The soft blue glow of her phone screen lit up Ellie's face in the dark. She blinked against the light, then read the message again.
"Goodnight ash*l* see you tomorrow don't forget to dream about me."
She couldn't help but smile. Kyla always had a way of pulling a reaction from her, whether she wanted to or not. The teasing, the way she softened her sarcasm with care, the quiet way she was always there when Ellie needed her most. It made things easier.
Safer.
Ellie sighed, placing her phone on her chest as she lay back against the pillow. The silence in her room felt heavy tonight. She stared at the ceiling and tried to let the warmth of Kyla's message carry her into sleep, but her thoughts refused to settle.
Was she falling in love again? Or was she just clinging to something that made her feel less alone?
She rolled onto her side, tugging the blanket tighter around herself. There were moments when being with Kyla felt right. Not perfect, not overwhelming like it had been with Astrid, but something steadier. Something real. When she laughed with her or caught her watching Ellie like she was memorizing every detail, Ellie felt something close to peace.
But peace wasn't always the same as love. And that scared her.
The next morning, Ellie was groggy but tried to push it aside. At school, everything looked ordinary, but she felt like she was moving through it with half her heart somewhere else.
Kyla found her at lunch, carrying two juice boxes and a half-squashed sandwich wrapped in foil.
"I made this myself," Kyla announced, placing the food in front of Ellie proudly.
Ellie raised an eyebrow. "This looks like it was made by a five-year-old on a sugar rush."
"Wow, hurtful. I almost put a heart sticker on the wrapper, you know."
Ellie smirked despite herself. Kyla sat across from her and took a loud sip from her juice, grinning.
But Ellie wasn't fully there. She was distracted, and Kyla noticed.
"Hey," she said, her voice a little quieter. "Are you okay?"
Ellie nodded slowly. "Yeah. Just tired."
Kyla tilted her head. "Want me to punch your stress away? I've been working out."
Ellie laughed, and for a second, the tension slipped from her shoulders. "You're the least intimidating person I know."
Kyla leaned closer. "That's because I'm secretly a weapon of emotional destruction."
Ellie chuckled, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
Later that afternoon, Ellie lingered behind after class. She didn't know why. Maybe part of her was waiting. For what, she wasn't sure. The hallway was almost empty when she stepped out, except for one person at the far end.
Astrid.
She hadn't seen her all day. Lately, Astrid seemed to drift in and out of school like a passing shadow. But now she stood in front of her locker, frowning at something in her hands.
Ellie hesitated, then walked forward. Not directly toward her, just in her direction.
Astrid didn't look up right away. But as Ellie passed, she turned her head slightly, like she sensed her there.
Their eyes met for the briefest second.
Astrid gave a small nod. Not a greeting, not really. Just an acknowledgment that she had seen her. That she still saw her.
Ellie felt something shift inside her. She kept walking, her heartbeat louder than it should have been. She didn't look back.
What was that? she thought as she pushed open the school doors.
The rest of the week passed slowly. Kyla remained her constant companion, slipping into her days like sunlight through a curtain. They watched movies after school, shared snacks in class, and texted late into the night. There was something easy about Kyla, something Ellie didn't have to fight to understand.
But the questions didn't stop.
One night, Ellie and Kyla were sitting under the stars at the old basketball court behind Kyla's apartment. They brought ice cream and wore oversized hoodies that smelled like detergent and grass.
"You've been quiet lately," Kyla said, licking her spoon.
Ellie shrugged. "Just… thinking a lot."
"Dangerous activity."
Ellie smiled but didn't answer.
Kyla put down her ice cream. "Ellie, can I ask you something and you have to promise to be honest."
Ellie blinked. "Okay."
"Are you with me because you want to be, or because I make it easier to forget her?"
The question landed like a stone in her chest. Ellie opened her mouth, then closed it.
"I'm sorry," Kyla added quickly. "That wasn't fair. You don't have to answer."
"No," Ellie said, her voice low. "You deserve an answer."
Kyla waited, patient.
"I think… part of me was using this to feel normal again. To feel wanted. But another part of me… really sees you. And likes what it sees. I'm just scared I don't know the difference anymore."
Kyla nodded slowly, not looking away.
"But I'm trying," Ellie said, softer. "Because you matter to me. A lot."
Kyla gave her a small smile. "That's enough for now."
And it was. For both of them.
At school, Ellie began to notice little things again. The way Astrid always sat at the far corner of the room during group work. How she stopped participating in class like she used to. She was quieter. Less vibrant.
During a poetry assignment in English, the teacher asked students to write something about memory.
When Astrid read hers aloud, her voice was steady, but Ellie heard something else in it.
*I remember the sound of her laughter, even when I don't want to.
The way she filled a room without trying.
I remember walking away from something that might have been the only real thing I ever had.*
The room was silent.
Ellie kept her eyes down, heart pounding.
She didn't know if it was about her. Maybe it wasn't. But she felt it anyway.
Later that day, Ellie found herself alone in the art room, organizing supplies for the club. She liked the quiet here. The smell of old paint, the gentle hum of silence.
Astrid walked in without warning.
Ellie looked up, startled. "Hey."
Astrid nodded. "Didn't know anyone else stayed late."
Ellie gave a half-smile. "I like the quiet."
Astrid walked toward the shelves, pretending to look for something. Her fingers trailed across the edge of the table, stopping near a half-finished sketch.
"You always liked this room," she said.
Ellie nodded. "Still do."
A beat passed.
"Your poem," Ellie said, careful. "It was really good."
Astrid didn't look at her. "Thanks."
Silence again. Not comfortable, but not painful.
Then Astrid said, "I didn't write it about you. Not exactly."
Ellie turned her head, waiting.
"But I didn't *not* write it about you either."
Ellie's chest tightened. "I figured."
Astrid let out a slow breath, then turned to face her fully. "I just want you to know… it wasn't that I didn't care."
"I know," Ellie said softly.
Astrid hesitated. "But maybe I cared too late."
Ellie looked at her, really looked. And this time, she saw the ache behind the calm, the way Astrid's fingers trembled slightly.
Then Astrid gave a small smile, one that didn't reach her eyes. "Anyway. Just thought I'd say that."
And then she left.
Ellie sat there for a long time, staring at the doorway Astrid had walked through.
She didn't know what it meant. Maybe it was closure. Or maybe it was a door left slightly ajar.
When she got home, her phone buzzed.
Another message from Kyla.
"Are you thinking about me? Because I'm thinking about stealing your hoodie again."
Ellie laughed softly. She could almost hear Kyla's voice saying it.
She typed back. "I'm always thinking about you. Hoodie thief."
As she hit send, she felt the confusion swirl again.
Maybe she was still healing.
Maybe love looked different now.
Maybe Kyla was the beginning of something new.
And maybe Astrid… would always be a part of her story.
But for now, Ellie closed her eyes and smiled. Not because she had everything figured out. But because in this moment, she had someone who made the world feel a little less heavy.
And that was enough.