SARAH
The morning had arrived, and Sarah hadn't slept much. She had been next to Carol for most of the night, trying to reassure her, but since Sophia had not come back, that didn't make it easy.
"I've got a protein bar," Sarah said, lightly nudging Carol's arm to at least make her eat a bit.
"It's your last one," Carol said, rubbing her red eyes from where she was lying on the bed. "You should eat it."
Sarah was hungry, like all of them, but she didn't care.
"You hadn't slept," Sarah said. "At least eat a bit; you need your energy back. Some of it."
Carol observed her for a moment, with tears still rolling down her cheeks. She didn't seem to like it, but in the end, Carol took the protein bar from Sarah's hand. The girl took a relieved breath as she rubbed Carol's arm before getting up and walking out of the RV. She took a deep breath as she stepped out, stretching her arms. It had been a difficult night. Sarah really wanted to help Carol, but she really didn't know how to do it. If she had lost Nicki, she wasn't sure that someone else's words could have helped her.
"Good morning, Sarah," Dale greeted her as he was putting some canned food on the wood of a car. They were leaving, and she hoped Sophia would have found them somehow.
"Ya ok?" At Daryl's voice, Sarah glared in his direction before turning to open the door of a car, scavenging a little more.
She could be useless, but at least she could find something more.
The night before, Daryl decided to get up from where he was lying inside the RV, which made Sarah turn to look at him.
"Where are you going?" she asked in a whisper, moving closer as he bent down to take his crossbow.
"Going to look for ta girl," he said, stepping towards the door, but she stopped him by putting a hand on his forearm.
"You said it is dangerous in the dark," she whispered. He would have been alone. How did he manage not to be scared? What if he got lost or hurt?
When his eyes fixed on her hand, Sarah let him go looking away.
"Thought ya wanted to find her," he said, making her glare at him.
"Of course, I want to," she whispered. "I just..." The girl stopped to take a breath, not even knowing why she was panicking so much. Daryl had been on many hunts alone.
"Are you going alone?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, and she saw him chew his cheeks before nodding his head.
"Done it before."
"Yeah..." she said at his answer. It was true. He had left for days trying to find them food, and for the first time, she realized that they were so used to him providing for them that no one gave him much attention for that.
Daryl observed her for a moment before opening the door. Sarah turned briefly towards Carol, who was still sobbing. They needed to find Sophia, but at the same time, she felt it was dangerous for Daryl, so she followed.
"I want to come with you," she said, making him stop and turn to her.
"Nah, yar not," Daryl answered, starting to walk once more. Sarah fastened her pace to move in front of him, trying to stop his steps, putting a hand on his chest for a moment.
"Why not?" she asked. " 'It is dangerous in the dark; more people would get lost,' you said that."
"Yah, and ya woulda be one of them," he answered harshly.
"What?" she exclaimed, stopping him again as he tried to move past her.
"Move aside," he growled.
"I want to come with you!" she insisted, making the man take a heavy breath.
"Told ya before ya not wondrin' around," he said, raising his voice.
"Why not?!" she argued back.
"Don't need to babysit ya while I'm searching for ta girl!" At her words, she couldn't help but widen her eyes.
"You're an asshole," she spat before they could hear Dale coming closer.
"What is happening here?" he asked, looking around, making sure that no walkers had been attracted by all that noise as the two of them took a step back from each other.
"He wants to go search for Sophia alone," Sarah explained.
"l'm gonna walk the road," Daryl said looking at Dale before turning to Sarah that was still glaring at him "Shine some light in the forest."
"Sounds like a good plan," Andrea said, walking closer. "I'm coming too." Sarah turned to Daryl, widening her eyes even more when he saw her nod his head.
"Are you kidding right now?" she exclaimed towards the man.
"Ya are not wondrin' around," he insisted. "Stay inside with Carol"
"You can't tell me what to do," she raised her voice, making Dale try to shush her, but the girl ignored him.
"Stop being stupid an' get inside the RV," he roared, taking a step closer. They looked at each other for a moment, and Sarah couldn't help but feel her eyes fill with tears.
"Why do you always have to be so mean to me?" she said before moving past him to go back towards the RV.
Sarah had hardly slept. She was getting tired of all of that. She was sorry that she couldn't shoot a damn arrow or a stupid gun, but it wasn't like she had ever had the opportunity to do so.
"Asked if ya ok," Daryl's voice came from behind her. She was still bent down inside a car, trying to take everything that was useful.
