A young man stared at his reflection in a dirty bathroom mirror. He stood motionless, like a statue, his only movement being the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He stared at his blond buzzed hair, his work jumpsuit embroidered with his company's logo, and his steel-toe shoes stepping in a puddle of unknown liquid.
The young man reached in his pocket and pulled out a cracked smartphone. He quickly pressed a button and slipped it back in his pocket.
A voice began to play through his tattered headphones.
"They are trying to eliminate masculinity!" The young man spread his legs apart slightly and flexed his biceps.
The voice continued, "To regain that masculinity, you need to be vain, arrogant, and selfish! They tried to make it sound like a bad thing, but all those things are qualities of a true man, like our ancestors." The young man cycled between a few different bodybuilding poses, jumping from a front lat spread to a side chest. Each motion was performed slowly and deliberately, as if the bathroom transformed into a stage when he pressed play.
After a slight pause, the voice continued once again, "Before you can take over the world, you must love yourself above anything else. Put yourself above anything else. The world will try to beat you down. It will put you through trials and tribulations, and it will make you suffer. You must take that suffering—"
In the middle of his side tricep pose, someone suddenly burst out of one of the bathroom stalls. The older man stared at the young man, who shot him an annoyed look.
The older man put his hands up, "Whoa! Sorry Eli, I didn't realize I was interrupting something."
Eli continued to flex, saying, "Yeah, Jake, you really are. Now, can I finish my morning routine or are you going to hold me up some more?"
Jake shrugged his shoulders, "Sure, sure. Just make sure to plug your headphones in next time. You don't want everybody knowing your secret plans."
He let out a hearty laugh.
Glancing at his phone, Eli hurriedly grabbed the headphone jack and jammed it in. He prepared to resume his podcast but noticed the time.
07:45 AM.
Eli thought to himself, "Damn it, morning stand-up already. Now I get to hear this asshole talk for fifteen minutes."
With a sigh, Eli stomped slowly out of the bathroom, leaving behind the awkward tension, and made his way over to a large semi-circle of workers, all of whom wore identical outfits.
Eli slipped in near the front and crossed his arms. A pale old man in a hard hat tapped a clipboard and looked across the crowd.
"Let's see, let's see…Eli!"
He stepped up, arms still crossed.
The old man's tone became angry and annoyed. He furrowed his brow.
"Eli, haven't I told you a million times to stop trying to be fashionable and just get a reflective vest from the grocery store? What girls are you trying to impress? Nobody pays attention to you."
The last comment got a few chuckles from the large crowd gathered, and that only emboldened the boss.
He continued, "And we told you about the creepy flexing you do when you think no one is watching. That is completely inappropriate on company time, nobody here wants to see your roided-up muscles."
This time, the boss got a wave of laughter that seemed almost maniacal. His coworkers were overcome with laughter, some slapping their knees, others falling to the ground, and a few grabbing onto each other to steady themselves..
"That little podcast of yours never taught you how to listen to your boss?"
Eli put his head down and stared at the floor. He clenched his fists so hard they bled.
After a few more minutes, the morning stand-up finished, and all the workers dispersed.
Eli ran over to his boss, tossing his hand up and calling out to him.
"Hey, Mr. Landam, I have an idea about today's assignment that I want to run by you, but first I wanted to ask you a question. You're married, right? With kids?"
Mr. Landam answered hesitantly, "Yeah, I have three boys. Why?"
Eli leaned in close, "It must've been damn near impossible for a beta male like you to get a woman to lay with you. Is she the only one you've ever been with?"
Mr. Landam snatched away quickly and looked at him, disgusted, "What did you just say to me? "I'm writing you up immediately. What possessed you to ask that?"
Eli put his hands together, bowed his head, and apologized, "Sorry, Mr. Landam, it's an internet challenge! I just wanted to see how you would react!"
Mr. Landam sighed and pinched his forehead, "Did you have a question about the assignment today or not?"
Eli nodded his head, "Not a question, an idea! And I need Jake's help for this. Jake!"
He called out to Jake, who stood a few feet away, conversing with someone else.
Jake came over and joined the two men. Eli put his arm around both of them, "My idea comes from something I was thinking about last night. Everybody dies one day, right?"
Eli looked to both of them for confirmation, but they both stared back at him, puzzled.
Eli continued calmly, "If everybody dies one day, what's the point of clinging to life so much? For someone like me, it makes sense, because I'm young and I have so much to live for. But for you two old geezers, in poor physical shape working dead-end jobs with no future prospects, what special things are you two going to do in the few years you have left?"
Mr. Landam attempted to snatch away from him but was unsuccessful. He called out, "Security!"
