Voss walked on the road, carefully managing his pace so his team wouldn't fall behind.He inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, he had survived another fight. He could continue living another day.
However, six of them died.
He glanced at the recruits behind him, some of them walked straight while others were curved forward, putting most of their weight on their spears. However, all of them looked exhausted, even if they tried to hide it behind a confident look he could see the fatigue in their eyes.
Voss sighed inwardly, even if he wanted to stop he couldn't. The road they were on wasn't a good place to stop, there was no cover and no clear way to retreat. As he watched them a pang of guilt struck him. He had tried his best to prepare these recruits for the battlefield but six of them had already died.
I have failed.
For a second he felt like a recruit again, slowly following his leader while trying his best to look strong and confident. His old leader always said that confidence was the key to success during battle.
Yes, but there is a difference between looking and being confident...
The thought of An Shin instantly brought down his mood. That man had a special talent for training recruits; even before Voss had arrived, An Shin already had a pristine, almost heroic reputation. At the time, people always said that every recruit An Shin trained was destined to become an elite. Voss even remembered some soldiers calling him an elite before he had officially become a soldier.
Yeah, an elite….
That compliment now seemed like an insult to him, the old man was surely an elite, but he definitely wasn't.
He wouldn't have had any casualties in a fight like that.
Voss remembered well the battles he had fought under An Shin; all of them were a testament to his leader's skill. He didn't know how but An Shin had a strange way of doing things that made everyone feel safe even during chaotic fights. He still remembered his leader always found moments of respite to call them to order or directly save them from certain death. The sense of safety that he gave out was so strong that even when Voss became a team leader, he still searched for An Shin in large and medium-scale battles where multiple teams were present.
However...
Voss's expression darkened as he forced his mind to come back to reality. He knew An Shin would have done better than him, but he didn't have time to think about the past. If he wanted his team to survive till the end of their training, he had to find ways to improve his ability and leadership.
He slowly began replaying the hill fight in his mind. First, he decided to focus on his duel with the enemy leader.
I was too slow to finish off, he was two stages below me. I should have won sooner.
His mind carefully analyzed each move while carefullt compiling a mental list of everything he had done wrong.
My Qi mastery is still subpar. My footwork is too imprecise. My Attacks are too obivous. I wasted too much Qi....
As his memory progressed, the list became longer and longer until he had to force himself to stop; he had other things to analyze and couldn't spend too much time on a single fight.
Voss was about to start analizing his recruit positioning and the way he had trained them but the sound of someone stumbling pulled him back into reality.
They can't hold on for long... Let's check on them.
He took a second to put on a reassuring expression, erasing any sign of worry or stress that could show his doubts, before slowly coming to a stop and turning around. Even if he wasn't in the mood for smiles and hugs, his recruits relied on him, he couldn't allow himself to look weak or unsure in front of them.
He looked at them, silently analyzing their conditions. If some of them were too weak or too tired to walk, he would have to find a nearby spot where they could rest and camp for the remainder of the day.
Sun and Hai Ming are still able to continue. Guan and Lee can probably hold on for one hour or more....
He continued his estimation of his recruits' limits until he arrived at Yun Qiang.
Yun Qiang can also hold on for one hour or two. But his state of mind isn't the best.
He remembered how he had seen Yun Qiang fight against two soldiers and how he had seen one of them with his head completely destroyed.
He probably lost control during his fight, I should probably talk to him later.
Actually, I should talk to all of them....
Yes, he still hadn't analyzed their performance during battle, but he should probably find some time to talk to all of them. Some of them needed a talk about their performance, while others needed him as moral support.
Voss silently promised himself he would talk to all of them after they returned to the Shard. He started announcing his orders, ensuring he didn't stutter. His voice had to sound clear if he wanted to instill confidence in others.
"We will camp on the nearby river. Follow me!"
He started walking in the forest, his mind hurriedly calculating the best spot to put a camp. Even if he had announced they would camp close to the river, he still hadn't decided the precise location where they would stay. He silently listed every spot on the river he knew, while throwing away every option that didn't satisfy his requirements.
Too far.Too exposed.Too close to the road.
A flash passed through his eyes when he thought of the perfect location. He corrected his direction and led them deeper into the forest.
Half an hour later, when they arrived, a satisfied smile bloomed on his face. The spot was exactly how he remembered it. The spot he had chosen was where the river curved, making a U shape, creating a small cove where they could camp without worrying about getting encircled or attacked on multiple sides. Besides this, if they had to retreat, he could order his team to jump into the river and let the current drag them away. The river current wasn't dangerous and would drag them far away from the border, into the Rose Kingdom, where they would be safe.
He started giving out orders.
"Sun, Hai, set up three tents, I want them there!" He pointed at the spot where the river curved.
"Fan them out so it follows the river's path. The most injured will sleep in the tent furthest away from the forest!"
He indicated a small group of five people.
"Those that aren't deeply wounded, come with me. We will get wood for the campfire. The others can rest."
Hearing Voss's words, Yun Qiang took a few steps, then sat close to the remaining recruits. While walking he had convinced himself he could still go on and even help with setting up the camp, but once he sat down, reality hit him. He was at his limit. His head was pulsing painfully while his right leg was strained by the extra weight he put on it. He suddenly felt something warm trickle on his chest. He looked down; his chest injuries had reopened and were now bleeding.
I'm a mess...
He lied down in a daze. His gaze slowly shifted towards Voss. Even when doing something so menial and simple like picking up branches for the fire, their leader looked full of energy and confidence.
How does he do it?
Yun Qiang continued staring at him. He didn't know how, but when someone was picking wood beside Voss, it seemed as if his companions sped up, as if receiving some of Voss's energy. His vision slowly started to blur.
