XAVIER'S POV
PRESENT
"Why can't you look me in the eyes?" I could hear her scream, her voice seethed with rage and pain
I raised my head to look at her eyes and she was practically in years but fighting very hard to keep them from falling down her cheeks "I don't know what else you want me to say"
"Why would someone call you so early in the morning?" She yelled
"Babe. I don't know who that was. I can't control who calls me and who doesn't. Why are you making this a big deal?" I could feel my blood boiling but I wasn't about to let my anger get the best of me. I needed her to calm down so she could see reason but Eva was fixed on the thought that I was cheating on her
"At 5am in the morning, you're getting a call and you expect me to not react this way? You're not so busy that you have to answer calls that early in the morning" Lana yelled "Why don't you tell me to my face that you have a mistress out there that's missing you?"
"I don't have a mistress anywhere out there. You're the woman for me, why can't you believe that?" I argued, placing my hands on her shoulders
"Take your hands off me" She shrugged my hands away taking a few steps back as she heaved heavily pacing about the room
This whole back and forth has been going on for almost an hour and she was nowhere near being calm. What was I doing wrong?
I was about to speak again when my phone began to buzz on the bed.
Her eyes darted immediately to the phone on the bed. "Really? Another one?"
This is the worst time to have another call. I walked over to the bed picking the phone up
"Hello?" I answered
I could feel Eva's eyes on me as she watched me intently
"Isn't there a way we can push this meeting?" I sighed running the bridge of my nose "Alright. I'll meet you at the airport"
The call dropped and Eva was at it again "Where do you think you're going?" She asked as I grabbed my coat from the wardrobe
"Elizabeth called and I have to meet with a potential investor" I answered, putting the coat
"Investor?" She laughed hysterically "That's what you call your mistresses?"
"I don't have the time for this" I walked towards the door but raced forward blocking my path "What are you doing?"
Her arms spread apart "You're not walking away from this"
"I love you Lana but this isn't the way to handle this" I said brushing past her as she turned to watch me leave
"Xavier!! Xavier"
I could hear her calling from a distance. Her voice fading into the wind.
"Xavier" I heard someone calling me, forcing my eyes open "You know there's a whole bed over there? Why are you sleeping on the couch?"
It was just a dream. But it wasn't just a dream, it was the last time I saw Eva alive. I never should've left for that meeting. I never should've left her alone. If only I stayed back and fixed things I wouldn't be here missing her, feeling so empty inside.
"Earth to X" Eva snapped her fingers in front of me trying to call my attention
"Yeah I'm here" I sniffed, wiping at the tears gathering underneath my eyes "What did you say?"
"Are you okay?" She asked, studying my face "You look pale"
Looking pale sounds pleasant compared to how I feel right now "I'm fine. When did you get back?"
"I just got in. How long have you been sleeping here?" She asked tossing a bag on the kitchen counter
"I… don't know. I guess I fell asleep reading" I said, picking up the book from the floor "What time is it?"
"Almost midnight" She answered placing somethings in the fridge
"What's that?" I asked, pushing myself up from the seat beneath me
"I got a couple of things for breakfast tomorrow" She replied "I noticed your fridge was next to empty"
"You didn't have to do that" I said walking over to the kitchen
"Well I did it more for myself than for you considering I'd be here for a while. I don't know if you've noticed but I don't fancy the idea of starving to death" She said and the paused as the words escaped her lips
I could tell what she was thinking. Hearing that word sent shivers down my spine as well
"I loved her. I loved her so much that it hurt" I said, my words almost failing me
"You didn't love her enough to keep her alive" She said, closing the door to the fridge.
The room went silent as we both stared at each other, waiting for the other to speak, or move, or do something to break the silence. We were caught in a deadlock, eyes fixed on the other. But for the first time, I looked deep into hers and I could see the pain that I felt. A lot more than what I felt
I might've lost a wife but she's lost a sister and to a greater extent a mother and a piece of herself. She sighed deeply before walking out of the room carrying the weight of the room with her
I dropped down on the dining chair, my chest tight and my heart broken. I clutched on to my chest, holding it tight as I tried to breath, trying to stop it from hurting.
Our conversation from that day has been playing in my mind from the moment I left for that meeting up until this moment. I want to turn back time, to go back to that moment and take her with me. Who knows maybe she would still be alive if we left together but I chose my career over my love for her
I thought she'd be there when I returned and we would sit down and talk and fix things, fix us. I'd tell her how much I loved her and how much she was hurting me by doubting me. I'd tell her that she meant the world to me and I wasn't going to do anything to hurt her
I'd tell her that I never meant to say I'd divorce her if she kept questioning my character but I'll never get the chance to tell her any of that. I'll forever carry this hurt, this guilt and this pain in my chest
It should've been me instead