...The one who will defeat the Leader of the Demons will be hailed as a hero. They will not come from our world, but they will descend from another, bearing strength and courage. And their name will be—
"KENZO!"
*SLAP*
"Hey, wake up..."
*ANOTHER HARDER SLAP*
"I know you can hear me!"
Who knew that the first sensation you feel after returning to consciousness wasn't peace, or tranquility, or some divine choir welcoming me back. No. It was pain. And lots of it...
My whole body hurt for some reason... I slightly cracked one eye open to check out what was obnoxiously trying to wake me up, but all I saw was an empty, dark void. Not the metaphorical kind people say they have in their heart, when they break up—no, I mean an actual void. One that seemed like the night sky full of stars, with a strange, heavenly light beaming down on me like some sort of divine spotlight.
As I turn toward the light, lying on my back and gently shielding my face with my hand, I feel its warm embrace wrapping around my skin and its soft glow on my half-closed eyes.
Feels peaceful...
I mumbled to myself, deciding to go back to sleep. But as soon as I laid my head on... the... cold... hmm... What is this? I tapped my hand onto the floor, but it didn't seem like there was a floor to begin with! It felt like my hand just went through my bed, as if I were a ghost! I wave around a bit with my hand, and a cold, air-like feeling brushes against my skin. How stra-
Wait a minute, I didn't even go to bed!
"Kenzo Ishikawa, I'd like to welcome you to your afterlife!"
I heard a loud female voice call my name as two hands grabbed me by the shoulders and violently shook me!
"AHHH!"
I jumped up, startled by the annoying voice and the equally annoying shaking!
"AHH!" The girl in front of me screamed right back, clutching her chest like I had jump-scared her.
"What the hell? Who are you?!"
"Congratulations! You died!" she grinned, arms spread wide like I'd just won the lottery.
What the hell is happening? This is just a dream, right? And what does she mean by congratulations?!
"Uhh... you can stop staring at me now... it isn't that big of a deal..." she said, dropping her grin, clearly not thrilled by my very normal reaction to suddenly being awoken by her.
"Right, sorry." I quickly apologized and looked around. It all seemed like a never-ending abyss, except for this random girl and a bright light shining on top of us.
creepy
"So, uh... where am I?" I asked, rubbing my eyes, still trying to make sense of this whole situation.
"You're in heaven! Kinda. Technically. Look, it's complicated." She waved her hand slightly at me.
"I'm supposed to send you on, but lucky you!" She smirked. " I'm feeling generous today, so I'm offering you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"
An opportunity? What for?
"Wait... you mean I get to choose where I go?"
"Yup! And don't worry, it only slightly breaks the protocol."
"Oh, right!" she suddenly perked up, as if remembering something important.
"I haven't properly introduced myself! My name is Amelia, the one responsible for guiding souls to their new place!" She struck a dramatic pose with a wide smile and a voice that was WAY too excited for my liking.
"Who?"
She gave me a very disappointed look. "You really don't know me?"
"I am Amelia! Goddess of Light! Of Wisdom! Of the Sun itself! The one who possesses infinite knowledge!"
"Doesn't ring a bell."
"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ME!? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN AWE! CAN'T YOU TELL BY MY CLOTHES OR SOMETHING!?"
"I dunno! You kinda look like an ordinary girl with way too big of a budget for clothes!"
"WHAT!? UGHHHH!"
She flung her hands into the air dramatically. Her face twisted into a mix of frustration and disbelief, and her eyes narrowed with irritation as if the very idea of being unrecognized stung her pride.
"I swear, humans are getting dumber and dumber!"
Okay, now that I actually started paying attention, she did kind of look divine. Her outfit gleamed like freshly fallen snow, like she had stepped out of a high-budget fashion show. Her hair practically sparkled blonde, and her eyes looked like bright gold.
She radiated this strange aura, like she was the most beautiful person I've ever seen, filled with joy and some sort of divine knowledge! The kind of aura that made you feel like everything was gonna be okay. It would've been impressive... if I weren't already dead!
"Okay, okay, I get it! You're a goddess!" I threw my hands up in surrender. The last thing I needed was some divine temper tantrum making me explode into glitter!
"So... uh... what am I doing here again?"
