There are three things you don't expect to experience at six years old:
Existential dread.
A floating game show in your brain.
The realization you're living in the actual Marvel Universe.
I woke up tangled in an obnoxiously fluffy blanket on a bed so big I could practice parkour on it. One eye opened. Light poured in through a window bigger than my old apartment.
I sat up and muttered, "Still rich. Still six. Still weird."
DING!
A metallic chime echoed in my head like someone had slapped a toaster.
[SYSTEM INITIALIZING...]
Good morning, Host! You've officially reached age six! Welcome to the MARVEL SYSTEM. Please enjoy your 10x Ability Lottery and don't blow up the city. Accidentally.
"...What?!"
[Wheel of Destiny spinning in 3... 2... 1...]
A massive neon wheel appeared in front of my eyes, complete with confetti, fireworks, and theme music that sounded suspiciously like it was voiced by Ryan Reynolds.
DING!
1st Ability: ENERGY ABSORPTION
You absorb nearly all forms of energy—thermal, kinetic, radiation, cosmic—and convert it into raw destructive power. Comparable to a Kryptonian binge-drinking sunlight.
Side effect: You glow a little when overcharged.
"...I can literally eat lasers and punch like a sun-powered gorilla. Nice."
DING!
2nd Ability: ENHANCED PHYSIQUE + GENIUS INTELLIGENCE
You're stronger, faster, and tougher than peak human levels—borderline Superman-lite. And you're smart enough to build an AI out of a toaster and an Etch-a-Sketch.
"I could out-lift Captain America and out-code Tony Stark. At six."
DING!
3rd Ability: IMMORTALITY + TRUE REGENERATION
You cannot die. You don't age. You will regenerate from literal atomic dust.
Warning: You will still feel pain. Probably. Maybe. We haven't tested that.
"…I'm Deadpool without the trauma. Or the face spaghetti."
DING!
4th Ability: HEIGHTENED SENSES
Hear a pin drop in Tokyo. Smell sugar cookies from five blocks away. See through fog, darkness, and poor writing.
"I can hear Jenkins downstairs stealing cookies and lying about it."
DING!
5th Ability: ELEMENTAL CONTROL (All Elements)
You now control everything—fire, water, air, earth, lightning, ice, magma, metal, light, shadow, and more. Basically, a one-kid Avatar who read too many fantasy novels and took it personally.
"I can summon a blizzard in July and call it 'character development.'"
DING!
6th Ability: TELEKINESIS
Move objects with your mind. Throw cars. Hover pancakes. Cradle a cat mid-air like a tiny wizard.
"I will never carry a backpack again."
DING!
7th Ability: LANGUAGE MASTERY
Instantly speak, read, and write any language—human, alien, animal, machine, and probably mime.
"...I can understand whales and curse in Klingon now."
DING!
8th Ability: SPATIAL STORAGE DIMENSION
Store anything you want in a personal dimension. Snacks. Swords. A couch. A pet rhino (we don't recommend this).
Comes with infinite shelving and zero rent.
"I basically have a secret Batcave in my pocket."
DING!
9th Ability: DANGER SENSE
A hyper-tuned sixth sense. Feels like Spidey-Sense mixed with parental intuition and mild paranoia.
Now you'll know when someone's about to throw a dodgeball at your head.
"Good luck sneaking up on me, Jenkins."
DING!
10th Ability: ADAPTIVE EVOLUTION
Your body will automatically evolve to survive any threat. Drowning? Grow gills. Vacuum of space? Oxygen skin. Spicy noodles? Fireproof tongue.
"I am the final boss of evolution. In pajamas."
With a final burst of sparkles, the wheel vanished.
I sat there, blinking.
"I'm six years old. I live in a penthouse. I have ten god-tier powers. And I just saw Stark Tower out my window."
My tiny body trembled with power… and the urgent need for cereal.
I ran to the mirror and pointed at my reflection. "You. Are. Overpowered."
Then I grinned. "Let's absolutely ruin canon."