My stomach hurts again. It never seems to happen on weekends, only when I have to go to school. It's as calm as a still pond whenever I'm safe in bed, with the door locked, alone with just this brain of mine.
I wouldn't call myself obsessed with being alone here, though. It feels... perfect. No worrying about how long to smile, how long to hold eye contact, how loud to talk. That's not the same thing as being obsessive, is it? I just like the lack of social factors between these four walls.
Time to stop overthinking it, school starts in forty-five minutes and the bus comes in about ten.
In a split-second impulse, I choose not to shower. I showered yesterday, and I don't feel dirty, so I'll be fine. Besides, who would say anything about it anyway?
I still have to change my clothes though- hygiene matters, even if showers are optional. Especially after I sniffed my shirt and my nose begged me to stop. I promise I'm really not a dirty person, it's just that I'm always running late. A shower would almost certainly make me late to school, and I have a perfect attendance record- something that can't be fixed.
To compensate, I brush my teeth twice as hard. Surely they won't notice that I haven't had a shower with the smell of overwhelming mint still burning in my mouth. It's like when good and evil collide in the superhero movies; there's usually a huge shockwave but never really a winner. Evil always returns. I suppose that's what gives the hero their position... constantly saving people from those horrors. Does that make me a hero? Rescuing people's noses from stench.
All ready for school, I grab the necessities from my bedside table: my phone, my keys, and a packet of cigarettes. That way when people at school see me, they see a mysterious figure with a cigarette in hand, like something out of a noir movie. Then, they would talk to me out of curiosity. Unfortunately, I only have three right now and even those I had to steal from my mother. I hope she doesn't mind. She probably wouldn't. She would want me to fit in with the crowd.
Maybe today will be different. Maybe today will be the day someone asks for a cigarette. Maybe I'll light it for them. Maybe we'll share one. Or maybe I'll sit in the smoking area, by myself. As per usual.
''Need a light?''
That's what I'd say. All casual like I say it every day or something.