"You died..." she said sweetly, followed by a mischievous giggle. "In a pathetically tragic way, actually. Especially for someone your age."
The nerve of this girl! Is she seriously insulting me right after I had just died!?
What happened to "rest in peace"? Or at least a "sorry this happened to you"!
I quickly remembered what had happened to me, what I had done to end up here in my last moments...
"Is the girl... okay?"
"Oh, her? Let's just say... she won't be happy to see you anytime soon."
"...What do you mean?"
"Don't remember much, huh? Well, let me refresh your memory." She grinned and, without warning, she slammed her palm onto my forehead with a smug look. Then suddenly- whoosh!- we were standing in the middle of a random street, not too far from where I live.
Used to... live...
Oh... wait...
This is where I died...
It was a normal evening, I was walking home holding a new game I had just bought...
It was a limited edition, so I had to wait eight hours in line and battle sleep deprivation all day, but in the end, I was finally holding it!
Totally worth it!
It wasn't a new thing for me since I often stayed up late hours, playing games with my online friends or just binge-watching anime.
But this time it was different! I finally got the last game that was a part of a trilogy that I first played when I was just a little kid. So this was super special for me!
Besides, sleep is like... super overrated.
Well... while I was walking down the street, I noticed a girl I knew from high school, and we were in the same class too! I would be lying if I told you that I didn't think she was kinda hot... but at that moment, she wasn't paying attention to the road while crossing it!
My face dropped in shock as I saw a truck speeding down the road!
I dropped what I had in my arms...
Ran as fast as I could...
And just in time, I pushed her out of the way!
That happened all at the same time as a blinding light took over my vision...
Well... at that very moment, I had hoped to trade my life so that she could live hers... Not that mine mattered much anyways...
Or at least be remembered by everybody as a hero who saved and sacrificed himself for her!
The so-called goddess of light was controlling the events and time with her own hands. To me, it all seemed like she was just turning a button on a radio, trying to find the right frequency. She slightly waved her hand, slowing down time, letting us both really admire the exact seconds of my so-called heroic act. As I watched it all unfold again in front of my eyes with her, she slowed down time to a stop...
Wait...
"...Pretty rude of you, just shoving that poor girl like that," Amelia's voice echoed as we casually looked at the whole scene, frozen in time right before the truck hit the gir-
What the fuck?
"Didn't think that through, did you?"
"EH?!" I scream out as I see that the truck had swerved- IT SWERVED! -It wouldn't have EVEN HIT US!
And I pushed her...
RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT!!!
I drop to my knees...
I DIED LIKE AN IDIOT! NOT EVEN A HERO! JUST A MORON WITH BAD TIMING!
"Yup, a pretty messed-up thing you did there," says Amelia, chuckling and clearly delighted by my misery.
"What's... so... funny?" I managed to ask, my voice thick with embarrassment and guilt. My face turned redder than a tomato.
"Bahahaha! You... are... INCREDIBLE! I've been doing this job for centuries and you are, without question, the most hopeless soul I've ever gotten!" she says, barely holding her laughter...
correction...
not even trying to HOLD IT!
"Stop! Okay!? I know I messed up!"
"Pfft... AHAHAHA—look at you! Trying to act all heroic like you actually knew what you were doing!" She dropped to the ground, clutching her stomach, wheezing and kicking her legs like a kid, with tears of laughter streaming down her face. "Oh... BAHAHAHA... I'm gonna die of laughter here!"
I hate her even more now...
"Wait"
"So how come I'm here then?"
"Oh, right. That part." She suddenly stands up again, stopping the embarrassing laughter with tears in her eyes, probably remembering she was supposed to be guiding my soul or whatever.
"Well, the truck's back doors were, uh... not secured properly. Soooo..." With a snap of her fingers, time started moving again.
*BONK*
"...one of them flung open and nailed you right in the head."
I felt the blood drain from my face when I saw it myself.
I feel like I'm gonna throw up...
"If you hadn't tried to play the hero and just stayed out of it, you both would've been perfectly fine," she said, practically smirking at my misery.
"So, now that you remember how spectacularly you messed up..." Amelia slapped her hand back onto my head again, and- WHOOSH! -we were right back in the dark void where this whole thing began.
"...I think you're ready to go to your new world!"
