The tea table was ready.
Lucien sat on one side, trying to smile politely. Across from him sat Iris, the golden-haired hero. Her sword was still drawn.
Mordekai, his skeletal butler, hovered beside them, holding a steaming teapot.
"Would you like sugar, Miss Hero?" he offered kindly.
Iris blinked. "Why is your butler a skeleton?"
Lucien shrugged. "Because hiring humans is hard when you're labeled a 'Dark Lord.'"
Iris narrowed her eyes. "You're trying to trick me."
Lucien laughed nervously. "No tricks. I just don't want to die today."
"Then stop being evil."
"I'm not doing anything evil right now. No curses. No monsters. No world-ending spells. I haven't even yelled 'FOOLS!' once."
Iris folded her arms. "Why are you acting so weird?"
Lucien sighed, glancing away. "I don't know how to be normal. I just woke up yesterday, and now everyone wants to kill me!"
A pause.
"…So you don't remember who you are?" Iris asked.
Lucien froze.
(Oh no. She's smart.)
"I remember… some things," he said slowly. "Just not the evil stuff."
"You expect me to believe that?"
"No. But I'm asking for a chance."
Iris frowned.
Then Mordekai leaned in and whispered, "Perhaps show her the puppies, My Lord."
Lucien whispered back, "We have puppies?"
"Yes. The shadowfluff hounds. Born of nightmares. Adorably vicious."
Lucien brightened. "Excellent idea."
He stood and turned to Iris. "Would you like to see something adorable?"
She raised a brow. "…What?"
"Come with me."
---
In the Dungeon Kennels
They walked through dim halls lit by red lanterns.
"This is the weirdest mission I've ever been on," Iris muttered.
Lucien opened a heavy door.
Inside were five tiny black hounds, kitten-sized, with glowing purple eyes and misty tails. They yipped and scrambled over each other to reach Lucien.
"Who's a good scary boy?" Lucien cooed, scooping one up.
One puppy wandered over to Iris and licked her boot.
She stared at it. Then… cautiously knelt and picked it up.
The hound purred and growled at once.
"…It's kind of cute," she admitted.
Lucien beamed. "I call them my Nightmare Nibblers."
Iris stared at him. "That's the dumbest name I've ever heard."
"Thank you," he said proudly.
---
Later That Night
Lucien sat on his throne. Iris had left, saying she needed to "think."
Mordekai hovered beside him.
"You did not die today, My Lord."
"That's a new record," Lucien muttered.
"Do you think she believes you?"
Lucien shook his head. "Not yet. But maybe someday. If I want to survive, I have to change the story. Be a different kind of villain."
"A polite one?"
"Exactly."
---
The Next Morning
Lucien stretched in his dark, oversized bed. "Didn't die yesterday. That's a win."
Just as he reached for his mirror—BOOM!
An explosion rocked the castle.
"What now?!"
Mordekai burst in. "My Lord! We have a visitor!"
"Another hero?" Lucien groaned.
"She claims she's here to marry you."
Lucien blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"
---
In the Castle Hall
Lucien stood nervously as the doors creaked open.
A tall elf woman entered with silver hair, emerald eyes, and a regal green dress. A longbow rested on her back.
"I am Lady Sylvara Elenwen, Princess of the Moonlight Forest," she announced. "And I have come… to marry the Dark Lord."
Lucien's brain crashed. "W-Wait, hold on—"
"She is very beautiful, My Lord," Mordekai whispered.
"That's the problem!"
Sylvara stepped forward. "Last month, humans invaded our forest, claiming the Dark Lord sent them."
"I didn't send anyone!" Lucien said.
"I know," Sylvara replied. "That's why I came. I found you… strange. You gave shadow puppies to a hero. You serve cookies at tea. You're not like the last Dark Lord."
"Thanks?"
"I propose a deal. Marry me, and the Elven Forest will protect your castle. In return: no war, no chaos, no world-ending fireballs."
Lucien blinked. "This is moving very fast."
"Do you accept?"
Mordekai whispered, "Free forest protection is a good deal."
Lucien scratched his head. "Can we… try dating first?"
Sylvara smiled faintly. "Acceptable."
---
That Night
Lucien stared at the ceiling.
"In four days, I've:
1. Woken up as the new Dark Lord.
2. Almost been murdered by a heroine.
3. Made friends with skeletons and puppies.
4. Accidentally gotten engaged to an elf."
Mordekai poked his head in. "More tea, My Lord?"
"Make it strong. I think I'm getting married."
---
The Next Day – Castle Garden
Lucien tried to enjoy the sunshine and chirping birds.
Sylvara sat beside him, sipping tea. Shadow puppies played nearby.
Then… Iris appeared.
Lucien whispered, "Oh no. She's here."
Sylvara sipped calmly. "Relax. We're doing nothing wrong."
"I don't even know what this is!"
Iris stopped in front of them. Her eyes locked onto Sylvara.
"…Who is she?" she asked coldly.
Lucien stood, panicking. "Iris! Great to see you! This is Princess Sylvara. She might be my fiancée now?"
Iris blinked. Then again.
"You WHAT?!"
"She offered peace!" Lucien blurted. "I just said we could try dating! That's not marriage!"
Sylvara stood. "We are allies now. You should be glad."
"I don't believe you," Iris snapped.
Lucien stepped between them. "No fighting! I just want to live!"
"You're acting weird again," Iris growled.
"Of course I'm weird! I'm a fake villain trying not to die!"
Sylvara tilted her head. "Fake villain?"
Lucien sighed. "Fine. I'm not the old Dark Lord. I don't remember any evil plans. I just want cookies and quiet and maybe not dying before lunch."
Silence.
"…Are you broken?" Iris asked.
"Or pretending to be stupid?" Sylvara added.
Lucien sat on the grass. "Maybe both."
---
That Evening – Awkward Dinner
Iris stayed for dinner, still glaring.
Sylvara stayed too, smirking.
Lucien sat between them, sweating into his stew.
Mordekai served with a smile. "Roasted bonefruit and nightmare salad."
Nobody spoke.
Finally, Iris muttered, "You're lucky I don't kill you."
Lucien nodded quickly. "Very lucky."
Sylvara added, "If you do, I'll declare war."
Lucien choked.