"In-… insane?", Circus Girl whispers.
"Sociopathic with mummy and daddy issues to fill an ocean, if you prefer", I say and she flinches, just a little. "So tell me, what would healing Azula do for me?"
...
"A pardon", Mai says, even though I can hear that she doesn't think it will do anything for me.
I opt to stare at her until she looks away. She takes a long half-minute during which Circus Girl shifts uncomfortably.
"You really think that?", she finally asks in her croaky voice.
I stare at her until she clarifies, "That Azula is insane?"
I could now list all the reasons why I believe Azula cannot be reasoned with like any other person aside from her father. "Yes."
"But… you don't know her."
"From what I've seen so far, I have no desire to", I say and it's like a slap in the face, she flinches almost violently. While that is vaguely better than her terror earlier, I do wonder where it went. I have expected some kind of mental deficiency on her part for voluntarily spending time with Azula, but for her to forget the instinctual fear I instilled in her only minutes ago is a little much.
"But Azula is a good person!"
My eyebrows feel like they've climbed to my hairline.
"You seem like a sweet girl", this, coming out of nowhere throws her even more off balance, "Do you usually go around assisting in the arrest of children?"
With me having implied this earlier, her reaction is rather over the top: she actually rears back with no regard for Mai behind her and the back of her head impacts the other girl's chin with enough force to send her sprawling.
"MAI!", Circus Girl shouts and hurries to check on her friend.
The noise summons none other than Azula.
Immediately, she takes an offensive stance, ready to protect her friends with fire, if need be. But I watch her eyes flicker over my non-aggressive stance, the baby in my arms and the way I'm too far away to have done anything to Mai. She catalogues all this within an instant and decides to wait on Circus Girl's verdict as to Mai's condition.
With a moan, Mai sits up, cradling her chin in one hand, the back of her head in the other.
"Mai, are you okay?", Circus Girl hurries to ask, and pries away her friend's hands to inspect the damage. That her own head appears not to hurt at all says much about her… I'll just not go there. This is even more pathetic than egging on Katara.
"You're bleeding! Oh, you're bleeding!", she turns her imploring eyes on me, "Heal her! Heal her like you did me!"
With a snort, I shake my head, "Is she going to owe me another favour? Are you?"
"No. I will", Azula states.
What the fuck?
Of course, she thinks she's ten. She thinks that I'll actually believe her when she utters that.
I sigh, "Sure you will, princess."
A thunderous expression takes over her face, "A favour from me could go a long way for you."
I turn my head to look at Circus Girl, who appears to put all her hopes on Azula's shoulders. I glance at Mai, who Is dabbing at the back of her head with some cloth that comes away bloody. I lock eyes with a very interested-looking brat in my arms.
"Right to a prison cell, yeah?", I ask in an annoyingly patronising voice that no one must have ever dared use on her before.
"If you continue to speak to me that way, then yes!"
That startles a laugh out of me. Spirits, my life.
She shifts into a stance that I know allows her to kick swaths of flames my way very, very rapidly. "Can we not do this again? I've had enough of bending for one day."
"What? This is the first time I have met you!"
"You didn't tell her. Of course you didn't tell her."
"Tell me what?", she demands, indignant.
What a brat this girl is. And with everyone forced to defer to her, no wonder she thinks she can just go around hunting the Avatar, torturing her brother psychologically and taking control of armies at fifteen.
"Tell me WHAT!"
What a temper she has. Dear me, I think I Pakku got the lucky draw with Katara. Whoever managed to teach Azula anything has my respect.
While Mai shrinks away from the noise that must be hurting her head, Circus Girl looks like a deer in headlights.
What did she expect? The princess believes herself to be ten years old. She only needs to take a passing glance into a mirror to find out that that isn't true.
"Find yourself a mirror and you'll know, princess", I drawl in stark contrast to her shouting and her expression goes from indignant impatience to fury.
"No, YOU find me a mirror!", she demands, and, really, I'm not one to let this golden opportunity to leave slip from my hands.
Without another word, I exit the room, close the door softly behind my back and disappear along the corridor.
Man, what a day.
First a failed hostage exchange; then I manage to plan the liberation of Omashu; there is a violent fight that manages to trigger Aang's Avatar State; the resistance has to fend off Fire Nation troops; I go negotiate for the return of my hostage; have a political discussion with a cook; heal one of the enemies I almost killed today; argue with her and manage to escape a literally out-of-her-mind Fire Nation Princess.
...
I think it's about time that I return to the others and see how Aang is doing. But first, this door looks interesting…
What is beyond it, is positively precious.
The archive.
I might just take a little while longer.
If I thought I had any hope at all at finding anything related to philosophy as I knew it in my first lifetime, I would search for it. As it happens, I don't. Besides, I believe that there is little of that that would help me in my situation at all.
I remember quite a few texts about learning to hold life dear as it is, or harnessing your positive energy and conserving it through good deeds. Those… were not always helpful. As someone who views themselves as a sometimes-optimistic realist, there is little to be said for articles about the positive effect of happiness in your life.
You know it when you see it and that's that.
As with all things, it's not quite that simple. If things do not appear simple, they must be made simple by way of understanding. To know how to solve a problem, is to understand it.
Although, to recognise when you are happy; to replicate a situation in which you experience the feeling, those are skills that must, at times, be re-learnt. Especially when you are in the process of doing something that is necessary, but not a factor that you want playing into your happiness-quota. It can be a job. It can be your general situation.
It can be the fact that you gave a fifteen-year-old a concussion so severe that she cannot remember anything beyond her tenth birthday.
Spirits, is this what I've come to?
Is this what killing Jhao made me into?
A jaded coward (too afraid to make use of an opportunity open for me just there)?
Damn.
I'm responsible for it, but I won't be held accountable because this is war. It's only my own sense of morality and conscience that guides me. Not healing her could mean just as disastrous consequences as healing her and having her know that it's me she has to thank for her continued ability to do anything. (Hunt the Avatar, vie for her father's approval, torment Zuko, manipulate her friends…)
Then again, I might not be able to heal her. Going back and attempting it, only to fail could result in disastrous consequences. Perhaps even deadly consequences.
But it just doesn't sit quite right with me to leave Azula as a ten-year-old. As far as she's concerned, she still has her mother. Her cousin is still alive and her father is second in line to inherit the throne. It could be funny to watch her struggle and flounder, bluster her way clumsily through situations she cannot properly assess. But all of her failures, all her frustration and hate would turn to me, since, after all, I was the one to give her that concussion.
I would do well to remember that even as a villain, and someone with major psychological issues, she's just as young as her friends. Where I have an additional lifetime to look back on, to draw strength from, they're in the middle of puberty.
With a few choice curse-words, I decide to go for any recent records, pocket them and set about finding a bleeding mirror. Not, that I'm a fan of blood or anything.
But it would be fun to see if there was something like it. Or perhaps a bled-on mirror? Though those could be a little disturbing to think about more than the bleeding mirrors…
In the end, it comes down to which choices I won't hate myself for.
...
Don't forget to throw some power stones :)
...
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