Why? Why am I like this?
Now more than ever, he felt out of place. All of those around him seemed to quickly adapt to this lifestyle. They learned Qi mastery in a matter of a few weeks; when tasked with a long patrol, they faced their fears and lined up ready to go. They didn't need Sun's reassurance to line up in front of Voss. Even when they fought, they all managed to collaborate and stay united, while he got isolated and encircled by the enemies.
He continued lying on the ground, his vision slowly darkening. He gave one last look at Sun and Voss, both of them equally fast and blurry in his eyes.
Will I ever be like them?
Darkness covered his eyes. He fell asleep on the soft ground.
When he regained some of his senses, he could see various scenes and environments flash before his eyes. Some he could recognize, like his village, the forest where he hunted with his brother. Others he couldn't, like some mountain paths, a small village, and an unpolluted valley where a single river flowed. Every image that passed him left him with a sense of peace and serenity that he couldn't find while awake. All of the fatigue and negative emotions he had accumulated during the day slowly faded, letting his mind settle down and rest. He stayed in this state for an unknown amount of time, his mind willingly trapped in a peaceful place halfway between dreams and reality.
"Qiang, wake up. It's time for dinner."
Sun's voice resounded like thunder in his mind, shattering his visions, forcefully pulling him back to reality. The green valleys and blue skies were instantly replaced by the sound of flickering fire and the flowing of the nearby river.
Yun Qiang groaned weakly. He didn't want to wake up; he wanted to keep sleeping and enjoy his peaceful dreams. However, Sun continued speaking, his voice becoming louder and louder.
"Wake up!"
Yun Qiang groaned again. He slowly opened his eyes; the sky was almost entirely dark.
"What is it?"
His mind was still muddled, and he couldn't realize he was the only one lying on the ground; the other injured weren't there anymore.
"It's time for dinner," Sun lightly shook him.
Yun Qiang continued to look at Sun. He wanted to go back to sleeping, but he knew it was impossible to return to his visions. Some things were impossible to relive on command.
He mumbled a yes before pushing Sun away. He rolled to the side; a sudden pain hit him instantly, reminding him of his wounds. All of them had closed, but they still hurt, stunning him for a few moments. The now-awake Yun Qiang carefully returned to a sitting position, waiting for the pain to become manageable before getting off the ground with the help of Sun.
"Thank you."
His voice sounded dry, as if he hadn't drunk water in millennia. Seeing the wretched state Yun Qiang was in, Sun reassured him.
"Don't worry. Tomorrow we will walk a safer road, we won't encounter any more fights."
Yun Qiang knew Sun was lying. He had already understood that there was no safe road at the border. He had already accepted reality.
"It doesn't matter. If there is a fight, I will fight. There is no need to lie to me."
Sun's expression froze for a second before returning to the usual confident expression.
"I'm sure we will do well. Come on, it's time to eat."
When they sat down at the fire, nobody paid any attention to their arrival. Everyone just sat there eating silently. All of them had lived through a rough day, making them unwilling to waste time talking about irrelevant things. Even Sun and Hai, the ones that didn't receive any injuries, weren't in good spirits.
While they were eating, Voss suddenly spoke. His voice wasn't loud, but it still felt as commanding as ever.
"I will do the entire night watch for tonight. Just go and sleep. Tomorrow is our last day at the border; after that we will get closer to the Shard."
Some of them responded with a low "Yes, sir," while others just nodded or continued eating without saying anything.
Voss continued speaking, his tone cleanly shifting from commanding to reassuring and motivating.
"Before all of you go and rest, I want to say something really important." He paused, waiting for their complete attention.
"All of you did well during your first fight. Even if there are some things we have to improve, I'm sure you won't have any problem living as soldiers once you get more experience and training."
Voss took a moment to look each one of them in the eyes.
Yun Qiang stopped staring at his bowl of soup and looked at Voss in the eye. He expected to see pity in them; however, he only saw pride and certainty. It seemed that Voss truly believed they did well during the fight.
The confused scenes of his last fight quickly flashed before his eyes.
Yes, it went well...
He kept his ironic thought for himself, not daring to speak directly to Voss.
However, Voss's next words stunned him.
"It doesn't matter what you think about your first fight. Even if you think you didn't fight well, or that you were just lucky to land a hit or survive."
Voss spoke every word as if it was an unquestionable truth.
"It doesn't matter! You are the ones that survived; the rest doesn't matter. If you survived, you did well enough!"
Hearing those words, Yun Qiang lowered his gaze, lost in thought.
He could see the reason behind Voss's words. In a battlefield, the only thing that mattered was surviving, and they did just that. But that was just the bare minimum he could do. Didn't it matter how he survived? Could he really keep going like this? Ending each day tired and bleeding, fighting every battle as if it were his last, relying only on instinct?
Yes, maybe this is really how I should fight.
However, part of his mind instantly objected to this.
You can't go on like this. It was pure instinct of survival. It was the desperation of a cornered animal.
Yun Qiang wanted to object, but he couldn't deny the truth. In that moment, he was desperate and had lost control of himself. In the end, he had won because his enemies had underestimated him or weren't ready for his outburst. His madness wasn't a true skill.
Still, the other side of him didn't yield and insisted on the idea.
Even if it's not a skill, I survived. Can't I do it again when there is another life-or-death situation?
Part of him instantly screamed a response.
No! Fighting is method, strategy, skill. Not a hunting ground for savage beasts!
Even when he lied down in the tent, this argument circled endlessly in his head, making him unable to rest. Only when exhaustion set in did his mind start to calm down, leaving with him just one thought.
Survive.