By [Maira Khan]
Chapter 1: A Strange Sadness
The morning sun peeked through the light curtains of Zara's bedroom window. The soft golden rays touched the books on her desk, the prayer mat folded in the corner, and the untouched Qur'an that sat quietly on a shelf above her mirror.
Zara lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her phone rested on her chest, screen black, battery dead. The silence in her room felt louder than usual today.
She sighed and sat up slowly, brushing her long, dark hair away from her face. It was her final year of university, and life was full of noise — assignments, classes, social media, outings with friends. On the outside, everything looked fine. But inside, Zara felt a strange kind of emptiness. It wasn't sadness or anger. It was something deeper — a feeling she couldn't explain.
"I should get ready," she whispered to herself and stood up. She walked to her closet and pulled out a beige coat and matching hijab. Her hijab, carefully wrapped, looked stylish — loose at the neck, pinned with a pearl brooch. Zara always got compliments for her fashion, especially online.
She looked at herself in the mirror and forced a smile. She had over 10,000 followers on Instagram. People loved her outfits, her makeup tips, her "aesthetic" lifestyle. But none of them knew that when the camera was off, Zara sometimes cried for no reason.
As she grabbed her bag and walked downstairs, the smell of cardamom tea filled the kitchen. Her grandmother — Amma Jaan — was sitting on the prayer mat, her fingers moving gently on the tasbeeh beads as she whispered dhikr.
"Zara," her grandmother called softly, without looking up. "You didn't pray Fajr today, did you?"
Zara paused for a moment. "No, Amma. I was tired."
Amma Jaan gave a small, knowing smile. "Tiredness of the body often comes from the hunger of the soul, my dear."
Zara frowned a little. "I'm fine, really."
Her grandmother nodded gently, not pushing further. "Have some tea before you leave."
Zara sat down across from her and picked up the warm cup. She admired her grandmother — soft-spoken, full of wisdom, always at peace. Zara remembered being a little girl, watching Amma Jaan pray with tears running down her cheeks. Back then, she didn't understand why someone would cry during prayer. Now, she wondered if she would ever feel anything that deeply.
After finishing her tea, she kissed her grandmother's hand and left for university. The city streets were loud and busy, filled with honking cars, rushing people, and the smell of fresh bread from nearby shops.
At university, everything looked normal — her friends greeted her with smiles, they laughed about assignments, talked about fashion trends, and planned where to eat lunch. But that same emptiness followed her.
In one of her classes, while the professor talked about marketing strategies, Zara found her thoughts drifting. What is all this for? she wondered. What am I really doing with my life?
She shook the thought away quickly and focused on her notes.
During lunch, her friend Alina noticed her quietness.
"Zara, are you okay? You look lost today."
Zara smiled and shrugged. "Just tired."
Alina laughed. "We're all tired, girl. Final year stress! Come on, let's take selfies for your story!"
Zara agreed and smiled for the camera. She posted it with the caption: "Vibes ✨ #blessed"
Later that night, she lay in bed again, staring at the dark ceiling. Her face was lit only by the soft glow of her phone screen. She scrolled through her Instagram feed — perfect pictures, smiling faces, travel shots, quotes about self-love.
She suddenly felt sick of it.
She dropped her phone on the bed and turned to the wall, hugging her pillow.
Why do I feel so… alone? she thought.
She remembered her grandmother's words again:
"Your soul is hungry, my dear. It is waiting for you to remember your Lord."
Zara closed her eyes, and for the first time in a long while, she whispered something she hadn't said in years:
"Ya Allah… are You there?"
End of Chapter 1