"You haven't messaged her back yet?" Sam shouted in shock, making me wince from our close proximity.
"Can you be a bit louder? I think there are still some people at the back of the line who hadn't quite heard you." I replied sarcastically, with Sam at least having the wherewithal to look abashed by his behaviour.
At the moment, we were both waiting in line once again in the school cafeteria, waiting for our lunch and being squished from both sides like sardines in a can. The smell of some kind of, what I believed to be stew, lingered in the air, the hint of some kind of mystery meat being the only ingredient I could decipher from the heavy stench slowly clogging my airways. Thankfully, I was able to have some breakfast that morning from the groceries I got. Meaning I wasn't in desperate need to shovel down the gruel they gave us.
"Sorry mate, but, I mean, come on! You finally got her number, through no action of your own might I add, and you haven't even sent her a single message. What's the harm?"
"The 'harm' as you put it is that I say something completely fucking stupid and look like a total moron, which is pretty fucking likely if my past interactions with her are anything to go by."
Sam released a loud sigh of exasperation at my response. "You know, for someone so brash, you can be such a wimp. Just man up and message her. The worst that can happen is she realises how annoying you can be. Something she was bound to figure out at some point anyway."
"For fucks sakes, fine! I'll message her at the end of the day." I grumbled, more so he would drop the conversation than any actual desire to do so, which, going by the blank stare he gave me, he clearly knew.
With that said, conversation continued quickly, the two of us light-heartedly chatting about inane topics, such as what happened in class or the recent gossip, something which still seemed to only be about me. There was no mention of what was discussed the night before, Sam knowing I had no desire to talk about it again so soon after our last talk. Of course, I knew that wouldn't be the case forever, and soon it would have to be broached once more. If not just to talk about what I wanted to do in my last few months, a sobering topic if there was one.
As we got our gruel and began walking with our plastic trays to the tables scattered around sporadically, I saw Sam's face suddenly stretch into a mischievous smile, looking one step away from cackling madly. Before I could question why, and hopefully stop whatever it was he had planned, he quickly turned to the right and marched away, all but forcing me to increase my pace to hurry along after him.
It was then I saw what his goal was, as directly in front of us on a small table to the side were two girls chatting together. One of them being Helen. Immediately, I attempted to grasp onto Sam's shirt, precariously balancing the flimsy tray with one hand and trying not to spill any of my stew onto the ground. Yet Sam took those few seconds I needed to balance the tray to increase his pace and stand directly in front of Helen and her friend. Whose attention was now firmly on us.
"Hey there, ladies. We were just wondering if these seats were free?" Sam said with a charismatic smile.
The girl to Helen's right couldn't have looked more confused if she tried, with the bewilderment she was clearly feeling radiating outwards in droves. A fair reaction on account of the fact that neither Sam nor I had ever spoken a single word to her throughout the entire past three years of high school. Helen, on the other hand, was sporting a small smile on her lips as she looked towards me. A smile, I hoped, meant she was happy to see me.
Before her friend was able to give a response, Helen quickly replied, "Sure, help yourself. The more the merrier I say."
Apparently, that was all Sam needed to hear as he immediately sat down with his food directly across from Helen's friend, leaving only myself still standing. A part of me very much wanted to quickly run away and vacate the area, away from the possibility of any awkwardness or embarrassment this interaction would produce. Something that was highly likely with Sam also being present. Yet when Helen turned her gaze back towards me, I couldn't find it in me to turn away, and so I made my way over and sat down beside Sam and in front of Helen.
"Hey! The name's Sam. I don't think we've ever been introduced." Sam said politely to the girl beside Helen with a charming smile.
A smile that appeared to have no effect on her as she derisively snorted and replied. "Yeah, I know who you are, as does the rest of the entire year. You know, you and your buddy there have quite the reputation."
"All good I hope."
"Oh, of course, not a bad word between the both of you," she remarked sarcastically with a grin before going back to eating.
Before Sam could respond once more Helen quickly jumped in "Come on Susan, play nice now." she said, giving Susan a glare that was promptly ignored.
I sat there mutely, unable to comprehend how in the span of only a couple of minutes I ended up sitting across from Helen and eating lunch together. Helen must have felt my stare as she quickly flipped her head back in my direction, making eye contact. Frozen in shock and not knowing what to say, I quickly, and stupidly, said the first thing that came to mind.
"How's the, uh… food?" I asked nervously.
The moment the words left my mouth I immediately wanted the ground to swallow me up, preferably forever for asking such a dumb question. My face burned so bright I was surprised I wasn't setting things in my surroundings alight. At my question, Sam turned his head away to the side, his shoulders jumping up and down erratically while the only noise able to be heard was that of quiet snickering. After looking stunned at my choice of question, something which I really couldn't blame her for, Helen replied.
"It's fantastic, couldn't have asked for more. Truly Michelin-star-level quality. How about yours?" The pretentious expression she wore brought a smile to my face, despite the ball of nerves I currently was. The relief I felt seeing that Helen hadn't thought my awkwardness weird was immense.
Letting out a secret sigh, I answered. "Couldn't be better, truly the chef who made this food must be a one of a kind genius. Truly God's gift to food." I proclaimed passionately, earning a laugh from Helen and even a small chuckle from Susan. Out of sight of the two girls, Sam gave me a wink and flashed me a quick thumbs up. An action that both helped to calm my racing heart and caused my face to once again burn bright red for a moment.
