Luo Feng stared at the "training manual" Varkus had just slapped into his hands. The cover read:
HOW TO MURDER DIVINITY
(For Dummies)
By: A Thunder God Who Got Fired
"Page one," Varkus said, cracking his knuckles. "Forget everything you know about honorable combat."
Li Qing's prized jade teapot sailed through the air before Luo Feng could protest.
"Lesson one: Improvised weaponry."
UNCONVENTIONAL TRAINING
Drill 1: Celestial Weak Points
Varkus sketched a crude godly anatomy chart in the dirt
"Aim for the bureaucracy gland—right between the ego and the paperwork."
Demonstrated by throwing the teapot at a cloud, which rained very offended water
Drill 2: Divine Distractions
"Gods hate two things: being ignored and bad Yelp reviews."
Forced Luo Feng to live-tweet a battle while dodging lightning
*"Try this: 'Sky Father's smite technique needs work. 2/5 stars.'"*
Drill 3: Harem Synergy
Death Queen's poison + Li Qing's frost = toxic slushies
Fox Spirit's memory flames + Eclipse Core = embarrassing godly flashbacks
"Your women are walking cheat codes. Use them."
THE FINAL EXAM
A practice dummy (labeled "God Intern #3") exploded after Luo Feng:
Kicked dirt in its eyes (Varkus: "Good! Dirty fighting!")
Used Li Qing's hairpin as a lockpick to disable its "divine aura"
Finished it off with the Death Queen's lipstick tube (somehow)
[System Alert: GODSLAYER PROTOCOL UNLOCKED]
[New Skill: "Improvised Deicide"]
[Warning: Li Qing Will Murder You For The Teapot]
As the Thunder God vanished in a smug thunderclap, two things became clear:
These techniques would absolutely work
The Pantheon would never see them coming
The plush demons started sewing "Property of a Dirty Fighter" armbands.
END OF CHAPTER 67