" Breaking News, Lioren Holdings under investigation for tax fraud and asset Manipulation."
Lioren.
My family, my father's company.
A man who always taught me to stand upright, to never cheat, to choose honor over everything. He is now a national headline, being accused of fraud.
The hallway used to smell like a lavender polish but today it smells like a burned paper. The flowers in the hallway have wilted. Even they seem to know we've fallen. The TV glows against the quiet of our marble hall. The only sound I hear is the news that is calm yet piercing my little heart. Each word deeper, sharper and just like the bullet.
Across the room, my mother sits motionless, blinking at the screen but I'm sure that she's not seeing it. She didn't even hear my footsteps. I look towards the study door, when I opened it, the golden light spills out into the hall like it is the last warmth before the winter arrives. Inside, my father is still wearing yesterday's suit. Why didn't I notice this morning? I used to sit on his lap in this study room. I still remember his every word, He always says," We don't cheat, sweetie! Not even when no one's watching." He doesn't notice me at first. Suddenly I realize he looks 10 years older than that of his age. His hand on his forehead, eyes scanning something can't see.
When he hears the floor creak under my feet, he looks at me. For the first time in my life I see fear in the eyes of, The Elias lioren. Instead of words, all I got was tears. And that's what breaks me more than the downfall, he looks at me;
"Sweetheart...." His voice is hoarse. "I never meant to lie to you, I made the mistake. I admit it. I was greedy and invested where I shouldn't have without questioning. But I swear, I've never thought to betray my people who believed in me." He looks down "I never meant to drag you and your mama into this, my sins have brought nothing but ruin to you two."
My heart shivers. I want to say something, anything but the weight in my chest pushes every word in my throat that I wish to utter. So, I stand there silent, my throat burning just as if someone has forced the burning coal inside my mouth.
My mom was sobbing at the door and I have no words for them. I can't speak, I don't trust my voice not to tremble, I don't even wipe my tears as they fall too fast. All I can think is, we are drowning. And it's getting worse. Our partners are pulling out. Our account is frozen. And the name I once wore like a crown "Loren" is now heavy enough to drag me into the floor.
I drag my heavy feet to my room and collapse into the chair and open the diary Maya gave me, just to bleed my heart into the papers. I wish her to be here because she was always the one who knew how to hold me together. Now more than ever, I need someone to hold this heavy heart.
Diary entry;
I'm breathing hard enough to fill my lungs. There was so much to say but I stayed silent. Everything felt a little too heavy. The tears made their way down the cheeks and each of them seems to carry a weight blurring my vision. I wonder how many tears it takes to wash away the things we cannot say? It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wish it was just a bad dream. I wish it to be over before it becomes to heavy for me to handle, before it comes to the top and spilt everywhere. I don't want to wet these beautiful pages with every line saying, I wish for peace. Even the weather felt to chaotic.
The sky sings sorrow through a thunderous scream.
The fire burns, fierce
Smoke fills my lungs
I can no longer breathe
Clouds, dark and unrelenting
I wish rain was here, to wash this away
All the doubt, all my fear
The coldness makes my innards shiver
Maybe storm will come as the wind grows stronger
The fire will be blown away burning everything that's near...…
A knock breaks the silence. My parents stand at the door, their eyes tired and red, face pale. My father says," There is an offer "
I blink, "What kind of offer?"
"A marriage contract"
The silence after that is the loudest noise I've ever heard. He holds a white envelope in his hand.
"He's offering help dear." My mother murmurs. "Money, reputation...the power to clear your father's name. in returns he wants…"
"Me", I said numb. "He wants me, right?"
They don't deny it, instead my father step forward and holds out the envelope. A contract, I took it slowly. The pages are cold, sharp, heavy with something that I can't describe.
I began to read each word;
Clause 1.0 -Purpose of the agreement; This agreement done by the mutual consent for the purpose of the legal matrimony under conditions that is beneficial to both parties......…
I flip through the pages,
Clause 2.1- There shall be no requirement for emotional intimacy, affection or physical contact
Clause 5.0- The marriage will last for a minimum term of one year...…
It reads like a business deal. A bargain, a marriage without love, a prison dressed in a polite word. I flip to the end of the contract. The line waiting to be filled up by my signature and the next line filled with his name printed there.
Rian Ashford
Clean, Precise and familiar. And suddenly it's not just the contract weighing on me, it's his name, it's memory, it's pain.
The boy I once stood in front of under a cherry blossom, beneath the sky full of falling petals. The boy I once confessed to, with my heart pounding and my voice shaking. The boy who looked at me and said "NO" is now, years later offering to marry me?
He is offering me his name not his love and this tears me to pieces.
The envelope falls out of my hand. I looked up at my father. He is almost broken just like me.
"Sweetheart... I want you to be selfish. Tear that contract. Pack your things. Run away from this house, don't look back. Not even once."
But I say nothing. I don't move, some storms don't let you run. Some fires must be walked through. I don't know which would break me more, running away from the deal, leaving my parents or signing it.