Mendax watched her leave. She looked frightened, and that felt like death.
Not his death. It was the moment one stepped onto something small by accident, and the lifted boot showed something crushed, when a moment ago it was alive and happy.
It was awful.
He had hoped to feel relief telling her. At least, he'd expected a clean conscience. He only found himself wishing he'd continued the lie.
But lies like that would have a sickening finality no matter what he could try. He wasn't smart enough to lie about his whole life, forever.
Even if he was, he didn't want to.
The pain he felt wasn't a surprise. He knew it would feel like his skin was being peeled as he spoke. He just hadn't expected the outcome would feel worse.
He realized, as she disappeared from view, that despite his actions, he had wanted to be accepted. Loved. Not that he had allowed himself to fully admit that before he took all hope and killed it.
He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.
What if I had told her earlier? Would that have changed anything?
If he had told her a different way. If he had somehow impressed her more. If anything had been different—
He felt it would have been the same. A sneer at himself broke across his face.
The one woman who isn't horrified by my appearance, and I horrify her with my actions. I am true to form.
What he wanted was to sink into the dirty ground and die. Being as it was, he let himself stay between the outhouses. It felt fitting.
"You want to escape your job of killing people by slaughtering me?! Shows what you know!"
Nola's last words rang into his head.
She'd been right.
Now he did allow himself to sink to the ground. His body ached. He had skidded, jumped, tripped, and misdirected countless blows from the Bell that morning.
His plan for victory had turned into a slow defeat. He would nick her and then have to take drastic measures to evade death. If he closed his eyes, the chipped edge of that giant sword appeared still before him.
This went in cycles. Cleverness, he tried. To get her sword wedged into the wall, or for her to overextend herself. But she lived her life by that sword, and her life was a strong one.
The wall had, terrifyingly, given before her strength. Her overextended blows drew him near, only to be met with a kick or punch. She'd take only a nick in return and freeze it.
Every time he saw that cleaver coming for his body, he saw death. It came for him, time and time again.
He'd slowed down one of her swings with his swords crossed once more, but was unable to truly redirect it. The Bell hit, throwing him into the wall.
He had been dazed for a moment, not recognizing the figure walking lazily towards him.
"You want to escape your job of killing people by slaughtering me?! Shows what you know!"
Her cackle had woken him up to his situation.
If I die here, Aureum isn't going to know what's coming.
This realization wasn't filled with determination, but fear. Guilt.
He had lied to her. Every step of the way, he had lied.
So many people he'd lied to.
But Aureum was alive and might die imminently due to this one. She didn't know to run.
I won't die.
He'd shaken himself like a dog and charged Nola. There had been no feint, no dash down, and no tricks.
He got lucky. Nola had been expecting a feint as if he had trained her for it. And, despite closing her wounds from blood loss, her lazy gait had a purpose. She was tired. Exhausted.
Whether it was from the slaughter before or the extended deathmatch they were locked in, she was worn down. This meant her reaction was wrong. She kept her sword low, ready for a swing to bat his attacks away.
And with her heavy weapon, that choice cost her.
Mendax's twin swords pierced through her body.
The giant sword, half-raised to block, slipped in Nola's twitching hands.
Her pearl, with its icy blue coloring, was cracked. The mana started glowing from it, following the rhythm of her panicked breathing.
Mendax saw the panicked look in her eyes, his hands still on his swords.
Within moments, the pearl would begin eating the mana from the body to try to maintain itself. Unfortunately, that mana was bonded to the blood and bones of physically enhanced sorcerers.
Without someone to feed it and guide the pearl on its exit from existence, she was about to be eaten by it.
He let go and caught her before lowering her to the ground.
"I was wrong," he said.
Her eyes flicked towards him.
"You are an amazing sword," he said. "Not just a blunt instrument."
It was his honest thought. The final blow showed that one miscalculation was her death. Which meant every move to that point she had played perfectly.
Her eyes showed surprise, then a bit of gratitude, then pain.
She gritted her teeth, veins showing in her face.
It is enough to note she died in silence, despite the pain. Her body was mostly ice by the time the pearl had finished.
No eternity waited her.
What was left of her would melt.
After that, Mendax had wandered towards Aureum. He had been very late and missed her at the inn. Then he had gone to the university, and been later still, since he had no guide to get to the arenas, and he also had never been to that specific spot before.
He was driven by how close his death had been, and was no longer confident in his previous assurances.
Despite that, he took what was meant to be a brief seat at the entrance and stayed down. He'd been burning the candle at both ends, and then stuck a wick in the puddle left just to try and burn that.
Even sorcerers who imbued their bodies with mana had limitations.
As he was forced to rest, he watched. The area was big enough that searching for her alone would be too difficult right now. So Sitis, or Lacuna, or even one of those dreary librarians would be of use in finding her.
It was Aureum he spotted first, and that was best.
Now he had no strength left.
With Nola gone, he expected relief. With Aureum soon to be protected by her mentor, he should have no worries for her. He could leave, and that should have been a victory. Instead, it was a defeat.
A robbery of his own joy, and he was both the thief and the victim.
As soon as he sank to the ground, he felt himself going. Eyelids like stone, uncomfortable as he was, he was going to sleep. Too tired to care about the smells and the dirt he was mired in.
Nothing and nobody needed him.
So he finally closed his eyes.
———————————————————
Aureum was panicking. Quietly.
Sitis and Fibra seemed to be getting on, and Lilium was deigning to quietly ignore Sitis' presence. They could have left now that Sitis was finished, but Radix and Sitis both seemed to be enjoying watching.
That's how calm Sitis was about losing. Though half of his motivation was putting Lilium's opinion of him on its head.