"I'm fine," she said, getting out and shutting the door harshly. She did not glance at him as she moved towards another car. Sarah took a deep breath as she heard him following her.
"Why are you following me?" she asked bitterly, opening the hood of a car to check inside. "You said it; you don't need to babysit me. Not that I ever wanted to."
"Ya need ta stop acting crazy," he said from behind her, making her scoff before turning to him.
"I just wanted to help, you stupid ass," she said angrily, making him take a breath.
"Gettin' in danger is not help," he said, making her chuckle bitterly.
"That applies to me but not to Andrea," she answered, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the woman. She couldn't stand it, being looked from him like that. Like she was useless.
"You made your thoughts about me very clear," she said, starting to walk away as he frowned at her. "More than once."
"Hey!" Daryl exclaimed as she paced.
"I've got a name!" she answered, turning angrily. "I'm not 'girl,' I'm not 'hey' or 'crazy.' I'm Sarah."
The ride was silent inside the RV as they moved toward the farm Nicki had talked about. She was set down with her fingers against her lips as she saw the landscape moving past her. Carol was still on the bed as Dale drove, and Andrea was sitting across from Sarah.
"Never seen you so angry," Andrea commented at some point.
"Never seen you so eager to talk to me," Sarah answered, glaring at her.
"What is your problem?" Sarah chuckled bitterly at the woman's question before turning towards the window again.
She was tired. That was the truth. She was tired of everything. Being afraid, feeling left behind. She wanted to do something for this group, they had done so much for her and Nicolette, it was the right thing to do. Sarah needed to find a way.
Before she knew it, her eyes finally closed. She hadn't slept all night to be next to Carol, worrying about Sophia and Carl and for the anger towards both Daryl and Andrea.
"Sweety." A gentle shake of her shoulder made Sarah open her eyes to see Carol bend over her with a kind smile and tired eyes. "We're here."
Sarah nodded her head before rubbing her eyes to get rid of her sleepy eyes.
As she stepped out of the RV, the girl needed to shield her eyes from the strong daylight. When she was finally able to see once again, she looked around herself. There was a white house in front of them and so much green soil around her, with fences lining the perimeter. It was like being in a dream; she had never seen anything more beautiful in so much time.
"Sarah." As she turned, she was enveloped in Glenn's strong hug.
"Hey," she said, patting his back before being released by her friend.
"You ok?" he asked with a little frown. Sarah's eyes moved instinctively towards Daryl, who was looking at her, chewing his lip, before turning to Rick.
"It's alright," Sarah said, giving her attention back to Glenn. "How's Carl?" she felt a weight being lifted from her chest as she saw Glenn smile before gesturing to Lori, who was now hugging Carol. Sarah smiled at her friend before walking towards the woman; she put a hand on her shoulder to get her attention and as Lori turned, she embraced her too, with a little chuckle.
"He is alright," Lori whispered to her, slightly shaking, making the girl smile.
"Thank God," she said. "We needed to hear good news." Lori sobbed happily as she let Sarah go and started to look around.
"Nicolette?"
"She had slept more than usual," Lori said, nodding her head. "She was exhausted last night." Sarah looked towards the house, feeling apprehensive about what her sister might have experienced that night.
"Sarah?" at her sister's voice, Sarah smiled before fastening her pace to hug Nicolette.
"Hey," she said as she held her little sister. "How are you?" Nicki looked at her, shrugging her shoulders.
"I'm good," she answered. "Even the little shit, he pulled through" Sarah smiled at the nickname.
"So, I've heard." Then she noticed Nicki looking to the side, and following her eyes, she noticed Shane. Sarah frowned a little, seeing his different haircut.
"What has happened to Shane?" Sarah asked, making her sister nod.
"I wonder the same thing." At Nicki's words, Sarah felt confused.
"What do you mean?" her sister was studying Shane; she did that sometimes with people, quietly watching their every move. It was never easy to understand why Nicki focused on someone unless she decided to speak. Her little sister looked from the man to Sarah, finally diverting her gaze.
"It had been a very difficult night," Nicki said, shrugging her shoulders. "Shane got back hurt, and Otis didn't get back at all."
Sarah frowned.
"Otis?"
"The man who shot Carl," Nicki explained, nodding her head. "He had a wife."
"Oh my God," Sarah said, taking a deep breath. Carl had almost died, and a woman lost her husband that night. She didn't know them, but she felt so sorry for what happened.
"What had Shane said?"
