Chirp. Chirp. Chirp…
That familiar sound echoed in my ears. My eyes blinked open slowly as a ray of sunlight pierced straight into my face like flashlight.
Ugh. My head throbbed, like it had been smacked with a frying pan. Everything was spinning.
I pushed myself up, my arms trembling. The world around me swirled. But slowly, the shapes cleared,trees… birds… bushes. A lot of green. A whole lot of green.
I was in the middle of a jungle.
I tried to remember what happened.
Oh. Right. I got teleported into another world… by some otaku who bought a magical bottle online.
I groaned.
This had to be a nightmare.
But the humidity, the sound of bugs, and the pain in my head said otherwise.
"Bob…" I muttered, glaring up at the treetops. "If you're alive, I swear I'm going to slap you with the nearest coconut I can find."
I stood up slowly, rubbing my aching temple. My legs were stiff, but I pushed forward, parting thick bushes with my hands. The jungle buzzed with life, chirping birds, rustling leaves, and sunlight breaking through the canopy. A group of deer suddenly leapt past me, graceful and fast. A squirrel locked eyes with me from above, as if judging my very existence.
I glanced around.
"Am I really in another world?" I muttered. "Or did I just get dumped into some remote part of the Amazon?"
Then I heard it.
A scream—or maybe a war cry. Sharp and close.
I froze. Instinct kicked in, and I dove into the nearest bush. Years of dodging awkward conversations had secretly turned me into a master of stealth.
Through the leaves, I saw them. Small, green-skinned creatures with pointed ears, ugly faces, and crude wooden clubs.
Goblins.
Freaking goblins.
Even I recognized them. Bob had force-fed me enough anime to know that if slimes were the starter mobs, goblins were their more aggressive cousins.
They crept closer, and my heart pounded like a war drum. Had they seen me?
But no… their focus was elsewhere. They were moving fast, urgent, like they had a destination. I counted at least ten of them, scurrying past my hiding spot.
What could possibly be so important that even goblins looked serious?
I waited until the last one disappeared through the trees. Then, curiosity, or, stupidity, got the better of me.
"…Where the hell are they going?"
I followed the goblins as stealthily as a man with sore knees and zero survival skills could. The dense jungle began to thin into a small clearing, and that's when I saw him.
Wearing a ridiculously stupid looking fantasy cape, swinging a glowing sword like he was born for it, stood my best friend.
Bob.
Yes. That Bob.
Bob, the otaku. Bob, the unemployed. Bob, the man who once spilled ramen on his laptop trying to write a webnovel.
And now, apparently… Bob, the Goblin Slayer.
He was fighting a dozen goblins at once, moving with an agility that defied everything I knew about his daily lifestyle.
Kueeeek!
Uwaaaak!
The goblins screeched every time his sword slashed through them. Even the group I had been following joined the fray, but Bob made quick work of them. It was like watching a high-level player farming low-level mobs for fun.
And he was loving it. After each kill, he struck dramatic poses like he was being filmed for a shounen anime. I swear he even winked at one point.
Then I saw it, a goblin creeping up behind him, club raised.
"Bob! Behind you!"
He didn't hear me.
I looked around in panic, spotted a rock about the size of a softball, and I posed like a pro pitcher and hurled it.
It flew majestically.
And missed by a whole mile.
The goblin noticed me instead. Great.
It turned and sprinted my way, snarling. I scrambled to run, but tripped and slammed my elbow into the ground. Pain shot through my arm as the goblin loomed over me, club raised high.
I was going to die. I was going to die.
"Bob!!"
WHOOSH.
In a blink, the goblin was split in half.
Standing over me, sword steaming, cape fluttering dramatically in the breeze… was Bob.
Fat, bespectacled, cape-wearing Bob.
"Hi Alan" he said, grinning like an idiot.
I didn't even have the will to reply to his dumb, heroic entrance.
I stood up, groaning. My right elbow throbbed, and when I looked down, it was bleeding.
"Are you hurt? Let me see it," Bob said, already stepping closer.
"It's nothing. Just a scratch."
Bob ignored me and began mumbling something that sounded like gibberish mixed with Latin. Then he placed his left hand above the wound. A soft yellow light bloomed from his palm, warm and shimmering.
Within seconds, the pain vanished. The wound was gone. Not even a scar.
I stared in disbelief. "Was… was that magic?"
"Yup. Cool, right? Check this out."
He raised his right hand, and in a flash of light, the sword he had been using materialized out of nowhere. Then, just as quickly, it vanished.
He thrust both hands into my face, showing me his palms. The right glowed faint red, the left blue, both marked with strange insignias that looked like magical tattoos or seals.
"I can summon weapons with my right, and cast magic with my left. Dual-action, baby."
That was… absurd.
I pushed his hands out of my face. "How did you even get these powers?"
"The old man gave them to me."
I blinked. My expression dead serious now.
"What old man?"
Bob blinked. "The old man. The one who appeared before we got here? Said something about fate, darkness, saving the world, and yadda yadda. Gave me these powers, asked us what we wanted… You remember, right?"
I stared at him, deadpan. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Now it was Bob's turn to look confused.
"Wait... you didn't meet him? "
"Nope. No old man. No dramatic monologue. No 'pick your power' menu. One minute I was in your room. Next, jungle , headache, goblins, you."
Bob scratched his head, looking genuinely puzzled. "Huh. That's weird. Maybe you skipped the cutscene?"
Cutscene? What am I, an NPC?