Chapter 29 – Dividing the Spoils
With Doni joining the group, Hikigaya's alliance lineup suddenly became much more robust, diluting the pressure brought by the so-called "four gods."
Voban still seemed to have some doubts about it, but considering there were probably enough gods to go around, he reluctantly accepted it.
Still, even though he accepted it, he didn't give Doni any kind of friendly treatment.
To be fair, if Hikigaya had his prey stolen, he wouldn't be in a great mood either.
Especially when the guy who stole your monster greets you with a tone like you're best buddies and the first thing out of his mouth is: "Hey, got any hemorrhoids on your butt lately?"
Hikigaya swore, if he hadn't quickly changed the topic, Voban really might have turned into a dog and bitten someone on the spot.
That, strangely, made him feel kind of touched. The old man really did treat him pretty well, giving him plenty of face.
After resolving their internal coordination issues, the three God-Slayers set off toward Nikko.
They didn't use any modern transportation. Instead, they moved at superhuman speeds and through inhuman means. No ordinary person could possibly keep up without the help of technology—and even if they could, no one would dare appear in their path.
Because surrounding them were divine beasts.
Voban released his wolf pack, and Hikigaya released the Beast of Set.
Not to intimidate anyone—Voban just had a habit of letting his dogs run free in the wild, and Hikigaya did it to show thanks for Voban giving him face earlier.
The effect was excellent. The slightly awkward and cold atmosphere between them instantly vanished. For dog lovers, breaking the ice is simple: just go walk the dogs together.
Especially for Voban—ever since becoming a dog lover, he hadn't had anyone to walk dogs with, and the loneliness was driving him nuts.
Even though the Beast of Set wasn't really a dog, the difference didn't matter to Voban in the slightest.
In short, after barely ten minutes of walking the beasts, Voban was having the time of his life. Not content with just jogging with them, he began asking questions.
"Your dog's not bad—though it's a bit thin." He looked at Hikigaya's Beast of Set, radiating the aura of a full-on dog expert. "But what's with the square ears? What breed is it?"
The old man was clearly way too excited, as if his own wolves had actual pedigrees.
"That's an Authority I got after taking down Set. It's a symbol of his destructive power," Hikigaya replied.
"Oh, so it's just like my wolves." Voban's eyes squinted with joy. "My dogs represent greed—they can eat anything."
Hikigaya immediately mourned for Voban's wolves—so they really were being treated like dogs all this time.
"Why aren't our dogs fighting? Sometimes they're really close to each other."
"Dogs reflect their owners." Hikigaya said with confidence. "My dog, just like me, has a gentle temperament."
But this comment didn't go over well. Doni, who clearly wasn't a dog person, let out a "pfft", and Voban pulled a sour face like he'd just eaten a lemon.
So rude.
Hikigaya admitted that he'd been joking around with them for most of the trip, but that one line just now was something he meant from the bottom of his heart.
Then he heard Voban say:
"You're obviously just like me!"
The impolite medieval grandpa emphasized this in an extremely forceful tone.
"Too many women spoil you, don't they?"
"I've always been like this," Hikigaya shot back, unhappy. "I even became a teacher, you know."
As he spoke, he pulled out a photo — it showed a scene of him getting along well with his students.
Sure, the students in the photo looked dead tired, like dogs, but the key was the expressions — satisfied students and a pleased teacher. What a wholesome, beautiful, and positive image!
Voban snatched the photo, his creepy glowing green eyes (seriously, terrifying at night) fixed on it, staring with intensity.
Hikigaya noticed the more Voban looked, the more excited he seemed.
What the hell… is this guy activating some weird fetish? It was honestly disturbing to watch.
"Oooh, looks pretty good," Voban said, his voice full of envy.
But his next line was way off:
"These are the ones that survived, huh?"
"Survived what? Nobody died!" Hikigaya immediately refuted. "They're all alive and well."
"Oh? You're quite something. How'd you manage that? Teach me your ways," Voban said with a nostalgic tone. "I once tried teaching a few disciples just to relax a bit, but I ended up killing them all. So martial arts can be used like that, huh…"
"I don't think we're talking about the same thing…" Hikigaya muttered.
Thinking about it, Voban's disciples back in the day were probably some kind of foot-fetish knights or yaoi-priest types. No wonder they all died during "relaxation time." With a dangerous beast like Voban around, if you didn't kill them, you could never really relax.
"I wasn't like you back then," Hikigaya clarified. "I was a teacher in an ordinary school—a normal teacher."
He pulled Doni over and said, "You explain it to the marquis."
Situations like this were always more convincing when explained by a third party.
"Huh? Oh… yeah, that's right," Doni said, clearly caught off guard by being pulled into the conversation like a human translator.
But he quickly adjusted, cleared his throat, and—under Hikigaya's hopeful gaze—put on a serious face and explained:
"Modern medicine is super advanced now. It's not like your time, Marquis. As long as they weren't beaten to death on the spot, everything's fine. Anyone can be saved."
After saying that, he smiled at both Hikigaya and Voban like a bright sunshine boy.
Voban immediately understood. His whole body radiated a "can't wait to go home and try this" kind of energy.
Meanwhile, Hikigaya silently vowed to never consider Doni a modern person again.
This bastard isn't a modern man—he's a caveman who stumbled into a time tunnel!
Forget it. Better just change the subject again.
"Anyway, let's divide up the gods we're targeting this time," he said.
"Good idea," Voban nodded.
No more talk about dogs or teachers. His eyes turned toward Doni with a savage glint .
At that moment, Hikigaya admitted to himself that he missed his high school friends. And even Hiratsuka-sensei in black stockings.
"I just want to finish the battle I left incomplete last time," Doni said, raising his sword. Seeing that Voban's deadly glare wasn't fading, he quickly added: "This time, I'm serious. I won't mess around. I can even help keep others off your backs."
Finally, the bastard says something reasonable.
"As for me — I want the monkey," Hikigaya said. "His divinity is very useful to me."
"Then I'll take anyone other than your picks," Voban said proudly. "But let me be clear—if there end up being only two gods, you're out, kid."
Of course, that last line was directed squarely at Doni.
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