"Nothing," Nicki answered shortly.
Knowing that the family that had helped Rick's child had lost someone just a few hours before made Sarah heartache, so she did her best to find rocks alongside her friends to build a grave for the man.
They all stood there as Hershel, the man Nicki had talked to them about, started to make a speech for Otis, inviting them to pray for the man. It felt strange; it felt reassuring to pray for his soul. She thought about everyone that they had lost; Amy, Jim, Jaqui, they had never stopped to pray for them, there was never time, but in that moment she did. She remembered all of them and how important they had been for her, trying to hold back those tears that started to form in her eyes. She thought about Carl and how he could easily have been next to Otis. And she thought about Sophia and how much she didn't want her to end up like this. She didn't deserve that. She didn't.
"Shane," Hershel's voice made Sarah look up. "Will you speak for Otis?" he asked softly.
Shane's eyes got wide, observing the man, and he shook his head with a whisper, "I'm not good at it. I'm sorry."
Sarah felt for him; he was so broken and distraught. She wondered what he had seen to make him shake like that.
"You were the last one with him." the blond weeping woman begged; she must have been Otis' wife "You shared his final moments. Please. I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning."
How do you console a woman who has lost so much?
Sarah looked over at Nicki, whose eyes moved from Patricia to Shane. Sarah was sure that nothing would have made her feel better if she had lost her sister. Not even a meaningful death, and she got frightened at that thought.
Shane gave in and with a trembling voice he started to tell them how he had hurt his ankle and how Otis had decided to cover for him, because they had to save Carl, they were their last hope. And as they ran, Otis got attacked by walkers and died. Sarah looked over to his widow, feeling more tears roll down her cheeks.
"If not for Otis, I'd have never made it out alive," Shane kept saying. "And that goes for Carl, too. It was Otis." Sarah turned to look at Rick and Lori, who were close to each other. "He saved us both. If any death ever had meaning, it was his."
After the funeral, they started to camp outside the house. Sarah smiled sadly, setting her and Nicki's tent. It felt so long ago that they had last slept in it, even if it was not like that. So much had happened in the last few days that the memory of Amy and of the others seemed so far away.
"Do you think we'll stay here?" Nicki asked as she unrolled the sleeping bag.
"I hope so," Sarah answered. "Seems safe enough," she smiled before turning to her sister, who had a little frown on her face.
"What is it?" she asked softly, making Nicki turn to her.
"It's just..." her sister said, unsure as Sarah sat closer to her. "Sophia should be here," she said finally. "Lori said that when Carl woke up, he asked of her. He wanted to know if she was safe," Nicki scoffed, shaking her head. "We are never safe."
"Why are you speaking like that?" she didn't want her sister to feel hopeless; she was so young.
"Because it's the truth, Sarah," Nicki answered honestly but with no harshness in her voice. "We are bound to each other, but we all make mistakes. But in this world, a mistake of someone means the death of another." Sarah knew what she was implying, and she hoped that Nicki was talking that way because she was tired.
"You know it wasn't your fault. What had happened to Sophia?" Sarah whispered, making her sister turn to her. "You've tried to help; you tried all you could." Nicki looked down for a moment before biting her lips.
"I should have tried harder."
"Nicki..." but her sister got up, taking the bow and the arrows.
"I'm going to train for a bit," she said before walking out of the tent. Sarah took a breath as she was left alone. She didn't want Nicolette to feel like this. She had been very brave; she had managed to save Rick, that was something. She had nothing to blame herself on. Not as Sarah felt of herself. She wanted to do something, helping in any way she could, but she would always be left behind.
"Maggie is bringing a map," she heard Rick say. "So we can figure out what to do next."
She would not be left behind.
Sarah walked out of the tent to all her group, and Maggie and Hershel were looking at a map on the hood of one of the cars.
"This is perfect," Rick said as she walked near them. Sarah looked over the piece of paper. It was a pretty big area, but they could surely organize the research better.
"We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams," Rick kept saying.
"Not you. Not today," Hershel said, shaking his head at the sheriff. "You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out," then he turned to Shane. "And your ankle, push it now, you'll be laid up a month, no good to anybody." Shane put his hands on his hips, not agreeing with the plan, but his ankle was really looking bad, so he probably should have stayed down for a bit.
"Guess it's just me," Daryl said, making her look towards him, who pointed with his finger on the map. "I'm gonna head back to the creek, work my way from there."
