It is just as troubling as you'd imagine. Two Satanist Gun Mages looks epic, but is so annoying. We've shot each other's bullets out the air at least twenty times within the first minute. Utterly annoying. I'm ready to rock his shit. So I keep shooting while getting close. We've both got auto-aim as he called it, which is a epic perk to myself. Utterly annoying to fight against it. Once within melee range, I change gears and do gunkata.
First a jab to the throat, he dodges with a lean to the left. I twist my wrist that way, following after him. He manages to shoot the bullet out the air. So I just smack him with the pistol I've got. It hits him hard, cracking his skull. Then I press my gun against his skull.
"Block this, bitch." I say angrily.
He can't dodge, instead his head erupts into flames to melt my bullet and my gun's tip. I hate him. Time to abandon it, tediore style. I pull the trigger multiple times, amplifying it with my magic. Turning it into a damn bomb. Then I smash it into his skull. Or try to. He dashes fast as hell to the left. I growl angrily, and throw the pistol after him. It doesn't work, he shoots it to deflect it, making it explode early. How annoying. Now I've got one less pistol.
Ah well, he's in close range. Automatic shotgun time. I open fire with the full fucking clip. He manages to shoot the bullets out the air still.
"Neat. Time for an upgrade." I say with cocky malice.
I double time him, both the shotgun and the last desert eagle. Hip fire with the automatic shotgun, real aim with the desert eagle. This time he has to literally teleport out behind me. And strangely he begins rubbing against me like a lover.
"Hear me out Lucius. We pay rent, don't we?" Revolver says lovingly.
"Fuck no, you don't. That's my dad's money. And I'm sick of it now. My dad pissed me off, I realized I hate every part of satanism except the sex. And-" I rant angrily.
I push him away with the butt of my shotgun with my back still to him. I turn to point my guns at him, and well... he is very cute. I decide to be lenient.
"I will let you live if you leave now." I threaten half-heartedly.
"Hmmm... I'm not being paid to stop you yet anyway. Hopefully that doesn't change. You're very strong and handsome." Revolver says with love.
"You really do love me for some reason, huh? Why haven't you reached out before?" I ask warmly.
"Because I fell in love to steal your powers. I am really a child of Aphrodite, not Satan." Revolver says warmly.
I stare at him with an eye half closed. It's my annoyed or skeptic face.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just leave while you can. I'm reclaiming my basement." I say without a care.
"Will do. Until next time, sunshine." Revolver says happily.
He teleports out. I reload my guns. And begin searching this room for the goods. I use the classic gun mage move gunner jetpack, aka, shooting my guns down at my feet, to fly up and grab that sword Caliburn off the wall. And then after that on the ritual table is a organic satanist gun of some kind. I pick it up and it syncs up with me in a biological way. It cuts my hand when I pick it up, and begins eating my blood.
There is a blessing to this method. I can figure out what this thing is based on instinct. And based on my vibe, it seems to be an automatic pistol that feeds on my blood. And others if I stab them with the golden blade on the barrel end. Very useful. It has an eye in the spot you'd think a gun would have a revolver cylinder, and it stares at me with boredom.
"Why are you fighting against your own people? It's a waste of time." Demon Gun says, annoyed.
I see the barrel of the gun split apart like it's a talking bird. With the blade as the tongue. Creepy.
"My name is He that Kills with Lead." Demon Gun says proudly.
"I will call you D. Gun." I say warmly.
"If I am to have a nickname, call me Stan." Stan says warmly.
"I agree." I say warmly.
I start to shove him into a holster. But instead it wraps around my wrist and becomes a three inch long, one inch thick bracelet. It's purple and red, covered with veins that are blue and red. With the eye sitting on the back of my wrist. I like it, but it's not good for public.
"You're getting taken off when we go back to civilized society." I say seriously.
"Whatever, that's fine. Just give me some blood once a day. At least a pint." Stan says calmly.
"Fine. I'll consider it. Or sell you to another Satanist serial killer." I say calmly.
Before leaving, I look for the thermometer and turn it down to 70 degrees. I don't want to ditch my armor and cargo clothes. I can carry a lot at the moment. After this, I leave the room and begin searching another room. I decide to take down this wing first, so I head deeper within. And the next room is just an annoying room. It's another sacrificial chamber that's been abandoned. And left behind is a demon to kill.
It's something out of Binding of Isaac though. It's a sentient poop and blood demon. They did this one to spite me.
"Be careful. It is a child of Beezlebub." Stan says cautiously.
"Yeah, yeah. It'll be fine." I say angrily.
I open fire first, just deciding to kill it first before it even speaks. I hate these types of demons. They're such a meme. Satanist Warfare can be beautiful and epic like Stan. But it can also be degenerate and utterly infuriating like this thing.
It dashes to the left, leaving a trail of shit in its wake. I hate it, especially cause its boiling. Meaning it'll hurt to step on. It doesn't manage to dodge my shots however. I'm already shredding it to bits. Until it begins spreading out into separate little shitlets. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I just keep opening fire. Until it turns to ash and dust within seconds. Praise the gods, it's dead.
I jump over the shit trail, and find myself with two more doors. I really don't remember my basement being like this. This is clearly expansion territory at this point. And maybe even before if I think hard enough.
Left door is a unpainted wooden door covered with bloody runes. On the right is a metal crimson door that smells like blood. They both do really, but this one is soaked in blood. And some of it is fresh somehow. I can't decide if it's worth risking or not. It could be a room just filled with blood, knowing these dumb fucks.
"But if it is a blood room, you can feed me for a year." Stan says warmly.
"I don't like how you can read my mind. But you have a great point." I say, nervous and warm.
I open the door, and behind it is a fucking black stone cave. With corpses lying around. No blood pools, if anything, all the corpses are drained. I decide to press the cuff against the door to soak up blood.
"This will take a few minutes, but I can soak up this blood for sure. I'm glad you're smart." Stan says happily.