Fake Desciclopédia Entry: "The Sisuéfi Trap™ – Military Shame Edition"
Crime Scene: Alleyway transformed into a macabre amusement park, where three soldiers swing like human pendulums from a horizontal bar, while five metal nooses shine on the ground ("Devil's Trampoline" included).
Creative Design: Concrete counterweights with rebar ("industrial bear hug") ensure that victims become physical jokes for hours.
Innovation Award: Effective but classless trap – clearly set by someone who confuses "guerrilla strategy" with "Tom & Jerry episode".
Victims (oops, "Participants"):
Crying Soldier: "OMG, MY LEG! MY HEAD!… PS: Anyone got an Advil?"
Soldier Schrödinger: "Am I fainting? Not fainting? Am I?" (Free existential philosophy included).
Messenger Soldier: Yells "Help!" like he's ordering an extra soda at the drive-thru.
Hero (or Tapir) Options:
A) Free the Muggles!
Result: You free the guys, who immediately run to report you ("But I swear they seemed nice!").
Bonus: Earn the title "Honorary Clown of the Resistance" and a lecture from Ahote on "how to ruin epic plans."
B) Homeless Sherlock: "I'm going to hunt down the architect wolf!"
Reality: You trip over your own foot, trigger another trap, and turn into a human piñata.
Consolation Prize: Your high-pitched whine attracts a raccoon that steals your cookie.
C) Poetic Justice™: "Let them dance in the wind!"
Classic: You turn around, the soldiers curse your mother, and a pigeon defecates on your shoulder.
Irony: Days later, you are captured and hung in the SAME TRAP. Karma is a TikTok video.
D) Psychopath Mode: "Human gifts? GIVE THEM TO ME!"
Consequences: You rob the soldiers, but all you find is old gum and "90s-style" family photos.
Moral Lesson: Even in cruelty there is disappointment. And bad breath.
Unauthorized Plot Twist: The trap was the work of Grandma Marlene, the retired wolf who uses guerrilla warfare to avenge her garden destroyed by the soldiers ("They stepped on my tulips!").
Technique: Loops made with reinforced knitting yarn (yes, the kind your grandmother used).
Motivation: 5 stars on Yelp for "making retro-style chaos go viral."
Editor's Note: This event is sponsored by Haven™ ("Turning cities into hilarious death zones since the Apocalypse!").
#PacificationProtocolsIsAJoke #AhoteNeedsAHug
Bonus Fatality: If you choose option A, you'll get a "Free Hug from General Greene" (conditions: being betrayed, arrested, and/or expelled from the main plot).
It could be something in your eyes, or maybe the cruel way your lips quirk up when you make your decision to end the lives of these pathetic sacks of human flesh, but the soldier who called to you goes silent, his eyes wide as he shakes his head in denial.
You imagine his perspective, held upside down, trapped with a broken leg as he watches your body slowly double in size, the snapping and rearranging of bones a clarion call to the angel of death. Inhuman muzzle and fangs protrude obscenely from your mask of a human face, revealing the true beast within. You slide your sharpened claws against each other in anticipation of the kill, mind clouded over in a feral rage at the effrontery of the soldiers.
They will know the fear that they once made you feel in the moments before they greet the blackness of oblivion.
Next
Humorous rewriting of texts in the Decyclopedia style:
**Fake Decyclopedia Entry: "Handbook of the Displaced Villain in 3 Acts"**
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### **Scene 1: The Tactical Psychopath**
- **Special effect**: Real-time body transformation, where *"doubling in size"* means *"scaring the hell out of you"* and *"human mask"* becomes *"live-action Twilight with rage"*.
- **Premium details**:
- **Eyes**: Glow like *"post-apocalyptic Christmas lights"* (batteries not included).
- **Teeth**: Sharp like *"revenge barbecue forks"*.
- **Claws**: Sound of *"nails on a chalkboard"* to generate auditory trauma.
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### **Scene 2: The Soldier Who Became a Meme**
- **Facial expression**: *"Looks like he saw the price of bread in 2077"*.
- **Internal dialogue**: *"Why didn't I become an accountant???"*.
- **Physical reaction**: Shaking his head like *"a dog's head in a car"*, but with existential sweat.
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### **Scene 3: Showtime (Bloody)**
- **Epic atmosphere**:
- **Step 1**: *"Bone rearrangement"* that resembles *"Lego in the hands of a hyperactive child"*.
- **Step 2**: Roars like *"a possessed hair dryer"* for dramatic effect.
- **Step 3**: Scratches his claws as if he were *"sharpening barbecue knives... as a soldier"*. - **Comic Bonus**: Soldiers debating *"who will be the first to become a spiritual hamburger"*.
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### **Plot Twist Not Reviewed by the Ethics Committee**
The revealed **"inner beast"** is actually **an anxiety disorder + lack of breakfast**.
- **Werewolf or existential crisis?**: Doctors at Desciclopédia bet on *"yes"*.
- **Editor's Solution**: Offer a **free hug** and a **therapy voucher** (valid only in parallel dimensions).
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**Catchphrases That Deserve an Oscar**:
- *"They will know fear... and my PayPal account"*.
- *"Death comes for free, but terror is premium"*.
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**Editor's Note**:
This event is sponsored by **Haven™** (*"Turning trauma into spectacle since the collapse of society"*).
#CarnageOnADiscount #PacificationProtocolsIsAHeadache
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`Bonus Fatality`: If you choose **"kill them all"**, you'll get a voucher for **"a spa day in the quarantine zone"** (*conditions: surviving your own nightmares*).