Kei was picking pillow shrapnel out of his hoodie when the door slammed open.
"Okay, who launched a couch into the stairwell?!"
Standing there, framed by the morning light and pure aesthetic rage, was Aera—green highlights flickering in her hair like warning lights. Her eyes scanned the destruction, then locked onto the golden crater where Mav had obliterated the coffee table.
"Oh, fantastic," Aera said, voice venom-sweet. "I leave for ten minutes to go on a run, and suddenly we're filming Demon Wars: Fiscal Reckoning."
Mav tossed her hair. "Nebu disrespected economic fundamentals."
"She called her a glorified spreadsheet!" Kei added from behind a plant.
Nebu waved sleepily from a floating beanbag. "I regret nothing."
Aera's lips twitched. "Can you two not turn the living room into a magical girl battleground? I already live with six walking personalities from hell. I don't need debris trauma too."
"Technically," said Vel, lounging on the counter in silk like a sin incarnate, "you're also from hell."
"Yeah," Aera shot back, "but I'm the only one here with taste."
"Debatable," Vel purred. "You dress like you lost a fight with Pinterest."
Aera cracked her knuckles, heterochromatic eyes glinting. "Try me, Barbie."
Kei whined from the floor. "Please don't. I literally just finished sweeping up ego dust."
From the hallway, Tobi peeked in, holding a plate of chocolate chip pancakes stacked like a shrine. "Did someone say ego dust? Is it edible?"
Vel grinned. "Only metaphorically. Like compliments."
Tobi gasped. "Tragic."
Behind her, Rika stomped into view wearing fingerless gloves and workout leggings, sweat glistening on her skin like she'd just punched the sun.
She surveyed the room. "...What happened?"
"Mav and Nebu fought over financial philosophy," Aera muttered.
Rika blinked. "That's… hot."
Mav rolled her eyes. "You're all delusional."
"Correct," Vel said cheerfully. "We're literal sins. Kei's the one who invited us."
"I didn't!" Kei protested. "You just showed up! Like weird emotional parasites with personal brands!"
Nebu gave him a thumbs up from midair. "Love you too, Roomie."
Mav crossed her arms. "And yet, despite the chaos, he still hasn't changed his passwords, stopped impulse-buying sushi, or cancelled his NFT subscription."
"I thought it would come back!" Kei shouted.
The room fell silent.
Aera looked at him like he'd farted during a TED Talk. "...You invested in NFTs?"
"It was a phase!"
"Kei," Vel murmured, sliding beside him and placing a gentle, sultry hand on his shoulder. "If you ever cheat on me with a JPEG again… I will destroy your browser history. And you."
Kei nodded so fast his neck cracked.
Rika shrugged. "Honestly, maybe we should just spar this out. Seven sins, one mortal. Put him through hell until he levels up."
"I second that," said Mav, summoning a budget axe made of tax evasion forms.
Nebu yawned. "Too much effort."
Tobi raised a spatula. "Winner gets breakfast priority!"
Aera smirked. "Or wardrobe veto rights."
Vel purred, "Or kisses."
Kei's soul left his body.