Eli shook his head, "What were you gonna pump out a few more kids, all destined to work dead-end jobs and die? Make a few more dollars so you can visit some foreign country and pollute the place? No, I've got a better idea…"
Eli's skin began to glow a brilliant orange until his features were no longer visible. The two older men hit and scraped at Eli but were unable to get away. All the other workers ceased their conversations and looked over at the scene.
"Why don't I just blow you all to hell? After that, I'll go over to Mr. Landam's house when the kids get home from school and send them to the same place. I don't believe in any of that afterlife shit, but I do hope you're able to reincarnate. So you can get another chance at being an alpha male."
Eli's body began to glow, and some of the workers immediately turned and ran. His body became so bright it was impossible to see anything. For half a second, there was a lull in the commotion before everything blew away.
The explosion razed the entire building. It was impossible to tell what stood there just one minute before. Eli stood in the same spot, completely unfazed. He looked around at the devastation and stretched his body out.
He called out with a cheerful tone, "Man, it feels good to let off some steam!"
He walked through the chaotic scene with a grin on his face. He stepped over charred corpses and body parts without a second thought. After a few minutes of walking, he stopped and looked at the area where the parking lot should be. Most cars were completely destroyed, while others farther in the back were drivable but heavily damaged by falling debris.
Huge steel beams crushed rows of cars near the front of the parking lot.
Eli thought to himself, "I should have parked across the street; I definitely destroyed my car. Half of my stuff was in there, I lost all of my clothes..."
Eli looked around, first at the destruction of the warehouse, then back to the ruined parking lot. All he could think to himself was, "What now?"
He walked over to a car with an intact window and began to flex in front of it. Before he could complete his first pose, someone appeared out of thin air and stood shoulder to shoulder with him.
The person leaned up against him and leaned their head back. They spoke with a deep baritone voice that echoed across the area.
"What a mess we have here! You did all this?" The man asked nonchalantly.
Eli turned and looked at him, "Are you a hero? I can blow you away, too."
The man shrugged his shoulders, "Nah, man. I'm no hero. I was sent by an admirer of yours. He sent me over here to recruit you for your new career, since it looks like you'll be needing a new job."
Eli pulled his phone out and coldly responded, "Not interested. I don't want to shack up with a bunch of supervillains. I'm cut from a different cloth than you all."
The man's face twisted a bit. He looked over Eli's shoulder directly at his phone.
"Wait, wait. You listen to Jonah Matthews?" The man's voice got three octaves higher, "I loved him since high school! Is that the newest episode of the pod?"
Eli nodded his head slowly, "Yeah. I was listening to the ending monologue.
The man smiled widely, "That's always my favorite part!" Can you play it out loud?"
Eli nodded his head again and unplugged his headphones.
Jonah resumed his speech immediately, "You must take that suffering and turn it into power. Once you have suffered enough, once you have enough power…you can reign supreme over the world."
Eli looked at the man, "What did you say your name was again?"
The man smiled even wider, almost spreading across his entire face, "I forgot to introduce myself, I'm sorry. You can call me the Opportunist. In our world, it's taboo to share our real names."
Eli looked around, "I can't go back home. The INHO is far from stupid; they probably have someone who'll be able to discover I did this. I guess I have no choice but to hear that admirer out. All I know is he better be paying."
The Opportunist motioned to his expensive tailored suit, "Trust me, kid. He's paying."
A short distance away, there was a noise like an old car battery. The Opportunist immediately looked up in the sky and Eli followed his eyes.
A kid, no older than 15, sat on a hoverboard directly above them. He looked down at them, and the contempt in his eyes was visible even from afar.
"Which one of you is responsible? Don't attempt to resist, the INHO has already been alerted."
The Opportunist hid behind Eli and whispered in his ear, "Crap, this is bad news. Mechaboy is already on us."
Eli looked back at him, "You're scared of this kid?"
The Opportunist shook his head, saying, "This 'kid', as you call him, is the 98th-ranked hero in the world." He's destroyed criminal organizations full of people ten times as strong as you are. I can get us out of here, but I can't have any eyes on me. You have to create a distraction."
Alex touched his chest and a video game-like blue menu appeared in thin air. There were six items in the circular menu, simply labeled 1 through 6. Alex pressed 1, then clicked a small confirm button below the menu.
The menu disappeared, and Alex's hoverboard disappeared along with it. Futuristic white armor covered all of his joints, along with his head and feet. At the bottom of his feet were two large openings. As Alex fell to the ground, a blue gas began to rocket out of his feet and he flew at blinding speed toward the duo.
Eli put his hand up and created a small explosion, but large enough to make Alex cover his face and dodge. To Alex's shock, as the smoke cleared and he went in to engage them, he found they were gone without a trace.
Alex looked around at the destroyed building, charred bodies and smashed cars. He leaned against one of the cars and thought to himself, "Jesus, this is a disaster. These villains are getting more deadly by the day. If Master Senshi Sentinel won't come back, then we're going to need some more ranked heroes here…"