Kaito slumps onto a log, covered in dried slime, emotionally drained and physically done. Lars is in the background doing shirtless pushups in the dirt.
Kaito's Monologue"He's like a golden retriever with a sword. If golden retrievers could do bicep curls and shout catchphrases."
Lars: "Gotta train for maximum slime resistance! PUSHUPS DON'T LIE!"
Kaito (muttering)"Maybe I died and this is the afterlife. That would explain the suffering."
A glowing notification pops up right in front of Kaito's face.
[New Feature Unlocked: Auto-Navigation Map v1.0 – Now 200% More Judgmental!]
Kaito blinks, then pokes the notification. A small holographic map unfolds in front of him, hovering and glowing. Almost immediately, a monotone-yet-sassy voice speaks up.
Map (dry, robotic tone)"Welcome back, Kaito. Coordinates synced. Warning: stupidity ahead."
Kaito (sighs)"Oh great. My map has a personality now. This is how the madness spreads."
Kaito starts walking around, map floating beside him like a judgmental drone. As he moves, the labels on the map shift and change dynamically.
"You are now entering: Mildly Threatening Forest.""Caution: Ambient stupidity increasing.""Point of Interest: Lars' Ego (Large, Overinflated).""Danger Level: 2/10 — unless Lars touches something. Then: 9/10."
Kaito (scowling)"Do you do anything useful, or are you just here to roast me?"
Map (cheerfully)"I roast with love. Also, I suggest avoiding the cave to the west. You're not emotionally ready."
Lars jogs over, sweaty and shirtless, catching sight of the floating display.
Lars"WHOA! Is that a power-up? Can I eat it?"
Kaito (deadpan)"No, Lars. It's a map. You don't eat maps."
Map"Incorrect. You can eat anything once, but I don't recommend it."
Lars pokes at the map and somehow zooms it way, way out. A giant red skull appears in the northwest quadrant with the label:
"Absolutely Do Not Enter."
Lars (pointing excitedly)"Let's go there!"
Map"Current IQ insufficient for survival. Recommend tutorial repeat."
Kaito (groaning)"New plan: I walk into the nearest lake and let the world reset itself."
Kaito walks while the floating map hovers beside him, updating in real time like a sentient, sarcastic weather report.
"Emotional Forecast: Irritation with a chance of existential dread.""Annoyance Levels: Rising.""Sarcasm Density: High.""Pathfinding: Recalculating because you missed the obvious turn again."
Kaito (squinting at the display)"This map is either the most advanced tracking system ever made… or the world's most passive-aggressive roommate."
Kaito's Monologue"If this map and Lars ever teamed up, I'd have to retire. Or explode. Whichever's quieter."
Suddenly, a notification pings with a dramatic chime.
[Relationship Status Update Available]
Kaito (alarmed)"What now—did Lars propose to a tree again?"
He taps it, and a new screen opens with unsettling stats:
Hero–Guide Compatibility: 37% (Critical)Emotional Damage: SpikingBond Progress: -2Recommended Action: Crying in a corner (Beginner Level)
Kaito (staring)"Negative two? I didn't even know it could go negative."
Map (cheerfully bleak)"Congratulations. You've unlocked a new achievement: Spiritual Suffering. Would you like to scream into the void now or later?"
Just as Kaito's about to toss the map into a lake, it pings again.
[New Quest Area Discovered: "Locals Who Will Probably Regret Meeting You"]Distance: 0.8 km. Regret level: Moderate to catastrophic.
Map"New destination registered. Estimated time to first apology: 17 minutes."
Lars (fist-pumping)"Adventure time!"
Kaito (sighing)"More like disaster time."
Map"Pre-registered statement: I told you so."