Not that Aureum noticed any of this. The rest of the day passed in a blur for her.
She had so many emotions like a stormy sea bottled into glass. She was cracking.
But she couldn't bring herself to tell.
Tell who? Lacuna? In front of Lilium? Bring Sitis and Lacuna to the outhouses, where she left him?
No.
She held it in, feeling more and more like she was glass being ground down into powdered shards.
"Aureum?"
Aureum was busy. She didn't hear it at first.
"Aureum?"
"What?"
She said this a bit more aggressively than the word ever needed. It was Lacuna who'd called out to her.
"I missed what you said, sorry."
"Do you want me to walk back with you? To where you're staying?"
"Uh—
Where she was staying. Which was right next to Mendax's room. Which was not anywhere she wanted to be right now.
"Can I… Can I come stay at your place for the night?"
Lacuna looked down at her and didn't say anything for a moment.
"Is it a bad time?" Aureum asked.
"No! It's just, did something happen? You seemed fine when we left…"
"Nothing happened. Not really."
Now Lacuna's eyes widened. She did not believe Aureum. In fact, she thought the opposite, and it was written on her face.
"You can come stay. But do you need to get anything?"
All of anything she would use to sleep or clean herself was back at the inn.
"No, I think I'll be good."
Lacuna narrowed her eyes. Then she nodded.
"Sure, you can stay in my room. I don't think you'll lack anything you need, but we'll be having a family dinner. I don't think I can get you out of that if you stay."
"Please—
Aureum tried hard to swallow the desperation in her voice.
"I'm fine with that."
The desperation still squeezed into her words.
"All right," Lacuna turned to her family. "Aureum's staying over tonight. Any objections?"
Lacuna's family, the Cymbas, looked at each other in the middle of packing up and leaving. Then they shook their heads. Lilium last, of course, with a deep frown.
"Great!" Lacuna said, before turning back to Sitis, who was still sitting. "I'll miss you."
She hugged him.
"I'll be here," he said, hugging her back.
Aureum and the Cymbas had a unifying moment of watching the young couple with dry eyes.
The tension in her mind made the dry eyes worse, not better.
The two separated, and the Cymbas left, with Aureum in tow. Lacuna's hand pulled her along as she sank back into a daze.
Compared to before, this daze felt calmer. Time, even only a short time, provided a bit of distance. The horrors which had breathed down her neck now felt a step behind her.
Of course, they were still there.
The shadows of the deep evening caused her to freeze, but Lacuna kept tugging her along. They made it to the rundown house the Cymbas called home, and Aureum had never seen such a pleasant sight.
Lilium started dinner while Radix helped. Fibra went into one corner and carved and molded his latest little figure, some sort of canine, while Aureum was pulled up to Lacuna's room.
Lacuna turned. When she spoke, her voice was soft.
"How bad is it?"
"What? Not going to ask if something is wrong?" Aureum tried to be playful, but the strain in her voice broke any illusion. "It's bad."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," Aureum said.
"Do you need to talk about it?"
"…I hope not."
These words were spoken with a panicked, higher pitch.
"Did you hide whatever happened from me since this morning?" Lacuna's voice had a quiver to it.
"No!" Aureum said. "Just, something happened at the preliminaries. I'm fine. I think everything will be fine."
Probably. Unless he was lying about anything and his target was someone else—
Aureum tried to halt the treacherous paths her mind kept scattering to. She wasn't thinking clearly, and a panicked decision could make a delicate situation worse.
"I just need to, to not go back right now."
"You're fine?"
Aureum nodded.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
Aureum shook her head.
"I don't want to be a bother—
"You aren't. You're my friend."
"Thanks."
Aureum tried and failed not to tear up.
Lacuna nodded. Then she thought about it. Then she nodded again.
"You look pretty bad. You can lie down on the bed while I pull out some bedding for you."
"I really couldn't—
"I insist. Actually, we could just share the bed. Would still need an extra blanket though."
As she spoke, Lacuna gently pushed Aureum onto the bed. Then she left for the blankets.
Aureum sat there. Thinking nothing, and that was a relief.
Lacuna came with blankets and insisted that Aureum lie down. Apparently, she was sweating.
Lacuna hovered for a bit, uncertain of what to do.
"Would it be fine if I stroked your head?" She finally said. "I did it with my brother when we were little—or is that too much?"
"That's fine."
So Aureum spent a vague period of time getting her hair stroked as she watched the last of the sun move across the wall.
Things slowly came into focus, calmly. Without the panic drowning everything out.
"Lacuna," Aureum said.
"Hmmm?"
"I want you to remember that nobody deserves you."
"Sure."
Aureum heard the smile in her voice.
Then more time passed.
"DINNER!" Radix called.
Before Lacuna could stop her, Aureum resurrected herself from the bed.
"I can probably say you're sick—
"I'm fine," Aureum said, turning, her bed head on full display.
Lacuna gave one slow nod as she glanced away.
"Let me get a brush for you first."
Dinner was a muted affair. Lilium did fling a few jabs at Aureum, for the sake of form if nothing else. But Aureum ignored them.
She couldn't have told you what the woman had said a moment after she'd spoken.
The food was a stew of potatoes, carrots, and some fish. It was the main attraction. It was also a blur to Aureum, but it was warm. That was enough to make her feel more whole.
Radix made some comments about the preliminaries. His father and Lacuna made polite comments here and there.
Then dinner was done. Lacuna went through her routine for bed while choosing a few things Aureum could use.
"Aureum…"
When she went to tell her, Lacuna saw Aureum asleep. Being afraid made its own form of exhaustion, and Lacuna's family home had relaxed her enough to allow her to fall into some kind of thing that might be called sleep.