable and her lips curved in amusement.
"Enjoying your rabbit noodles?" she asked.
Lin Feng blinked. "Are you real?"
She laughed. "Unfortunately."
He moved to her table, still holding his bowl. "Name's Lin Feng. Professional trash. Amateur monster slayer."
She raised an eyebrow. "Xiao Yue. Inner sect. I heard about your... exploits with the rabbit."
Lin Feng tried not to choke. "Already?!"
"You traumatized a demonic beast with commitment issues. That's a first."
She leaned forward.
He forgot how to breathe.
"You have potential," she whispered. "Maybe I'll keep an eye on you, Lin Feng."
> New Character Introduced: Xiao Yue (Harem Candidate 1/6)
Status: Curious. Mildly amused. Probably out of your league.
Hidden Trait: Yandere (Locked)
Lin Feng watched her walk away and immediately fell out of his chair.
> New Side Quest: Woo Xiao Yue Without Dying
Difficulty: Hell
Reward: Love. Or Murder. Or Both.