Chapter 3.5: Voices
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I don't think I have a smooth way to introduce this part of the story without throwing you off with the change in tone. I've been telling the story in third person —or at least I believe I have.
Still, I think I can give you a glimpse into how a character's mindset was formed or changed. But if the tone doesn't work for you, feel free to skip it.
Until now, you've seen my characters from a distant, third-person perspective. But this chapter is... a little broken, and a bit strange.
So... good luck.
— — —
( Point of View - Damien )
I cannot do it anymore. Why do I feel like a failure? I do what I think is the best decision at the moment. But I feel my God observes me like a mistake, a wrong take from this world.
There is whispering around everyone; some days louder, and some days so soft that you have to interpret it yourself. I know every misstep, every wasted hour, every moment I should've done more — and didn't.
I want to scream at my future. Tell him I'm trying. I don't want to hurt anyone, disappoint, or be this thing that always breaks everything it touches...
I'm tired.
But it doesn't matter, because I did not try my best.
I am trying to move forward, even if I drag my shame with me; waking up with the same weight, knowing I'll mess up again. And still, it is all I had.
My best isn't clean, graceful, or something anyone would praise. In the future, someone will remember my tries and...
They will think that I am a failure and that I did not try my best. I hope someday they believe I did. I would like to believe it.
Not for what I should have been.
Just for what I was.
And for now, that's the closest thing I have to peace.
. . .
. .
.
-- Pray for a really bad day, by Damien, before the time travel. --