The battlefield was already a disaster zone—smoldering craters from Varkus' lightning strikes, frozen god-corpses mid-swoon from Li Qing's latest attack, and at least three separate fires the Death Queen had started "for ambiance." Then everything got worse.
Much, much worse.
It started with a perfectly innocent (by their standards) moment of synchronized violence. The Death Queen lunged with a dagger coated in "eternal heartbreak" serum just as Li Qing unleashed her new "Glacial Heartbreak" technique. Their attacks collided midair in what should have been a catastrophic explosion of poison and ice.
Instead, the energies twisted together like two drunk snakes at a rave, spiraling into a swirling vortex of pink frost and neon-green despair. The resulting maelstrom immediately:
Turned an entire battalion of celestial soldiers into lovesick poets (they began composing terrible haikus about the beauty of destruction)
Transformed the war god's axe into a bouquet of very sharp roses (he looked deeply offended)
Made the sky rain heart-shaped hail that screamed romantic clichés upon impact ("You complete me!" splattered across a shield)
Luo Feng stared at the growing storm. "What the hell is that?"
The Death Queen examined her nails. "Darling, I do believe we've accidentally created Romantic Armageddon."
Li Qing, already frost-coating her sleeves in preparation for damage control, muttered, "This is why we can't have nice battles."
The storm pulsed like a drunk Cupidon with a vendetta, expanding by the second. Every lightning strike left behind smoldering love letters. Every ice shard that hit the ground sprouted thorns that whispered breakup lines. The very fabric of reality seemed to be rewriting itself into a bad rom-com.
Varkus, who had been mid-thunderclap when the storm formed, now hovered awkwardly to the side. "Do I... help? Or is this a you problem?"
Luo Feng didn't get a chance to answer before the storm lobbed a concentrated ball of emotional damage at him. He dodged—barely—and the projectile hit a nearby boulder instead, which immediately sighed dramatically and wrote a sonnet about unrequited love.
The Death Queen clapped her hands together. "Oh! I know this one. The storm feeds on romantic tension. The only way to dispel it is—"
Li Qing's frost flared in warning. "Don't say it."
"—for you to properly court both of us at once," the Death Queen finished, grinning like she'd just won the lottery.
Luo Feng's soul briefly left his body.
What followed was the most chaotic, ill-advised, and mortifying courtship in multiversal history.
Step 1: The Grand Romantic Gesture (Failure)
Luo Feng tried to present Li Qing with a perfectly frozen rose (her own ice, reshaped). She stared at it. "You're giving me... my own power. Back."
Meanwhile, the Death Queen intercepted his attempt at a poisonous love letter (meant for her) and laughed. "Darling, this is adorable. You used basic toxins."
The storm grew larger.
Step 2: The Double Date (Disaster)
They attempted a shared dinner. Key mistakes included:
Letting the Death Queen cook (the soup dissolved the table)
Letting Li Qing chill the wine (it became an ice sculpture)
Letting Luo Feng speak ("So, uh, weather's nice?" The storm hurled a lightning bolt at him)
Step 3: The Only Solution (Humiliation)
Finally, Luo Feng gave up and grabbed both their hands at once, glaring at the storm. "Fine! You win! Yes, they're both terrifying and amazing and I'd rather fight the entire Pantheon than keep doing this! Happy?!"
The storm paused.
Then, with a sound like a thousand sighs, it dissipated into a gentle snowfall of rose petals and faint, mocking applause.
The aftermath was… complicated.
The Death Queen wiped an imaginary tear. "That was the second-most romantic thing I've ever witnessed."
Li Qing, who had not let go of Luo Feng's hand yet, muttered, "What was the first?"
"The time I assassinated a man with a love poem."
Varkus, who had been taking notes, nodded sagely. "I'm never getting involved in this."
And the Fox Spirit's memory fragment, which had been spectating the entire time, left behind one final message burned into a nearby rock:
"Pay up. I called this happening three centuries ago."
[Mission Complete: Romantic Armageddon Averted]
[Reward: Two Very Smug Women]
[Penalty: Eternal Teasing]
The plush demons started selling "I Survived the Love Storm" commemorative shirts.
END OF CHAPTER 77