As I got more comfortable and no longer seemed to be about to pass out at any second, conversation flowed well between us, with plenty of jokes and laughter being shared. I quickly learnt that if I had thought Sam was the most sarcastic person I knew, Susan beat such an assumption by a country mile, constantly throwing sarcastic retorts towards Sam that left me in a never-ending state of laughter. Helen on the other hand seemed to find immense joy in trying to wind up Susan as much as possible to the other girls' chagrin. Something which seemed especially easy while in front of Sam and I.
"I swear to god Helen, you say one more word and I'm going to drown you in this abomination of a stew!" Susan shouted in frustration.
"Now Susan, no need to be embarrassed. I'm sure there's many people who are still afraid of-" Helen said in a false caring tone before swiftly being interrupted with a palm forcefully placed over her mouth and Susan bellowing out a loud yell to drown out whatever Helen was trying to muffle out.
While this did succeed in stopping whatever it was Helen was going to say, it did end up drawing virtually the entire cafeteria's attention to the two girls messing around and, in extension, both Sam and myself as well. Luckily, this attention only lasted a couple seconds before people slowly started to look away, going back to whatever it was that they were doing before. A sight that left me sighing in relief, wanting to have as little attention on me as humanly possible. Unfortunately, it seemed I sighed a bit too soon.
"Adam! It's so good to see you again! Though I am a bit surprised to see you so soon. Hope you're not too badly hurt after what happened last time." A smug voice I knew far too well rang out from somewhere behind me.
Immediately, a feeling of annoyance started to bubble within me as I turned around to once more come face to face with Matthew and his buddies standing a few feet away looking impossibly smug. All of them except Steven, who was glowering at me with his narrow pinprick eyes and his chest heaving in strength. As I looked at Matthew and his mate's cocky and arrogant demeanours, something felt strange, something that took a few seconds for me to figure out what it was. When I did, however, I was left in a state of complete surprise. I wasn't afraid.
That sense of constant fear and dread I used to feel before whenever I was faced with a potential confrontation with Matthew and his goons was no longer there. At least not to the levels it was before. Now, that wasn't to say that I abruptly thought I could beat Matthew in a fight; the odds of that were just as abysmally low as they were before. Instead, it was simply the fact that the idea of sustaining a few bruises and cuts no longer seemed as world-ending as it once did. I was soon going to be dead. Compared to that, Matthew's playground taunts and juvenile bullying seem childish in comparison. After all, in the end, nothing they said or did was going to change that I would soon be dead.
Lost in my introspection, Matthew, seeing no response and unable to see any glimpses of fear that could usually be found on my face, started to grow irritated. The smug expression promptly fell from his face at the apparent slight I gave him as he stormed closer towards me, bringing my attention back to the present.
"Oi! Did you not hear me prick? Did I end up giving you brain damage or something? That wouldn't surprise me, not with how hard I dropped your ass." He sneered derisively, laughing along with his mates at his juvenile insult.
Feeling a sense of deja-vu and seeing the way this situation was going to go, I came to a decision. A foolish decision but a decision nonetheless. Not wanting to continue trading barbs like last time, I suddenly stood up, to the surprise of everyone watching and faced Matthew.
"Just shut up dickhead. If you want to fight let's just fucking fight. I can't be arsed hearing your whiny little voice even a second longer." I said, speaking with a confidence I for once wasn't faking.
I wasn't sure where this sudden assertiveness came from. Whether it was because Helen was nearby and I didn't want to appear weak, knowing how futile this was in the grand scheme of things or the fact that I just really wanted to pay back Matthew for the punch he gave me before, I didn't know. However, in the end, such a reason didn't matter. What did was the fact that I said it, and I was past the point of no return.
It was clear however as I stood there that I wasn't the only one surprised with what I said, Sam and Matthew both having expressions of complete bewilderment on their faces at my sudden aggression. An expression most people in the cafeteria who heard what I said seemed to possess as well. That is everyone besides Susan who, for some reason, was sporting a terrifying smile that sent shivers down my spine. It was only later on that I learnt that Susan was a fighting maniac who loved more than anything to watch fights of any kind.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" Sam suddenly frantically whispered from my side. A whisper I ignored as I continued to stare down Matthew.
Once Matthew finally processed what I had said, his face lit up. However, not in anger or rage like I had expected but with unbridled joy, looking as if Christmas had come early. He even turned to his friends as if to make sure that they heard the same thing. After realising that I really did say what I said, he faced back towards me and closed the already small distance between us, leaving no more than a couple feet of space. As he did so everyone around us began filling the cafeteria with a cacophony of jeers and shouts. All so eager to see yet another fight so soon after the last.
"Well, if you're so eager to have the absolute shit kicked out of you again, who am I to deny you such a privilege."
"Big words for the bloke that was only able to beat me when I was already on death's door. '' I spat, smirking at the ironic phrasing that only Sam and I would truly understand.
"Then let's go!" With that, he stepped back and drew his arms up as his goons meandered back, merging with the onlooking crowd.
I gave one last look to the people behind me, Sam with his teeth clenched and legs taut, ready to jump in at a moment's notice. Susan who held an excited gleam in her eyes and Helen who was biting her lower lip and looking at me with a worried expression. I flashed what I hoped looked like a reassuring smile before turning around and raising my fists too, flinching in pain as I clenched my right fist and realised that a good night's sleep wasn't enough to get rid of all the bruises and scrapes that peppered said hand.