I don't know what time it is. All I know is…
I locked myself inside our bathroom.
As for why…
Afternoon — Ichijou Residence
"Let's take a bath together~"
I knew what she meant. This wasn't about cleaning ourselves.
And somehow, I couldn't say no.
But I also know that if I say yes, something other than bathing will definitely happen.
I'm sorry, Hayase. We need to delay the spicy stuff until this novel gets a contract.
…Actually, maybe I can use that to my advantage.
"Hayase… I know what you want, but doing that before dinner isn't much fun, you know? We need energy so we can do it a lot."
"Ara~ Being assertive for once, dear? It looks like a certain bad boy wants to be punished real hard~"
"Yeah, so why don't we eat dinner first?"
And with that, I bought myself some time to make a plan—a real plan—to protect my chastity.
While she was cooking, I headed to the bedroom.
"Hayase, I'll play on the computer a bit. Call me when dinner's ready."
"Sure, dear."
Yeah. As if I'm playing a game.
Escaping this house is out of the question. I've got nowhere to go, and our debt makes running impossible.
What if I faked being sick? That might work…
God, I'm a genius. Time to play a little so she won't suspect anything.
---
Several Minutes Later
"Dear, dinner's ready! Come here!"
I turned off the computer and prepared myself.
Time to fake being ill.
Before heading out, I pressed my forehead against the CPU tower. Maybe that'll warm me up a bit?
I know it won't last, but if she touches my forehead, it might be enough to fool her.
---
At the Dinner Table
"Here's your food, dear. You like beef steak, right?"
"Sure. I love it."
"Good! Eat a lot—because you're the one who's going to be eaten later~"
"Y-Yeah… you should eat a lot too, Hayase."
As if I'm letting that happen.
My foolproof plan is in motion.
We had a peaceful dinner. Once we finished cleaning up, it was time to act.
---
"Dear, let's hop in the bath for some foreplay~"
"Actually, Hayase… I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not feeling so well."
She looked concerned.
"Is that why your forehead was kind of red earlier? Let me find the thermometer."
Oh no. I forgot we had a thermometer.
Think, Akira, THINK!
I dashed to the still-hot pan she used to cook and pressed my hand against it.
There. Should be enough to heat the thermometer when I hold it.
I rushed back to the living room as Hayase returned.
"Here, dear. Check your temperature."
I grabbed the metal tip of the thermometer and slipped it under my arm.
A few moments later…
"How is it, Hayase?"
"39°C?! You've got a fever! Should we go to the hospital?"
A/N: That's 102°F, by the way.
She's seriously going to make a big deal out of my tiny lie…
"No need. I'll just take a bath. Don't worry about me."
"How about some medicine?"
"I'm allergic to paracetamol. When I get a fever, I usually just bathe and sleep it off."
…Lies. All lies.
"Ara, then go ahead. I'll prep the bed."
She looked so concerned, I actually felt guilty. But I had to commit.
I took my sweet time in the bath until Hayase knocked.
"Dear, are you okay?"
Maybe I should wrap this up.
"Yeah, don't worry. I'm coming out."
I dried off, dressed, and headed back to our room—but Hayase was nowhere in sight.
Weird.
She wasn't in the room or the kitchen. Maybe she went out to get something?
Almost an hour passed before she finally returned, carrying grocery bags.
"I bought some food for you, dear."
"Thanks, Hayase."
She sat beside me and asked, "Are you going to sleep now?"
"Yeah. I still feel drowsy… but it's only 6:30, so maybe I'll stay awake for a bit."
She leaned in close and whispered:
"Oh, dear… I'll give you a chance to confess something. You have 10 seconds."
"Confess what?"
"10… 9… 8… 7..."
"Wait, wait! Hayase, what are you talking about?!"
"6… 5… 4… 3..."
"Stop counting in my ear! You're scaring me!"
"2… 1… Time's up~"
She ignored all my protests.
"Dear… you're not actually sick, are you? Don't try to lie. If you do, your punishment will be even worse"
"...How did you find out? And also, why did you buy foods for me if you already know?"
"Ara~ My love for you knows no bounds. Also… we have cameras in this room and the kitchen. I saw you fake everything. Also, alongside these foods, I also bought a lot of condoms~"
WHAT?!
Let's pretend I didn't hear the fact that she bought a lot of condoms.
"You put cameras in here?!"
"Yes. I just checked the footage while you were in the bath."
"Wait… why were you even watching the camera while I was bathing?"
"Huh? Changing the subject?"
She suddenly looked a bit nervous.
"...Don't tell me—"
"I was just concerned you might collapse in the bath, so I also installed a camera there. Ehe~"
"YOU PERVERTED STALKER WOMAN! DID YOU ACTUALLY—?!"
"Yes~ I saw it all~"
"I… You damn pervert woman! Did you SEE?!"
"Yes~ And it's quite big for your age~"
"UGH! I'M REMOVING THAT CAMERA! LET ME GO!"
Was I angry? Not really. More like I wanted an excuse to get away again.
She's going to see it eventually anyway...
"I'M TAKING THAT CAMERA DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
"Oh, calm down. You can remove it later. But first…"
She pushed me down on the bed and started undressing.
"Itadakimasu~"
"Wait, wait! Let's make a deal!"
"A deal? You better not be tricking me again."
"Let me remove the bathroom camera now, and I'll let you have sex with me every day!"
"My, my. You sure know how to negotiate with a businesswoman~"
I dashed into the bathroom—and locked the door.
"I'm not coming out until you promise not to rape me!"
"DAMN YOU, BRAT! IF I CATCH YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!"
…Maybe locking myself in here wasn't such a great idea after all.
There's no way I can sleep in the bathroom!