Sarah hated herself for that, but she didn't like the idea of Daryl going alone.
"Sarah!" Glenn's voice made her turn as the others looked in her direction. They seemed all surprised to see her there, but ignoring them, she turned to her friend.
"What is going on?" she asked with a little smile as she saw him struggle to set the tent up.
"Can you help me?" he asked, lifting his baseball cap and pushing his hair back.
"Let me see, come on," she said with a small chuckle before kneeling and starting to fix the tent.
"You are good with this stuff," Glenn said as he took another piece.
"I've always liked to fix things; can you give that to me?" she asked with a smile.
"I want to help."
"I'm sure you do," she said. "But that piece is meant for this, not that." Glenn dropped his shoulders as he handled the piece he was holding. It didn't take her long to set up the camping tent before she noticed Daryl walking away from the others.
"All good here," she said, standing up and starting to follow the man.
She wasn't even sure why she was following him, but Sarah couldn't stop her feet from doing it. She was so angry at Daryl for how he treated her, but at the same time, she didn't want him to go alone. As Nicolette had said, they all made mistakes. Daryl could be a great hunter, but bad things could happen to him, too.
"Why are ya followin' me?" Daryl turned at some point in the middle of the pathway, making her gasp.
"Shit," she muttered, putting a hand on her chest.
"What do ya want?" he asked again with a frown.
"I want to find Sophia," she said after a moment, making him groan as he started walking again.
"No," he said, but she fastened her pace to keep up with him.
"I'm not asking for permission," she argued, surpassing him. "I'm going, that's it," he suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder, making her turn.
"Like hell yar going!"
"Oh yeah?" she said. "Try to stop me." Then she turned to walk away again.
"Ya'll get lost," he yelled at her in the distance, making her stop. "Ya said so. Alone ya get lost. So, if ya want to help, stay back."
"I can't stay back," she said tiredly. She was so tired of all of that. "I need to know that I did something; I need to." He stood quiet, but he started to move towards her. "And I'm sorry that I cannot shoot or orient myself in a freaking forest, but I cannot bear the thought of that girl being outside alone. Everyone is doing their part, and I'm the only one who is left out. I hate it!" she said, trembling under his gaze. She couldn't keep going on like this.
"I'm scared," she admitted finally. "I'm scared of not surviving. And I will not."
"Stop bein' stupid," he said, but she ignored him.
"I won't survive if I do not try," Sarah exclaimed, looking up at him. "I don't want to be another lost girl in the woods; please let me try." Daryl studied her as if she was doing anything not to cry under his stare. She couldn't understand what he was thinking; she felt like she never could, but Sarah felt better after talking to him as if another weight had been lifted from her chest.
"Here," he said, handing her his knife, making her eyes go wide as she took the weapon in her hands. "Ya goin' to stay close to me all the time. Ya heard?" she nodded her head. "Not wonderin' around or I'll drag ya back here and make sure ya'll never leave. Are we clear?"
"I promise," she said, nodding her head once again. Daryl observed her biting his lip.
"Alright," he muttered. "Let's go." As he moved past her, she found herself smiling. She put the knife in between her jeans and her belt and started to follow Daryl. She studied him as they walked next to the wooden house; he was so unpredictable, one moment he yelled at her and acted like an ass; other times, he was almost shy and understanding. He was truly a strange man.
"Daryl," Rick's voice made them turn, "Sarah?"
"Hi, Rick," she said with a small smile. The sheriff observed her with a frown.
"What?" asked Daryl, making the other man turn to him.
"I thought you were going alone," said Rick.
"Plan was that," Daryl said. "But she wants to come." She turned to Daryl at his words.
"You don't have to, you know," Rick said, talking to Daryl, who frowned.
"We got a base," Rick said. "We can get this search properly organized now."
Daryl took a breath.
"You got a point, or are we just chatting?" Sarah couldn't help but agree, but she wasn't quite catching what Rick meant.
"My point is it lets you off the hook. You don't owe us anything." Sarah looked at Daryl and noticed him take another breath.
"My other plans fell through," he said before starting to walk away. "Come on, Sarah!" She smiled, looking at him, and after waving at Rick, she ran to walk next to Daryl. She was curious about what plans he was talking about, but at the same time, she felt like giggling, which she must have done because Daryl turned to her with a frown.
"What?"
"It's the first time you've used my name," she said, making him turn away as they walked past the fences. "Isn't it a little bit better?"
"Shut up and move," he said as they started to walk towards the woods.