"HEY! Hold on a damn minute!" I throw my hands up. "Didn't you just say I had a choice, not even a minute ago!?"
She gave me a disbelieving and slightly annoyed look, the one you'd give a guy who just asked if water is really wet...
"You sure love making my job harder, huh?" She let out a long, exaggerated sigh, as if I were the one causing problems!
"Alright, fine..." She crossed her arms. "I'm giving you a choice between heaven and a new, exciting life!"
"A new life?"
"Yup, you heard me right!" Amelia nodded dramatically. Her eyes, shining with excitement. "A world of adventure! Magic! Dragons! Epic quests! Scary monsters, and a place where you can make actual friends and socialize with people for once-"
"HEY! Not cool!"
"-and all sorts of other fantasy... stuff... You get the deal."
"Mmmmmhhmmm..." I stroked my chin, pretending to think really, really hard about it.
"But!" she added, suddenly leaning in, her eyes sparkling with a serious look on her face. "The world is in peril! The demon lord's army has launched a catastrophic war! The kingdom is on the brink of ruin! And YOU, brave soul, have been chosen by prophecy to rise up and—"
"Nah."
"NAH?!"
"Yeah, I'm good," I said with a casual smile. "Heaven sounds chill. Quiet. Maybe I'll finally get some proper sleep. So I'll go there."
"Wait—WHAT!? But—people will die! The kingdom will fall! The world will be doomed!"
"Yeah... I missed the part where that's my problem. Plus, it sounds like too big of a hassle if I accept, soooo..."
She let out a deep, exhausted sigh, then glared at me like I had personally ruined her entire dramatic speech that she was probably rehearsing in her head for a long time.
"Fiiiiiine. But heaven's got no anime, no games, and no food to drool over. And since you're dead, you can't even hook up with anyone! Still in?"
"...Yup."
"HMPH! Yup, he says... Well, there is one rule: to enter heaven, you must have never killed anyone in your life-"
"Pfft, easy. I was a nobody. That won't be a prob-"
"-including video games."
...
...
...
"fuck..."
After a long, painful minute of weighing my literally nonexistent options, I let out a heavy sigh.
Who even made up that stupid rule...
"Alright, fine... new world it is."
"Excellent!" Amelia clapped her hands together, her eyes practically radiating joy. "I knew you always wanted to be a hero!"
"You didn't even give me a fair choi—"
"Shhhhhhhhhh." She shut me up by placing a single, dainty finger on my lips.
Her half-smile was the perfect mix of warning and pleading.
"...Just shut up, okay? Save me the drama."
"HMPH!" I crossed my arms, pouting at the sheer disrespect.
"Well, since you did make me laugh, I'll be generous. I'll let you take one item with you on your grand adventure."
"Oooh, a freebie?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, so what do I have to do to leave that world once I'm done?"
"What!? Why are you already trying to leave!? You haven't even gotten there yet!"
"Just answer the damn question."
"Ugh, fine. Once you defeat the Leader of the Demons, I'll reincarnate you into whatever life you want."
Whoa... I could custom-order my next life!?
I could be born into a rich family! Be insanely handsome! Have a bunch of sexy women! AND... AND... OHHH THE POSSIBILITIES!
*SLAP*
"Hey! Snap out of it, loser!"
"OW! That's starting to hurt, you know!?"
"Yeah, yeah. So? What's your wish? The one thing you want for your oh-so-important adventure?"
I smirked.
She thought I hadn't been planning this from the start? Oh, you fool! I have seen this before!
She just handed me the perfect weapon!
HERSELF!
I slowly raised my arm, pointing at her with a dramatic flourish, and with a deepened heroic voice that included all the flair of someone about to drop the final Uno card, I said.
"You"
HA, I got you now!
Then-
"BWAAAHAHAHAHA!" Amelia doubled over, her laughter echoing throughout the void once more. "You're cute, but... NO! I'm a goddess, you moron! You can't just take me with you! Do you think I'm stupid or something? Hehehehe!"
My face falls into a deep frown, and a small cloud of despair appears on top of me as I cross my arms and stare at the ground out of embarrassment.
"Ufufufu~, Oh, you poor soul~" she teased, twirling her hair. "You know there are rules forbidding that, right~?" She mocks me with a teasing tone in her voice.
