"You know what, you should visit a shaman again," Han Sooyoung said, chewing on some pajeon.
"Shaman?" Yoo Sangah said.
"Yeah, he's got some bad energy or something," Han Sooyoung waved it away.
"Bad energy, my ass," Jung Heewon rolled her eyes. "Dokja-ssi, you're just too nice for your own good and all kinds of trash take advantage of you. And you just let them because you're kind."
"Why're you such a pushover, seriously, Ahjussi?" Lee Jihye sighed. "I was joking when I said that lady was out of your league. You're way better than her. Ugh."
"We've already decided, Kim Dokja. Next time, your girlfriend or boyfriend goes through our screening process, okay?" Jung Heewon proposed.
She stabbed the air, in Kim Dokja's direction with her chopsticks. "This guy falls in love way too easily."
Kim Dokja wished he could do that. But at the same time, he was glad he didn't. He would have gone through hell if he had actually been in love with all his exes.
The decision was passed unanimously. Kim Dokja was horrible at anything romance related, they had to help him out before he got used by more pieces of shit.
"What was the business trip about? Some exhibition, wasn't it?" Jang Hayoung said quickly, having noticed Kim Dokja's lack of reaction and finding it worrying.
"A convention," Kim Dokja gave her a little smile. He didn't really care, but he was thankful that she wanted to make it less uncomfortable.
"They were just putting out all the latest technology and products and stuff. It was mostly to make connections and steal ideas, maybe that's why I found it boring. They had a few people come and give speeches and stuff, it was...interesting."
"Did anything special happen there?" Yoo Sangah asked, eyes shining mischievously. "Sooyoung-ssi said you met someone new."
All eyes spun to him again.
"You're not dating until we get through the person, clear?" Jung Heewon snarled.
Kim Dokja sighed softly.
"We're just friends," Kim Dokja said. "I don't even think I can call him a friend. We've met just a few times, really."
"Tell us more, Dokja-ssi," Lee Seolhwa urged.
There was nothing to say.
"I mean, there's nothing special," Kim Dokja shrugged, making up a story as close to the truth as possible.
"He was sitting next to me at the bar and he talked to me first."
"He was hitting on you, you dumb fuck!" Kim Namwoon snapped.
"Can someone hit him for me?" Kim Dokja glared at the boy. Both Lee Jihye and Jang Hayoung leapt to action and slapped Kim Namwoon's back.
"Thanks," Kim Dokja said with a laugh. "And he's wrong. He thought I was cursing him out."
And then Kim Dokja had to give an account of his encounter with a new person.
"I was...I think I was reading the texts or on call or something, and I said, 'Yoo Joonghyuk, you bastard' or something along the lines of that."
This was met with snorts and laughter, while Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an unimpressed stare.
"What?" Kim Dokja said. "You probably told me something dumb. . .Anyway, that man's name is Yoo Joonghyuk too and he thought I was talking shit about him."
"Yoo Joonghyuk? His name's Yoo Joonghyuk?" Han Sooyoung said and Kim Dokja nodded.
He left out the part where this Yoo Joonghyuk was his Yoo Joonghyuk's older cousin. Yoo Joonghyuk hated all of his family and the CEO Yoo Joonghyuk didn't seem to be very fond of the other either.
"We ran into each other again at the convention and decided to go for karaoke," Kim Dokja said. "There was a 24-hour karaoke there. It was fun. And we exchanged contacts because we were both heading to the inner city. That's all, really."
"What about the part where you went for dinner with him instead of meeting with us?" Han Sooyoung said and a lot of accusing stares fell on Kim Dokja again.
"He was paying me back," Kim Dokja said. "I helped him get to the hotel safely. We were both pretty hammered when we left the karaoke. He was thanking me with a meal."
"And he gave you an expensive box of mochi," Han Sooyoung was being a right menace for some reason.
"Half of which you gobbled up," Kim Dokja said waspishly.
"Is this why you're busy tomorrow?" Jung Heewon said suddenly. "Because you already have a meeting with this guy set up?"
Kim Dokja was a second late in answering and that sent the message to everyone.
"Don't go," Yoo Joonghyuk said and Kim Dokja felt a cold chill run down his spine.
"Don't be ridiculous," Kim Dokja scoffed. "I can't do that. We already arranged it last week."
"No, no, master has a point," Lee Jihye said. Jung Heewon and Yoo Sangah nodded in agreement.
"You can't go on dates with him until we meet him and all of us give the green light," the girl said.
"I'm not going on dates," Kim Dokja said wearily.
"You should introduce him to us, Dokja-ssi," said Lee Seolhwa. "Who knows? Maybe we'll have a new friend."
"I'll ask him about it," Kim Dokja said.
The dumpling that he was chewing tasted rotten for some reason. He was pretty sure it was just him, because everyone else, including Yoo Joonghyuk, was enjoying their food.
To be honest, he didn't want to introduce the other Yoo Joonghyuk to his friends. He wanted to keep it like a little secret just for him and him only.
But that was a ridiculous thing to do. Everyone he met and was friends with tended to get along excellently with the rest of their group. If Yoo Joonghyuk said that he was fine with meeting his friends, who was he to deprive him of a possible brilliant friend group?
"Hey, remember, if you start feeling any funny feelings," said Han Sooyoung. "You come to us first. Don't go and confess without getting our permission."
Kim Dokja rolled his eyes.
He knew they were just really worried for him, but this was just too much.
Honestly, if he were on their side, he would have done it too. He had been cheated on so many times and had to deal with shitty partners. His friends who saw him go through all of it were rightfully protective now.
They would be so disappointed if he ever told them the truth. He couldn't, mustn't tell them the truth. Ever.
"I've given up on that," Kim Dokja said. "No more dating for me. . .Maybe that Shaman was right, you know? I just have shit luck in romance."
Lee Hyunsung's expression fell and so did his shoulders, his whole hulking frame drooping because he felt sad for Kim Dokja.
"Hey, we're not saying don't," Jung Heewon patted his shoulder. "Just...Don't just like any loser immediately. Find some nice person, someone kind."
"Loyal," Jang Hayoung added.
"And good-looking," said Kim Namwoon. "Or else what's the point?"
"Do you want to get hit again?" Lee Jihye snarled.
"Someone smart and with Dokja-ssi's humour sense would be nice," Lee Hyunsung said.
"Same interests, of course," Lee Seolhwa carried it along.
"Feed the squid," Han Sooyoung smirked and Yoo Joonghyuk gave a serious nod.
"Someone who treats Dokja-ssi with all the kindness he deserves," Yoo Sangah said giving Kim Dokja a sweet smile.
"Should take him out on dates first," Jung Heewon said.
"Lots of dates," Lee Jihye piped up. "Not the other way around. I'm sick of you always making the first move, Ahjussi."
"Rich would be nice," Han Sooyoung snickered. "Sugar daddy type."
"A stable job would do," Yoo Sangah knocked that down.
Kim Dokja listened to all the criteria his friends had for his ideal significant other.
"Do you think someone like that even exists?" Kim Dokja was laughing by the end of it. "I'll just stay single, who cares? I'm over it. I've had enough, really."
They didn't like that very much. They went on to tell him how he shouldn't give up hope just yet and that there would be someone for him. He just had a habit of attracting dirty, stinky bastards so they would be on standby to spray room freshener and sanitiser if he ever got tainted by some shitbag.
Honestly, Kim Dokja was the shitbag here, but they didn't know that.
They didn't need to know that.