Chapter 217: Allen Picks Up a Calico Devourer Beast
Seattle was in peak tourist season.
Along the streets, women of various nationalities wandered alone, each hoping to find a fleeting Prince Charming.
As a result, the hotel industry was booming.
Couples came together for a brief moment of passion, then parted ways without a second thought.
Ah...
Ah...
Ah...
In a hotel room—
At the same time, three sharp cries rang out in unison.
On the bed, a pudgy middle-aged man was fondling a slender woman of Latin American descent. Gripping the white blanket in terror, they both stared at the unfamiliar man who had appeared out of nowhere at the foot of the bed.
Snapping out of his shock, the middle-aged man shouted furiously, "What the hell are you screaming for?!"
At his age, he was already feeling the effects of time. The sudden fright had left him limp and powerless, stoking his anger.
After all, a man couldn't just admit he was "not up to it." Especially not in front of some random nutjob—what if this guy was a pro in "hardware softening" and started mocking his performance?
"I heard you guys screaming, so I screamed too. Just trying to blend in," Allen replied matter-of-factly, showing not the slightest trace of embarrassment for walking in on a sex scene.
"You broke in illegally! I'm calling the cops! You damn lunatic!" the white man snapped, ashamed and enraged.
"Heh…"
Allen stuck out his tongue smugly and declared, "Mundo marries Gnar if he wants to marry Gnar!"
"…"
The woman, whose pursuit of love had led her here, quickly warned, "Oh hell no, I think he's mentally ill."
She and her companions had met their fair share—most were drugged-up, brain-fried lunatics prone to violence. If they pissed the guy off and ended up dead, it would be a senseless tragedy.
I mean, they'd risked everything to smuggle into the land of liberty. If they died before enjoying any of those sweet welfare benefits, what a waste that'd be.
Allen declared righteously, "Sh*t, so you're actually engaging in transactional love."
Seeing their obvious age gap and the scattered clothing on the floor, Allen was instantly reminded of the kind of amateur adult videos that only appeared in domestic categories.
"You two are disgraceful."
With that, Allen spun on his heel and strode out of the room.
The couple immediately breathed a sigh of relief.
Though the middle-aged man had threatened to call the police, he wasn't exactly eager to follow through.
After all, Amerika's police officers were infamously by-the-book. He'd probably end up getting arrested too on charges of solicitation.
Then his family would have to come bail him out. What a disgrace that would be.
And besides, many of the streetwalkers out there were undocumented immigrants. To avoid trouble, they'd often turn around and make false accusations instead. It had happened more than once.
"Still want to continue?" the woman asked indifferently.
"No mood anymore."
The man, growing more agitated the more he thought about it, picked up the bedside phone and snapped, "I want to file a complaint! That damned hotel owes me compensation for emotional distress!"
The woman could tell he was just trying to save face—diverting attention with exaggerated indignation.
But, as they say, "see it but don't say it." Maintaining professional decorum was part of the job.
Click!
Allen suddenly burst back in, striking a righteous pose. "This mage just got back from saving the world, and seeing you two fooling around makes me very unhappy. I'm going to punish you."
He pointed at the man and cast a spell.
Bang!
Then slammed the door shut and walked off.
The confused middle-aged man instinctively looked down.
The blanket had been pushed up into a tent—and he was feeling firmer than ever.
All his pent-up frustration instantly vanished.
…
Walking invisibly out of the hotel, Allen stepped into a side alley, ready to open a portal back to Arkham Asylum.
Having spent too long in the Mage's timeline, he wasn't sure how much time had passed in his original one.
The comedy troupe probably hadn't waited for him and had returned to Gotham already.
Meow…
Just then, a chubby calico cat was watching him quietly from a windowsill.
Its round face and pristine fur made it clear it wasn't a stray.
"Kitty, come here."
Meow!
At Allen's call, the calico leapt down beside him and rubbed its head affectionately against his leg.
Picking up the plump cat, Allen found no collar or tag.
It clearly wasn't a kept pet.
"Kitty, you're my pet now, meow."
Having picked up a new pet on the way home, Allen beamed with joy.
With a wave of his hand, a portal opened, revealing the recreation room inside Arkham Asylum.
The inmates were stunned by the sudden gateway.
Some of the quicker ones tried to seize the chance to escape the asylum—
Only to be met with Allen's size-10 boot square in the face as he stepped through the portal and returned home.
Back in the now-empty alleyway—
At the spot where the calico cat had been perched, a figure now stood, watching the direction Allen had disappeared.
"Steve, now's not the time to meet. We've sent off the Devourer Beast in the form of a calico; let's head back to the Quantum Realm."
Wrapped head to toe in a symbiote, Captain America turned to his wife Peggy and joked, "That purple symbiote really brings out your figure today."
Steve's symbiote mask peeled back, revealing his still-youthful face.
Peggy walked toward him with the poise of a mature beauty, rolling her eyes. "Don't get any funny ideas. You really trying to start a symbiote family now?"
"If it's to protect the multiverse's peace, I'm willing to make a few sacrifices."
"…"
Wrapping his arm around Peggy's waist, Steve shrank rapidly, vanishing into the Imperial Iron Curtain—headquarters of the Quantum Realm.
…
Back in Arkham—
Seeing all the familiar faces, Allen beamed. "Hey guys, I'm back! Miss me?"
Boo…
A chorus of disdainful jeers was the only response.
In Arkham Asylum, Allen had zero presence. No one had even noticed he was gone.
Meals were eaten, drinks were drunk—life went on.
It wasn't until they saw him again that they remembered he even existed.
"Hey, Greenie."
"What?"
Among the inmates, Lillian was the most different. She always preferred to read quietly.
"Let me tell you something awesome…"
Allen's face lit up as he gushed, "This time, I traveled five hundred years into the past and met the Sorcerer Supreme—the Ancient One herself! We fought side by side against a multidimensional threat. You know Kamar-Taj, right? Sanctuary of the mages? They practically begged me to become the next Sorcerer Supreme! I was so embarrassed, I had to refuse."
"And then?"
Lillian closed her book and listened quietly as Allen bragged.
"Then I came back. That era didn't even have Amerika yet. It was super uncomfortable."
"Oh…"
Lillian responded with a bland hum and reopened her botany textbook.
"You're just jealous. That's why you're pretending not to care, to hide your envy." Allen studied her expression.
"Mm… yeah, I'm super jealous," she replied absentmindedly, not even looking up.
"Women… truly are the most jealous creatures."
Cradling his new calico, Allen sighed in contentment. "I should check in with the comedy troupe and see how Gotham's holding up without me. Bet Batsy can't handle it on his own. So exhausting, always having to worry about everything…"
Lillian rolled her eyes at Allen's retreating back.
Gotham had actually been a lot more peaceful without him.