Great start! Your scene progression is vivid and fun, and Ellen's chaotic inner monologue adds humor and tension. Here's a cleaned-up and more polished version
*Ellen was stunned. Damian's looks could easily outshine the actual protagonist of this world.*
**Damian**: So... where did you get that song?
**Ellen** (nervous laugh): I-I wrote it... hehe.
*He raised an eyebrow.*
**Damian**: Oh.
**Ellen (in her mind)**: *Dang, he's rude. And to think he's the reason I'm going to die...*
**Damian**: Why are you here?
**Ellen**: H-huh? Oh! I wanted to see you, Damian~
**Damian**: Me? Why?
**Ellen (internal panic)**: *Because I don't want to die, you future mass murderer!*
**Ellen** (forced smile): Because I missed you?
*Damian gave her a cold gaze, sighed, and ignored her.*
**Ellen (thinking)**: *Bastard. Rude, arrogant bastard!!!... Okay. Calm down, Ellen. You have to survive. You can do this.*
*She followed Damian like a lost puppy, sticking close, trying to look casual. He glanced back, visibly annoyed.*
**Damian**: What do you want from me?
**Ellen**: You were ignoring me...
**Damian**: Was I? Oh.
**Ellen**: "Oh"? That's it??
*Suddenly, Edrick appeared, calling out cheerfully.*
**Edrick**: Heyyyy, Damian! Ellennnn!
*Damian immediately walked over and pulled Edrick away.*
**Edrick**: Huh? What's going on?
**Damian**: Your sister... she's acting weird.
**Edrick**: I know, right? She's being friendly—and didn't even call you "monster."
**Damian**: She didn't...
*—Scene shift—*
*Ellen was lost in thought, walking aimlessly when—bam—she bumped into someone.*
**???:** Oh! I'm sorry, miss. Are you okay?
**Ellen**: Ouch... my head... *She looked up—and froze.*
*A handsome man with tousled brown hair and dark eyes stood before her.*
**Ellen (internally)**: *Woah. Totally my type.*
**???:** Are you alright?
**Ellen**: M-me? Yeah, I'm fine! *flexes arms awkwardly* Look! Strong and fine!
*He chuckled. Ellen turned bright red.*
**???:** Never seen you before. That dress isn't servant-level... Merchant?
**Ellen**: How'd you know?
**???:** Lucky guess. I'm Chris. A servant here.
**Ellen (thinking)**: *Let's hide the noble identity for now...*
**Ellen**: I'm Elliana. Nice to meet you.
**Chris**: Elliana, huh? Elegant. Mind if I call you Elli?
**Ellen**: S-sure... *blushes*
*They talked for hours—light conversation, teasing, laughter. Ellen felt oddly at ease.*
**Chris**: Oh, look at the time! I have to go.
**Ellen**: See you next time, Chris!
**Chris**: Until then, Elli.
*Ellen walked back to her room, smiling, cheeks still warm.*
—
**Nighttime**
**Ellen**: Ugh, I can't sleep...
*She took a stroll. But as she passed a window, strange sounds caught her attention. Curious, she peeked outside—and froze in horror.*
*Damian. Slaughtering three men. No hesitation. His expression was cold, inhuman. His eyes glowed red.*
**Ellen (whispers)**: Holy—!! He's already killing people?!
*She ran. Heart pounding, she locked her door and hid under her covers, eyes wide open the entire night.*
—
**Morning**
**Edrick**: Did you sleep well?
**Ellen** (strained smile, with visible dark circles): Perfectly fine!
**Ellen (thinking)**: *I have to get out. Fast. Or he's going to kill us all...*
*Damian entered. His presence was heavy. He said nothing, just sat and ate in silence.*
*Ellen swallowed hard and stood.*
**Ellen**: Edrick, I think we should head home. I miss it.
**Edrick**: Already?
*Damian looked up, listening.*
**Ellen**: Yes. Already.
**Damian**: Shouldn't you ask the owner of this house?
**Ellen**: What?
**Damian**: Edrick stays. You can leave.
**Ellen**: What the—Fine! I'll go alone!
*She stormed out. Edrick followed, but Damian stopped him.*
**Damian**: Let her go. She's annoying.
—
**Two days later – Ellen's castle**
**Ellen**: Ughh my plan... I need to stop Damian from becoming the villain...
*She groaned, running her hands through her hair. Then she spotted two butterflies flying close—courting.*
**Ellen**: Huh... What if... Damian falls in love instead? Maybe with someone else!
*She paced.* He liked my singing... Maybe he likes singers?
**Ellen**: Yes! I'll take him to the carnival! There'll be plenty of dancers and singers! I'll find him a girlfriend!
Woohoo Ellen, you genius!
**Later**
**Damian**: I'm not interested in carnivals.
**Ellen**: Pleaseeee! I beg you, my lordddd!
**Damian**: Can't you go with your brother?
**Ellen**: He's busy with his... financial things! Haha...
**Damian**: *sigh* No.
**Ellen**: No one else is coming...
**Damian**: Then go alone.
**Ellen (in her mind)**: *You cold-hearted villain!!*
**Ellen**: Fine! I will!
*Damian watched her storm off.*
**Ellen (thinking)**: *Original Ellen couldn't even go alone to the market. But I can! I'll find you a wife, Damian, just you wait.*
—
**Carnival Day**
*Ellen snuck out at twilight. The carnival buzzed with life—colors, music, dancers, lanterns in the sky.*
*Wearing a simple dress, Ellen wandered the stalls, buying frozen fruit, sugar candy, and chatting with friendly shopkeepers.*
**Ellen**: How much is this?
**Vendor**: 3 silver coins, miss!
**Ellen**: Make it 2 and I'll sing you a song.
*They laughed. She enjoyed every moment.*
**Ellen**: Wow... my first drink! Here we go!
—
**Back at the Duke's mansion**
*BANG!*
**Knight**: Your Highness! Princess Ellen is missing!
*Edrick and Damian were mid-chess.*
**Edrick**: What?! Where could she be?!
**Damian** (calmly): The carnival.
**Edrick**: No way! She never goes anywhere alone!
**Damian**: ...
*They both stood and prepared to leave.*
**End of Volume 3**