Oh, of course, there are rules! Bet there's a whole section in the Handbook titled 'Why You Can't Take the Hot Goddess With You!'
Damn it... now I just look like a fool!
"Fine," I grumbled. "Then I want an item that can grant me an inventory, like in a game, because the last thing I want is running out of space while adventuring."
"HAHAHA! Yeah, yeah, whatever! But I'm making it one item max since you actually thought you could pull that stunt of yours off! PFFFT!" She laughs, almost rolling on the floor from such enjoyment she has, making me feel embarrassed.
Yeah, well. I will only need one!
With a flick of her wrist, a small crystal materialized in front of me. A note appeared with it:
Point at the item you wish to store and say, 'You are mine.'
WARNING: One item MAX!
I picked it up and examined it.
This is gonna be fun.
Then, without hesitation, I pointed it straight at Amelia.
"You are mine," I say in a smug voice.
Her laughter instantly died.
"...Wait."
The crystal began glowing, radiating a divine power that even I could barely comprehend.
Amelia's smug expression vanished in an instant.
Her golden eyes widened in sheer shock.
"Eh?! You can't do this to me! I'm a goddess! It isn't fair! Please! I'll give you anything! AAAAAAHHHH! THIS IS ILLEGAL!" She falls onto her knees, pleading for mercy, whilst grabbing me by my legs and shaking me to stop the spell.
She finally realized the kind of power she had just handed me!
"GAHAHAHA! Now who's the fool!?" I cackled, basking in my villainous triumph.
"NO. No, no, NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" Amelia lunged toward me, with hopes of stopping the crystal, but it was far too late.
"OH, it so very much IS!" I laugh in a devious tone.
The spell had been cast. There is nothing she can do now!
"YOU IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DOOOONNNEEEE-?!"
Uh-oh. The crystal was getting way too bright...
While in the midst of Amelia's pleading screams and my villainous laughter, another note pops up in front of me.
Oh.. what is this? I glance at the paper.
[Warning 2: Don't ever, EVER, use on a Goddess!]
"Wha—?! Well, that's just perfect!" I screamed at the heavens—or whatever passed for an authority figure in this dimension.
"THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!" I shout at the emptiness of the void, shaking my fist at the air.
Okay, okay... this is getting kind of intense!
The crystal starts shaking in my hand, and in a moment, jumps into the air and-
*BOOOOOM*
A blinding white light exploded from the crystal, practically obliterating my beautiful, innocent eyes!
"AHHH! MY FUCKING EYES!" I screamed, flailing like a maniac.
After some time, the light finally started fading as I slowly blinked, regaining my vision and rubbing my face.
The crystal? Gone.
Amelia? Also gone.
...huh
I patted my arms. My legs. My face. Checked my reflection in the void's nonexistent surface.
"Hmm? I don't feel any different..."
I waved my arms, but nothing magical happened.
"And I don't see an inventory..."
No pop-up window. No menu screen. No floating stat bars. Just the usual nothingness.
Did it not work!?
I frowned. "Stupid crystal didn't even do anything!"
THEN, A MASSIVE, TERRIFYING PORTAL RIPPED OPEN RIGHT ON TOP OF ME.
Yup, definitely trouble...
I turned and booked it like I was competing in the Olympics, but to no use...
My feet left the ground as I slowly began levitating toward the doomsday whirlpool above. Not a fast, dramatic one, but more of a 'taking an elevator' type pull. As I turned around mid-air, I spotted Amelia, already flying halfway towards it.
"HAH! Doesn't feel so good now, does it?" I point at her.
"How does it feel to be dragged off to another world by the guy you were just making fun of, huh?! You'd better use those goddess powers of yours to make my life as comfortable as I want!"
"WHAAAAAA-?! YOU BETTER NOT MAKE ME DO ANYTHING NASTY, YOU IDIOT!" she shrieked, while being sucked in, her voice fading but her rage echoing loud and clear.
"I... I never even said that I would!!!" I shout back at her.
Before I could even scream properly, the swirling vortex of doom violently sucked me in.
"WAIT! WHERE'S THE TUTORIAL!? WHERE'S MY STARTER WEAPON?! At least give me a damn maaaaappp-"